Black Dog 11

I think the situation between du and me makes visiting awkward. They all know there are problems but no one comes out and says anything. Also I don’t have much personality and am a bit of a non person. I realise that probably doesn’t make sense but I know what I mean. Used to be a bit brighter but feel the life has been drained from me. I’ve been in my church for many years but newer people don’t know me because I am nobody.

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Hi Everyone. A Happy Easter to all.
Hope the sun shines for everyone some of the time today.
After early pain and bathroom visits not too bad so far. So I'm OK.
Early text from son said could I go this afternoon as he hasn't had sleep(He's had 3 weeks of night shifts on rig).
Made some bread which he and gs love. Then text him to say if he'd prefer I could go tomorrow. Apparently suits him better. Know his girlfriend of 6 months is there, who Ive only seen once on Boxing Day.
Freeze bread. Decide on a whim to sign up to Amazon Prime. Spent an hr--grrrr - - trying to connect account to TV.
Anniebach Son 2 gets us Alexa for Christmas. Stood on my piano doing nothing ever since. Now I can get music. What else do I do with it? I asked it to play Easter Hymns this morning and got contemporary pop song. (before my signing up to Amazon prime). Sure your dogs love listening to you.
Doodle Hope you're not too tired after your party 'shenanigans' ?. Enjoy your chocolate goodies today.
Ues I was 42 when my mum died from Pancreatic Cancer. She was diagnosed after short bout of nausea and was gone 12 weeks later at 63.Im sorry about your brother. My FIL died from Dementia. Its a cruel disease.
Scaredycat EllieAnne HVDY and anyone else I'm sorry to have left out, hope you have a good day. X

Happy Easter all.
Sweetpeasue glad you had a better night. Hope you have a nice visit from your son and DGS.
I think it’s just your constant worry over your pain and what’s going on that makes you feel they see you as a bit of a drag, I’m sure that’s not true.
You were quite young when your mum died. I was much older with a family of my own. My brother had dementia so when he died it was a relief and end to his suffering.
Scaredycat hope you’re out and about enjoying the nice weather. Yes I have got my chocs lined up. I’ve got some my sons bought me a couple of weeks ago. Will have one with my coffee tonight. My friend and I both gave up biscuits, cakes and chocolate for Easter. We were checking with each other yesterday about what we were going to eat today.
I do hope you get to see your son this year. You must miss him.

Ellie Anne I will say the same to you as to Sweetpeasue when you feel low and bad about yourself it’s easy to imagine that people don’t care about you. I’m sure your family care.
I think when children grow up they make their own lives and have their own things to deal with. Doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Annie I looked out for your Easter prayer this morning. I knew you would post it. ?
Yes a joyous day. Christ is risen.
What’s happened to Alexa did she stop working when your power went out?
Hope if the weather is good where you are that your carer can help you get into the garden for a bit this week. Have you thought about any plants for your pots?

Hi all x Easter Blessings

Ellie Anne why do you think that about your family feeling your a drag ? Sweetpeasue was so right, our children and grandchildren are making their own lives this doesn’t mean
they stop caring for us . x

Scaredycat the charger arrived , it’s on my coffee table, I look
at it and say to Lottie and Rosie - should I get it working or wait
until everyone is back at work ,just in case ! x

HVDY I think my dogs have passed the head to the side listening, I said to them yesterday’ i am trying to etc’, i heard my husband saying ‘ yes you are very bloody trying ‘ , he died
46 years ago ! I need to get Alexa working x

Doodle a day of joy x

How is everyone ?

Oh I'm sorry you feel that EllieAnne Especially on top of your feelings of isolation in your own home. Our feelings could be just that though--feelings and not facts. I know my 'children' love me, just as I'm sure yours do you. I think because they're young and making their own lives they are more focused on that. I'm sure that's natural. It can hurt sometimes though, when we might feel on the outside. ?

Sweatpeasue that phrase you used about feeling your family find you a drag so resonates with me. That’s exactly how I feel,

Scaredycat Oh it must be so hard not seeing your son for so long. Do hope you can see him this Summer.

EllieAnne- so glad you enjoyed the new church - will you go there again? Hope you feel better now- chest pain is always frightening but I do believe stress can bring it on.
HVDY- what a great day you had yesterday it was such beautiful weather too wasn’t it. Enjoy your egg tomorrow - you deserve it.
Doodle- have you got some chocs lined up for tomorrow?
Yes we are both enjoying the sunshine it’s so nice to be able to sit and read outside again. Hope you have been enjoying it too. Not long til your cruise now- hope you have a wonderful time.
SweetPeaSue- I,m sure your boys do not think that way about you. Young people have busy lives don’t they . Enjoy the time you have with them tomorrow. It’s hard when your children are a long way away isn’t it hope you get to see your other son soon. My son lives abroad and I haven’t seen him for two and a half years because of Covid but so hoping to go this Summer if we can.
Glad you,ve had a better day again.
Annie- think you have electrical gremlins!!
Hope the charger has arrived by now. I,m sure Lottie is all ears when you chat to her- I like the way dogs tilt their heads when they listen.
Just remembered positives!! Had a nice chat with my friend today and arranged to meet up soon.
Love to allx

Thankyou everyone, another day not too bad pain wise.
Son who lives in our village home from rig last night. His son. my GS will be so pleased to see him today and will be stopping there till Thursday when he goes on hol with girlfriend. I never try to claim son's time as he's been away working long shifts for 3 weeks but I was hoping to see him this weekend. Not sure if it would have happened if I'd not texted but I'll see him for a while tomorrow morning and my GS. Other son couple of hrs drive away which we can't do just now and travel back in a day. Feel they see us as a bit of a drag these days but I might be being oversensitive.
Anniebach What rotten luck you're having lately--has your home got gremlins? Will you be able to get just outside your door into garden for a little while if the weather is good? I was wondering about your beach cross stitch work too I started mine just after I got it and I'm able to do this one but haven't picked it up for a few dys.
HVDY Lovely that you all had nice time on husband's birthday. How thoughtful of him to get you choc egg. You must make him eat it too if temptation is too strong. Chocolate is my one and only weakness(not) ?
Scaredycat Yes, hope you're enjoying the sunshine today. Not sure where you are but think forecast has been good everywhere. So sorry about your mum. I can't imagine how hard that must have been. Mine loved daffodils.
Doodle My dad died 12th December just before Christmas when I was 20. Which makes me realise whatever time of year we lose our loved ones there's never a 'right' time. Must have been horrible to lose a brother too. I'm so sorry.
Lovely to see the little ducklings--lots of new life right now. You must be so looking forward to your holiday.
EllieAnne Hope you've not had any more chest pains. I wonder if being stressed has caused them. I hope your weekend won't be too bad. I'm sure there will be many who won't be seeing family for one reason or another too.

Love to all. x

Ellie Anne I wonder if your chest pain could be stress related. I hope you are ok.
Is it possible for you to have a summerhouse or something in your garden which you can have for yourself. Maybe for hobbies or to have friends round. It sounds like a miserable weekend but the weather is nice. I hope you get out and go somewhere pleasant.
I’m please you got up the courage to visit the other church and enjoyed it.
annie I wonder what’s happened to your sound and Alexa is she not working either? This must be a long weekend for you to get through. I’m sorry your carer can’t come either and MT is away. Is your iPad working ok can you play some music from BBC sounds or listen to a play or something.
I’ve been listening to Maureen Lipman whilst doing the ironing. How is your cross stitch beach scene coming on?
HVDY good your DH had a nice birthday and you all enjoyed a family meal. Hope your son and DGDs have fun.
No chocolate for me until Sunday.
Sweetpeasue hope you were ok last night.
Scaredycat I expect you are out enjoying the sunshine.

DH just made us a cuppa, then presented me with a Ferrero Rocher Easter egg . In 44 years of being a couple, it's the 1st time he's ever bought me one! (could he be a "feeder"? I suspect so....)x

Anniebach What a difficult day you had on Friday, all those things going wrong. Now you've got problems with your tv. I'm sure your dogs love you talking to them - I talk to my Mr Cooper throughout the day. He's deaf but he knows I'm saying things to him . I'm glad you can at least enjoy a few biscuits now.

Doodle I love watching the birds. How lovely to see the ducklings. We've got them on the park's pond not far from us.

SweetpeaSue Glad you managed to get out for a coffee.

ScaredyCat Nice to see the GCs.

EllieAnne Hope you feel better now.

Well, DH had a good day yesterday - he unwrapped his presents, then Son1 took us for a pub lunch, then the GDs and Son2 all came round, we had an Indian takeaway and a few beers, which we had on the patio. I gave them all their Easter eggs (yes, for sons too ). Today, Son1 and the girls have gone, on the bus, to a very large park, where there's a funfair on. They've taken a picnic. DH and I are pottering about and will wash both cars soon. It's gorgeous weather here. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Hi all x

Ellie Anne glad you enjoyed the church service, please don’t
compare your chest pains to anyone else’s pain, pain is pain .

Sorry you are not seeing your family this weekend, hope you can meet a friend for a coffee x

Friends, I am really grumpy , sound problems on the tv and it
can’t be fixed until Tuesday, carer not coming until Monday. Have ordered a charger thingy , it should come today, I miss
Alexa playing jazz to liven up a very quite house, am sure my
dogs are fed up with me taking to them .

How is everyone ?

I enjoyed the church service and went to my own church tonight.
I can’t invite anyone over when he plays golf because I don’t usually know till the night before and if the weather is bad or his back is sore he cancels it anyway.
Not seeing any of the family so it will be a miserable weekend.
Was feeling unwell this morning which is unusual for me as physically I am quite well. Had terrible chest pains but it passed after about 15 mins. Had a similar pain last week. I know it’s nothing compared to what some of you are suffering.
Annie I hope you can cope ok.
Wouldn’t it be good if we all lived near each other and could help out?

Sweetpeasue I’m glad you had a better night and have been out today. I’m sorry you lost your Mum close to Mother’s Day.
I lost mine just before Christmas and my brother on New Year’s Day (many years later). I tend to remember them on their birthdays my dad on his St David’s day and my SIL on 12 April. I remember them with great love and fondness.
I wonder if your Aunt, knowing that she is dying was relieved when your uncle died first so he wouldn’t have to live without her. I’m sorry for your loss.
I hope you have a good night tonight too and some rest from the pain.
HVDYmany happy returns to your DH. I hope you had a lovely meal with your sons. Have a great weekend with your DgDs
Diets are so difficult aren’t they. Forget it for the day and enjoy yourself.
Annie I’m so sorry about your electrics. I don’t think your SIL should be too upset. You don’t seem to call on your brother very much and despite all the trials and tribulations you have been through you tend to cope yourself pretty much.
I’m sorry your carer isn’t well. Glad her daughter has got your supplies in, will you be able to manage food on your own?
Oh I expect that felt like a very long walk down the aisle on your own. I doubt anyone thought anything of it and God was probably just pleased to see you there.
I’m pleased you are enjoying biscuits after so long on a bland diet. Nice to have something tasty for a change,
Hope MT has a good time in London.
Scaredycat how nice to have your Dd and family over for Easter. The wind up chicken would be something I would do too. Hope you have a lovely time.
Sorry to hear about your friend.
Little ones always cheer us up don’t they.
Ellie Anne I expect the Easter bank holiday is a difficult time for your. Can you go and visit your family at all?
Positive for today. Been sitting on our balcony in the sunshine watching a couple of blackbirds fight over a tasty morsel and a magpie with a slice of burnt toast. Goodness knows where that came from.
Saw our first little ducklings this afternoon. Very tiny and out with mummy duck. So many of them we couldn’t count them.
Have a peaceful and hopefully contented Easter.

HVDY- good news your son is happier now- long May it continue. Knowing he is more content will hopefully make you feel less troubled.
Happy Birthday to your DH hope you have a wonderful evening and have fun with your GC over the weekend.
ElloeAnne- hope you enjoyed the new Church .I,m sure everyone was happy to see you. I,m glad you are meeting your friend too- could she come and see you when your husband plays Golf?
SweetPeaSue- never ever apologise posting how you feel- so much pain,worry and stress. So pleased that you have been out
today . I feel as you do at Springtime as my Mum died in March too . I remember looking at the daffodils that year and thinking they were there and she wasn’t.
Annie- what a knight in shining armour your brother was this morning. You must have been so pleased to see him. Your SiL will get over it!! Does he show his dogs?
Hope you,ll manage til Sunday - lots for you to do and think about.
So glad you ate the biscuits and hope you have a replacement packet!
Doodle- persevere with the puzzle. Says I who can’t be bothered to do one and is useless anyway.
Good news re the meds you can go away now without having to worry about it.
Easter Sunday we are having my daughter SiL and my grandaughter( who still lives at home) to have a late lunch with us. It,s the first time they have been here to eat since Covid- it is time. Bought little fluffy wind up chickens for the table- never too old to be silly is it.
I,m not very good at writing about my down times but
Last night was one of those nights when the dreadful non stop thinking took hold. So many things racing through my mind. Thursday we had terrible news about our friend who is poorly and everything felt so sad.
But a positive for today- we called round to see our eldest GD and her family and take eggs. They are all well and happy and their dear little faces can’t help but cheer you up.
Take care allxxxxx

Sweetpea it’s good you went to supermarket and for a coffee,
definitely a positive ? x

Spring is wonderful, yes Mothering Sunday is difficult, today
Good Friday is certainly not a celebration day for Christians but it’s followed by Easter Sunday, the resurrection.

I cheer up when the Snowdrops bloom, then the daffs, lighter
evenings , yes I love Snowdrops ? x

Not too bad a night and after some pain subsided I went to supermarket with husband and we had a coffee in their Costa. I really appreciated it and was grateful for that. I was thinking about Spring again and it's beauty. My mum died in March 2000.I remember thinking how cruel the Spring seemed with its Mother's Day being flaunted and Spring's 'rebirth'.
The mind is strange as it's exactly the same as Spring always was but I suppose it's how we see it. Can we see it as positive even when we suffer? An aunt hasn't long to live and her husband died on Saturday. She sounded so positive on the phone yesterday. Obviously she might not feel the same today but she was appreciating the garden coming to life. Our mind is a powerful force isn't it? Philosophical ramble over.

Anniebach What a start to your day! I'd feel quite grumpy. You did make me laugh when you mentioned walking down the 'wrong' Isle. I could just feel your embarrassment.
HVDY Hope you all have a nice time on your husband's birthday today.

To everyone - - hope you are well and find some small hopeful thing today. x

Hi all x

Woke this morning feeling sad, ‘Good Friday’ , I miss the community. Tipped glass of water over my tower charger thingy, blew the electrics, no iPad, no kettle, no house phone, no helpline , mobile phone needed charging ! and on a bank
holiday. Was able to text brother who was on way to a dog show, he came in and sorted it, bet my sister in law was cross.

Carer on the sick , her daughter called yesterday and stacked up what I need until Sunday, think how many plates, tea mugs,
Ensure bottles, dog food etc on my large coffee table and a
trolley.

Ellie Anne your church attendance could not have been so
daft as one I made when I visited Tewkesbury Abby, I sat at the back so was last going to the alter for communion, leaving the
Alter I walked back in the centre aisle, others had walked back
in side aisles, I walked the length of the Abbey on my own !

Doodle so glad your husband has heard from his consultant x

Scaredycat I took your advice from earlier this week, you did
say ‘have a biscuit’, so fed up had a packet , delicious.

Sweetpeasue if you need A & E , go please x

HVDY hope your husband has a great birthday.

I will be back with a positive when I have one

How is everyone?

SweetpeaSue How awful for you. It's really not right at all that you've been left like that. As Doodle says, laxatives can cause problems in the long-run. Have you tried Lactulose? It's a stool softener. I used to see a lot of people who used it. It's a liquid, available to buy as well as on prescription. x

Doodle I've been obese for several years now, and have tried many diets - I did fantastically well on the Cambridge diets (liquids only for 12 weeks at a time) 4 years ago, but it's very difficult to maintain a weight loss after such a severe regime, so I piled the 4st back on, plus another stone and a half since my stroke. I've got to do it properly now. Glad your husband is finally going to get some help about his medication.

It's my husband's birthday tomorrow, both sons will be here for an Indian takeaway and beers in the evening, and the grandchildren will be here all weekend (no dieting tomorrow ). Hope everyone has a restful night x

DoodleAbout A&E. Hanging on by fingernails till this Easter weekend is over as not sure I'll get best help and worried it will be wasted visit.

Doodle Thankyou so much. I take 2 sachets of Movicol daily till I get diarrhoea then cut it to 1. I felt such pressure that last Sunday in desperation used 3 suppositories in 1 day(if this TMI skip my post now!)
My bladder feeling so pressurised I thought I had infection but tested for that a week ago and fine. Pretty sure not fibroid as had ultrasound a few weeks ago and Gynaecologist replied by text was normal. I suppose I'm scared of it being something very serious. When GP sent me for Colonogram procedure it was last September. On reflection it would have been best to have had referral to Gastroenterologist then but now I'm waiting for appt. Perhaps patients need a diagnosis before they can be categorised as being urgent or not, I don't know. I'm not good at shouting up, I admit. Unfortunately when I DID fight my corner with the Hysteroscopy shambles I was treated terribly. I just can't tolerate dishonesty like that-though I know why those Drs did it.
Was so worried about that post so bless you for caring. Hug gratefully accepted. ?X

HVDY good for you signing up to the weight loss program.
I too have put on a lot of weight since lockdown started. It takes a while for any new regime to kick in so don’t be disheartened.
I hope the new CBT on offer helps.
The jigsaw is coming along but I don’t feel I will do another. I don’t seem to have to ability to see where pieces fit.
I’m glad you feel a bit brighter. Hope that continues
Good news about your son. Glad you enjoyed the day centre. Sometimes we have to try and push ourselves on.
Ellie Anne be courageous. Everyone was new to something once. It is difficult going into a situation where you don’t know the process. But you are going to a church. They should be welcoming to newcomers. Just keep your eyes open and follow everyone else. Just remember the only important thing in church is God and he will be on your side and welcoming.
Glad your garden looks nice. Have a good time at the garden centre.
Annie my positive today is that DH has at last received a letter from his consultant about our last appointment and the medication he should take. We have been phoning his secretary and emailing her for weeks now.
A microwave would be very useful. Whole meals could be heated. Would your hands be able to work it do you think?
Scaredycat yes it is a lot warmer isn’t it, I have moved from winter to summer jacket. Good your ankle is stronger.
Have you any plans for the Easter weekend.
Sweetpeasue I read your post and I just want to give you a big hug. I too find it hard to believe you are in this situation. It is so wrong. Of course you are scared and frightened. When our bodies don’t work as they should do we get afraid.
This is my personal opinion so not saying it’s what you should do but if you are having trouble urinating I think you should go to A&E and explain your symptoms to them.
Laxatives themselves can cause all sorts of problems. Have you tried a suppository. You could ask the pharmacy for help. They can be very useful on occasions. My DH has had many similar problems and I believe so do many others. Movicol I believe is better than many laxatives as it is a bulking agent and not a medicine that causes spasms.
When I had trouble urinating mine was due to massive fibroids pressing on my bladder.
No reason for you to wipe your post, nothing wrong with it.
We are here with you and thinking of you.
Your positives are lovely.

I hope you enjoy meeting your friend tomorrow*EllieAnne * and you find new service tonight helpful.