Private Care / Home Help - any experiences? (plus hand hold)

I haven’t read all the thread yet but sending hugs and a tiny bit of experience from somewhat south of you.
Having been told to to stay completely in bed for a whole week and then only allowed to be up with a frame for trips to the bathroom because of a cracked pelvis. We decided to have a carer in for about an hour three times a week. It’s costing approx 17euros an hour and quite honestly we couldn’t afford to have her more frequently. I wish we could as DH is getting very frazzled.
She started off by wheeling me ( in a borrowed wheelchair) to the bathroom but I’ve now graduated to a walking frame. She started by giving me a complete wash and then brought her shower chair so that I could wash my own hair in the shower. Then she puts a special moisturiser on virtually all over and gets me back into bed. I’ve missed her coming over the weekend.

I’m feeling selfish at times as I’m determined to get this better as quickly as possible but I know that it’s common sense for the bone to heal properly otherwise I’ll have problems for the rest of my life. I’ve already got spinal damage from an injury years ago.

DH and I are both 79 in the next couple of weeks and he’s waiting for a hernia repair, supposedly soon, when I will have to nurse him.
Best wishes Fanny, it all seems to come at once doesn’t it?

Thank you for updating us Fanny and pleased your husband improving.
So good that you’re starting some therapy sessions. It’s important to look after yourself, and perhaps if you get extra help in you can factor in some time just for yourself.

So pleased to hear from you Fanny, I was concerned when you didn’t post yesterday. I’m pleased your husband is improving and that you’re getting some help.

Improvement - that is so good!

Well done you. Really glad you are feeling more positive and that your DH is so much better. Will be thinking of you.

Good morning Fanny, I’ve only seen this today. Relieved to see your husband is improving. There’s good advice here so I won’t repeat that. Sending a hand hold and hope you can make progress.

Thank you Grannmarie, Bbb and Harrigran, and sorry for my late reply DH was much, much better yesterday, and said that he was ‘over the depression bit’.
It’s easy to get depressed when you are ill all of the time isn’t it.
I was still very anxious yesterday, but felt better as the day progressed.
My dad is coming today to help me with some things around the house, to get it ‘cleaner ready’.
I’m starting therapy sessions this week, with the hope that it will help with the stress and dealing with chronic pain.

Thank you Luckygirl, for sharing your experiences, it must have been very difficult, for you too.
I will look at Edyn

Thank you everyone for your kindness.
It’s so comforting to know that I have online friends with such kindness and wisdom

If live-in is not needed, then googling local agencies is the way to go.

We were lucky that one of them was good and we had some good carers from them - but the constant changes of carer and the need to start all over again with each one to explain what was needed was a challenge, and my paranoid OH had to get used to new people all the time. But there again, there were always problems - one carer insisted on trying to get OH mobile, which was laudable but dangerous, and he had a fall whilst in this person's care. One carer gave my OH some tablets while I was out on a walk, and when I came back and saw what was happening I was horrified - firstly because the carer was not supposed to be giving meds (I did all that), secondly because OH was not due any meds at that moment, and thirdly because he was about to give him an overdose which could have been very dangerous - thank goodness I got back when I did.

I am sorry Fanny to be painting a bleak picture, but maybe it is best to be forewarned. My heart is with you - it is such a stressful time.

kittylester

www.elder.org/why-elder/private-care/?campaignid=618657338&adgroupid=122191234065&feeditemid=&targetid=kwd-311003967105&target=&locationinterest=&locationphysical=1006891&matchtype=b&network=g&device=m&devicemodel=&mobile=[mobile]&notmobile=&search=[search]&display=&adid=554711773896&keyword=%2Bprivate%20%2Bcare%20%2Bcompanies&placement=&adposition=&utm_term=%2Bprivate%20%2Bcare%20%2Bcompanies&utm_source=google&gclid=CjwKCAiAyPyQBhB6EiwAFUuakme_fYALtWpyVwy7A5ODH1pRSwz5E9dWt4OvbAB40lsdwVaq4hZQDBoCEaUQAvD_BwE

Is this any good? I've just done a quick Google.

NO!

I used 3 different agencies when finding live-in care for my OH and they all left something to be desired, but this one was the worst.

They tell you that they "match your loved-one with a dedicated professional" - ha ha is all I can say. The women who came to us had nothing good to say about Elder.

The problems were:
- finding a suitable carer in the first place - they send videos of carers and then you ring any that seem OK. I spoke to some seriously weird people!
- the carers themselves were not great - e.g. one had a bad back! - one never stopped talking (it was like being machine-gunned) - one refused to come out of her room except for care tasks, which she would do at breakneck speed, and then return to her bed, and she had no communication skills etc. etc.
- only one of them had sufficient experience and skill to deal with OH's needs.
- the worst thing was the change-overs. They each only stayed a few weeks - that was the system, which is fine - and towards the end of each stay I was anxiously trying to get a replacement - the deadline would move nearer and nearer and still no-one was found. By the end you would just take anyone, even ones that my OH had seen online and did not want - but we had no choice by then.

The best by far was Edyn Care. It was pretty new a couple of years ago when we used them. It was set up by two young men in response to seeing elderly relatives getting substandard care. It really had a human face. We only had one carer from them, because OH went into a nursing home shortly after, but she was a lovely lass from Nigeria. She needed to be upskilled on one particular care need, but she was eager to learn and friendly and sociable. And the system was responsive and caring.

Hope you are okay Fanny.
I know how difficult it is to get the help you need, I hope you see some improvement in DH today. Keep pushing the fluids, dehydration is not good.

How are things this morning Fanny ? Is your DH any better and are you alright?

Thinking of you and your DH, Fanny. I hope he feels much better soon, now that the GP has reasssessed the medication. When our dear Mum was older, with dementia, she developed many UTIs which exacerbated her confusion. Eventually, the GP decided to keep her long term on a low dose antibiotic, that made such a difference.
Good luck with finding the right carers, lots of good advice above from the wise women of GN.
I hope you feel more relaxed now after your bath and wine, thinking of you both. ???

Hope things are much better in the morning ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks for the update Fanny. Let’s hope things will be improving now. Hope you get a good night’s rest.?

Thank you, you are all so kind.
He hasn’t had to go to hospital after all. The doctor has taken him off a load of his medication.
He is dehydrated which along with the morphine is probably the cause of the confusion.
He also probably has C dif (sp? the bacterial stomach bug) due to various medication issues.
He has so much stuff going on, that the doctor said it’s a fine balance all the time.
Thank you again.

It’s bath, wine, tea and bed for me now.

Big hand hold and hug ? Fanny. I agree UTI could cause hallucinations. Glad the Gp is coming out.
Not experience to offer but pleased to see the GN support coming out in force to help in whatever way they can.
Take care

Everything crossed Fanny. At least in hospital you would know he’s getting the right treatment and being well looked after.

Oh dear Fanny, hope he’s ok. I would reiterate what others have said. If you go through a recognised company with a good CQC rating it will ensure carers have some level of training and insurance. If you employ a career direct there are legal and tax responsibilities to be complied with, unless they are self employed.
It’s good to set the ball rolling early rather than leaving til a crisis occurs, and important to state exactly what your needs and expectations are.
My mother have had a brilliant care company for 5 years.
Good carers are very supportive and give peace of mind that everything’s not always down to you. Would certainly help after hip op.

Good afternoon Fanny. A thought; my late DM claimed AA and used the money to pay for help around the home, cleaning, gardening etc. She was very fond of the cleaners, and as time went on we arranged for them to do more such as laundry, small bits of shopping, cooking a light lunch. There was no personal care involved, but they were happy to do as we asked. You certainly sound as if your husband is entitled to AA, and I would second the suggestions to get a volunteer from AgeUk to help with filling it in. Not because any of us think you are unable to do so, far from it, but because we all of us, have pride, and when asked 'can you dress yourself in the morning?', will say yes, but if it takes you an hour to get dressed, you qualify for help. Hope your DH's UTI gets sorted out, they can cause all kinds of hallucinations and irrational behaviour. Sending you a virtual and

(((Hugs))) fanny.

You too

Glad to hear that Fanny. Hope your dh starts to feel better very soon.

The GP is coming out to see him and he might hay to go to hospital

I wouldn't leave that urine infection knocking about over the weekend, really.
If the antibiotics aren't clearing it yet I would ask to speak to the gp today, if possible.

Just because these things always flare up when it's hard to get help, such as over the weekend.

Oh Fanny, I’m so very sorry about the situation you’re both in. I can’t offer any practical suggestions as I don’t, thank God, have the experience. I hope that you’re soon able to get some help in place and that you can find some respite and happiness here. Take care of yourself. ?