Black Dog 17

Scardeycat totally understand the early morning thing. Trouble is with feeling slug like is beating ourselves up about it. Frustration can be negative can't it.

nadateturbe your last paragraph - more of less thinking that today myself. Wise words. I got out to chemist for meds and picked up undies from M n S (local outlet)so have achieved the right amount.

Nadateturbe Do hope you made it to your art group's meeting for coffee and enjoyed it. It must be so awful to have to pace yourself so much and never know how you much energy you will have when you wake up on a morning. Yes I will be going to Pharmacist tomorrow morning. I did get to book class and found it much better today.
Scaredycat Ive not been doing much excercise lately or walking. Partly knee and partly depression which seems to rob us of motivation. I take on board what you and others are saying about ADs. Hoping the MH team will get back to me soon. A slug is how I feel too! You write such nice posts to everyone. I got a text from my surgery today. Said 'Hi Patient' Then went on to say it had Facebook page. When clicked onto it lots of adverts and 'advice' to go to Pharmacists for a huge list of things and Urgent Medical care Centre for other things(which is 9ml away). In other words-TRY NOT TO BOTHER US. 🤔 Hmm I'll try.
Wyllow Hope your day to yourself has been good. See you visited M&S and picked up meds. Will you be at Gym tomorrow? Hoping the anti-inflammatories are helping your back. Thanks for the tip for moisturising cream.
In fact thankyoueveryone for tips for good moisturisers. 🤗

Still v tired and feel sort of brain dead but glad I went out to book group. Theres an older lady who often asks about me(though difficult to have private conversation). Had a few words with her outside. She has health probs of her own poor lady. Its good to know there are kind people out there isnt it? Hoping all are ok.

H

Scaredycat we have to be thankful, don't we? Running is not very comfortable nowadays, jars the spine lol.
My husband is up today He'll be back to normal soon. It comes and goes, without warning. Pretty sure it's after effects of Covid. I'm in our local U3A, although at the minute I'm not attending anything, as energy is low with M E /CFS. I intend to go to the book group in September. It's very good, lots of interest groups. I would recommend it.
I'm glad you had a nice time today. I'm sure it helped your friend.
Good choices today Wyllow3.

Yes you are right Sweetpeasue it does rob us of motivation a vicious circle when a few stretches might help.

There was real kindness in that older lady wasn't there?

Hope you hear back from MH soon, it depends which day they have their team meeting. They won't have forgotten you!

(Yes, want a short swim tomorrow).

SweetpeaSue Hope you managed the book club. Did you see the Pharmacist? I'm surprised the steroid cream hasn't helped.
Wyllow3 Hope you've had a restful day and have not tired yourself out.
Scaredycat Lovely that you had a lot to chat about with your friends. I love a good natter.
nadateturbe Did you get to your art class?
DoodleHow's your wrist now?
EllieAnne, Whiff, Candy, Allsorts How are you all?

Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing evening x

Had a really good day - DIL and baby came at 11.30, so DH and I had cuddles. She's such an easy baby, and so chubby . Gave DIL another 6 outfits plus a cuddly toy donkey for baby. We all had lunch at a nice pub - pudding too - then wnt to Son2's house (DIL hadn't been there before, so she had a look around). DH and I left them there and we went home. 8 year old GD video called me for a chat, and GD1 was in the background. Son1 came round (he's just gone to pick up GD1 from rugby practice. I'm very lucky.

A lovely day there, HVDY, and some very tactful giving DS2 and DiL time in his house too.
Very family day, I can tell you are a happy bunny today!

Evening all. Been to a funeral today. So tired now.
Wyllow like I said the other day unless you’ve had CFS or lived with someone with it, you have no idea. My BIL has PVF and as he’s usually an active walker he has been shaken by the fact he can’t go far at all. DH has been talking to him to get him to understand he needs to pace himself and not overdo it.
Your GP consultation sounds positive with some good ideas.
Hope it helps.
Scaredycat thank you for your good wishes we had a good day. I think you’re right. Certainly Covid had a very bad impact on our health and activity levels. We’ve never got it back. My wrist is ok thank you but still very stiff. I’m finding it hard to keep up with the physio. I am taking it slowly. Physio is a lovely young girl but very supple. Old bones aren’t as flexible. Nice you met up with a friend for a catch up. A couple of mine have moved to different parts of the coast so we don’t get to see each other often.
Sweetpeasue your surgery sounds particularly unhelpful. I would do as others suggested just say one thing and then discuss what you want with the GP. Quite often things are interlinked anyway.
That MH assessment seems to be a good idea. Perhaps in that environment you were able to put forward your problems and they can judge how best to help you.
Have you been to the pharmacy about your rash. They might be able to help. That itching sounds awful. Drives you mad doesn’t it. DH had Betnovate for his legs, made an incredible difference but his wasn’t a rash more like thick scales of dead skin. All cleared up now.
We all need a little dignity when dealing with our health problems. I can understand you wanting to go to a different pharmacy. Good idea.
nadateturbe I think when you live a quiet life normally, then anything out of the ordinary can make you exhausted. Like today. We spent 5 hours at the funeral and after then came home and we both fell asleep. Lovely to see my cousin and family but so tiring. Whenever eating is involved i get tired too. You write some really thoughtful posts. Good advice too.
Hope your DH is feeling better now and able to come down to eat.
HVDY I had a bone scan the other week and the nurse said just hop on the scales then she took my height measurement. I asked her what it was in feet and inches and she said 5ft 4. I was quite pleased as I thought I had shrunk considerably. Told DH and he said “did you take your shoes off”…..I hadn’t. I was deflated down to just under 5ft 3. 😳
Must be lovely to have a visit with the baby.
Candy sorry your DH is feeling poorly too. Wise to leave the washing until you’ve finished work for the week. You’ve got a busy day today. How nice to have your MIl over for tea every week. I bet she appreciates it. Is she very lonely without her DH or does she have more family close by.
Hope you have fun with your DGS.

Spent so long typing HVDY that you sneaked in again behind me.
What a lovely day you had. Nice that your two sons get in well together. I love a chubby baby. So nice to cuddle 😊

Sweetpeasue the kindness of others always lifts the spirits, glad you went to book club.

Sorry to hear about your funeral day, Doodle. (and the deflation!)

HVDY How lovely to spend time with all your family in 1 day. So pleased it has been so enjoyable. Its thoughtful of GDs to video chat like that and I'm sure they love you v much. Your DIL must be so pleased to receive such nice presents for baby. Its great that you get on so well.
Its was 1%Hydrocortisone otc stuff I used so might need Steroid. I see Pharmacist tomorrow.
Doodle Oh it must have been v tiring today for you both. Funerals can be emotionally draining too. No wonder you needed a sleep after 5 hrs. Dont be pushed toohard with physio because I understand exactly wym. When my knee was bad 5yrs ago had physio by enthusiastic young man and I did all the excercises but my knee kept feeling worse. I called him ant told him how painful it was but he said to keep on with them. Few dys later was in agony and spent 2 weeks with DH having to VERY slowly lift the leg onto bed at night. It took a long time to get better after that. Just dont be pushed too hard.
Pharmacy tomorrow. Read today about opoids causing itching. Hope to heaven not that. Think its common to get itchy skin at times when, shhh, older. Had to smile about getting on scales with shoes. Ive done that. Lost 2inches height too.

Wishing everyone a peaceful night. Love to all not mentioned. x

Getting the right physio really important - that young man was really bad news Sweetpeasue. Great deal of "listening to the patient" missing there and trusting their feedback.

Bests at the pharmacy tomorrow.

My physio is in her 60's and is totally "listen to your body".

Night night to posters and readers xx

There are posts I would like to answer but it will have to wait.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

Wyllow Thanks. Hope you sleep tonight.
Felt should relate my experience as just concerned for Doodle. I certainly shouldn't have listened to that physio.
Nadateturbe Take care of yourself and hope you sleep too.

Evening all
Sweetpeasue glad you managed book club and you enjoyed it and that you will be getting some advice on your rash. Good luck. My daughters surgery does the sending photo thing which I think is a good idea. Mine doesn’t unfortunately. The lady at your book club sounds nice and maybe your friendship will build. Hope you’re not as tired this evening.
Wyllow hope your day out has rejuvenated you, you are feeling well and you get to go for your swim tomorrow.
Nadaterturbe I got all my washing done and almost dry. It was a lovely day here after a rainy start. Not good for the rest of the week though. Husband feeling quite well again thanks, although tired but then aren’t we all? I’m glad your husband is recovering, it will do him good to get out again. Hope you enjoyed your meet up with your art group.
Scaredycat I know what you mean about exercise. I really, really need to get into a routine. I’m not doing hardly anything and I used to do a lot. Finding time is difficult then sometimes I’m just too exhausted. Glad you enjoyed your meet up. I did. My friend is lovely but I don’t chat as much or as long as I do with another friend, it’s harder work somehow. With my other friend we sometimes go out for a day of shopping but spend most of it drinking coffee/eating lunch and just chatting. It’s nice when you have a lot in common with someone. I’m sorry for your friend’s troubles. Life deals some hard blows at times. I’m sure she enjoys your meet ups to help take her mind off things even for a short time. Glad your husband is recovering.
HVDY you truly are blessed with your family. I’m grateful for mine the only slight disappointment for me is that my daughter can’t have any more children and I feel so sad for her and my grandson as he would love a sibling. She has thrown herself into her career as a distraction and is a wonderful mum to grandson. I try to be grateful for what I’ve got but sometimes it makes me so sad. You really do spoil them - another 6 outfits! I’m the same. When my daughter was pregnant, Aldi did one of those special baby events they do so I went along. I ended up with a boot full of stuff and when my son-in-law saw it, he said to my daughter “I think your mum really does have a problem” 🤣. They are very lucky to have you.
Doodle I hope the funeral didn’t take too much out of you. I’m going to one tomorrow. Not pleasant experiences. MiL does appreciate her visits and yes, she is very lonely. In a lot of ways though, she is lucky as DH is from a big family and there lots of grandchildren so she does get more visits than most. It’s still hard for her though. Hope you manage to keep up with your physio and it helps.

Hope everyone has a peaceful, restful night. ❤️ To all those not personally mentioned. Night night xx

what a lovely post Candy. I see you are still very tired with ? over fitting the exercise in. Have you decided to keep on the same work routine or less work on more days? I think so much has been happening on you life recently its not surprising about the tiredness. Also exercise wise pondering on what we used to do takes a LOT of adjusting. I think I can recall you saying early on posting here exercise kept your mind weller so thats difficult in terms of setting targets to give enough wellness feeling.

Last night rather a shock really. I think I've dealt with stuff then.....
I may have had a bit too much to drink but on lying down to settle for sleep a huge wave of anger towards abusive Ex came on me.
Incidents - nightmarish ones - remembered from last year especially came back, months of them - and then the self questioning on some aspects the way he’d been with me.

How much had lived a lie.
Like, he know I was a Quaker, and he pretended (?) to have a secret faith, that he’d never talk about. Or his version of huge numbers of events events I much later found to be ea fantasy or part fantasy. Then I started questioning everything and its scary as I sort of mulled my life round all that.

I couldn’t stop this train of thought or anger and after an hour and a quarter took extra meds came down for hot milk and then did sleep.
Was not surprised to wake at 4.30 still angry but v depressed, and then woke at 9am depressed and exhausted.

How can I process this kind of stuff? I’m ill equipped, with my difficulties with anger, as it carries guilt, and some love, and “Was it my fault..” I
feel as if I will be stuck in this forever, and yet earlier in the evening had felt better. Punish, punish, self hate.

*But this morning after a slow start I did get to the gym at last and had a swim. -very nervous as hadn’t been for 9 days but it was OK thankfully and tired me out for afternoon sleep. And am now listening to music, and my back is sore but is holding up with the new regime of anti-inflammatories as long as I'm good and do little.

Tomorrow counsellor, thankfully, as its been over a fortnight.

Been to have my haircut today for first time in 3 months. So good to have it not hanging over my collar or blowing in my face.
Sweetpeasue thank you for the advice about physio. I’m finding the same myself. The more I do the more it hurts. Going to see the consultant next week so will ask him about it. How has your knee been today?
Hope you get on well at the pharmacy and get something that takes the irritation away.
Wyllow my physio is young and enthusiastic and in training. Lovely girl but I think she’s expecting too much from me.
I think anger towards your Ex is to be expected as is the “was it my fault”. But the answer is no it wasn’t. You didn’t ask for any of that.
I’m glad, despite being exhausted, you did manage the gym.
Good luck with the counsellor tomorrow.
We managed a first today. A walk to our favourite seat. About ¾ of a mile. Not been able to do it for months. Needless to say we both collapsed in a chair when we got back but we both felt we’d achieved something.
Candy glad your DH is feeling better. Good day for getting the washing done. I’m with you as needing to keep up with the exercise but don’t always feel able to do it.
Hope the funeral tomorrow goes as well as can be expected.
Lucky your MiL has so many around her. Hope she is coping ok.
nadateturbe hope you had a good night. Hope your DH is ok again now.

Sorry. I've read the posts, but really haven't enough energy today. Wyllow3 glad you are seeing the counsellor tomorrow. Sending a hug.
Thinking of you all.x

Candy6 Yes, I am very lucky indeed. I didn't buy much for Son1's daughters when they were babies, as their mum didn't like that (she didn't include us in anything, etc., and didn't like us). We've seen so much more of those GDs since Son1 split with her (he has them very regularly). It's a shame you didn't get to have more GC, but I bet your GS loves you so much.

Doodle Funerals are difficult, aren't they, and 5 hours was quite a long time. Hope you are more rested today.

Wyllow3 Some of the things you mention about your abusive ex remind me of my eldest son's ex (mother of his 2 girls). He had a breakdown after they split, because of the things she'd said/done, and the mental and physical abuse. He had counselling for a few years, as well as ADs (still on them). He also went through all the "why did she say/do such and such" and "Did she ever care". He's very much stronger now, having had a couple of very nice, "normal" GFs since. I don't know how you can process it all, but I hope your counselling helps. Glad you managed swimming today. It would seem you've got the new regime sorted out.

SweetpeaSue How did you get on at the Pharmacy?

Hope all BDers have a pleasant evening. x

Candy I dont know how you manage with so much crammed into your day. Such kind words for everyone too. Hope the funeral you went to today went ok. I'm so glad you have such a good friend and you have so much to talk about when you see her. I'd love a friend like that. Sometimes you really click with people, almost as if soulmates. The lady at book club is 15 yrs older and has a lot to contend with health wise herself and family. I wouldn't mind GP sending a link and my sending photo. It was just that receptionist said I couldnt have more than 1 condition when I rang on Tuesday about my knee.
Wyllow So sorry about your awful night. I think what you describe is identical with what people go through with bereavement and grief, but there's the extra different factor of the other person is alive and has put you through so much with lies and abuse. Some of your wlrds I could have written about my own situation (which is not to say Ive suffered anything like your extremely apalling abuse at all) Just when you think you're moving on a bit then stuff comes back to you and plays out, and you think could I have done/said this or that, was it my fault?
then - no it def wasnt then anger. Complete turmoil in head and just want it ALL to stop. You will always have memories, Wyllow, but I think they will be less lucid, less hurtful, (black n white - not colour). You are doing amazing trying to keep on keeping on and so glad you have gym. Hope the bloomin back behaves. So good yku can swim. Something to aim for-fitness levels. Do-able levels. Achievable ones.

Early pain but Oramorph helped. Asked for consultation in small chemist. Went into room and after looking at rashes waist/v low back said she's not really qualified in that. Sighh. Tears again! Spluttered some of story. Tells me she knows a healer. Kindly given 'healing water'. Talked of the Divine. (not religion) Such a kind spiritual girl. I declined appt with 'healer' but thanked her for the water graciously. So kind. Then Boots in nearest town. Pharmacist qualified. Asks obvs questions soaps/washing pwdr, meds. Need Dr as Ive already used Hydrocortisone for too long and nothing otc to give. Call receptionist, told her, she says can give me appt in another surgery in another village on Sat!! I said what about me joining phone queue tomorrow and getting Dr here? Says I can do that too if I want then cancel other appt if I get through in my surgery. 😡 I took the Sat appt in different surgery 5ml away. At least given an actual time as our surgery cant say if Dr call back will b morn or aft and day is wasted.

Took stick and had walk along beach and was nice though knee feels v bad. I dont know what to do but try and keep it mobilised a bit. Hope it wont make it worse.

Think Ive written epistle. How is everyone?

Candy my warm thoughts for tomorrow and give yrouself a break "stuff" has been very hard for you indeed.

What thoughtful and helpful responses, all. I am truly grateful for your comments. its helps so very much to have stuff recognised and accepted.

How fortunate to have BD's. and all helpful in different ways. The way anger attacks Sweetpeasue. Your own son's experiences HVDY. Your understanding Doodle

I just realise it will take longer than I'd thought. Pretty naive really, after 11 years together. Isnt hindsight wonderful, had I known..not rushed about in last few months.....but then who doesnt fight grief/loss.anger to some extent?

Doodle I can't tell you how thrilled I was to read of your beach walk. Hurray for "small but beautiful".

HVDY after you've spelt out what happened to Son1, I am so very glad you have kept up with the grandchildren and are a significant part of their lives. Could have been different! Very important for them to have your warm centredness place in their lives.

I'm glad the pain was nipped in the bud Sweetpeasue what a palaver round the chemists!

First young woman rather sweet hey?
I think accepting the Saturday session is a wise one and I hope they can come up with a suitable cream or other treatment. Well done for your wobbly walk.

With my yoga hat on I agree - keep it mobilised definitely - in moderation.

One of the best options is to move your knee around without it taking your full weight too much - sure you understand why, ie flexing ie - lying down on your back in bed, massaging with pain gel.
If you have access to a cycle machine, cycling without any pushing, you get the idea.

Back later, and understood, nadateturbe

Knee stuff - I've checked this quick one out, a bloke doing some easy knee stuff Non weight bearing. (note to self!!!) - may be useful for others here
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fl0o1dNkSo

nadateturbe that’s fine. Just nice to know you’re around.
Thinking of you too x
HVDY nice you get to see more of your DGDS now. I hope the bullying thing at school has quietened down for all 3 girls, the older one too, even though she’s not your GD it impacts on them all I expect.
Had a good long sleep last night so feel better today thanks.
Glad your son is feeling stronger. Good he has such a good relationship with his girls.
Sweetpeasue what a convoluted procedure you have to go through just to see a Dr. Would have been much easier all round if they’d just given you an appointment in the first place. I think I would have accepted the appointment in the other surgery too rather than phoning in the morning, at least you know you have an appointment now.
Hope you enjoyed the walk in the beach. The stick is a good idea to help you walking.

Wyllow that’s a useful link. My knees are weak as opposed to a definite problem. I may give it a go,

I wondered about you Doodle. You don't have to extend to the limits of any of the exercises - movements towards them is good enough.