Very embarrassing problem

I agree with MadeIn Yorkshire I also had excellent reports about Ms Sohier Elneil at UCLH although unless one lives in the area it would be a private consultation which can be expensive.
I notice kittypaws49 does not live in UK, along with all the dietary changes advised here have you thought you may have a rectal prolapse that could be helped by a vaginal ring pessary that can support and rectify bowel, bladder and vagina position thus avoiding the need for surgery

You might also talk to a pelvic physiotherapist

Kittypaws! I also had a super fast delivery of second child, like you (15 mins!!!! - it was a bit shocking, actually) which also resulted in tears. The dr sewing me up had already been on duty for 12 hours. As a result, I have a fissure, which does not cause any fecal incontinence, but, don’t laugh, I fart forwards . Which is weird and annoying.
What you have, and I prob have mildly is an anal fissure. Go to your Dr and have a referral to get it repaired. It is usually a very successful operation. You don’t have to live with this.

Pelvic floor exercises can help with your problem as well as bladder incontinence. Not saying it will in your case but "every little helps?

It's not for everyone, it doesn't work for everyone, but it is something I discussed with my physio when we were talking about bladder exercises - depends if you can still squeeze your anus - definitely agree to get a referral to discuss all options including that.

I have a similar problem too. Doc suggested that I take anti diarrhoea tablets esp if going out for a meal (take before eating) which does help. I also know to keep away from certain food items.

M AND S do period pants which I use for urine leaks at night. Check out their website.

Oh kittypaws I suffered with similar for 30+ years.
You can ask for a lady doctor if your surgery has one.
But, come on, you've had babies and this is no more embarrassing. OK, so I put it off for 30 years - I was a fool.
You can always refuse an intimate examination, she won't be happy but you don't have to show her your 'bits' if you don't want to, no-one can make you.
Ask for colystramine (pronounced coly-sty-ramine), just to try. Its a powder you mix with water, not easy to take, used for a problem with chloresteral, but this a side effect for what they call BAM. Your doc will explain better than me.
Thats what someone advised me, and once I'd got the balance right between constipation and diarrhoea i've never looked back

Complete an e-consult with your surgery. On the form it asks what you want from the consultation, you can say you want a referral to the Continence Services for assessment. They are very helpful.
You can explain on that form that you are embarrassed by the problem and wish to speak to a female Dr.
On the actual problem of wearing a swimming costume, Google Incontinence Swimming aids and you will find solutions to the problem.
I do understand how you feel. I have suffered similarly for years. Not enough to wear huge pads but enough to need smaller pads at all times because I never know when it is going to happen. Sometimes I don't even know it has happened so I worry all the time I might be smelling revolting to others without me realising. I have had tears but it is what it is and as my problems are a stretchy bowel that doesn't work as well as it should, there isn't much I can do about it.
I also ensure that I always use an accessible toilet when out and about. Cleaning up is a very private thing so the communal toilets do not suit me.
Good luck.

I had similar - along with bleeding - and surgery helped but all bodies are different. I remember the mortification of white trousers on holiday, washing them out in the cloakroom basin …

As a man I am probably not justified in commenting however you should get help. Talk to your GP and if you prefer ask to discuss with a nurse or nurse practitioner (female). I'm sure there will be help available other than surgery.

Before I retired I was a continence nurse specialist and you would be be amazed at the number of people who suffer with bowel leakage.
Most areas have a specialist in bladder and bowel problems, and after an assessment they are able to refer patients to see the appropriate consultant. You can normally be referred by your GP to the specialist nurses/physios. Some NHS services have a physiotherapist who deals specifically with this type of problem.

I too have a stomach and bowel conditioner. I was born with it and it has got worse over thr past 20 years after diagnosis of C PTSD along with fibromyalgia and CFS.

It's very common. I won't go into details. You can work them out. It's a little talked about subject because of the nature of it.

I too wear pads which are useful. I also carry a full change when I go out. Yes this is needed. Yes I have had accidents. I get little warning of what can happen so it's always a race to a toilet. I have to know where they are when I go out. I have a radar key to the disabled toilets too. I have a wallet size card for the need tobshoe people

I'm sharing this as others have so you know you aren't alone.

I saw a consultant who advised using glycerin suppositories to empty the bowel so that I could venture out with more confidence. He strongly advised against laxatives. With a combination of lopermide and the suppositories which can be bought cheaply online, this helps my problem. However I still have accidents because of urgency and lack of time to get to the toilet. Am being referred because the problem seems to have worsened in my sixties. I saw a very sympathetic young doctor who I felt understood all the social anxiety that goes with the problem.

It’s great -well not really - to know that others suffer from this problem. I just need to get up the courage to see my GP soon! Thanks for all the helpful advice!
Ps this is my first post!

Very comprehensive advice.....useful in many ways. Also consider the broader range of foods - Ultra Processed Foods with a whole range of additives and preservatives are all very unkind on your tummy and bowels.

Kittypaws49, thank you for getting back to us. Whilst unsure of your health system, you should be able to access a specialist doctor or physio.
I urge you to get some advice as the tightening exercises will only work if you are doing them correctly, and you may need physio feedback on that.
Also, they will only help with certain problems, and your description makes me think they will have a limited effect.
Good luck

Many thanks to all of you who answered , and offered advice , I know I'm not the only one with this problem . but it does help to share. I should have mentioned that I am not in the UK, so I don't have access to the kind of clinics some of you mentioned.
BridgetPark, what you said about Sorbitol makes me wonder, I have a bad habit of chewing sugar-free gum, which contains the sweetner Aspartame, I believe also has a laxative effect, so I'll stop and see if it makes a difference. I hope your symptoms will be helped with the exercise.
I've also decided to start doing the tightening exercise regularly I think it may help, and as I suspected, surgery would have to be the absolute last resort, it could go so horribly wrong.
Thank heavens for baby wipes and panty liners. My heart goes out to women in third world countries, they must suffer horribly, especially with having multiple pregnancies, and then the humiliation they have to suffer with this problem.

Whilst appreciating the advice given here is with best intentions, and that you will make up your own mind having looked at it all, I am going to make another suggestion.

You should really begin with your GP - even getting a referral to the surgeon mentioned would begin with your GP - and there are other excellent surgeons out there (quite probably nearer you and with shorter waiting lists)

If you wanted, though, there is another route you could begin with, and that is with a private appointment with a specialist physio. The Chartered Society have a section called 'Physio2 U' www.csp.org.uk/public-patient/find-physiotherapist/physio2u
Look in the drop-down to find Women's Health. If you go to see a physio, she can talk to you about options, and write to your GP with suggestions.
Although I suspect you may need surgery, physios are experts at helping you with muscle control and may be able to help without surgery - and anyway, good advice will help you whilst waiting for and recovering from surgery.

I am disappointed that neither your midwife nor Health Visitor followed this up at the time, but now is the time to ask - and you really are not the only one!
Good luck in seizing the initiative now!

It’s good to hear that someone will help these poor women. Sorry to hear about your own bad experiences. That’s awful.

Germanshepherdsmum

It’s very sad that this problem is not uncommon after childbirth in third world countries. Women are ostracised there because of course they don’t have access to Tena products and the like, nor any medical help. Don’t be embarrassed, go to your doctor or self-refer to the hospital as advised above. Life is short - don’t waste it suffering with this difficult problem when you can get help to live life to the full. Good luck! 💐

This is where the surgeon I mentioned above does free work because the women are thrown out of their villages, as a result she has had a lot of experience.

Yes ME!

Look up a doctor called Ms Sohier Elneil, at UCLH. If there is anyone in the UK that can sort it, it will be her ... I have sent rather a lot of people her way! I had 10 pelvic floor surgeries which all failed because Colo-rectal surgeons seem to think they can sort it, and they can't! I have been left disabled because of it all, it's a pity I didn't find her first .....

I will PM you *Kittypaws

It’s very sad that this problem is not uncommon after childbirth in third world countries. Women are ostracised there because of course they don’t have access to Tena products and the like, nor any medical help. Don’t be embarrassed, go to your doctor or self-refer to the hospital as advised above. Life is short - don’t waste it suffering with this difficult problem when you can get help to live life to the full. Good luck! 💐

Go to your gp because there has to be a solution for this - you don't have to live like this

KittyPaws, you are so not alone, i can assure you. I have had this problem in recent years, I have tried so many things. I am now having to wear 2 pairs of pants, and a panty liner, to the rear, if you see what I mean....especially as I am now wearing skimpy leggings kind of thing. A couple of years ago, I had some of those anal plugs, and tried them, but they were awful, felt uncomfortable, and didn't help really at all.
Then there was that programme, I think on Channel 4, about people with this problem. A lady had very similar troubles to you and I. There first line of advice, was to watch your diet, which, sadly I have to do now, as I know there will be nasty consequences if I don't. Then she was advised to do excercises, similar to pelvic floor ones we do after we have babies.
I have tried this, and along with my strict diet(no baked beans, or processed peas, no fry-ups etc) and I have to say it has helped.
What I do is after going for a poo, I wipe myself as clean as possible, and stand up, then flush the loo. As I wait for the cistern to refill, I do the clench thing, with my bottom, and hold it for 10 seconds, and I do this 3 times.
I have been doing this for a couple of months now, and can honestly say, I have seen some improvement.
I also read that Sorbitol is definitely not to be taken as this aggravates the bowel. This was a bit tricky, because I use Sugarly by Canderel. So I have stopped using this also, and I hope that is helping me also. I have only started doing that this week, but early to tell if it will make a difference, but worth trying.
You can also self-refer to a bowel clinic, run by the NHS, go online to find it. You do not have to go through your G.P., and they will investigate your symptoms and make suggestions, and finally try to sort out where your problem stems from.
This would be my next port of call, if I am not successful trying to sort it myself.
I hate it though, so nervous to go out, I carry wipes and liners with me all the time, try to go to the loo before I go out, but sometimes it just happens without warning, and all you want to do is go back home.
I really feel for you, but as I said I think it is quite common, but the solutions probably differ for each person.
Good Luck, and let us know how you get on, going forward.

Doctors are used to seeing people with bowel or bladder incontinence so no need to be embarrassed. Make an appointment.