Black Dog 11

So pleased for your grandaughter Annie. She deserves it and I’m sure your help and encouragement had played a part in her success.
Positives about me? I’m loyal and dependable. Will that do?
Thinking of you on your cruise doodle. It sounds lovely.
Phoned dr this morning ( at friends insistence) having had 2 episodes of chest pain recently.
Was told for chest pain to go to hospital.
Explained I don’t have it right now.
First routine app is on 9 may.
Didn’t recognise the name so looked up surgery website and it is with a nurse.
So nhs are saying don’t go to hospital and drs are saying the opposite. How is an ordinary person to know what to do?

Annie just saw this great news. I am so pleased for her. Hope it’s a job she enjoys. x

Hi all x

Doodle have a great time, I am going to ask Alexa to play
‘Beyond The Sea’ , use to have ‘a thing about .Bobby .Darren x

Sweetpeasue my love don’t judge all doctors with those who caused such distress, as fearful as you are take that step forward
so difficult but the way forward is to ‘face the fear’ , yes to say
but so hard to do, sending you a cwtch x

I played Super Mario with my Mini Tornado when she was small, it created a strong bond, she has called me ‘Bro’ ever since , on our birthday cards we write - To Bro from Bro .

Ellie Anne will you post one positive thing about yourself
.please, I am 100% sure there are many so share one with us x

HVDY it’s great that your son is in a good place, definitely take that walk around the park x

Friends my Mini Tornado had an interview this morning ,
they telephoned her an hour after the interview , she got the job and they said she will be an asset to the team.

So many years of O’levels, A levels, university exams , job interviews with the three of them, I feel quite lost . Oh how I
wish my darling daughter was here.

How is everyone?

Doodle Good of you to think of us all, when you're on holiday. Hope you have a great time x

EllieAnne Nice that you help your son and his family. It's what we do, isn't it? You certainly aren't a failure x

What is everyone up to today? I've got loads of ironing to do but keep putting it off. It's sunny and bright here, so I might have a walk around the park soon. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Hello all. Don’t know if this message will arrive but here’s trying anyway.
We passed our Covid test and are at sea today. It is very calm and a lovely day.
Sweetpeasue I realise that your experiences have left you feeling afraid of any medical intervention but I would encourage you to go to A&E if you are in bad pain again. Forget the thing about not going unless it’s an emergency. What you are going through is urgent and you need investigation. I hope the gynaecologist can come up with something that helps. A&E have saved my DHs life twice and although he hates going to hospital we can’t fault the treatment he has received.
I’m glad you saw your son and grandson at last. Have you tried asking your grandson to show you what games he’s playing and asking him to show you. I used to play computer games with mine as like yours he was engrossed in his computer.
HVDY glad your son is happier. It always makes life better doesn’t it. Hope you had a good time with your friend too.
Hope your DGDs are happy in their new home and settling in. Lovely to see so much of them.
Scaredycat you are so right about reading things into peoples tone of voice. I always think the worst in every situation.
Yes we enjoy having a balcony and watching people going by.
Going to try walking round the deck later to keep our legs in motion. Hope we don’t get dizzy. ?
Hope your ankle is fully working now and you are enjoying your walking again.
Ellie Anne sorry you feel sad and hurt. I have read that boys don’t feel things in the same way that girls do. Their minds work in different ways. I hope whatever the problem is between you resolves itself. You are not a failure as a mother or a Christian. You are just feeling low and sad because you don’t have much joy in your life at the moment. It is at these times when God is closest to you even if you don’t feel that love it is there. Don’t judge your Christian values by other people it’s God who knows all that you have been through and can see the real person.
Hope you get to feel more joy in your life soon.
Annie I’m glad that poor lady isn’t returning to the cul de sac. I do hope that means she will get the help she needs.
I am a tree hugger too. I love them winter and summer. The beauty of the structure without leaves silhouetted against a evening sky is captivating for me.
I hope you get some peace now to sit in your garden when the weather warms up.
How are you coping with food now. Have you come up with a way of having more substantial meals?
Take care all. I will be thinking of you even if not in touch x

Hvdy I go to my older son on Wednesday to do some housework and ironing and get the girls from school. The house is always messy too small for 4 people and too much stuff. But they can’t afford to move.
I’m still not good. Having a glass of wine and watching tv.late at night is my time when I have space to relax.

Anniebach I'm glad that woman won't be going back home. Hopefully she'll get the care and treatment she needs. Beaches, woods, trees, all lovely. Nature is beautiful, isn't it. Especially now that everything is in blossom. Have you decided what plants to have? x

Sweetpeasue I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you get some answers. I understand your fears and mistrust, I'm exactly the same. My son is getting on well in his job, thanks for asking. He's been seeing someone and is quite smitten, so he's happy again. x

ScaredyCat I haven't been near a beach for years. We had a Red Letter gift experience of 2 nights away anywhere in the country, 2 years ago, so we're going to use it at last - I've booked 2 nights in Great Yarmouth, at a lovely guest house right on the promenade. It's the only chance we'll get to see the seaside for a long time. x

EllieAnne Have you been out today? x

The weather has been glorious here. I did a Zumba Gold class this morning, then picked up my son from his work, went for a quick drink at a pub on the way to collect the GDs from school, and took them to this lovely park not far from my house. They fed the ducks, went to the playpark, then we met my husband in a pub, all had dinner, then I took them home (they moved into their new place 2 weeks ago). I'm ready for a sit down now . x

Hope everyone has been OK today.
Annie You ask about A&E. I should have gone yesterday, my husband wanted me to. Its ridiculous, I was in considerable pain but I'm terrified at what they can do. I've such a fear about them causing damage with tests and invasive procedures. Then there's the worry that they won't be happy I've turned up as they've put out only life-threatening cases. But mostly I'm so scared. Pain today feels like tummy going to explode. Difficult to eat as usually get pain building afterwards. Tbh I'm thinking of worst case scenarios. I don't know what they did to me inside before to cause the Adenomyosis but it's the bowel pain and problems now which could be unrelated.
Have Gynaecologist tomorrow and am dreading it-- I really can't trust him at all.
I'm glad that poor lady will hopefully get some help now and that other residents can feel safe.
Scaredycat Hope you have had a good day. I saw my son today and grandson. Difficult to get grandson's attention as he was absorbed in computer game.
HVDY Do hope you're OK too. How is your son in his new job?
EllieAnne Hope things are a little brighter today for you.
Night all.

Hi all x

Scaredycat Walking on the beach seeing and hearing the sea
is healing and out of season one can write in the sand, walking up mountains is healing, to be able to voice feelings aloud releases much, gosh and I am a tree hugger ? x

Ellie Anne you can’t feel a non person in church or anywhere , you are not a non person, you think you are because you tell
yourself you are so - change the thought and change the feeling’, please try it, tell yourself something positive about
yourself x

HVDY oh how I miss visiting garden centres, such beautiful
plants all around you x

Sweetpeasue have you made a decision about A & E ? x

Doodle have a great holiday x

The young woman I spoke of yesterday will not be returning to
the Cul de sac. I couldn’t understand why her mother didn’t
lock the doors at night to stop her daughter roaming around our gardens, learned today she too has similar problems, so sad x

How is everyone?

Just a last minute message.
Thankyou*Scaredycat * Hug is very much appreciated. Yes, have told neighbour twice! (Actually tbh husband did) in polite way.
HVDY I've had strong painkillers in the past for other issues, but can't take them for this problem as they would work against the laxative. Hope you're OK.
EllieAnne Thinking of you and wishing you well. You are a good person but I can see you've no self esteem and you're also much stronger than you think but mentally you are low. I know the feeling of being a failure but I put it to you (and myself) in whose eyes?
Doodle Bon Voyage! You will be much missed. Have a lovely time.

Annie I’m so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I hope things are quieter now. I can see that moving would be difficult but it might be worth speaking to your brother to see if he has anything suitable.
I’m very sad and hurt tonight.what others have said about sons is right and I shouldn’t be hurt but I am.
I was on a zoom prayer meeting tonight and came away feeling a failure as a mother and a Christian. Good night everyone. Sleep well.

SweetPeaSue- I agree that sometimes boys are not too good at communicating, they have no idea of the panic that even a different tone of voice can bring on. Beach walking is one of my favourite things to do and definitely helps a troubled mind.. Glad you are able to get to a beach.
Your neighbours sound a pain especially the hot tub side. Do they know they are drowning your garden?
Sorry today has been a bad one for you. Being frightened as you are is just the worst feeling. Sending a hug.
Annie- Oh what an upsetting weekend. That poor girl sounds like perhaps she should be sectioned as she is a danger not only to herself but to other people too. It must be so difficult for you to witness.
Glad you have Alexa back and that you can enjoy your favourite programs again.
Maybe you could just talk to your brother and see what he says. It would be a shame to leave your bungalow but it might be an option if it becomes intolerable. I think your GC would be delighted to have you nearer and they know you manage with your carer now.
Did you have Easter biscuits?
A positive - much better walking on foot today?
HVDY- yes thank you I,ve recovered from our lovely Sunday. It really brought home to me how much we have missed these last 2 years .
Glad you had a nice day today.
Doodle- what a lovely Mum you had. Mine too talked to anyone and everyone and when she used to come and visit would have often acquired a ‘friend’ when she got off the train!!
It must be nice to have a balcony- We love it on holiday being able to watch the world go by. I love too sitting watching all the goings on in the ports when cruising. Have a wonderful time next week.
Sleep well allxx

Anniebach How very unsettling for you to have such neighbours. I wonder if that woman might be sectioned? Something certainly needs to be done, for her sake, as well as everyone else's. Why not ask your brother about one of his properties? You have carers so it surely wouldn't be unfair to your GC to be in the same city - in fact, they might like it. Glad you got the internet and Alexa sorted out. x
Doodle Didn't go far yesterday, just to the shops and the pub for a snack. Hope you have a lovely holiday x
SweetpeaSue I'm sorry you've had a rotten day. It must get you down. Do you take/have you been prescribed painkillers at all? x
ScaredyCat Lovely to see family, isn't it? Hope you've had a rest now x

I hope everyone has had a decent day. The weather brightened up this afternoon but has gone cold again now. I mat my friend for lunch, had a good chat and a look around 2 garden centres. x

Oh Annie No need for apologies(as you often say to me)
You're beset with problems all around your home. Your home is meant to be your sanctuary. (Right now BTW, DH is demented because neighbours one side are constantly renovating and making noise all hours, and the other side making merry in hot tub which they repeatedly empty vast amount of water that flows under fence and washes our garden away)
I'm so sorry, its so difficult for you, but completely understand your feelings about the lady who's ill. But you are being badly affected and its a terrible predicament that doesn't appear to get any better. I'm afraid I can't offer any suggestions that I'm sure you haven't already thought of. I do sympathise. Is renting a house from brother not an option at all? How would this impose on your grandchildren? There again it can be quite an upheaval moving too but if things get no better.....
I remember Larkrise to Candleford. It was a wonderful series. It may rescue your sanity! Loved the postmistress's insistence on having 'one and only weakness'.

Have had horrible day today. Pain and anxiety. I'm so frightened and feel totally abandoned. I'm in constant discomfort between pain.
Son texted this morning to say they are all going for day out.
I'm a Vicky Meldrew today for certain.
Hope everyone is OK.
?????For you Annie.

P.S I can just imagine you singing along to Alexa playing your favourite songs. ?

Annie you are such a support to all of us.
What a dreadfully upsetting situation to be in with your neighbour. I do hope this time she gets the help she obviously needs. It’s wrong for her to be housed in the community when se obviously needs more help than she’s currently getting.
Glad your carer is back and have fixed Alexa.
Hope the new TV is good. Nice to have things to watch you enjoy.
I suppose, unsuitable though your bungalow is it probably has had more adaptions than any of your brother’s properties.
I don’t see why living in the same city as your DGC would be a problem because you manage most of the time with a carer.
I do hope you get to sit in your garden without any problems from your neighbours.

I am off on holiday tomorrow morning early. Just for a week.
Internet may well be intermittent but as usual I will keep in touch as and when I can. I will still be thinking and praying for you all.

Hope everyone is ok. Another mild day here but not as sunny as yesterday.

Hi all x

I do care deeply for all here, forgive me for lacking encouragement yesterday and today.

Had awful weekend, I have spoken of the young woman who lives in the Cul de sac and has been going in gardens in the night, scratching cars etc. Saturday police here, she hit a female resident , police warned her, Sunday she was wielding a knife. Police took her into custody, she is in court today charged with assault and armed with a weapon.

I have such mixed feelings, she is ill, but if she comes back here to her mother no way can I go out to my patio, I can’t sit in my
back garden because of the alcoholic next door .

Council will not allow me to move to another property,the bungalow I have meets my needs !

My brother owns several houses 50 miles from here, I am so
tempted to ask him if I can rent one but - my grandchildren live in that city , it wouldn’t be fair to them.

Got two positives, new tv being installed today, I will be able
to watch Larkrise to Candleford, it cheers me up. And my
carer fixed Alexa , so I can join Fats Domino and sing
Walking to New Orleans ? x

How is everyone?

Scredycat glad you had a nice time with your family.
I’m not surprised you’re tired. I always feel like that after a day with my family too.
My DH sets up all our online accounts. Took me ages to get the confidence to buy something online.
However I do enjoy using the online library. I got into that during lockdown. I still prefer a real book but the online library is a good standby.
Thank you for your kind words
Sleep well
Sweetpeasue your post made me laugh. My DH has told me he was almost too scared to ask me out as I looked so stern.
My lovely mum had one of those faces that everyone trusted and would talk to her as they could see the beauty of her character in her face.
If I don’t smile, I can look very severe. That’s why I tend to try smiling so much.
Cross stitch can take a lot of patience. I used to do lots years ago and enjoyed it very much. My eyesight can’t cope with it now. I did samplers for all my grandchildren with their name and date of birth and weight. Each one had a different picture.
Your situation with your son is so like me. I imagine all sorts.
I often wait days for my son to text back. At least you know why he didn’t now. Hope you get to see him soon.
Sorry you had more trouble with pain and your bladder.
Going out for a walk on the beach probably did you a lot of good. Get some sunshine and fresh air.
Hope you have a peaceful night tonight.
HVDY hope you’ve had a good day. Have you been out anywhere today?
We sat on our balcony for a while. It’s nice watching all the people go by. Been doing lots of packing today getting ready for our holiday. Probably have an early night tonight as I had a problem with bad tinnitus last night.
Annie I wonder if you have internet problems.
Hope you are ok and managing to get something to eat.
Is your Alexa fixed yet?
Sleep well all.x

Scaredycat So pleased you had good day with family yesterday. I know exactly what you mean about signing up for anything online. I read the small print several times but it's terrifying and it feels too simple somehow to do things that way. Yes, I do miss my mum. Though I know I was lucky to have her for the time I had and its not so for many more.
Doodle I agree with Scaredycat, you are such a friendly person and always seem to know what to say to us. You are so caring that I can't believe you look unapproachable. Your holiday will soon be here, you will be looking forward to it. I hope yourself and your husband have plenty of R&R and return refreshed.
HVDY I feel quite guilty as my husband always washes my little car. Its been around the block a bit now but he's always looked after it for me so I must be spoilt. Hope you've had a nice Easter with your family and you've been OK. Oh and I have tried the Lactalose but it makes me feel so sickly but thanks for the suggestion.
Annie Hope you've been OK without the carers and nothing untoward cropped up. How are you managing with the cross stitch sea scene? I've picked up mine again though I've struggled and sworn at times. The child's dress has so many various shades in it that takes such concentration and I feel cross-eyed at times with all the different chart symbols. Thankyou for posting the Easter prayer. Is Alexa working properly now?
EllieAnne So much of how you see yourself resonates with me. I know my lack of self-esteem has been a huge problem all my life and I do think it causes others to sometimes take us for granted. I don't know what the answer is, I wish I did. You have some good friends though, by what you say, so I think you sell yourself short and have qualities that more confident people are lacking in. I hope you can find a way to improve your situation.

So, I had a very restless night with pain and bladder but after easing off this morning text son to see if OK to go round. No answer. Went through every emotion possible. Ended up with blaming myself for being so accommodating and soft and pathetic and - - - you get the gist. I told husband we're not waiting all day so midday we went for walk along beach. It was so lovely. We walked a good mile taking in the beauty and as we walked things got back into perspective. We turned to come back and my pain and bladder started so not the best overall - BUT - we managed and we both felt better mentally. When we returned message on phone--son said not well and a bit sick but thought it was switching from night shifts and just woke up. Girlfriend was there so left them to it but I did feel a bit guilty for feeling initially neglected. I just don't think lads communicate as well as girls but that might be just me.

Take care all and hope you have a peaceful night.

Annie- Is Alexa back with you now? I too hope that maybe you will be able to venture out this week but I don’t know what your weather is like at this time of year.
Doodle- hope you had a good Choc fest yesterday. Yes I do miss my son very much . He FaceTimed me this morning which always cheers me up. He looks very well and says they have had lovely weather like ours lately.
You are definitely not a non person. You have a very lively and caring personality and somebody I would enjoy being friends with. A friendly smile can make someone’s day too.
HVDY- I,m glad you are enjoying your local parks they sound lovely. I,ve only been to Nottingham once but I liked it very much. An Icecream outside always tastes better I think. I noticed the Ice cream van is back by our Village green today bet all the kids are happy!!
SweetPeaSue- hope you were able to see your son today and perhaps got to know his girlfriend a bit better . Amazon Prime is good to have but it stresses me out doing anything like a new account or subscription . I,m so,scared of doing something wrong.
I,m sorry you lost your Mum at such a young age you must miss her very much.
EllieAnne- You are not nobody. Every day you have to deal with a very diffficult and unrelaxing situation and your confidence has taken a huge hit. I hope you have been able to get out in the sun todayxx
Love to allx

Wishing you all a very Happy Easter.
My daughter and co have just gone home. So lovely to have a proper family day together - I,m really tired now but so grateful to have had today.
I,ll post properly tomorrow.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.
Love to all

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Ellie Anne funnily enough I know exactly what you mean.
I am a bit of a non person too. A fade into the background person. I have a very unapproachable look to me.
I make up for it by smiling at everyone whether I get a response or not. I find more often than not people smile back.
I think for every confident, out there, person we meet there are many like us. Doesn’t mean we can’t make friends we people. There is always someone on the outer edge of things looking to chat to someone if we just take a chance.
Sweetpeasue so glad you are feeling ok today.
You’re like me. Always trying to make arrangements that suit others rather than put them out.
Been a very lazy day for me. Not done much. Sat in the balcony for a bit this evening but it was quite chilly.
Very sleepy for some reason. I got up early this morning because I couldn’t sleep. Just sat and watched the sun rise.
Take care all

I hope everyone has been having a decent day. The weather's been pleasant again.

SweetpeaSue I hope you manage to see your son and GS soon (tomorrow?) and that you might meet up with your other son very soon. It'ss awkward when they live further away, but they don't stop caring just because they're not nearby. x

Anniebach How are you getting on? Have you got your Alexa sorted out? x

ScaredyCat Two and a half years is an awfully long time not to have seen your son. I hope you get to see him soon. What country is he in? x

Doodle Enjoy your Easter treats x

EllieAnne, anyone I've missed, hope you've manage to have a peaceful day.

DH and I went to a local park (we're lucky to have lots of lovely parks in Nottingham) earlier, had a stroll around, did some people-watching, fed the geese, ducks, swans, etc., had an ice cream, and are home now, going to hoover my car (he can do his own haha). x