Feeling really down

I think germanshepherdsmum is absolutely correct, there speaks the voice of experience.

Agree with lemongrove post and onward post too

Nanderin, Maybee and Lemongrove put it so well. We raise our children to be independent and make their own busy lives and should be pleased they’ve done so but it’s very difficult to see that when we’re depressed, as you undoubtedly are. Other people may say we have lots to be grateful for but they don’t see inside us. Depression isn’t rational. It’s an illness and your GP can help you just as with any other illness. Please see him/her. You will get sympathy and the right help. Once whatever your doctor prescribes starts to act you will feel so much better and able to think about things, such as perhaps joining a group that interests you or volunteering, which you just can’t imagine now. Depression traps you but it is entirely treatable. Please get the help you need. There is no shame in feeling like you do and your doctor will not judge you but treat you, just as mine did. And do look at the Black Dog thread, where you will receive a warm welcome and find good supportive friends.

Nanderin there’s a thread on here the
Black Dog Gang where you’ll find a lot of support from Anniebach and others. I’m often on there with my depression and anxiety issues.

Hi Nanderin your name makes me think of mandarins that became known as tangerines or am I completely wrong? Anyway, your name conjures up the lovely image of sweet small oranges I was wondering if your family actually know how you feel because sometimes others look happy and content when in fact they may understand more than you realise, especially during these unusual times. Sometimes mentioning how you feel to someone can be quite a revelation. I hope you do not have to wait long for your counselling to start. It is really good that you went to your gp.

Finding enjoyment outside of "the nest" seems like a very good plan. Also its never good to put all our eggs in one basket.

Well said lemongrove ?

Good post Maybee

Our families don’t need us as much as they used to, which is natural and what we hope for them.It doesn’t mean they don’t love you, and looking back,I guess we could all wish we had been more thoughtful to parents.
You are more than a Mother and a Grandma Nanderin you are a person in your own right and your purpose in life is not simply to help out your family,( you have already done that) but to find some enjoyment outside of the ‘nest’.

When my children were young I didn’t really think a lot about my parents. It didn’t mean that I didn’t love them and I’d give anything to turn the clock back and find more time for them. I think of that when I feel my children and grandchildren don’t need me any more. Nanderin: Anti depressants helped me when I went through a painful divorce. They just lifted me up to a level where I could then help myself to feel better and were not addictive. Please try them if they’re offered to you x

Hi Nanderin, sorry to hear you're suffering. Many people do seem to be suffering right now, for various reasons whether they are grieving for a family member or struggling to make ends meet. Sometimes grief or depression can make people turn inwards, feeling that they have nothing to give. Personally I am dealing with something like this and concious of not being able to be the "me" I used to.

If you keep life full with plenty of activities, friends (and voluntary work would give you purpose if you're up to it), you'll have less time to miss your family. Sometimes people can't be what we want them to be , but if you make a full life for yourself you'll think of them less and probably find yourself enjoying it. If it's you struggling with depression please speak to your Dr so you can recieve counselling and or medication. The main thing is don't bottle it up or you'll go round and round in circles getting more depressed.

MerylStreep

DiscoDancer
Nanderin has been posting for over a year now.

Thank you, I probably have seen them, maybe even commented. Just don’t remember. Sorry OP. Sounds like you’ve been having a difficult time.
I send you my best wishes.

•Whiff• I can assure you that anti-depressants don’t just mask the way you feel. If someone suffers from clinical depression they can genuinely help. There may be a chemical imbalance in the brain which they can correct. I speak from personal experience. Please, never discourage someone from talking anti-depressants if their doctor considers them necessary.

My nephew has panic attacks and anxiety. He has counseling and found that has helped him more than the tablets. He feels he can say what he wants and isn't judged but really listened to. Since he has had the counseling he feels he can cope better. He's been having it for a year. I hope it works for you to.

Thank you for all your advice I will read the book you mentioned. I have been to the drs and are going to have counseling. Hope it works.

Hope you haven’t disappeared Nanderin, I’m sure lots of us would like to help if we can

DiscoDancer
Nanderin has been posting for over a year now.

Nanderin we all feel like this at times. I am feeling sorry for myself today as I have caught the bug my grandson's had. I hate having a cold or virus. Did lateral flow test just to be on the safe side even though I have been double jabbed.

I have health problems but I cope with those . Don't know why having a cold or virus makes me miserable.

I give myself a good talking to and just get on with it.

I know you may not be able to do that. Is it only today you feel this way or has it been for a while? I am lonely but only for one person and that's my late husband. He died 17 years ago aged 47. I am not lonely because of being only own.

Covid has been hard on everyone this last 18 months has altered a lot for people. People who thought they could cope with anything life throws at them have found they can't.

Perhaps this is how you feel. If you talk to your GP and they may give you pills but they will only mask how you feel. The feeling will still be there.

5 years ago I was having a stressful time looking after my mom. I took up cross stitch. You can't rush it and find it very absorbing and relaxing. Not saying it's for you. But the garden.is my happy place.

What makes you happy. If you think about there will be something.

Don't know if this is making sense. But you are not alone.

Infinity2 some good advice, although I think possibly Nanderin may need some medical help. I must have a look at the book you mentioned. We all feel lonely and down at times.

Hi Nanderin I remember a couple of posts from yourself previously I remember you saying you suffer from anxiety and think also OCD, are you having any treatment for this? I hope you have been to the dr, I also remember you were talking about situation with your husband, luckily I myself don’t suffer from anxiety so I don’t know wether I could be of much help, but I didn’t want to go by without commenting, is there any nice places you could walk to just to get out of the house for an hour or so a day, do you read? Like television programmes? Puzzles?

Talk to your gp to see if you could have depression or deal with your current situation.

What hobbies can you take that can help you?

It will get better - ask for help

MerylStreep

Nanderin
You’ve mentioned your low mood 2/3 times. Have you been to the doctor yet?
You’ve also mentioned the bad situation with your husband. Has that improved?
A visit to the doctor could improve things for your mental health but I don’t think the Dr could help with your husband.

How do you know this? Has OP posted before?

Bless you, I feel so sad for you. Is this quite recent, or has it been a while? Would seeing your family make it all better? Or is it more a partner, companionship you miss? Do your family know how you feel?
Sorry for all the questions, perhaps you could tell us more.

Nanderin
You’ve mentioned your low mood 2/3 times. Have you been to the doctor yet?
You’ve also mentioned the bad situation with your husband. Has that improved?
A visit to the doctor could improve things for your mental health but I don’t think the Dr could help with your husband.

Nanderin - we all have seasons in our lives when we feel lonely and disconnected. But the wheel of life turns and if we can be patient things will improve.
Try and use this time for self care. Look after yourself. Treat yourself to something nice according to your means - in the past when I was skint I bought a bar of posh soap as it didn’t break the bank but cheered me up.
Try and find a hobby to enjoy or watch a film. If you can,go for a walk. Watch funny videos on the net.
Distract yourself. Watch the birds. Learn a foreign language.
Don’t focus on what you feel you haven’t got - instead name the feelings - say to yourself - oh there’s that feeling of loneliness again - and remember you are not your feelings.
I’d recommend reading The Happiness Trap which I found very helpful to me.

If it continues then maybe see the doctor. Talk to someone. Come on here and talk to all of us - because you matter and because we are family here. And you do have a purpose though you may not know it. You are unique and valuable and you are the only person out of six billion humans who is YOU.

I empathise, I have low days too. Echoing 2020convert and tell us a little about why you feel this way.