Dementia ?

Slightly confused…..
What are you supposed to be stealing from her airing cupboards? Has she hidden her jewellery in there? What have the grandchildren done on line.? How did they change her Will on line? I don’t think that’s possible.
I can understand you getting upset over her accusations, but as for her Will, I think she is entitled to leave her money to whoever she chooses. Having said that, you were good to her and she should have left you something.
So, you have obviously seen her Will. But I doubt you can do anything about it….

Hi. It’s not about her will it’s just all these things have happened since she was hospitalised since Covid. I struggled to find out what was happening to her. The night before she was admitted I phoned and she was terrible could barely put 2 words together - her daughter had just gone home and left her. Apparently my sister is referring according to daughter from about 5 years ago when I took towels and sheets - I think I actually put more into her house than anything. I live miles away and always travelled by train so I couldn’t empty her house as she says. What’s upsetting is she’s now been on the phone dredging things up from years ago - something she accused her daughter of taking and now it’s me. Daughter in the meantime hasn’t sympathised or offered any reasoning whatsoever. This has to be some kind of paranoia. Very upsetting.

We support a neighbour who is in the early stages.
The stealing thing is on going ? we have all been accused, then she phones and tells me that she’s found the stolen item completely forgetting that I was accused of stealing it. ?
One aspect of this awful condition.
Apologies if the laughing emoji offends, but sometimes you just have.

She may have a urinary tract infection. That causes the same symptoms as dementia and is really common in the elderly.

Is there any way you can ensure she sees a doctor?

Hello there, Drina01

Obviously I'm not a medic and your sister should be seen by a doctor for testing.

However, purely anecdotally, I've been through this with both my parents.

My mother would phone me at 2am saying that my father had turned all the lights off and it was dark outside. My father began to be convinced that my mother was having an affair with the postman.

Mum ended up in a home when it all became too much to handle. One of the ladies in the home was constantly accusing people of stealing her things. My mother ended up in quite a state because this lady accused her of wearing her clothes, which she wasn't.

My father decided that everyone was trying to steal his money and hid all bank cards/cheques etc etc.

It was all quite chaotic but levels of dementia vary and maybe someone could get your sister an appointment to be seen by a doctor as the first thing to do.

This is quite helpful if a diagnosis of dementia is given

www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/suspicions-delusions

sorry you are having this upset; whether it is dementia, or post viral confusion, or malign influence of her daughter, it is making you sad and concerned.
there is little that you can do, esp at a distance.
will you be able to visit any time soon ?
don't argue or try to correct her about the airing cupboard.
just vaguely sympathise if she says things are missing and try to turn the conversation.
if she becomes agitated say you'll ring her again, or that you have to go to the loo.
don't engage in disputes.
good luck.

Thank you all so much. It’s lightened my load. I suppose you never think it could happen. We used to be so close and always made time. I live 300 miles away and on suggesting I go down daughter said she didn’t think I’d be welcome. She Does have urinary problems but I too think she should be tested. How to convince daughter is another thing. I do miss her - we used to talk each day for an hour at least.
Much appreciated.

It sounds very much like Dementia. My brother's wife started behaving strangely a couple of years ago, and she texted me to say that my brother had stolen all her money. He rang me in tears, said that she'd been accusing him for months. That progressed to accusations of him hitting her (he's her 3rd husband but her 2nd husband used to beat her up). Eventually, she was diagnosed 14 months ago of having Alzheimer's. Such a shame.

Your sister may well have Dementia. The first thing to do is to write down and keep a record of all the odd things she says and does. Then, mention to your niece that you think your sister should see a doctor. Good luck x

My father used to refuse to see a doctor. In the end we spoke to his GP who said this was a common problem and he would pop round and say it was just a courtesy call etc etc

Not sure doctors would do that today but possibly worth a try if an appointment won't be made by her daughter.

Good luck! I know how upsetting this can be

Do push for urinary test it can completely mimic the confusion of dementia
Try not to dwell on this although I can totally understand how sad you are if you want to visit her do don’t look for permission from the daughter Could you take someone with you so there isn’t an out and out confrontation if the daughter is there

I hope this little story will bring a temporary smile to you
When my Nan came to live with me because of dementia and unable to look after herself she had a thing about her handbag being stolen At that time I had three children 15,13 and 9 the 13 year old a boy often had his school mates in the house one particular nice lad called M
well one day Nan called me over to her chair and putting her hand to her mouth whispered to me *that M is a thief” I said ‘no he’s a lovely lad’ and she said ‘no he’s stolen my money’ I said ‘why do you think that?’ she said ‘look he’s got a note in his hand that’s mine’ He did have as they were off to buy ice cream I said to Nan ‘but that’s his own money’ and she said ‘it’s not I ve seen it, it’s mine it comes from my bank’ I said ‘what do you mean’ and she said ‘look it says Bank of England on it and that’s my bank’
Bless her I still miss her but what a difficult time we had for those last 3 years if her life

Respiratory infections, especially combined with dehydration - the two often go together - can also cause dementia type symptoms. Whatever the cause, temporary or permanent, this lady does seem to be showing dementia type symptoms.

Thank you all so much for your kind words - it really does make a difference to not be isolated with thoughts. ..

Many of us have experience of dementia, it must be so upsetting for you to have "lost" your sister and you obviously miss the long phone chats.