Gransnet forums


Denial of forgetfulness

(16 Posts)
Redhead56 Tue 20-Apr-21 11:14:42

We can all forget things especially where we put stuff keys phone etc. I often forget where I have parked in a car park it drives me mad but it does not concern me.
On a daily basis I have noticed my DH is more forgetful. I noticed a difference when he retired two years ago and went on meds for diabetes. I will gently remind him he has told me something already. He will reverse it and tell me that my memory is bad! He gets quite frustrated and argues about it and it’s getting more obvious each day. I suggested next time he goes to have his check up he could mention it to the nurse. But I know he won’t as he can be very stubborn.
My friend had the same problems with her DH so she made out her memory was failing. She suggested they both talk to GP about it. Her DH actually agreed to it had tablets prescribed hopefully to slow it down.
I know it can be a sign of dementia as my mum had vascular dementia . Any suggestions how I can sway my stubborn but lovely husband to seek advice.

stella1949 Tue 20-Apr-21 11:19:46

Rather than expecting him to speak to the nurse, I'd suggest that you both go along and then you can mention it. There are some simple tests which can be done to screen for dementia.

I did this with my DH last year - his memory was terrible. He agreed to take the tests, only because I was there and I insisted. It turned out that some of his medications were causing it , thankfully. But if it had been the beginnings of dementia, at least we would have been prepared for the future.

Don't wait for him to seek advice - you could be waiting a long time !

EllanVannin Tue 20-Apr-21 11:26:00

I'd like to know where all this dementia is coming from. Why is it that so many people have it now ? It's so cruel.

Pammie1 Tue 20-Apr-21 11:29:21

Trying not to be alarmist but this is how my mum started with vascular dementia. What we didn’t realise was that her forgetfulness was as a result of the small bleeds associated with the onset of the disease, and it has got worse as these progress. Of course it may be something else entirely, and we do get forgetful as we get older so it could be nothing to worry unduly about. But I do agree that at the very least, a chat with your GP is indicated. Does he suffer from urinary infections ? I ask because an elderly relative of mine had the same symptoms and eventually she was diagnosed with a long standing, recurring urinary tract infection which had thus far gone untreated. Once it was recognised and resolved with antibiotics the other symptoms disappeared - there is a link, so worth mentioning to the GP. Might also be worth looking at his diabetes meds to see if anything is going on there. Hope all is well for you and your DH.💐

Pammie1 Tue 20-Apr-21 11:32:05

EllanVannin. I think it’s so prevalent now for a number of reasons. We’re all living longer, so it makes dementia more likely due to advancing age. There’s lifestyle issues to consider and also hereditary conditions that were likely not recognised years ago. Once you give them a name, the diagnoses become clearer.

timetogo2016 Tue 20-Apr-21 11:35:22

I think it`s been around for years and years EllanVannin.
We used to call it old age/loosing the plot etc, but we tend to label everything now.
It`s a cruel and sad world for sure.

Redhead56 Tue 20-Apr-21 12:26:14

My dad went on meds for diabetes they made him moody but he didn’t have dementia. He had fatal stroke and died aged 66.

My mum was brutally attacked in her late 80s the vascular dementia only showed its ugly face after that.

I have read a lot about memory especially regarding hereditary. My DH grandparents were first cousins and his uncle and aunt had terrible memories. My MIL didn’t she was a nurse and as sharp as a pin.

There does seem to be different reasons why dementia is so common diets and life styles especially. Thank you lovely ladies for your helpful responses I will see about us going to GP as a twin set.

dragonfly46 Tue 20-Apr-21 12:31:44

There is memory loss and simply not listening or remembering you have told the same story over and over. I knew my mother had dementia when out of the blue she asked if her mother was still alive.

Casdon Tue 20-Apr-21 13:25:12

It has always been around, but as people are living longer and diagnosis is improving it’s more known and talked about. When I was a student in the late 1970s I worked for a while in a big psychiatric hospital, and there were 8 wards full of people with dementia there.

crazyH Tue 20-Apr-21 13:30:59

There’s a wonderful series of films made about Molly, a 66 year old lady with Dementia. Her wonderful son Joe filmed it ....very moving and poignant. It’s on YouTube ....

kittylester Tue 20-Apr-21 13:40:42

You can ring his doctor and express your concerns in confidence. He/she cant discuss with you but you can speak to them.

EllanVannin Tue 20-Apr-21 14:06:37

Upsetting isn't it ?
Those of us who are well of mind have a lot to be thankful for.

Witzend Tue 20-Apr-21 15:17:45

I think it’s just more common now, Ellanvannin, because people are living longer. The chances of getting it do increase with age.

It’s hardly new, though. I remember reading an Arnold Bennet novel, one of the Clayhanger series, where he describes in some detail the growing signs of dementia in Clayhanger’s father. Bennet must have had first hand experience, IMO - he describes such things as forgetting how to use a knife and fork, and inappropriate but utterly uncharacteristic behaviour with a housemaid.
That was set around the late 1800s/very early 20thC IIRC - in those days it was called ‘softening of the brain’.

kittylester Tue 20-Apr-21 16:36:40

Diagnosis is easier now with the use of scans! We know so much more about the different types.

Shinamae Tue 20-Apr-21 16:40:46

I think it’s the price we pay for living to such great ages now.... obviously there is early onset dementia but that is much rarer...

AGAA4 Tue 20-Apr-21 16:48:38

I just hope there will be a cure for this horrible disease.