visits and phone calls and emails etc when you're feeling poorly

Thanks to all for kind words and reminders that I'm very lucky to have good friends. And a Husband to help.
It's also reminded me to be more tactful when contacting people I know who are poorly.

BlueBelle Same here! They say: “You are beautiful as you are Mum!

Bluesky that reminds me of last Christmas my son in NZ decided to do a video call with no prior warning and introduced me to granddaughters new partner and to the in laws all sitting round the dining table I was just out of bed with a beautiful bed head and no make up I was embarrassed to say the least I tried suggesting I d call back but no it all went unheeded telling me I was fine as they all sat there in their glad rags

I have family abroad whom I usually would love to chat to over FaceTime. Well they never initiate the call apart from when I’ve just got out of bed feeling like death warmed up! I used to rush to answer, now I don’t and call them back later when I feel more human!

I know that I'm luckier than some Grans as I still have my husband, but when he was in hospital a few years ago, my daughter shielded all calls from family. I let her know how he was and she passed the news on. It really took the pressure off.

I had shingles when I was on holiday in South Africa. Felt and looked awful as it was all down the right side of my face it was so embarrassing. Several doctors visits and a hospital visit as they were afraid I’d lose my sight. I was on 16 tablets a day. The medical staff were brilliant though. Get well soon it’s a horrible virus.

Well it might be annoying you but how lucky you are that you have family and friends who love you enough to contact you
My friend recently had some bad news health wise and told me she would contact me when she felt able I honoured that and sent her a card saying thinking of you and two months later I heard from her do tell people what YOU want
thank people for ringing ( or get a friend or relative to) and tell them you ll contact them as soon as you feel better, a true friend won’t disappear

Now here’s the opposite story my friends next door neighbour was unwell (she had no idea what with) and told her he didn’t want any help or contact so she left it, then after a some days still not seeing him, she knocked at the door he didn’t open it but indicated through the glass that he was sleeping, more days passed and she left a phone message then she started to get concerned so rang the police who broke in and he had been dead a week The post mortem showed absolutely no clues at all as to why he had died it was a complete mystery but a horrible shock to her and his family
(who lived away) friends and neighbours he might be alive now if he’d accepted her concern

Had my shingles jab when I was 70 .Had to really push for my husband to get it as there is a shortage of vaccines in the UK Child I looked after had it apparently if a child under 1 gets. Chickenpox very mildly he can get shingles next which this little boy did

The wife of a friend of mine became seriously ill and hospitalised (pre Covid, a virus in the heart). He was at her bedside for long hours, and then came home to find loads of messages on the answerphone enquiring after her. By the time had answered all their calls, answering the same questions all the time, he barely had time to eat before going to bed late and repeating this for many days.

In the end he emailed all those who had shown interest, updated them all on her current situation, and then promised he would send one email each night to all of them to report on progress. In his email he explained why he was doing this, and all the recipients respected that.

Result. He still came home exhausted after a long day visiting, but he sat down, wrote his email in 15 minutes, cooked for himself and went to bed, far less worn out.

He is an author and related to me by marriage, and when his wife recovered he pieced together all the emails and the answers, and, with their permission turned it into a short story.

If you want to read the story, its on Kindle and called "Out of the Blue" by Michael Bartlett.

Be grateful people care, just explain you’re feeling really poorly and can you ring when you feel a bit better. They are just concerned.

Nannan2. You get Shingles as an adult if you have had Chicken Pox as a child. The virus remains dormant in your system until something triggers it again and it surfaces as Shingles. Do have the vaccine as it is very painful and can last a long time. My husband has had it since June and has to have large patches, which act as a local anasthetic, applied every day. Shingles can destroy nerve endings which causes the pain even after the original rash has healed.

(Sorry, pressed post before finishing), but should reduce the severity of the attack and risk of getting neuralgia, so MarinaL has been really unfortunate.

Naninka
Adults can get chicken pox, as children do, though adults are often iller. My DH caught off my daughter when she was junior school age, and she was well apart from the itchy spots, but he was laid very low.
After the bout of chicken pox, the virus becomes dormant in part of the nerves, the dorsal root ganglia, and can become reactivated, usually in responses to stresses of various kinds, when it causes the very painful blustery rash in the patch of skin supplied by the nerve, leaving behind the highly painful neuralgia when the rash settles. It seldom crosses the midline unless more than 1 nerve is involved. The vaccination won’t completely remove the chances of getting shingles

Marmite 32 you have my sympathy. Tomorrow I will be entering week 3 of Shingles and the pain just doesn't let up!
Its reducing me to tears which is unusual for me. Been back to GP today and have been given Nortryptiline to help with nerve pain, we will see if it works! Incidentally I had the shingles vaccine 3 years ago, it clearly didn't work for me. PS I just let the answerphone take the call if I dont feel like answering.

I was in hospital for a month (not shingles) and I grew weary of so having so many visitors. In the end I asked them for a weekend off and they were all so kind and understanding. Nobody minded.
I do hope you feel better soon. Is shingles adult chicken pox?

Could you just say thank you for calling and how much you appreciate it but currently you’re feeling so unwell that you don’t feel like chatting?

Good advice. Or maybe send an email saying that as well as how much you appreciate their kindness and that you will be in touch when feeling a little better.

Shingles vaccine is a live vaccine so you have to avoid anyone immunosuppressed. Just for info.

Sorry but I think you are lucky for so many friends and relatives to call. However, I do appreciate that you may not feel like chatting, but surely it’s nice to know they care?
How do they know you are ill?
Are they ringing to offer practical help or cheer you up?
How got deal with these calls?
As people have suggested, please change your answer machine message (if you have one)
Suggest they message you but don’t get upset if you don’t answer immediately, as you are resting etc. (Sorry, but after all you seem to be able to grumble on here, which would upset me to see, if I was your friend or relative)
Nominated a friend and/or relative to field the rest, ie they keep people up to date with your recovery so they don’t need t disturb you.
Hoping you have a speedy recovery, it is an awful, painful and debilitating virus. Good Luck

Sorry to hear you're not well, hope it clears up soon. My Dad had it years ago and said it was very painful.
I know what you mean though - I'm not a crabby person normally but when I don't feel well I withdraw and go quiet and like you just don't want to talk about it.
I've just found out today that I have to go to Christies for a full hysterectomy due to a "suspicious" cyst.
I don't have any close family left but I'm lucky to have some good friends who mean well and will offer help and although I don't like putting anyone out may have to accept it over the next couple of months. Like you though I don't want to be mithered (sorry it's awful saying that) every day to see how I am. I just want to focus on getting through it. Hope I can tactfully say I appreciate the offer but do you mind if I ring you if I need anything to see if you can help.

Wildswan16 is giving you perfect advice. If you follow it you won't have this problem. I hope your shingles gets better soon, it is a horrible condition.

Can you send out a group email - (BCC) people if they don't know one another? Explain what you are feeling. Thank them for their concern yada yada yada. The problem with not answering calls/texts etc is that people then wonder if you are having even bigger problems and will try even more to contact you. Another idea is to have a contact person who keeps people in the loop. I know people are concerned about you but it's reasonable of you to say you don't want to talk about it. The problem of just cutting people off is that they might just cut you off later if /when you do need help. So it's a balance.

Just be honest with family and friends and say you need a little space until you’re feeling better. Don’t just ignore calls, but when answering just say you’re not up to talking and need to sleep and will catch up when you’re feeling up to having a conversation.

You have my sympathy Marmite32, shingles is so debilitating. The last time I had it I was ill for months, the pain was horrendous.

I remember my friend saying that having shingles was worse than having a baby! I hope that you get well soon. Perhaps just post a general message to everyone saying that you're not up to chatting, right now, but will put out a bulletin every day or two to let them know how you're getting on.
I'm 82, and have never been offered the shingles jab. I don't think that I ever had chicken-pox, though, so I may be ok.

Hetty!