Black Dog 17

Internet awful.
Love to all. Hope you are ok. Thinking of you xx

Nadateturbe Sorry, missed your post. They asked me if it could have been a case of acid reflux! Don't get that which is lucky. Said could be oesophagus in spasm(think it must be what they say to others too). I only know Ive never had pain like it, a crushing pain in central chest, ckuld hardly breathe as pain was off scale. Was sweating. Lasted no longer than couple of mins. I immediately started heaving with nausea, threw up bile. That was it and it left as suddenly as it came. Felt v tired afterwards. Wasnt anxiety or panick attack. Just told him how it was.
Hope you're feeling a little better. Perhaps you could paint something next time you feel up to it. Your last picture of the sunlit shuttered window with flowers and the detail on the walls was beautiful. X

Whiff Hope your daughter had a good day. Your cake looked sumptuous! Used to do one from Be-Ro booklet with 'Milk-choc' icing but now lads have gone wouldn't dare do it.
HVDY Oh thats so frustrating, not being able sort things on phone. It can take ages. Hair will need to wait another week then-I did something similar with a dentist appt. Hope you have a fun time at Aqua aerobics with husband and twerking girl's not there! 🤭
Nadateturbe Sending big hug. So sorry youre feeling so bad. It's awful being up alone at night and not sleeping. Thoughts can be so dark and helpless. Wanting to have our lives back, to do what others do, to have to make plans last minute as never know what you'll be like. I can relate to that and to the feeling of being a burden to husband. Wish I could comfort you with words but I dont have any, apart from that I want you to know your kind words to myself have helped my despair at times. I so hope you get to art next time. This CFS is such a cruel thing, a stealer of life. My life feels stolen too, though our conditions are different I can empathise with that loss. 💐
Wyllow So sorry you've had to miss out things today too. My words to Nadateturbe are same for you. I'm thinking you're regretting the charity shop yesterday but hope you still enjoyed the browsing at the time. Oh the 'whats the point' yes and yes. We keep getting up and going on - - the koko you first wrote I admit I didnt understand at the time. But its what we keep doing but its so very hard.
If we lived closer we could all meet for coffee - - can you see the logistics of that🤔 we' d all have to be well at same time! Will you be able to get to gym tomorrow?
Scaredycat How are you today? I'm thinking you could be behind me, but hoping you're ok.
EllieAnne Nice of you to pop in and send good wishes fornew baby. That must have been so difficult for all when your DGC was born during covid. Hard to believe now what a hard time that was but still v much in my memory.

Hard day again but meds kicked in and its like calm after storm this moment. I'm so scared though. I feel like someone has one of those voodoo dolls in my image and will stab it again any time soon. I'm being worn down and dont have resources left. Spoke to GP this morning, asked for F2F today but he questioned about chest pain and said Id need to be checked out. Such a long time in there and v tiring. Missed my counselling a few weeks ago because of pain and supposed to be tomorrow. Not seen her for 7weeks. Nice GP today only on tomorrow. Trying to weigh up. They need to know bowel pain and loise, loo 7 times Mon then seized up completely yesterday and like stone. Terrible pain but now bladder - like poisoned bladder but desperate cystitis pain when go back today. Crying so much and looking like distorted ugly animal, I genuinely felt I was finished. No more pain-ever. No more. I'm sorry for writing like this. I need to get it out but nothing anyone can do. Thats the terrible bit. Even Drs dont seem able to do anything. But brain gives bowel and bladder instructions and somethings v wrong.
I think must be nerve damage, what else can it be?
But now I'm ok and resting. I live in the moment. Its not good enough though- what about sons, aunt who doesnt understand. How can she? How can anyone? Sons dont realise as if they see me I look ok. They dont see the writhing animal. Thank God though.

Ive written too candidly forgive me. I dont know what Id do without you all. I do care for you all v much. X

Yes Wyllow3 being alone has positives.
Glad the tests were OK Sweetpeasue. If the pain returns I would go back, regardless of what they think. Did they have any idea of what caused it?

Just checking in with short message - back later, Blood t, xray and ECG all fine. Dont think heart attack. Now worried GPs will think I was exaggerating whole thing but I wasn't. Maybe think my ongoing pain isn't real? Had to sleep when came back but severe cystitis like pain had me balling like an animal. Oramorph kicked in and getting bath. So glad Ive friends here as feel so alone. X

The baby is lovely. Enjoy every minute.
My grandson was born during Covid so we had very limited contact for a long time.
Sorry not posting much . Very low.

Phew HVDY that is busy... sounded like you were looking forward to being "shorn" too.

"On the other hand I feel very guilty that I am often no company and such a burden to him, and find that hard to cope with." Oh I do under stand that nadateturbe from worst patches of MH stuff, truly, sometimes am glad to be alone and not "have" to relate or make the effort or feel am letting down.

Wyllow3 I've just sat and cried, I am so disappointed at missing last art session. . It's difficult to always do what you know you should, and the effect of activity doesn't always follow a pattern anyway. And its frustrating not to get things done, or just to wander round shops and do "pointless" things that others do, without thinking I will pay for this.
I know what you mean about having someone. It's is nice to know I won't be alone all day and that my husband will make dinner. On the other hand I feel very guilty that I am often no company and such a burden to him, and find that hard to cope with.
I don't get the adrenaline high in the same way as you. Mine just stops me sleeping. I wonder is there a way you can tackle this, other than to keep going.
Whiff enjoyed your funny story of husbands haircut.
HVDY you are so active. I'm exhausted just reading your schedule. No wonder you dozed off! So funny going to hairdressers early.😄.
Telephone is annoying. There was a time when calls were answered quickly.
I'm off to shower and hopefully waken myself up.

nadateturbe just feel so low as CFS post exercise pain with low feelings. The stupid thing is yesterday I knew I didn't stop stuff in time but persisted like in a rebellious way fed up of constraints.

The extra bits was spend on pointless stuff too (hit charity shops after the gym instead of straight home to bed just for a bit of fun and....by then had got adrenalined up onto one of my "highs" and couldn't rest for the day.

end result - whats the point of living moods etc etc after woke from afternoon sleep. Oh for someone nice just to take me for drives have coffee with etc.

Whiff "*he said he will get her a welders mask and boiler suit.😁*" I laughed at that. Has your daughter had a nice birthday?

Doodle Hope you and your husband are ok and that you're having better weather. It's muggy here, and the sky is really grey - it looks as though it will rain.

ScaredyCat I love the little rolls of fats babies often have. She had her first bath last night . Fancy a fox eating bird fat balls - and stealing the container as well. Silly thing. . Hope you're ok today.

Wyllow3 Did you overdo things yesterday? Hope you've had a rest today.

nadateturbe It's good to sleep whenever you need to. You didn't go to sleep until 5.30 - I was waking up then (but then dozed off this afternoon).

SweetpeaSue Hope you got on ok at the hospital. Let us know.

I think I'm losing the plot - I got all ready this morning (the usual rigmarole of getting my face on, etc), went to the hairdresser's - a week early! It's been one of those days - spent ages trying to set up "Patient Knows Best" online thing with the doctor's surgery (I can't do it so gave up), then ages getting through to Council Tax people - they've "got a backlog" but have over-charged us again. It took 55 minutes to get through to PIP people - only to be told they'll need to send forms out to me. Aqua aerobics with DH this evening. Hope all BDers have been ok x

Glad to hear you're at the hospital Sweetpeasue. You couldn't ignore the chest pain. It's probably all the stress you're coping with. 💐
Same here Wyllow3. Rested Monday so I could meet up yesterday. Now absolutely flat out. We pay a big price for enjoying or achieving anything. I actually fell asleep again after breakfast. But I'm so glad I went.
"Claimed the gym". What a good way to put it Scaredycat. That's what you did Wyllow3. Well done.
Shame about the weather Doodle. Hope it picks up.
Cake looks mouthwatering Whiff.
Hello all. Sorry, short post.

Well done for getting there, Sweetpeasue. I'll check in later.

Why oh why did I do too much yesterday! did unnecessary stuff.
Laid flat today and fuzzy brain. I had intended a little gym.

Nadateturbe Hope you feel better
later. Thanks Im in hospital now getting checks. x

So exhausted went to bed before dinner, but didn't sleep until 5.30am. So will post later. Just want to say to Sweetpeasue you must tell the doctor about your chest pain.

Doodle Yes I will, with everything else that is happening and shouldn't be. Hope your holiday is going well. x

Brief pop in

Nadateturbe glad to hear you had a better day..another hoping you make art. *Scaredycat hope its the same for you tomorrow no kick back.

Whiff the cake looks damp and rich and delicious.

Sweetpeasue that's been a really awful day. (hug) Glad it's the nice GP tomorrow.

Aw, Doodle, unfair about the weather. I can see you made every effort to get fresh air!

HVDY now your son has his own place they can take their time to make decisions with less pressure.

I did too much today probably notalot tomorrow.

Bests all BD's reading and posting and best nights possible.

HVDY- Oh what a lovely baby - she is beautiful. Dear little chubby arms and legs. It must make you happy to see your Son happy too.
You are so right what an awful illness Alzheimer’s is. It is only 3 months since we saw our friends last but he has deteriorated so much in that time. Just glad we have such good memories of our times together when we were young.
Yes that fox does look healthy. In the winter he kept stealing the birds fat balls and in the end stole the feeder as well!!

Wyllow- so glad you claimed the Gym today- with friendly and supportive back up too.
Your hair colour sounds like mine but my hair is very thin and quite short.
I forgot to say I loved your painting too- you have a lovely natural style.
SweetPeaSue- we,ve not seen hedgehogs in our garden - only foxes and one day a tortoise walked onto the lawn!!! He had escaped from a nearby house!
Yes to see our friend as he is now is heartbreaking - but so pleased we went - they are dear friends.
That was a nasty bout of chest pain you had hope it doesn’t trouble you any more. I would tell your GP when you speak to him though.
Nadateturbe- Glad you managed to see your Aunts - it will have made the poorly one feel happy when you were with her even if she forgets quickly. Just getting out must have been such a change for you. Hope you make Art tomorrow after a rest tonight. What are you working on at the moment.
Whiff- that cake looks delicious bet she loved it. Hope your daughter had a lovely birthday.
Doodle- sorry the weather isn’t up to much - it’s good to walk round deck though. Has the sea been choppy too.
I,m ok thanks just extremely tired but today walked further as it’s much better when it’s not so stifling as it has been.
Hope you are both feeling some benefit from your trip and the weather improves.
EllieAnne,Candy and all hope you sleep well.

Sweetpeasue please tell GP what happened. Yes take your DH with you. Hope GP can help

Just a quick post from me. Internet cuts out every few minutes we are no where near land.
HVDY. Congratulations on your news. You must be so pleased. Lovely baby photo. You are a kind person to remember the little ones sister and not leave her out. She’s vulnerable and so many grandparents would concentrate only in their offspring and forget her others in the family. She is lucky to have you around. Hope all the family well.
Wyllow so sorry your ex has been haunting your gym. It’s your space and he has no place being there. I Hope he doesn’t show up again. At least you know the others there are on your side.
Whiff hope your DD had good birthday. Smashing cake.
Sweetpeasue having seen my DH and the stress he’s been under with RLS I know how it can be to have constant struggles that others don’t understand. I believe you and I know others here do to. I Hope you will be feeling better soon.
Scaredycat lovely photo. Hope you are keeping ok and getting out walking. We have been round the deck a few times today but weather dismal.
nadateturbe hope you made it to art. How nice to meet up with your aunts. It’s hard when people don’t recognise you but at least you’ve made the effort and that is important.
Ellie Anne Candy thinking if you too and hoping all is ok
Take care all xx

HYDY the 6 egg cake was inedible as the rest of the ingredients where for 3 egg mix.

My husband had jet black hair. It was salt and pepper when he died. Unfortunately his hair was wiry . I used to say I long to run my fingers through silky hair. Our hair dresser used to hate cutting his hair as it flew everywhere. But they laughed about it as he said he will get her a welders mask and boiler suit.😁

Wyllow Just lost post to you. (Aldi)
Glad your counsellor and psychologist have cautioned you anout trusting ex. You are vulnerable because you've seen a loving side to him though I'm sure you are still processing the bits that may or may not have been genuine. It must ne so v hard. Really good you went back to your gym and could talk to your friends. You like it so much there and nothing should stop you going. Its a part of your life that I think can keep you from sinking when at your lowest.
'Benign honesty is what makes the best world go round' Yes Wyllow. In the letter my GP wrote to consultant she ended with a request he tell me everything even what she called 'the bad bits' if any. She knew I will always want to know, even more so now.
Nadateturbe Do hope you've had a manageable day today and you had a decent night's rest.

I wasn't going to post today though seeing little baby's photo made me pull my socks up.
Had low searing pain and urine retention most of day. Strange episode of crushing unbearable chest pain, came on suddenly lasting no more than couple of mins with sweating and immediate sickness throwing up bile. Afternoon brought strong bowel pain and couldnt 'go' even though desperately wanted to. DH finding it hard seeing me like this and doesn't know what to do. I dont bring anyone any good like this. Got call from son 1 asking how op had gone. Didnt understand really. GP I like on tomorrow so made notes and try F2F appt with DH.

Hope EllieAnneCandy**Allsorts**Whiff
and of course Doodle and DH are all ok. Love to all.

Whiff That cake looks gorgeous. I'm envious

SweetpeaSue Thanks. How are you feeling today?

Whiff My eldest son had no hair (a month early) when born, and it didn't come through until he was about 1. It was very blonde and curly. It's been black, with a ginger beard/moustache, for some years now. Son2 has always had black hair, the same as his baby.

Your daughter will love her cake, I'm sure - and I bet she enjoyed the one with 6 eggs too. Will you do anything/go anywhere with her?

nadateturbe Thank you. Family is everything to me, my whole world. Hope you feel better tomorrow. The weather is certainly better.

The top slipped putting it into the fridge. This is the back

Front of the cake.