Very embarrassing problem

So happy to see this message on here, I had 42 stitches when my son was born 47 years ago, would probably be a c section now, I have suffered in silence but it is getting worse with age, I hadn’t thought anything could be done but thanks to you lovely people maybe I can get some help for it. Why do we not talk about this stuff, it really is ridiculous but I have never told a soul until now

Hi
Never posted before.But this resonated with me so here goes.I developed fecal incontinence about 4yrs ago out of the blue I never even knew I was soiling myself , told no one not even my husband as I was so embarrassed. It was a miserable time, went to see my g.p a women,told her what was happening and explained that I had sent a bowel cancer test which came back negative as they have done every time I get a pack through the post. She just sent me home with a prescription for another bowel test and I cried with frustration on the way home.
It was only by chance that by googling my symptoms that I found out that porridge which I did not know has the ability to soak up the water in the body to make ones poo solid. So I had a bowl of porridge every day and I was amazed it worked.I am now bulky pad free and now only need a bowl of porridge every other day or so. I can go anywhere and do what I want to do now without any worries, I have got my life back.

My first post ! So glad I’m not the only one with bowel problems.
After a stoma reversal three years ago I have many of the problems described…not making the loo in time , leakage restricted diet etc
Bio feed back clinic set me up with Squeezee App for pelvic Floor exercises which help.
It has helped to read all comments and know I am not alone

It is difficult for you! Please go and see your GP and hopefully they will refer you to a Specialist
I had a bladder issue and have been prescribed medication which has made my life so much easier! Good luck and sending love and hugs clx.

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this problem.

I attended a clinic at the local hospital when I had a similar problem and found the advice very helpful.

Your GP can refer you.

I found my confidence was shattered with all the worry this condition brings with it, especially if I was caught short.

I hope the hospital can help.

I have the same problem. I also had a difficult 1st birth where a forceps delivery tore the muscles in the back of my vagina so nothing is as it should be. It took me 2 years of humiliation before I went to the doctor. He sent me for a colonoscopy and endoscopy - both clear - before sending me to a dietician. The FODMAP diet helps but you are supposed to be on it for only a few weeks to identify the problem food groups. He's now sending me back to gastroenterology so watch this space. I think us women are used to being poked around when pregnant etc but admitting to anyone that you have faecal incontinence is an embarrassment too far.

grandtanteJE65

My father was a G.P, and I can assure you that all doctors and nurses can discuss this kind of problem, or any other, without embarrassment, while they realise that patients usually are embarrassed by anything concerning the genitals, urinary or bowel functions, and they are trained to help you past initial embarrassment.

Who told you surgery often is unsucessful? I would doubt the truth of this statement these days.

Exercises to strenghten your pelvic floor of the kind you doubtless did after giving birth might well help too, but you do need professional advice about what is the best solution for you.

No-one just "has to put up with" either urinary or faecal incontinence, so please do make an appointment with your G.P. or the practice nurse soon.

Having had 9 failed repairs, including having to have a stoma bag, I would say that it is often unsuccessful! You definitely need the right surgeon, not Col-rectal ....

CeliaT52

It’s great -well not really - to know that others suffer from this problem. I just need to get up the courage to see my GP soon! Thanks for all the helpful advice!
Ps this is my first post!

*Celia, (and anyone else in the same situation) if you would like to read my own story from start to finish, PM me with your email address, if considering surgery at all, don't go near a Colo-rectal surgeon, they don't have the right experience!

My late husband had some problems with leaking - his doctor recommended taking a couple of loperamide (anti diahorreah medicine) an hour before going out. They are safe enough to take regularly, he even got them on prescription! Of course, seeing your doctor, preferably a female one for less embarrassment, would be best but loperamide may help whilst waiting for treatment.

My father was a G.P, and I can assure you that all doctors and nurses can discuss this kind of problem, or any other, without embarrassment, while they realise that patients usually are embarrassed by anything concerning the genitals, urinary or bowel functions, and they are trained to help you past initial embarrassment.

Who told you surgery often is unsucessful? I would doubt the truth of this statement these days.

Exercises to strenghten your pelvic floor of the kind you doubtless did after giving birth might well help too, but you do need professional advice about what is the best solution for you.

No-one just "has to put up with" either urinary or faecal incontinence, so please do make an appointment with your G.P. or the practice nurse soon.

Well ladies what a life we all lead and have to tolerate - thanks so much for being so open and sharing, it’s always so nice to realise one isn’t alone

I really feel for you Kittypaws. Similar embarrassment occurs when women have very heavy periods. I remember wearing dark coloured trousers and always having a supply of tampons and pads with me at that time of the month. Accidents could still happen! It's only more recently, perhaps in the last five year or so, that people have felt able to speak more openly about these difficult problems. Thirty years ago only my closest friends knew I had a problem. It was more difficult then to 'share' more widely. Doctors were not particularly understanding either. I am so glad that people are raising these issues much more now than in the past. I do hope you get the help you need.

I have had the same problem after the birth of my son 53 years ago damaged me. I have had various solutions over the years and have learned to live with it and be very open and unembarrassed about it. You need to see your doctor as there are many tests to work out the current cause of the problem and there is a lot of help once you have been assessed. Please don't just live with it, modern medicine can help.

Try a referral to a pelvic physiotherapist. You may be able to refer yourself (some GPs surgeries provide physio) - it not, your GP can do this

I agree about seeing a dr but I have a problem leaking Irvine when I have a bad cough. Period pants are the way forward - fabric not paper and even M & S have them now! They help deal with small leaks if you are out!

Good advice DO seek a good gp things have moved on and if no joy speak to another pls
My daughter in law had physio after tear back to front recently and I had many stitches in emergency episiotomy high forceps situation which responded to the exercises and after a prolapse vagina too
Also age does affect muscles as you rightly say. Louise Newson 'Balance'. Please consider hrt ostregen which is the root cause I began it in sixties. Lots of gd luck.

I sympathise with you so much! I had third degree tears after second and third babies. To be honest I was glad it happened again after the third as I knew it hadn’t been repaired properly after the second, in spite of the fact that I was told I’d had the ‘top dog’ surgeon to do the stitching! I had various leaking problems after the first time, but not so much after it was repaired the second time. It was only many years later after a scan, that I was told that my anal sphincter muscle is functioning on less than three quarters how it is supposed to. It basically means that I have less capacity to ‘clench’ than I should, which has left me embarrassed and stressed many times. I have even thought at times over the years that a colostomy might actually be a better option, and also tried a sacral nerve stimulator for a while, but it didn’t work. I still have to watch what I eat, although I used to be much worse, and realised that a lot of my tummy problems stemmed from a stressful situation with a sibling, that I have since removed myself from, and my issues have eased considerably since. It’s a horrible situation because the worry of having an accident leads to making it worse, but I feel I am much more in control now than I used to be and can even dare to wear light coloured trousers again. I still have the odd completely out of the blue ‘leak’ though and use liners etc. just in case, if I’m in a very public situation and have learned how to be as prepared as possible…I’m a big fan of a nice roomy shopper bag, as I’ve even been known to bring spare trousers with me along with wipes, spare underwear 😖
I think if you don’t feel your repair was done properly years ago, you could possibly have it looked at again…I’m sure there might be more up to date treatments or fixes now, although I remember being told that there is no replacement for that sphincter muscle.
To think I was told at my six week checkup after repair number two, that if I had any more babies, they’d have to be delivered by section…bit late for that piece of advice 😖 Considering I was only around seven stone when I got pregnant, and had a fair idea each time that babies were going to be well over 8lbs, you’d think they would have given the option of sections beforehand.
Please give your GP a try to see if anything can be done to help you, as it could change your life!
Seems to me some women suffer a terrible and lifelong price as part of bringing children into the world 😕

I've had the same thing for over 30 years. It's so debilitating. Like others I carry an emergency kit with me all the time,don't eat before I go out and take loperamide. I had a rectal prolapse and had that operated on 8 and half years ago. The operation was a success in that the prolapse had gone but the incontinence continued. I saw specialists,had numerous tests done and still no joy. Saw a biofeedback nurse and basically it was change your diet. The beige diet,no healthy foods,all white stuff..yuk. I tried a kegel type machine that was supposed to exercise and strengthen the muscles in the anus but that actually made my problem worse. I've learned to live with it and manage day to day. Sorry that you're having to deal with this but do see someone about it. You may have success. Good luck

There is some very good advice here! I suffer from the same and although I had a bladder op years ago after three difficult deliveries damaged my bladder, the urinary problem hasn’t gone away fully and the fecal incontinence is still there. I have IBS and have to be very careful of my diet. Sorbitol as mentioned here, is a no no as are nuts, pulses, spicy foods, alcohol, some fruits (grapes are the worst) and quite a few other foods. I always wear good protection in case of accidents and pack spare clothing if out for the day. I know myself well enough to spot a bad day and simply don’t go out. I’ve talked about it with various health professionals but don’t want surgical intervention at this time in my life. Would probably wait years anyway! Some medications are helpful and my GP is understanding. I feel able to cope as I’ve had it so long and just pray that it doesn’t get worse or I can’t get on with it as well as I do now. I’m sure that there must be advice and support groups out there if it really does get you down.

Yes I was left with a prolapsed bowel and bladder after baby number four at 44 - in addition have IBS & Diverticular disease - awfully embarrassing and life changing sometimes ! I have to be careful with diet but I have also had two lots (more than two sessions but across two different periods of time) physio with a specialist physio - helped quite a bit but I have had accidents and if on a long journey plot my routes very carefully and take spare clothes ! My friend has the same issue and she actually purchased a camping toilet and keeps this in her car and you can purchase specialist underwear too.

Don’t be embarrassed it’s such a common problem, pop along to your GP and go through your options, don’t suffer in silence and good luck

Kittypaws49 - very brave of you to share. I'm another who has had similar problems of late and it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one. Lots of great advice on here about possible solutions. I share your reticence about going to the GP but I also know it's the sensible next step for a lot of us - just need to take the first step. Hope you and others find a speedy resolution.

Oops, forgot the prof also suggested anal squeeze and hold exercises. Started today.

You are not alone. I felt so alone until I read these posts today.

I have suffered the same problem for nearly 40 years. My sphincter was repaired and a hernia between bowel and urinary system also. Not by the NHS I may add. I have always had the problems mentioned and uncontrollable wind. Saw Head of Proctology this week and as sphincter still in tact he prescribed bulking aid, advised a way of using Imodium and charcoal tablets. Seems that's it as far as any treatment will go. It's ghastly having uncontrollable wind and bowel leaks - hardly makes me feel feminine and awful when the wind decides to happen when I am out. I really have explored every avenue. I wish you better luck than I have had.

I do hope you find a solution, OP.

But why, when someone says they’ve got an embarrassing problem, do some people always say there’s nothing to be embarrassed about - as if you shouldn’t be? Many of us always will be when it comes to such things - I don’t see that anyone should feel apologetic about it. Pretty normal, if you ask me.

Which reminds me, a colleague once had a very trying ‘bottom’ problem, and was dreading her visit to the proctologist. Straightaway he said something like, ‘I know you’re probably embarrassed but bottoms are my business - I look at bottoms every single day of my working life, so do please just relax.’
And she did. More or less.

My daughter is 46 and had the same problem for 15yrs. She has had numerous hospital appointments and tried almost everything. So any thoughts would be most welcome.