Black Dog 18

how I love foxes. They is a lady on YouTube that feeds some and they let her stroke them. So beautiful.
Thank you all for your kind words. My poor son had to perform CPR on my DH who had already passed. 😢 He had a very unexpected brain bleed. My son is utterly heartbroken but struggles to express his feelings. He has made me very proud of the way he was a pall bearer and has helped me in so many ways. I shouldn't focus on the negative.

ScaredyCat Alzheimer's (any type of dementia) is terrible. SIL used to be a carer (as did my brother and I), and she had a fantastic memory.

SweetpeaSue Of course you're angry and upset, you've every reason to be. "They" always cover for each other. I feel that's what happened with me, too. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

Wyllow3 Hope your day is better tomorrow, too.

Doodle Brother was a care worker for a few years, but didn't go to anyone with dementia (all of my clients for 6 years had dementia), so has no experience of it. She sits, every minute of the day, every day, at home. No stimulation at all. They even sleep downstairs now (for the past 2 weeks) because he worries about her falling down the stairs. Depressing existence really.

Just put the fox food out - 5 chicken drumsticks, a tin of dog food and 1/2 a pack of luncheon meat . Off to bed. Hope EVERY BDer has a good sleep x

Think the psychiatrist is just about ADs Wyllow. Take care and hope your night is peaceful. Thinking of you too. x

Understand that! Not sure what the leaflet is at all - only familiar with Care Plans but you haven't seen the psychiatrist yet about meds.

Bests on getting the oramorph sorted in a way that gives reassurance..

Just hoping tomorrow is better than today.

Wyllow I dont know yet. I think there's a leaflet where I'm meant to agree on some way forward. It all feels v much silly really. There's meant to be a trainee med MH 'wellbeing practitioner' with her too. Both with christian names that sound as if they're no older than 25.
I was on phone at 8 this morning to get call back with GP theyd promised me appt with last Friday, but let me down. I chickdned out when it got to me being no 2 and put receiver down. Just couldnt face the Gestapo again.

Oh Doodle. You reaching out to me has made me cry. You have so much on. So glad you are both near the sea. Just praying you make the most of these 2 days. X

No wonder you are angry as the urologist has in fact confirmed how you came to be where you are and that its nerve pain (and not imaginary!

They have to be cautious about giving too many strong meds if they consider you to be possibly at risk, they dont know you well around meds,

But I see no reason why they should withdraw the oramorph I fact just the opposite - a consultant has said you have nerve pain. But. when you come to discuss meds with the psychiatrist you could ask for a regular weekly prescription as you need the reassurance. tho totally understand the fears I would feel the same. x

If the OT is a nice experienced woman you might find it comforting to share things with her tho she's not a nurse - is it a one off or regular or don't you know yet.

Oh Sweetpeasue just seen your last post. Do write if you want to. You sound in such a bad way. We were hoping the urology appointment would help.
Sending another hug to you too.

Have read all your posts but as I can't say to each of you what I want to, will just say, thinking about you all. Bad day painwise. Hoping/Praying for a good night for all. xx

Nanny I too am glad you went to work. Nice of someone to give you a hug. Ah I understand now if your son is autistic then he probably struggles with empathy and understanding. Did he got on with your DH. I’m glad you like having him at home. Autism is hard to live with both for those who suffer from it and their families. Perhaps he misses your DH in his own way. Sending another hug from me.
Holding out a hand to you Willow hang on and know that we are here for you. I think DH is ok but it shook us both up.
Scredycat no I didn’t paddle today. I do love a paddle though. I kept DH on the path where it’s firmer. If we get good weather and the sand is firm we will venture down to the water.
I agree “It’s all in the mind” and “ pull your socks up” two of the most useless phrases in MH. Hope you’ve had a good day.
HVDY had huge slice of carrot cake earlier in a wonderful little cake shop. All the cakes handmade and beautifully decorated. Delicious. DH had tiramisu cake.
I’m sure your brother needs the break. I’m sure you know already but warn him he may find your SIL deteriorates quite a lot while she’s there. Change is very confusing for Alzheimer’s.
nadareturbe thanks DH has been looking forward to a break.
Sweetpeasue I hope all went well today.
Thinking of you all. Sleep well.x

So sorry. I'm feeling v desperate. Better to not come in. Youve all been so caring. Thankyou.

Id be better not coming in today*HVDY*. Urologist believes bladder pain is nerve related-from my op (that went wrong) and pain is nerve related. You dont say! Nerve damage is a dirty word isnt it? Terrible bladder pain this morning but controlled by Oramorph though awful bladder ache rest of day. But if they take Oramorph away is my greatest fear. Using it responsibly, though MH have already mentioned their concerns about my having access to strong meds. Shouldnt have come in. I'm angry, resentful of what Drs have done to me. All I can see is a lifetime of really bad pain caused by a Dr who has been backed to the hilt by colleagues.
Meanwhile-a visit by OT tomorrow to see if they can help me fulfil my days and wash and dress!!

(Wave Scaredycat just missed you)

Nothing is helping this evening, it's an endless whats the point agitation and exhaustion evening. Hanging in there and glad to be able to post that.

Aw Doodle, I hope DH isn't too bruised and hope more little sea walks are possible.

Nanny - so hard to bear, no "right" way forward. ...I was glad you went to work because you had the hugs...others saying the same things about DH not being with you anymore doesn't make your pain the less.... thank you for telling us your DS has autism that makes it hard for him to have empathy, perhaps.

For when you come in Sweetpeasue warmest waves to you and all BD's posting or reading.

HVDY- It must have been a difficult day for you all but it does sound like a place your SiL will be comfortable in . Your brother will miss her but he needs some respite for a little while and yes he might enjoy a visit with you on his own. It must have been sad when it was time to leave. Our dear friends with the husband who has Alzheimer’s will be faced with the same problem sooner rather than later and it breaks my heart to think of it. It really is a cruel disease.
Wyllow- you,ve had a busy day but dealt with it in a positive way. Good that you had a walk and despite your fears your back didn’t let you down. Yes you are tired but feel good that you did it and hopefully you,ll sleep well tonight after the fresh air.
Our family have and have had more than it’s fair share of MH problems and so understand very well the trials it can present. I think as you do “it’s all in the mind” is the cruellest thing to say.
Nanny- it must be hard for you to go to work alone. It’s better for you to be able to cry as you do - it’s wearying I know but being able to release those emotions is helping . Keeping it in does much more harm.
I expect your son too is feeling sad and doesn’t know how to deal with this emotional time. Would he walk out with you and the dogs on a nice day?
Wishing you a peaceful night.
Doodle- oh dear poor DH - sometimes an unfamiliar room can just throw you a bit - especially getting up during the night. Glad he was ok to go on the beach- did you paddle?
I love when there’s big waves even though they scare me a bit.
Have a lovely day tomorrow.
Good night allxx

nadateturbe Thanks. How are you? How's your day been?

SweetpeaSue Thanks. My SIL will at least get some decent food in there (they have ready meals/cakes at home, no fresh food of any description). My legs are just the same, but my Mirtazapine (AD) knocks me out a bit for so many hours at night - and the 1/2 bottle of wine helps . How did the Urology appointment go?

Wyllow3 I've always been there for my brother, for years.
Sorry to say that he hasn't been there for me, but hey ho.
When will your car be ready? The botanical gardens sound nice. Is there a cafe there where you might get a drink?

Nanny2507 Are there any bereavement groups you could join or get in touch with? Perhaps talking with others who have been through the same thing would help.

Doodle I think (hope) SIL will be ok. There appeared to be about 20 residents on that floor, with 2 carers (these places are often understaffed - I worked in 2 homes, briefly, hated it). Brother does need a break, though. I hope your DH didn't hurt himself when he fell. How lovely to watch the sea.

Hope ALL BDers have a relaxing evening. I've had the other half of a bottle of wine, and some chocolate trifle, so I'm alright x

Hello all. Hopefully managed to connect on wi fi.
Wyllow sorry the car still isn’t fixed. You need that sorted. Hope the walk in the Botanical gardens helped. Well done for getting out.
Scaredycat thank you DH has been looking forward to it so much. Unfortunately he had a fall in the bedroom shortly after we arrived. Hopefully nothing more than a few bruises but it shocked him I think.
We have been for a walk on the beach and spent a while just watching the sea. Lovely.
HVDY I can remember when my brother went into a care home but for him it was last stages dementia and he didn’t live at home again. So hard for your brother and SIL Hope they both cope but your brother needs a rest.
Care home sounds pleasant.
Sweetpeasue Hope the appointment with the urologist went well. How are things today?
Nanny you are grieving and there’s not much I can think of to being comfort. Some solace in your cats and dogs. This time is hard for all I think. Getting our a bit and meeting others could help if you can manage it.

Hi all. I've been at work today. I hate the place but I think that's because I am so sad 😞 and I used to work with DH. Today someone asked how I was and I just cried and cried. She gave me a hug which was nice. Yes I have my beautiful animals. I am able to use my mobility scooter to take the dogs. I love having my son at home but I wish he would think more. He has autism so it can be hard work. I know everyone says the same thing when someone passes but I just want him home. When I woke up the other day I thought I'd dreamt him dying and for that nano second I was so happy..then it hit me again.

Struggle of a day so brief.

Car not sorted yet:

Gardener done garden but overloaded day having counselling I the middle of it: slept and felt so bad I HAD TO DO SOMETHING NOT FESTER

managed walk in Botanical Gardens tho convinced it might do my back in (it didnt, but absolutely worn out)

HVDY Your brother knows you are there for him, it's new territory for him he probably will see how he goes? I'm very thank full it seems a decent place, if it proves so then he knows there is respite, poor all of you, its very sad, its never happened to me.

Scaredycat oh so right about MH problems. Sadly, complex conditions can rip families apart: but it is so cruel to say "all in the mind"

Rather than whats probably the truth, "I cant and won't cope with him" - but will try to get help for him as far as possible.

Allsorts That's truly terrible. I hope he is willing amd able to get the help he needs. He must feel v alone.
HVDY So sorry that your SIL has deteriorated so much. The care home sounds nice though its early days and I'm sure your brother and yourself will be hoping she will settle in. Your brother must be glad of your help, even if perhaps he doesn't show it. Hope your legs are allowing you to sleep.

HVDY your poor brother, so sad. But the care home sounds like a nice one and not too far.

Allsorts That's awful. Some mother she is eh. If it was simply "mind over matter", there would be no need for Psychiatrists, medication or counselling, etc., for mental health problems. Is there anyone this young man to turn to? You? or would you be willing/able to give him details of places he could contact for help?

Doodle. Great . Have a lovely time.

SweetpeaSue How did your appointment go today?

Wyllow3, EllieAnne, Whiff, Candy, ALL BDers - how are you all?

My brother put his wife into a care home today, just for 2 weeks. He asked me to go with them. It's a lovely, modern place, about 2 or 3 miles from them. The room is functional but plain, she's got an en-suite wet room, and it's right near a small lounge and dining room (each of the 3 floors has its own). The residents on the same floor are in advanced stages of dementia (she's probably middle stage). Left her there after a couple of hours, then went back to my brother's house. He'll possibly want to visit DH and me when he feels lonely (although he hasn't been to us for 14 months).

Hi all.
Allsorts- that poor young relative of yours. I know it’s easy to say but I don’t understand a Mum who would reject her Son like that. So many people can be cruel about MH problems- they are either scared or just have no conception of the invisible pain the person is in. If he is willing to have help I hope he can access someone to help him.

Nanny- thinking of you today and wishing you find some kind company today. Are you able to walk your dogs at all- it always seems that doggy people are mostly friendly and chatty with one another.
Doodle- So pleased you and DH are going to the sea- it will do you good to get the lovely sea air and watch the waves. Oh chips in paper , ice cream, etc enjoy it all.
SweetPeaSue- hope the urology appointment went well for you.
Wyllow- any news on the car? I expect your garden is looking lovely by now - is it warm enough to sit out? Hope the Zoom counselling went well.
Love to all not mentionedx

So sorry Nanny you are feeling so bad and alone. Why don't you ring Cruse?

Doodle enjoy the seaside.

Doodle - well done you, enjoy!

Allsorts it is hard treating BPD and hard to "get in" too -so sad they have taken against him - is he open to treatment tho?
My Ex had a P disorder and was in denial about it unfortunately.