Black Dog 18

Wonderful news Whiff about your tribunal., so pleased for you.
Candy I find I think more about my sons and family having spent time with them than I do in a normal week. Of course I c think of them every day but I mean my mind is more preoccupied with them when we have been spending time together. Hope you feel a bit better today and work went ok.
HVDY I didn’t know your DH did aqua aerobics too. Does he go to the same class as you?
Oh dear, sorry about your SIL. Falls in care homes are so common. Not possible to give people one to one attention.
Sorry to say your brother comes over as a very selfish uncaring man. Your poor SIL. I Hope someone takes care of her in A&E.
nadateturbe glad you managed to get out and have a little walk around. Sorry the pain is back. Hope it wears off soon and you have a better night.

Sorry, wanted to answer everyone , enjoyed a wander round town, but pain returned shortly after getting home. Hopefully tomorrow.
But so good to hear Whiff's good news.
Thinking of you all xx

Whiff Thinking about you today and so hoping everything goes well.

Take care of yourselves all and hope your day is best it can be. x
.

How's everyone doing this morning? DH and I have just done an hour's aqua aerobics. Brother rang, his wife has had another fall at the care home, is at A&E. He said he can't stand much more of it. He doesn't ever go to casualty with her. She will be there, confused, wondering what's going to happen, in pain, for hours, with nothing to eat, but he can't stand it. When she fell last week and was at A&E for 10 1/2hrs, he'd gone to the pub for his dinner and then went to bed at 8.30pm (she was discharged from hospital at 12.30pm. Can you see why I don't like him??

Best of luck, Whiff, hope all goes in your favour

Thinking of you Whiff

Evening all, we’re back and sorted. I spoke too soon, been feeling anxious and had some of the same old feelings as I’ve had before about my son. I think it’s because I’ve been a bit worried today about his health again and it’s triggered me. He’s going back tomorrow and then on holiday so I think that’s made it worse. As I said yesterday, I deal with it better now but I get so emotional. It’s not just a case of empty nest, it’s a PTSD thing that I’ve tried all ways to combat but can’t. It’s only the AD’s that soften it. I’ve had a very lethargic day today myself too. Done nothing but lie around and sleep. Ill be ok though I’m sure. Considered taking a diazepam tonight but I’ve had a glass of wine instead. Probably not the best decision. Work tomorrow so I’m sure that will distract me. I know my problems are no where near those of others but I feel better writing about them. Apologies.
Doodle hope your DH is feeling better and is over his lethargy.
HVDY glad you feel the benefit of AD’s too. Sounds like you’ve had a nice day 😀.
Scaredycat I understand what you mean about the PM but it’s reassuring that it’s an option for you should you need it. I hope your day has been ok.
Nadaterturbe glad you’ve had a good day and I hope you get one tomorrow too.
Wyllow sending ❤️.
Whiff good luck tomorrow 🤞.
Need sleep now. Sending special love to all those not personally mentioned xx

HVDY each day is different for DH., sometimes he’s really tired others he’s fine.
What a lovely day with your son and girls. Sounds a nice place to visit.
Whiff hoping everything goes well for you tomorrow.
Scaredycat nice to have a meal out with family. Did you go somewhere nice? We usually go to steak restaurant with one son and fish restaurant with the other.
Wrist isn’t doing so good at the moment. I’m trying to decide if it hurts more now than a couple of weeks ago. It’s aching and very numb but that might be because I’m using it more.
nadateturbe I hope you get through the test tomorrow. Be nice to have a walk round. I’ve been to Belfast on a cruise.
Wyllow and Sweetpeasue hope you have a calm night,
Ellie Anne bank holiday is nearly over Hope you get back to your weekly contact with friends.

Yes Whiff all the best for tomorrow.

Dear BD's, bests for tomorrows special challenges. I can read but can't seem to talk about myself. Love to Bd's

and Whiff your big challenge tomorrow.

Good evening everyone. I've read your posts.
Sweetpeasue so sorry you're still feeling so bad. Giving you a big hug.
And you too Wyllow3 thinking of you. xx
Doodle I'm glad you got your husband before he fell, poor man. And yes, be careful with your wrist.
I do enjoy reading about what everyone is up to.
Much better day, praying I might have a good day tomorrow as well and finish my glaucoma test, which I couldn't manage last week. And maybe a walk round town while I'm at the opticians in Belfast.
Will answer everyone properly tomorrow. Tired now.
Remembering you in my prayers. xx

Whiff- hoping tomorrow brings you the help you so much deserve. Will be thinking of you.
HVDY- your tea sounded delicious- Foxy must have enjoyed his carrot cake.
I started AF 6 years ago and it was paroxysmal ( random attacks )until Feb of this year when it became permanent 24/7. It is a progressive condition.There is a procedure that people can have and then a pacemaker but afterwards you are totally reliant on the PM. I don’t want that if I can help it.
Hope you,ve had a nice Day today- we,ve been out for dinner with DD and SiL and GD and boyfriend. So nice to be together.
SweetPeaSue- hope you were able to have a better day today and get some restful sleep tonight.
Candy- i,m glad you able to deal better with your son going back - I feel the same as you do about the ADs so grateful to have them.
Hope you,ve had a good journey back home safely.
Nadateturbe - here’s to a better week this week - sleep well.
Doodle- some meds really do make you feel tired don’t they- glad you caught DH before he fell off his chair. Be careful with your wrist when you help him though.
Wyllow- thinking of you and sending a hugx
Love to all

Candy6 ..."I really don’t care if I have to take them for the rest of my life, I never want to feel that way again. ". Me too, I've been on them for many years and don't ever intend on stopping them. I'm glad you've felt better by taking them.

Doodle Your poor DH. Does he sleep in the daytime at all? I've got very sensitive skin, am allergic to Lanolin, and have Rosacea, but I've found that Revlon's colourstay suits me now. My husband prefers savoury foods, too. I've got a sweet tooth.

It's been a very nice day - we went out with Son1 and his girls, to Thornbridge Hall in Bakewell (Derbyshire). The place is lovely - beautiful gardens, stunning scenery, lots for children to do and play on/with. Pub dinner on the way home earlier.

Hope ALL BDers had something pleasant today. Love to all x

Very sleepy dh today. Just rescued him from the dining room where he was in danger of falling off his chair. Got him to his armchair and he’s fallen asleep again. The medication has a big impact on him some days.
HVDY I have sensitive skin so tend to stick to one foundation if I find one that works. Unfortunately they stopped making the one I used to have which is why I’ve been trying out new ones. Your afternoon tea was nice. Good of you to share it with the foxes 🤣. I’m not really a cream lover so I tend to leave the scones to DH too. I prefer savoury things.
Sweetpeasue don’t worry about posting long replies to others. We understand if you’re not feeling up to it.
Hope the trainee psychologist is of help when you see him/her (sorry can’t remember) . Hope the painkillers are helping keep the pain at bay a bit.
Candy good idea to have a caravan close to home then you can get there easily and more often. Hope your journey home goes well and you’re not held up too much.
nadateturbe hope your day to day has been a bit better. Leave last week behind you and hopeful a better one this week.
Back later.

Goodnight everyone, not the best week I've ever had. Thanks for nice messages, hope you have a peaceful night.

Evening all. Not long got back. Had a lovely meal out.
Doodle yes, our caravan is quite close to where we live. It takes us an hour and 15 mins on a good run. We have to time what time we travel though as it’s mainly by-pass and can get very congested. We’ll choose our time carefully before we travel home tomorrow. Yes, in work Tuesday and doing a few hours on Wednesday too. Good you’ve had a sort out. I did some months ago and find it very satisfying.
HVDY yes, our meal was lovely thanks and glad your tea was too, sounds delicious. We had a warm day yesterday with lots of sun, but not the same today and rain. Yes, it’s good to spend time with my son and his gf. There was a time not so long ago when I would be massively triggered by him going back and I still am but it’s much milder now since I’ve been on the AD’s thank goodness. I tried all ways to combat it but it was only the AD’s that made it better. I really don’t care if I have to take them for the rest of my life, I never want to feel that way again. Hope your evening has been ok.
Sweetpeasue sorry you’re still troubled. Sending a massive hug and hope you get the sleep you so need. Thinking about you.
Love to all and hoping for a restful night for you all, especially Wyllow ❤️ Xx

Just a quick post as I cant think straight. So sorry for not replying to all.
Whiff Everything crossed for Tuesday. You've waited long enough for justice.
So awful, so much pain Nadateturbe you must be very weary of it all.
Wyllow We are with you and care so much. Warm hug. x

Dont like to keep on but not much change. Doped up painkillers and so tormented by injustice. Need sleep.
Hope everyone has restful night and some peace from troubles.
Thankyou for your caring. Love to those not mentioned too. X

ScaredyCat You said you used to be able to walk further up until 10 months ago. Is that when the AF started? My friend's husband had a pacemaker a few years ago, and it seems to have worked for him.

Candy6 How was your lunch? It's so good to eat out, isn't it? Hope you enjoyed your time with your son and his GF too. I hope you have some warmer weather whilst you're at the caravan. The break from your busy life will do you good.

nadateturbe Being in pain so much must be exhausting and miserable (you too, SweetpeaSue). Hope you manage to sleep ok tonight.

Doodle I really ought to go through my make-up and have a clear-out. I must have 12 foundations, in various shades, different brands. The thing is, they're all only about a year old. Lipsticks, nail polishes, too.

Wyllow3 Don't worry about not posting very often, we all understand. When might you see your family?

Afternoon tea was good - sandwiches of ham, tuna and cheese. He doesn't like tuna or cheese, I don't like ham, so that was ok. 2 large scones with clotted cream and jam (he had those), cocktail sausages, crisps (DH had), strawberries & grapes (me), 2 little cheesecakes (me) and 2 bits of carrot cake (saved for the fox, along with the tuna sandwiches)

Hope ALL BDers have a restful evening. x

Ellie Anne glad you managed your meal with you son and GS. Wine makes me more mellow too.
Do you have any channels on TV like Netflix where you can watch series?
Whiff understandably you are worried about Tuesday. I’m glad someone is going with you. I Hope you win your case, you certainly deserve to.
Your in laws sound horrible people. You were very good to them considering how awful they were to you. Your DH was obviously nothing like them.
HVDY I do lots of games too. I vary them some numbers, solitaire, not often words but card games.
I wish this PIP thing was more transparent and people could understand more what governed the decisions.
We’ve had good weather today. Windy but dry. Should have brought your washing here, it would have dried in no time.
Scaredycat we did have a nice meal last night after I went into battle with the manager to get the music turned down. It was awful music too. Couldn’t hear ourselves think let alone talk. He relented in the end I think at the thought of 8 paying customers walking out.
We are not far from the river but the pavements are awful. I’m worried about DH having a fall so we tend to go somewhere flat instead which is a shame really.
Like you we used to regularly do 2 or 3 miles. Not it’s half to one mile and that with difficulty.
nadateturb so sorry you aren’t feeling great today, I get that bloated feeling too sometimes. Have you eaten something that might have caused it. Hope you feel better soon.
Candy good your at your caravan. Is it close to where you live? Bank holiday weekends can cause havoc on the roads.
Hope you had a nice meal with your son and his gf. Nice you can meet up with them both. Are you there till Tuesday or do you have to get back to work?
Wyllow we know you care, don’t worry about us. We are all concerned about you. As others have said, please try to eat. You’ve always done your best to take care of yourself up until now. Is you son and family still coming to visit near you soon?
Wish we could help. Sending hugs.
Sweetpeasue hugs coming your way too. How have things been? Do hope the A DS will start to make a difference soon.

I’ve been busy today sorting through a pile of old makeup (from the days when I cared more about how I looked 🤣) eye lash curlers (never could get the hang of them), blushers in various hues that don’t suit me and lots of old nearly empty lipsticks. Got rid of loads now so feel good about having a big tidy. Have a good bank holiday all and if you can, a peaceful time.

Wyllow3 xx

Read you all with concern and love. Whiff for Tuesday. And love for BD’s with our physical and mental pains. Trying to get help and family troubles and so much kindness above

I’m so sorry can’t write more my diaries have dropped into near silence too. Please dont take my not writing as lack of caring - here of all places, I do x

Hi all, not been in much this week. Usual busy, busy but I have tried to read when I can. We came to our caravan on Friday and internet not being good. It’s because there’s a lot of people here due to it being bank holiday and it puts a strain on the signal. Seems ok at the moment though 🤞.
Wyllow I’m so, so sorry that you are struggling so much. You must be low because you do always push yourself to do the things you know will help. Re. Not eating, I know you probably don’t feel like it but my counsellor told me that around 90% of what we eat affects our MH. When my anxiety was really bad and I literally could not swallow food, I used Complan as I knew I needed to keep my strength up. You can also get really good supplements that I think are only on prescription- Ensure. My son used to have them when his crohn’s was really bad. Please try something. Have you been to Quaker’s today? Battle through this, as others have said, it will pass. Sending massive hugs and love.
HVDY your little granddaughter sounds such a delight and lovely your DiL is nice too. I always feel far more happy when things are going well for my children. Shame about your SiL’s fall. I hope she feels better soon. Your hair do sounds lovely too. I really need mine doing but it takes me ages to get round to it. I’m thinking of having some light brown highlights in it because as I’ve got older, it’s gone that straw like colour. I think many ladies either go grey or that colour so I’m trying to soften it a bit. I sometimes feel a bit like Bet Lynch 😂. I hope you enjoy your afternoon tea later. We are going out for Sunday lunch but this evening, with our son and gf. Just somewhere further up the coast from where we are. Should be nice.
Sweetpeasue sorry you’re still having sporadic pain. Luckily, it seems like the AD’s are suiting you and you’re not getting nasty side effects 🤞. Once they kick in then you’ll start to regain your confidence and start to cope with things better. Good that you will be least getting some support from the trainee psychologist. I hope it helps.
Doodle your stepper sounds like a good idea, I hope it works for you.
Nadaterturbe hope you managed to get to the festival and enjoyed it. There’s one near where we live too yesterday and today but we’re at our van so can’t go. I’m afraid I’ve lost my faith but not totally I think. I still pray but lost a lot when my son became ill. I have tried to go to Church since but I’m sorry to say, I got nothing from it. I was brought up a Christian and my Dad had strong belief and went to Chapel every Sunday. I do envy people with strong faith as I think it can bring them great comfort and I’m glad for you all on here who do, whatever their religion. I’m sorry for your pain today. It must be hard not to know what you’re going to be like from one day to the next. I hope your pain relief works for you.
Whiff good luck with your tribunal on Tuesday. Not right that you have to jump through hoops to get things you’re clearly entitled to. I used to have lots of fights with them too, for my son.
Ellie Anne shame about your experience with the Samaritans. Like others have said though, don’t give up, you may find someone who you can resonate with. Nice that you went for lunch with your son and enjoyed your wine. I hope the weekend has been bearable for you.
Scaredycat a very sad but poignant tribute you witnessed. Your statement “it felt like it was touched by angels” was lovely. Such a shame about the loss of someone so young. I hope you are ok.

Hope everyone is ok and you all have a peaceful evening xx

Can I just have a moan. Nice day yesterday. Today, Pain in left side, lower back, bloated stomach, painkillers just eased a bit. If it's still bad tomorrow will ring GP. So fed up, like others of continual pains.
Fingers crossed Whiff. Thinking of everyone. xx

Nadateturbe- the Festival sounded great, lots of interesting things going on. Hope you have felt ok and able to go.
HVDY- poor brother that’s a long wait for him. It must be painful when he has a problem with his prosthetic leg
Baby is doing well isn’t she- it’s lovely when they feed well.
I hope you are enjoying your afternoon tea- that’s my favourite meal to have out. Look forward to hearing all about it.
Doodle- hope you had a nice dinner last evening- it’s much more important that you enjoy yourself rather than worry about a diet.
Glad you haven’t too many Hospital appts for a while.
I,m,sorry you and DH are not able to have your walks like you used to. Can you walk to the river still? I can do about a mile and a half but that includes a couple of sit downs. 10 months ago 3 miles was no problem. My legs are ok,and love to move but the constant AF makes me so tired and the stamina I had has gone . I,m lucky considering my age etc I can do what I do.
EllieAnne- I agree with Doodle- persevere with the Samaritans they are there to listen to you. Maybe the person who wrote that Email had their own worries that day.
It must be difficult for you to put on a front when you are out with other people- you must have needed that wine! I,m glad though that you went out for DH birthday- your Son and GS must have been happy to be with both of you.
Whiff- Hope Tuesday goes in your favour. It beggars belief that you have to fight so hard for something that others more able than you have been given. You are one brave inspiring lady who has gone through so much but retains so much hope, perseverance and humour.
SweetPeaSue-I hope your pain is,still better controlled today. It was awful for you to wake up in such agony.
The young Psychologist may turn out to be someone who,you feel comfortable with and can open up to.
Glad you seem to,be tolerating the ADs well- don’t think the racy sensations were due to them.
Wyllow-/Sending you love- thinking of you a lot as I am sure we all are. May the sun shine for you soon. Take,care of yourselfxx

How are other BDers today? It's grey, wet and cool here. My washing is soaked. DH and I are going for afternoon tea later. Hope everyone is ok x