visits and phone calls and emails etc when you're feeling poorly

Hwrry you ars so right! I agree with other just text or don't answer phone that's what I do

Sorry your feeling so poorly. It is not something I've suffered from. Hopefully your friends will understand that you don't feel well if you can tell them when they phone.

Shingles vaccine is available if over 70.

Shingles can be very painful. Nice of people to call but if they email you don't need to answer straight away. If it's a mobile phone put it on silent or set notifications to be silent. House phone is more difficult but you could use answering machine or lift mouthpiece off till you feel better. I know what you mean as it is nice to have family and friends but sometimes you need some peace.

... to those who say you're lucky to have people around you that care - yes, you are, and I'm sure you appreciate that fact.

But sometimes, when you are in intense pain and just don't know what to do with yourself, you cannot focus on 'chatting' because you can't focus on anything other than trying to alleviate the pain. And it wears you out.

My partner is in this situation at the moment (sciatic pain from spinal stenosis)... sometimes he stands or sits with his teeth gritted and his face contorted - he just wants to be left alone to deal with it. After the intensity of the pain wears off, he falls asleep in the chair, completely and utterly exhausted.

I hope people understand - and if they do, they will not take offence if you tell them that you simply cannot talk. The body shuts down the mind when you're really suffering.

Shingles is absolutely awful Marmite32 and I hope you feel better soon. This too shall pass.

After seeing my husband with shingles I had the vacillation as soon as I could I was so painful for him

Hope you recover soon, Marmite. Awful feeling to be so unwell you can’t summon the energy to talk to your friends and family

From government website:
Shingles is caused by varicella zoster virus (VZV), the same virus that causes chickenpox. After a person recovers from chickenpox, the virus stays dormant (inactive) in their body. The virus can reactivate later, causing shingles

@Nannan2. The Shingles vaccine is restricted to age 70 or over, as it’s expensive to administer and there has to be a very good reason to offer it before this age. I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis last year and before beginning treatment which would compromise my immune system, the consultant tried to arrange for the Pneumonia and Shingles vaccines. My GP surgery agreed to the Pneumonia vaccine but would not give me the Shingles vaccine as they didn’t think it was warranted. However, I could have had it if I’d gone private and paid £150 !!

Nannan it’s for over 70 s

You have my sympathy Marmite. Mr P is just getting over shingles after 6 weeks. The pain was immense and nowhere was comfortable - he didn't want to talk much either and certainly no fussing. I hope you start to feel better soon.

Hope you get well soon Marmite.

Who can get that? Can anyone ask,or is it for over 70's only?

I didnt know theres a vaccine for shingles? Is that not just a chicken pox vax then??

The problem with telling people that you're poorly is - that it becomes the topic of conversation. Have something else to talk about or just keep the call short. Convenient excuses:

There's someone at the door
I'm in the middle of baking
I've got my coat on and the dog's waiting to go out
I'm running a bath
I must go, I'll phone later (but don't)
etc.

Marmite I know how you feel having had shingles albeit some years ago. As over 70 now I was offered the shingles vaccination the other week so I had it as doctor had said that unfortunately you can get it more than once.

Poor you, sounds awful. Why not suggest a WhatsApp group, specially as a health update which friends can all join? They can put nice supportive messages, then you reply with an update there, when you feel able. Just put the info once then. Tell them you're not up to phone calls just now. It worked for us all when my sister had covid quite badly. She was happy to know people were wishing her well. Turn off notifications so it doesn't annot you by beeping.

Your post has reminded me to get a
shingles jab. Best wishes.

Get well soon xx

Marmite I just hope you feel better soon. Shingles is awful. My mum had it and I remember her walking round all night in pain as lying in bed was worse.
I can understand you don't want to chat and lots of good ideas above to avoid that and not hurt feelings.?

Marmite, I had shingles early last year and the pain was unbelievable so I know how you feel. At the moment I am just at home recovering from a broken ankle I have needed my friends and they have come up trumps. They didn’t get offended if one day I said if they didn’t mind I was ok on my own. I haven’t seen my daughter and 2 young grandchildren for a few weeks now as they all have COVID I am missing them.

Sorry you are unwell Marmite, hope you soon feel better.

It's difficult to know when, or whether, to call family & friends during tough times.
We just want the poorly person &/or their relatives to know that we care & are thinking of them.

We have a family trauma at the moment, my brother's wife is seriously ill in hospital. I am mainly contacting through messages/texts, as they are getting so many calls, (all well meant).

I always feel that there is a fine line between "caring" & "interfering"....

Show them your post, then went you feel better tell them hoe awful it is, had shingles as a teenager can still feel the pain.

Shingles is horrible! I do hope you will soon start to feel better.

Pammiel's suggestion is worth considering.

If you do feel well enough to talk, say that talking about your illness just makes you feel worse, and ask the caller to tell you about her/ his day, which is likely to be more uplifting than yours, right now.

Do as wildswan suggests and be happy you have people who care. Hope you feel better soon Marmight.

Marmite. so sorry to hear that you are unwell. Hope you will be better soon.

DC64, you are on the wrong thread.