Persistent clingy friend

@User7777 yes it's definitely worse if you are related to them! Been there, but getting better at carving out me time. I don't think that some people can compute that you'd rather spend time alone than with them HAHA.

Isn't it funny how peaceful life can become when you "cancel your subscription to their issues!"

As the saying goes, if you want to avoid drama " don't create it, don't invite it and don't associate with it!"

I have to admit, I've put up with way too much from people who didn't care about me. It's never too late to back off from one way relationships and people who are harmful to your psyche just because of who and what they are.

We only get to live once. Glad you sleep at night now @User7777

Worse when it's a family member. Constant calls, even early in the morning. Lack of interest in my life, just dumps all her angst on to me. Years of it, blocked in the end, due to Ill health. I dont want all her problems dumped on me. Defo, it was a one way sibling scenario. I sleep at night now.

just don't respond.
put silent ring tone to her name in your contacts, both for calls and text.
same with landline if poss.
do not respond. do not share with her how you feel. that is going in the wrong direction. you want to disengage, so don't take her into your confidence.
you don't owe her any explanation. just be distant.
if she does catch you, be pre-occupied, vague, busy.
do not say sorry, eg, sorry i;m busy now.
just say i'm busy, must go, bye. and get away.

People like this often don’t listen to reason. I once had a clingy friend who came round every single evening with her boyfriend when I had just had a baby. I ended up writing her a letter telling her how suffocated I felt and popped it through her door. She went round to my husband’s work place apparently in tears and hysterical. I had suggested less visits, she took it to mean I didn’t like her! Fast forward 28 years and she is talking to my (now ex) husband online. Turns out she thinks I must have had postnatal depression! (I didn’t). Fair to say I didn’t feel inclined to get back in touch.

Are you sure she’s not ill, very excessive, I would have to tell her straight, that her texting and emails and phone calls are way over the top! Asking you wether you are sulking! Absolutely ridiculous, I wouldn’t ring her either I would text it in big capital letters too,

I think your first reply was spot on Galaxy.

Ignore her. I had a friend who did that. It even got to the point of her putting notes through the door (I assume she thought I didn't check my phone/emails).

She backed off and after I was feeling less pressured, I arranged to meet up with her. And it all started up again. So I stopped seeing her.

Life's too short for something that should be a pleasure to cause that level of stress.

Be honest and straight to the point, it's the only way she's going to get the message. " Please stop messaging me and calling ". She will be hurt I know, but she will know where she stands and think about how she's been. I do have someone doing the same to me, a relative, and I've tried all sorts, even telling her my phone's playing up, but after several months she still does it. I get pictures galore of her cats, of her meals and of her yoga moves and when she calls it goes on for an hour and I can't get a word in. So that's why I say, nip it in the bud now. Good luck.

If this is a friend you would like to keep (so long as she is not so needy), then you need to take control. Next time you are in touch just say "I'm going to be totally tied up until next Tuesday so don't expect to hear from me. I'll give you a ring sometime after that".

Then ignore all texts, phone calls etc. Get back in touch on your terms if you want to.

I think you should tell her exactly how you feel.

Block her! End of!

is she a long term friend or just someone you've known for a while. Just ignore her calls/texts for a week or two and get on with your own life.

I would find that really suffocating! As you have already spoken to her about it and it's made no difference, then you could disengage gently. Ignore unwanted calls and messages. Don't respond to "why are you sulking" type messages as they are deliberately trying to elicit a response from you. You could try telling her that you are too busy and you will get in touch when you have more time and ignore all calls etc until you want to get in touch. In the meantime I suggest you block her number. It's about control in a way. She controls your interaction at the moment and you need to get it back.

Nicea You say she has "become" clingy, implying that she didn't used to be, so what has happened in her life to make her more needy?

She may be someone who has coped badly with the pandemic and really needs some help for her mental health.

I think Kim19 had a good suggestion. Arrange a date to meet then don't respond to messages or calls. You will be able to see how she is when you meet up.
Time then for an honest conversation about personal time and space .

I had a friend who kept inviting me out at weekends despite me telling her from the beginning that Im never free at weekends because my weekends were already stacked when I met her.

She did not take any notice and continued to ask as if Id said nothing, so I just stopped replying. Its not a friendship if someone just wants to take what isnt available to give. I didnt need to block her, I just took a break because she wasnt hearing me.

If she is truly your friend then perhaps, if this is completely out of character, you could meet up with her somewhere independent and make a better assessment of the situation? You say she is not ill. Her behaviour might suggest otherwise. Once you have assessed that all is well, put forward a date for your next meeting (a week?) and don't respond to any communications other than any pertaining to that forthcoming meeting. My gut reaction is that you may be over simplifying her state but..... what would I know? Friends are just precious in my book.

Mental health or not she will begin to affect your mental health if it continues like this. You need a break and I would just tell her you need some ‘me’ time on your own with no contact. Maybe she is in love with you? Either way, she isn’t helping your friendship and that’s a shame.

Have you given any thought to why she has become like this? Is she living alone and having mental health problems following locking down alone for months on end? Is she working? Does she have other friends?

Thinking this through would affect how I responded. You could send her a messageexplaining that her constant calls and texts are affecting your mental health and that in future you will respond to one text a day and phone call every three days.

I can well believe how wearing this is, but why do you feel the need to answer or respond to every call and every text. I have a caller, who can be a bit of a nuisance at times, and when his calls get too frequent I simply do not answer them.

If she says your sulking,so what? Most of us have been accused of far more than that in our time and with more justification.

I would not be talking about friendship breaks, I would just block her for a little while and see how that goes. She just sounds needy. People like that think the Universe revolves around them and they dont think of others.
Blocking her will be the break you need and she may reflect on her own behaviour. The bit about sulking makes her sound very childish.

I agree that your friend’s behaviour is not normal. Is sounds like she needs professional help.
I think you should tell her that you can’t cope with this amount of attention and that you are taking a friendship break. This would be difficult to do but it is for your own well-being.

Do think it's possible she's looking for more than friendship - because her behaviour is way past neediness - more like obsessive stalking - I'd be a bit scared tbh

What childish behaviour how old is she? Be assertive you should text your friend that you have a virus. You will not be responding to messages phone calls text etc because you feel like shit and are isolating from everyone.
Stick to this and really don't cave in just give yourself a break until you think up the next escape plan.

If shes not listening when you say you're busy she doesn't respect your time and is trying to erode your boundaries. This type of person will not respect you and isn't a healthy person to be around, probably whatever you do for them will never be enough and they will cause you stress trying to get more than you're willing to give unless you pull away for good, I suspect.

You must put yourself first , do what is necessary to distance yourself . This is quite simply too much ! Your
' friend' has clearly got issues / problems. However they are her problems don't let them become yours. It is hard to cold shoulder her but her behaviour is verging on unhealthy.