DH suffering disappointed in friends

You’re a much nicer person than me MayBeMaw, Actually I think your advice is much better than mine and much more gracious.

Ignore me OP. I’m still a little sour about it?

Peasblossom

I really sympathise with you, as this is exactly what happened when my husband became very ill. And one of the disappearing was his best friend and wife who he had been with since college days.
We continued to send a Christmas card and they finally got in touch two years later when they thought he had fully recovered!
When they said “How are you?” I said something like “You know we’ve had a terrible two years.He’s been so ill and I’m exhausted. I don’t know what I would have done without really good friends who’ve helped and supported me.”

And then went silent for them to respond, which they did with excuses about being busy. I listened and then said I had to go.

To be honest, I didn’t really have anything to say to them. Life had changed too much. End of friendship?

We've had something similar but with family not friends. When our teenage nephew was dying and was in hospital for many weeks, my sister said she couldn't visit him as it would upset her. Never mind his poor parents sitting there day and night. I went every single day. They needed support. Illness and adversity bring out your true supporters.

It's possible they aren't wanting to intrude and are wanting to give you space. Or maybe are uncomfortable and don't know how to handle the situation. Or it's to do with Covid concerns. It's always disappointing when these things happen and we find out who our real friends are.

What about calling them and inviting them for a cuppa? You could tell them it's been stressful with your husband's illness and you'd appreciate their company. See what the response is.

I think many of us can understand the feeling of being let down and empathise.
To be charitable - you may be projecting such a good image of coping, that they don’t realise, but I agree, people should not have to be reminded how to be a good friend, whether in need or when things are going well. They may also be the type of person who (IMO selfishly) claims they are “no good” around illness.
I think you may need to take the bull by the horns- at a time when you are not feeling too angry or disappointed - and ring them up, say how frustrated/bored/anxious DH is being and how he might like company or distracting so would they (or just the husband) like to pop round for half an hour or so for a cup of tea and cake and pin them down to a specific day or even suggest that one of his friends keeps him company while you have to pop out.
Paw was a much- loved and popular man, but when he was in hospital I could count on the fingers of one hand the men friends who would ever visit him. Then somebody said they assumed I was always there and didn’t like to intrude (as if!)
So I see exactly where you are coming from, your expectations are absolutely not too high and you would certainly behave in a more considerate manner in their shoes.
So swallow your pride (and your true opinions which I would share) and give them a nudge, your DH need never know and they may even come round to being true friends.