The total horror of the number of young people commiting suicide.

This year alone I have had to deal with so many attempted suicides that the one day training in suicide prevention I did early this year was simply not enough so I took an additional three week course.

Among the more obvious issues there was a huge emphasis on the language of suicide. (The Samaritans give guidelines on how best to phrase reports of someone’s death by suicide - see photo.) The roots of the phrase to ‘commit suicide’ are based on it having been an illegal act. Crimes such as burglary or murder are ‘committed’, however nobody dies by ‘committing’ cancer. The phrase ‘died by suicide’ carries no stigma.

People who have been directly affected by suicide will use whatever term they feel is appropriate, but there is an onus on professionals to use and promote de-stigmatising language.

For most of those people who have experienced the death of a loved one in this way I fear the language used to describe it is a minor issue compared to the devastation that ensues.

I agree that young people are exposed to things they can’t always understand largely because of the internet. Some of what they can see and hear is disgusting. I have a 15-year old GS and am shocked by some lyrics on his music. I am also disgusted at language on TV which is considered acceptable. Many of today’s so-called comedians are just vile.

How awful for your friend Urmstongran, and what humanity and compassion she showed to the train driver in her grief.

I didn’t mean to offend paddyanne.
My apologies.

My best friend’s soon took his own life by throwing himself under a train. I was my friend’s ‘birthing partner’ in the early 70’s. it wasn’t called that then... she was a single mum. I held him at 2 hours of age. A lovely boy. Watched him grow up over the years.

My friend was in bits. Apologised to the train driver at the inquest. She hated the phrase ‘committed suicide’.

Yes I understand GSM.

Maybe I should say to my neighbour whose daughter jumped off a bridge that she cant say COMMITTED SUICIDE anymore.when she talks of her daughter its the phrase she uses to explain why her lovely girl died .Dont speak for everyone ,unless you've been there you have no idea how families react.Saying she killed herself are words she cant bring herself to say .

I’m not a regular churchgoer Kate, I just have a quiet personal faith. If I didn’t believe in another life where I would meet loved ones again I don’t think I would find much point in living. It gives me comfort but I would never force it on anyone else. x

Thank you Blondiescot and Galaxy.

I'm glad you have a faith GSM. I don't.

Sorry, people don’t understand...

So very sorry Kate. Despite saying sorry, I’m sure he didn’t realise what it would do to everyone. At that point don’t understand their worth. Being a Christian I believe we will all meet again and I don’t believe a loving God turns His back on anyone who can’t cope any longer.

Thank you GSM. I think you have it right. I'm sorry for what you went through and am pleased you came through. My brother was only in his 20s. This was back in the 1970s. I believe he may have been helped today. He did leave a note apologising to us. How sad.

Very true Chestnut. In video games for instance people can be brutally killed then miraculously be resurrected for the next game. Youngsters can easily lose any sense of reality.

Thank you Shelflife, I really appreciate your kindness and I agree with everything else you say.
Kate, what you have experienced and continue to experience is truly awful and you are in my thoughts and prayers as you know already. You, sadly, know just what torment the family go through when someone ends their life. The endless wondering if they could have done or said something. I believe, based just on my own experience, that others don’t realise the extent of the problem because the sufferer is very good at hiding it. So they torment themselves replaying everything over and over but with the benefit of hindsight. I don’t doubt for one moment that if people knew the devastation they leave behind they would never cause such hurt, but they can’t think straight at that point and just want it (whatever it is) all to end. It’s a terrible situation for all concerned. Perhaps a little honest publicity about the finality of suicide and the everlasting effects on loved ones might be helpful. I suspect that often the intended cry for help goes badly wrong. It shouldn’t be the taboo subject it seems to be, some brutal reality wouldn’t come amiss in my view especially with young people who don’t necessarily realise what the dramatic cry for help can so easily turn into.

I really feel for young people today because the amount of negative stuff in the media is horrendous, whether online, TV, movies, games, even music, so much about death, murder and horror. We were fortunate enough to grow up when TV was fairly bland and there was no access to horror films in cinemas for youngsters because of the certification process. So we never saw or heard anything very nasty. It was only in the 1980s that video became available and youngsters started seeing nasty things like horror movies. Since then it has gone from bad to worse. I can't imagine how the young me would have coped seeing some of the stuff they see today. I really do think the media in general is filling their heads with such appalling stuff, not to mention the pressure on them to look perfect which is another aspect.

My brother did this. The horror of it has stopped me in my tracks when I have been feeling desperate (which I have often).

A truly shocking situation. Germanshepherdsmum I respect you for sharing that dreadful time in your life, thank goodness you had a good Mum! You are correct about the unending pressure on young people to be perfect , social media has a huge impact on the mental health of young people. I was born in the late 40s and had a happy upbringing. I was a care free child and teenager , and I am sad so many of todays young people do not have that security, possibly due to what they watch online. I have teenage GC and I do worry about them and what they may have access to ! It seems to me that the distinction between child and adult is being merged. On one hand children are physically protected from harm because we know they do not have the means / insight to take appropriate care of themselves. However I question whether or not we protect their mental and emotional health in the same way. Just as their bodies are immature and need protection so do their brains . Their mental health is developing and not yet mature and as such needs protection !

It's not semantics and urmstongran was very gentle in her request.
The figures at their highest for the UK were in the 80s and 90s from what I understand. Although I think there has been some increase in the last few years.

grannylyn65

Semantics

It's more than just semantics. Guidelines for journalists and other media outlets specifically advise against saying "committed suicide". Families of those who have died by suicide often say that reporting it in that way adds to their pain.

You are often given no clue how someone is feeling inside. Fortunately I have not known anyone who has ended their own life but I was once very close to it myself, almost 40 years ago due to postnatal depression, and to taking my wonderful baby with me. I can only say, with the benefit of hindsight, that I would have devastated a number of people. But someone feeling that bad can rarely think rationally about the consequences. They just want out and I wonder how many, if they could, would say they wish they hadn’t done it. I talk freely about my own experience as it shows that I seem a perfectly normal and successful person who has a marvellous son and held down a high-powered job and you would never guess my past, but I am here only thanks to my Mum’s insight and antidepressants. Young people today are under such enormous pressure to look impossibly perfect thanks to doctored photos, to have impossibly perfect social lives thanks to social media and to be impossibly wonderful lovers thanks to porn. Also many face enormous difficulties getting jobs and in the housing market. I don’t think there’s an answer, short of banning social media, other than that each of us has a responsibility to be aware and to be there and we must each take that responsibility very seriously.

Perhaps it sounds better than ‘killed themselves’ Urm?

It’s nothing new is it? Certain countries seem to be worse than others though.I don’t think we can do much hazel to stop it happening to future generations.

nothing to do with the legal meaning of committed: "pertaining to, following a course of action"!

Semantics

Very sad indeed.

Just a small plea.
Don’t say ‘committed’ suicide. It’s no longer an offence in law and hasn’t been since 1961.

A young man we know committed suicide last year.A lovely young man with a partner and little boy.He was such a good provider for his little family but when the pandemic happened and he lost his job he couldn’t see a way forward and thought his family would be looked after financially if he wasn’t there.An absolute tragedy as all suicides are.So many people would have helped if only we had known.
I agree with everything you wrote paddyann.
It is so important that we let our young people know that we are always available to help them.