Mild Cognitive Impairment?

MerylStreep

MaryDoll
I know my post was harsh. It was meant to be.
We have too many drivers on the road who are in the early stages of dementia.
In a split second many lives can be ruined 😥

Definitely. If the OP heard nothing else, then this message needs to get through loud and clear.

MaryDoll
I know my post was harsh. It was meant to be.
We have too many drivers on the road who are in the early stages of dementia.
In a split second many lives can be ruined 😥

I stand by what I say. Excellent advice has been given, however the OP is obviously very concerned and speculation only makes stress and anxiety worse.
She asked for advice, nothing else.

I could have written about my experiences with my parents, but I chose not to. It doesn't help.

None of us can diagnose the problem, but we can advise as to what actions to take, many of us from our own experience.

It is vital that this man does not get behind the wheel of a car, and I hope that this message has been heard loud and clear.

I think the OP knows what she wants do and she should follow her feelings and instincts.
One of my relations had to give up driving and it was not Alzheimer's but another very serious ailment. It was only when the whole family refused to be driven that they went to see their G, P.
Sometimes you have to be very cruel to be kind.
Best of luck.

My apologies. I agree Marydoll it is not for us to make a diagnosis. However, I do hope the OP seeks professional help immediately and loses the car keys, to keep everyone safe.

Fair comment, Marydoll, but the poster actually posed the question: "Mild cognitive impairment?", and then described behaviour that was far from mild, and potentially lethal. The natural rejoinder was to suggest what it MIGHT be, and to use that possibility to emphasise what should happen next. For me, playing it down was not an option here. However, I accept that some responses may have been rather too black and white, but many others, myself included, were careful to use "sounds like", "could be", in their advice. I also think virtually everyone said that the diagnosis should be made by a Doctor. So I'm certainly not "shooting you down", and appreciate that the topic is rather close to home for you, but it's also true to say that none of us claimed to be Doctors, and any advice was given with the best of intentions. As regards "not knowing" the individual concerned, surely that applies to every case described here on GN, but that doesn't mean that constructive advice can't be given. If that were the case, what would be the point of GN anyway?

Marydoll and others . I wrote about my experience with my mom . She started as forgetting things and asked me not to let her go dally tap meaning mad. I had to explain what was happening to her. I did get the GP to see her he said what do you expect it's senile dementia. This was when she was 86 before she got breast cancer the second time. We didn't think they would operate but as she was fit in body they did. I moved in for 3 months as she needed to be close to GP district nurses. I only went home once a week to shower,do the washing and order shopping to be delivered.

Over the time before she lived with she would be ok to go out for a time but only with me. When at home she could still do bits of housework but I got phone calls all times of the night and day and have to go over. Or talk her through doing something. She couldn't find her keys and was locked in . I couldn't go that day as I had an hospital appointment so my brother went over and she unlocked the door for him. She had the keys all along. Before living with me everytime she was ill I had her at my house as it was easier for me to care for her there.

At times I wished they hadn't given her the mastectomy, but it gave her time to see both my children marry, and my brother marry someone who deserved him as my mom said. And saw and held her first great grandson. Funny enough he was the only one she remembered by name . I think it was because he was a baby .

I wasn't diagnosing HarlemShuffle 's husband but writing about what happened with my mom.

It really is up to you to look after DH at this time. Speak to your own GP (or better still make an appointment for yourself face to face), write down everything you have noticed and give the GP the list. Ask for their advice as to how to proceed. Let them know how worried you are and how it is difficult to cope with.

If it is the beginning of dementia - the sooner it is known about the better. It may, however, be something totally different and again, treatment can begin.

Definitely do not let him drive - lose the keys if necessary, puncture the tyres or whatever you need to do.

Thank for those who agreed with me. I thought I might get shot down!

My mother had Alzheimers and my father, vascular dementia, this made me feel very uncomfortable reading this thread. It took a long time, before either had a diagnosis.
Despite me constantly nagging contacting her GP, it wasn't until my mother was admitted to hospital with a broken hip that she was assessed and diagnosed.

Agree Marydoll as I said up thread it's not for Gransnet to make a diagnosis.

No you are not MD. It could be lots of other things too.

There have been good suggestions for a course of action and I would also suggest that the OP contact and express her concerns to her DH's GP (who should listen to her but not divulge any information) and try to get the GP to invite her husband in for a 'routine' check up.

And, lose the car keys.

All really well put Marydoll.

Am I the only poster, who feels uncomfortable with the OP being told that her husband may have Alzheimer's? There could be other reasons for his behaviour.

I'm sure she already has suspicions of what may be wrong, but it is not our place to diagnose, nor speculate.
We are not doctors, nor do we know the person involved.

The OP asked for advice, which is that he should stop driving and see a GP ASAP.

HarlemShuffle sounds like dementia. If you can't get your husband to go to the doctor's could you ask for a home visit ?

My mom had it and unfortunately it's only going to get worse and more dangerous for them and you. Luckily my mom didn't drive. But when my husband was terminal with cancer I had to stop him driving. He hit someone's wing mirror. Still remember telling him he couldn't drive anymore and he roaring but I been driving nearly 30 years. I pointed out he could have killed us or someone else. He got in touch with DVLA that day.

Unfortunately anyone with early sights of or having dementia will not act you have to step in and take control of the situation. It's not they don't realise how bad things are getting but they can't admit it plus they forget from one minute to the next.

In my experience with my mom the person you love dies but their body lives on . It's a living grief for the family of the person with it. I had my mom live with me the last 18 months of her life as she wasn't safe to be on her own. And unfortunately the last 4 months she became violent. But she didn't realise what she was doing and dementia and Alzheimer's violence isn't abuse as someone said on another thread it's because of FEAR. They forget who they are ,where and who you are . Having an UTI made it worse so I knew the signs as mom couldn't tell me but the GP just sent antibiotics when I asked for them.

My mom was only little but I bear the scars of what she did to me . But I couldn't put her into a home. She thought I was her mom . Her lucid times where what I cherished. But it took me a year after she died not to just remember the violence. As my mom would have hated what she became. Luckily she only attacked me but I was with her 24/7 . I used to hope every morning she had died in her sleep sounds wicked but my mom had already died but her body hadn't. But I am proud of the fact my mom never had a sore on her body as she was bedridden. I made sure of that.

With loved ones who have dementia or Alzheimer's you have to decide what you can cope with. Plus factor in your age and health. Also could you defend yourself without hurting them if they attack you.

This is only my experience. And to be honest looking back I don't know how I coped . Mom died in 2017. Years of looking after others whilst being ill myself I didn't realise what a toll it took on my physical and what surprised me was my mental health.

Have you children or close family to talk to if not get in touch with the dementia and Alzheimer's charity. They can give you advice and help.

Unfortunately dementia and Alzheimer's can happen to anyone . Unfortunately it's the people who love the person it effects more as the person does realise what's happening and eventually they lose who they are . It's cruel and the only relief for them and those that love them comes when they die. My mom was 90 when she died .

Please look after yourself and get support things are only going to get worse.

His driving has become very erratic, often drifting across lanes on the motorway. Frightening for me as a passenger but he won't let me drive

HarlemShuffle this can't carry on and in your heart you must know that.
You've been brave and asked for help and advice on here. Now you need to listen and take that advice.
Your first task is to take both sets of car keys and give them to someone you can trust to keep them safe.
Then let the GP know exactly what you've told us and say you both need help.

I had to take my Dad's car keys as his driving wasn't safe.
He was due to have a brain scan so I said it was until we got the results, but I had no intention of giving him them back.
Dementia is a notifiable disease to the DVLA.

I'm so sorry you're in this position xx

If he is maybe becoming aware of his condition- and the beginning of (as he sees it) a "mild cognitive problem" why not suggest he has a test for a urine infection? That would at least be a step in the right direction in terms of seeing his doctor.

I suspect he is very scared - I would be scared too.
And I think I would also be worried in your position as the road ahead is unpredictable and probably scary too.

Be brave, take the first steps. Get him to the doctor on some pretext (like the urinary infection) and if necessary call his surgery ahead of time and explain the situation to your practitioner.

Good luck.
Take care of yourself. Try not to carry your fears all alone.


He may be open to this gentle way forward. Fingers crossed.

This is far more than mild cognitive impairment, and from your description, sounds like full-blown dementia. First and foremost, there is no way he should be driving. As he appears unlikely to stop, and is also resistant to going to see his GP, I would strongly recommend that you advise his Doctor that you suspect that your DH has dementia, yet still insists on driving. The GP can then intervene, and if the diagnosis is confirmed, either the GP or you must advise DVLA so that DH's driving licence is cancelled immediately. In the short term, I would hide all car keys from him -ideally away from the house with family or friends. With his dementia he may simply believe that he has lost them. What a very difficult situation you are in, but I would urge you to act quickly before someone is hurt, or worse.

This is a worry and such a shame he has only recently retired.
I agree with otgers, he should see the dr, people do have a 70 check so its perfect timing.
It could be a urine infection which can cause confusion like this, but it does need looking at.

MerylStreep

I can’t believe you’re actually letting him drive. 😡
Take the car keys away. Just say you can’t find them.
This isn’t mild cognitive impairment Your husband has dementia.

Hide the keys immediately and make an appointment with your GP. Your husband is a danger on the road. So sorry you are going through this.

This is really worry. What a dreadful position to be in. I agree with the others,, it is definitely not mild, but I think you already know that.
your DH needs to see a GP ASAP and you have a responsibility to inform the DVLA.
If you do not, his GP will.

Absolutely right Hithere and everyone else. This is, sadly, not ‘mild’. It’s serious and he Must Not Drive. We don’t know where you live but if he ventures out again he could easily kill one of us or one of our loved ones. It’s your duty not to be complicit in this.

I am so sorry you and your dh are going through so much

There is nothing mild about this, this is VERY serious

You and your dh are in denial

The keys to the car need to get lost asap. NO more driving
It doesn't matter how much he complains, he is no longer capable and he can kill innocent people!

Call his GP, he needs an evaluation yesterday

Two things:
- arrange for him to go to doc - if it means a fight, then fight.
- inform DVLC that he is unsafe to drive.
- hide the car keys.

It is hard I know and I too mourn the loss of the retirement that I had hoped we might enjoy - OH had Parkinsons. But when these things happen we have no choice but to bite the bullet and do what has to be done.

If you do not act on his driving problem you will be consumed with guilt if he kills someone. "He won't let me drive" - hmmm.

Please stop him driving for everyones sake. The GP idea is good at the very least give it a try.