Anxiety re street party

62Granny

When we had a party last year for the Jubilee , I bought two ready prepared pizza cooked them on the day and took them down , my husband did not want to come as he is not a royalist . I stayed about 40 mins said a little hello to some to the neighbours I knew and introduced my self to others then came home everyone was lovely there was no pressure stay for hours I knew the children would enjoy the pizza and I seen a few of them taking a slice.
Some had taken chairs and a their own picnic and small bottle of fizz or beer others had set up a BBQ outside their front. Honestly it was very relaxed. You don't need to feel pressurised at all.

Yes, sharing food like pizza always works, or sausage rolls.
A WhatsApp group was started here during Covid and I moved in shortly afterwards. We have regular Saturday lunchtime meet ups on portable chairs with drinks and snacks, really friendly, very informal, you only go if you are in the mood. My husband doesn't go as he's not very sociable but I'm happy going on my own.
Most of the people who meet here are older, the younger ones only come on high days and holidays but we are having a BBQ
for the Coronation so I expect all ages will turn up. Everyone will bring a dish to share and something to drink.
You might find that there are older people you have more in common with whom you don't know yet? People will be feeling jolly and friendly so won't be out to find fault with you! You may even find that some are looking for babysitters or extra grannies for their children.

Fortunately we never have such events.

We'd just leave, take our sweet dogs out walking. Great excuse.

Take what you have planned to take and have a back-up plan.

Just a simple one, mention that you and your husband can't stay long as you are going out later.

Then be seen to go - either on foot, by bike or car, whichever suits you best.

Is it possible to sneak back in again through your back garden to avoid being seen from the street?

If not, your back-up plan needs to be in the region of a conference call with someone, or face-timing your niece or whatever, so you have to go soon.

Check what they mean.abiut bringing food. I energy my elderly Father going on a "bring a plate" pic-nic. He took himself a sandwich. They had meant bring a plate of something to share.

Willow73 - perhaps it’s a little premature for you to always say to yourself you will not enjoy yourself. You did confess that you’ve always felt that way in the past and have set yourself up in a lifelong pattern.

Two things: 1) Then stay home or leave for that time span so you don’t feel the anguish. 2) Go for a short spell with your food to see who your neighbors are. Aren’t you curious?

You may be pleasantly surprised, but I encourage you to get to know at least one or two of your next door neighbors just to maintain a friendly acknowledgment.

‼️ Those neighbors may very well be a godsend in the future if you ever have an emergency ‼️
Don’t be afraid - enjoy!
USA Gundy

As others have suggested, if you do attend, do take a sharing item even it it a bought cake or packet of biscuits or nibbles, as well as your own sandwiches, and a bottle or flask of something to drink. Sharing may not be expected but it is handy to have something in case and you can take it home with you if not needed. These types of event are often a good opportunity to introduce yourselves to your neighbours without any obligation to invite anyone to yours. If your neighbours who are present don't know you well, you may have to introduce yourselves by simply name and house number.

It's not compulsory.
You could send apologies and make an excuse.

If you feel you can go, take your tea, a cuppa or small bottle of fizz etc, show your face and then make a graceful exit.

I do definitely. Always had social anxiety. Maybe just go and eat your tea. At least you’ll have shown your face 😃

Feeling obliged to attend an event that you really, really don't want to go to is, IMO, a huge stress.

Many, many years ago a friend tried to pressure me to go with her to a variety performance at the London Palladium - she'd bought tickets for herself and another friend who'd dropped out at the last minute - literally. I really don't enjoy 'variety' at all, didn't, at the time, like being in enclosed spaces with a lot of other people, have never had an interest in going 'up West'.
This friend, her husband, and her other friends, were all insistent that I go giving me all sorts of reasons why it would be churlish to refuse the "kind" gesture. And I probably lost count of the number of times I was told that I'd "probably enjoy it once I got there". The pressure was immense - all I could say was that I really did not want to go to the venue, but it cut no ice because I was questioned on it. "Why don't you want to go?", "what harm will it do? and - because I was a full-time working single parent - "it will do you good to have a night out".

I've since learned to say "no" and not allow other people to pressure me into doing something I really don't want to do - unless there's a very good reason why I should. And not feel guilty about the decision. Life is too short - I'm not going to fill up what little spare time I have meeting the expectations and needs of others.

A friend wants me to go with her to a hospital appointment - I didn't hesitate to say "yes" because that's one of those particular circumstances where someone else's need is important - to her, and to me. I will happily go with her.

But parties, street parties, New Year's Eve parties - anything that demands you 'fit in' with the crowd and be "jolly" is absolutely not on. I'm not now bothered about what people might think of me for refusing such invites... their 'interest' in my refusal will only last for a few minutes before they find something or someone else to talk about / comment on.

Hetty58

Callistemon21, yes, there was an Amazon driver, who kindly walked up the road and was given many cakes!

Yes, the one delivering to a neighbour stopped halfway, smiled, walked the rest of the way and was offered cake, which he declined 🙂

The republicans join in here too, well, most of them.

Callistemon21, yes, there was an Amazon driver, who kindly walked up the road and was given many cakes!

We had one for the Queen's birthday - but few are Royalists, it's just a good excuse for a party. Go - or not - but don't do the half-way-there thing (like one family) of having your own table and guests - inside your own front garden - because that's just too weird!

Finally, the nearby miserable sod who insists (despite the road being closed) that we all move so that he can park outside his own house - pathetic
Then there's the person whose Amazon delivery arrives at the height of the festivities 😁

You can find out an awful lot about people by how they behave at these events, too. There's the friendly, generous lot opposite, who bring out tables and chairs, bbq and booze and invite us all to join them.

Then, the fun music and dancing crew further down, the kids and dogs playing near the corner, the sad ones who just draw their curtains and stay inside.

There's that bossy, organising mum who tries, in vain, to get me to hand out cupcakes ('Sorry, no, I'm too clumsy, |I'd only drop them.')

Finally, the nearby miserable sod who insists (despite the road being closed) that we all move so that he can park outside his own house - pathetic.

I just love our street parties - but wouldn't dream of only taking food for myself. I'm vegan, so take my own food and drink - plus a plate of snacks/crisps for others, maybe a bottle of wine.

I'm easily bored so can't sit or stand around for very long (but can blame my back problems). It's handy that I can pop indoors for a decent cup of tea, take the dog for a run or simply move on to say hello further up the street. It's ideal for me, a quick chat then I can talk to somebody else. Don't let anyone give you tasks or duties - or install you anywhere permanent in a chair. Just practise your excuses first:

Must pop back - I'm cooking
The dog's waiting for her walk
I promised to go and see Nancy
I must get my phone
I've got more snacks to bring out
etc.

You're not alone at all. Lots of people don't like socialising.
I would love to enjoy it, but it's just not me. I'm sure my blood pressure goes up when I have to attend things that there is no getting out of.
If you really would like to give it a go, then do, and leave as soon as you feel too anxious.
If you are going because you think you should, don't.
As Whitewavemark2 said, no one will care. You probably won't even be missed.
What you don't want to do is spend all the time beforehand feeling anxious. So either make a decision now, or tell yourself, I will worry about this on the morning of the event, (thats what I do with flying, dental appointments, scans etc. , and then I switch off).
Do whatever makes you happy.

There will be a lot going on in town, for children and families and I won`t be going to that. An older widow always looks so pathetic at these commnal family functions. If there is a party in my very local area, then I will be keeping my head down and will not be going. No explanation is needed, not to anyone.

Tbh I am hoping that those who want a party will walk to the one in town and if the weather is nice I will go on a lovely solo cycle ride without running the gauntlet

Please ignore the advice to seek out “older folks.” There is so much to be gained and learnt from younger people too. Different views and interests. Community is about difference. It’s good to know your neighbours. They are the nearest port of call if you have a problem.

I'd be the same, and unless had someone to go with, would hide behind the door. Doubt it will happen here anyway?

Moved in a year past January - only the lady next door has spoken (when we chopped down a load of bushes as she hasn't been able to work in her kitchen without the light on for 15 years!) but even she hasn't said a word since my daughter died; the son of the very old lady next door, and the lady next door but one introduced herself when I first moved in, so not particularly friendly around here ....

However, there's you and your DH, so were I in that situation I would go and see if you have anything in common with them all? Don't have to stay long. But if it is really causing you bad stress, be somewhere else ....

Has a great time

Well nothing would make me go to a street party if I didn’t want to. And I don’t suffer from social anxiety at all. But then I suppose I could be different from yourself I tend to speak my mind not in an unkind way of course, I would tell anyone that asked that’s it’s not my thing but hope everyone had a great time

It is ok to refuse an invitation or not join a social event. If asked just say “Thanks for asking but I do not like social events” or even before being asked get the word around that you are not a sociable person.

It is what I do and nobody has ever taken offence, most people would rather you were at an event because you wanted to be and not because you were forced into it or attended out of duty or guilt.

Great idea!

If you don't want to go, don't go. You are allowed to say no

No-one is forcing you to go, so don't fret about it. If you do decide to put in an appearance, keep it simple with your food contribution, then just play it by ear and decide how long you want to stay. You may be pleasantly surprised, but even if it doesn't quite work out like that at least you'll be remembered as having turned up and contributed.