Black dog 21

Scaredycat Thankyou for your encouragement about the wedding. I usually try to act as if I'm not shaking in my shoes at social gatherings and I know it will pass. My aunt not been diagnosed ,think family are hoping to let it go as long as possible but her memory is much worse now and she never knows what day it is or if anybody has been. It's very sad. Been trying to get DH for second opinion with another GP but he is definitely feeling a nuisance at surgery now as we've been so many times to that one very pleasant, though more inexperienced Dr with same doubt from him about headaches. DH thinks to wait until Rheumatology appt July 4th , but honestly, I know something is very wrong. It has to be TA as the only symptom he's not had is the jaw claudication and he has such fatigue and looks worn out aswell as the headaches. He's had moments of blurred vision yet this Dr can't have remembered as he put 'no vision problems ' in letter to Rheumatologist last week.
Must be lovely going to so many family birthdays-must be difficult to remember, bet your calendar is full! And all that 🍰🍰🎂

* Doodle* I hope you had a better night's sleep. You are so brave going to an art class group but I get that you need the company and it will help you. 'Feel the fear and do it anyway ' Harder than it sounds sometimes. It would be good if we all lived closer. I think we've learnt a lot about each other and what matters -as much as is possible on public forum. I sometimes forget at times. So glad you found that photo album that your DH put together- that's very special . Hope you're eating a little better. Love and a hug x

HVDY Glad your hip is a bit better -pain can spoil our enjoyment in doing things. Can just imagine chubby chops being entranced by the dog sitting there- she will be noticing everything new. Thanks for telling me you'd never worn a fascinator-thought it was just me haha. I never wore a hat or fascinator to other son's wedding either. Each to their own isn't it. Sunny here though poured down for couple of hrs earlier. Yes, I know something is very wrong and the GP doesn't know my DH like I do. These headaches aren't normal -he's laid flat at present with it and it's right in the temple at one side. He's had it in the other side too though not both at same time. GP said TA is only in one side but I've read you can get it in both(not at same time) Hope you've had a good day with family.
Wyllow I do hope that the MH worker can sort out more time for you to see someone. Though you might not feel like talking much to anyone it would still be good for someone to take you out somewhere. Hate for you to feel so alone . Are you still in touch with your sister? Sorry - you don't need to answer.
The price for loving is so high and it is a frightening thing I agree.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and hope you are OK.
Whiff Your words to Doodle so touching and sincere in trying to help in such a terrible time.

Sorry if I've left anyone out.I can't always remember if I've been asked something. Been in garden before rain started. Still no rose in or my solanum but need to wait for trellis. Dug some compost in to border (Barbara mode) and raked lawn. Hope everyone is OK and had best day they can.

Doodle Wouldn't it be great if we all lived near to each other....... I hope you're managing, day by day x
Wyllow3 This place is somewhere where we can talk freely and without judgement. How have you been today?
EllieAnne Did you go out today? The weather's been lovely here.

SweetpeaSue It's quite a while until your husband sees the Rheumatologist, so perhaps it would be best if he would see a different GP before then. Not seen any of our own family today - both sons have been out (separately) with their children, as DIL1 at work, and DIL2 on a hen do in Poland. You've been busy in the garden (more than I've done today).

I met my brother at the care home as it was his wife's birthday (not that she knew). We took presents and cards. Her son & his wife visited, as did SIL's sister. The home made a cake, and 8 carers sang Happy Birthday to her. All nice. She forgot all that 5 minutes later , but at least she's ok and being looked after.
Hope ALL BDers have a restful night's sleep x

Night night dear BD's....
See you tomorrow. xx

It's a dreary day, grey and raining. I have been up for about 3 hours, still haven't got dressed (can't be bothered). Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

HVDY Had a good share of rain here most the day too. Its so sad for your SIL and relatives. I think it's so good you and the nurses celebrated her birthday though as at least ,during that time she would know, even if she soon forgot. She will miss the enjoyment of good memories though spared remembering bad ones.
My DH won't see any GP now as he says it looks like we're forcing them to diagnose TA and might look bad if we are seen to be paranoid . It will be in records that Rheumatologist looks at. I see his point but I'd take the chance of being persistent, regardless .
Saw psychiatrist today for med review-he was really lovely( staying on the ADs)
then car journey to a shopping center for papers sandals to match bag-nothing only flats. Will wear some I already have that aren't really right colour-fed up with it now. Back awful with sitting in car and bladder pain on morning. We've both had enough really -it is what it is. Must stop panicking.
How is everyone?

Sorry - don't know where papers came from!

Sweetpeasue sorry you couldn’t find some shoes but perhaps going with something you’ve already got that’s comfortable is better. I’m sure on the day all will be fine. I spent ages finding a suitable jacket for my son’s wedding but then in the excitement forgot to put it on and it didn’t feature in any of the photos or get seen by anyone. Wedding was lovely.
I can understand your concern about DH. Difficult when the GP wont acknowledge your concerns.
Glad you had a good meeting with the psychiatrist.
HVDY sounds like the home made an effort for your SIL. Nice of so many family to turn up,
To be honest I’m finding things more difficult as time goes on. The need to hold DH again is unbearable. Having no choice doesn’t make it any easier.
Been raining on and off here today but I’ve been busy trying to sort out paperwork so didn’t affect me too much.

SweetpeaSue It's a shame your husband won't agree to see any of the GPs. I'd be persistent, too, but you can't force him. Glad your Psychiatrist was helpful. My husband's sister is going to wear flip-flops for her daughter's wedding - she has terrible bunions and only ever wears mens' trainers usually, so you wearing flats will be perfectly ok. To be honest, everyone will be looking at the bride. Hope your pain has eased off.

Doodle It might sound daft, but would holding a shirt/jumper of your husband's help a little bit at all? I think you're coping extremely well. x

It's poured with rain, virtually all day. Not seen the little stray, so I really hope someone has taken it in. DH is out with Son1 this evening, and will be home in half an hour or so. Hope ALL BDers have a good night's rest x

Doodle Finding shoes for the wedding is absurdly nothing in the scheme of things. All these little minute everyday fusses in life are an irritation to our silly heads and are as nothing to real heartache and bigger concerns. The wedding is just a day and all I want is for my son to be happy after it.
I know it can't compare , but I remember how bad it was when my mum died and wanting to hug her again. As I say- it can't possibly compare-and I echo HVDY when she said she dreads being in the position of losing DH. I don't know what I'd do but I can onlyimagine how dreadful it must feel.
I so wish I could help , but all I can do is pray that you will have peace sometimes . Don't know what I'm trying to say really. Just feel for you. xx

HVDY You are right.
I remember keeping my mum's slippers for yrs until they just had to go. Nice words to say to Doodle

Please Sweetpeasue if I put my thoughts down here in BD it’s only because I know you’ll all understand but don’t ever think that anything you write is trivial. I know only too well how things that might seem unimportant to others can cause a lot of anxiety. On here all problems and worries are equally valid. x

I hope you got dressed in the end HVDY but it hasn't been a tempting day to go out.

I'm glad the psychiatrist was nice Sweetpeasue. Not sure what to advise about DH and headaches.

Understand the holding/being held so much, emptiness, Doodle. Just xxx

Got through today somehow. I see people Thursday about "carer" help. But atm dont see any point.

Night Night BD's.

SweetpeaSue I kept my mum's dressing gown for years, as it had been the last thing I bought her - it was too small for me, she wasn't fat, so I never wore it, I just liked to have it there.

Wyllow3 I got dressed at about 11.30. It rained just about every minute of the day. Has/will your medication been adjusted at all?

It's a bright but windy morning. My neighbour (whose cat I looked after the other week) has invited me to hers for tea & cake later, along with some friends of hers. Hope ALL BDers manage to see a bit of sunshine x

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Having a brain foggy day. But hope these make you smile. The fox is my work the owls my sister in law she has MS. I commissioned her to make them for my best friends birthday.

They're lovely, Whiff. I love the fox picture. Your SIL is very good to have made those pretty owls, too.

It's been a good day - my little stray turned up, so I fed it twice. I had a nice few hours with my neighbour and her friends, with sandwiches and cake, in her very well-stocked garden (she's barely got any room where there isn't something growing). It's been a dry day. Hope everyone's ok x

Doodle Please,do put your thoughts down here. Some people are able to look at others' worries and anxieties from their perspectives and some just can't, iykwim. Don't think that's put correctly but hope you understand. Anyway ,thankyou. We want you to share your feelings with us even though we can't put things right. We can listen and you can know you are heard. We all do the same for each other. I hope there has been something in the day that has made you smile. We care greatly. x
HVDY What a good day -you have been rewarded for your kindness with cake and company. I hope the little stray continues to come -do tell us. Is it male or female? Hope it gets into the box you've kit out with the blanket.
Whiff They are lovely thankyou. It's amazing how you can do the cross-stitch without your hands trembling. Love the owls too.
EllieAnneScaredycat**Candy**Nanny**Allsorts Hope you have been OK.
Wyllow Oh I'm sorry you are struggling so much every day. There is a point Wyllow because I think you can be happy again. We all want you to get better -for you-not just for us because we care. Do allow the people you see tomorrow for carers to help you. You can always stop it if it doesn't seem helpful.
I realise advice about DH headache is difficult.

Had a terrible night yesterday with the worst bowel pain ever. Creased up for ages then made it upstairs to bathroom where on loo and throwing up at same time with bad sweats for ages. Thought I was going to pass out. First time I've let DH in bathroom while in such a state , I honestly thought I'd faint with the pain. Don't know what it was-certainly not a 'bug' or eating anything different to DH. Slept for an hr then awake all night worrying about DH and son not contacting. Then son contacted this morning all flustered with wedding stuff!
DH was terrible this afternoon. Have told him after the wedding we must go to out of hrs walk-in centre. Psychiatrist said to ring 111 or get emergency help if he gets worse or gets vision loss(told him about DH) My DH is a very stubborn man! He has debilitating fatigue every day all day too. Just need to get this wedding over but I'm so worried.
Take care all.x

Hello everyone, I have caught up on posts. but can't really abswer. have to make best use of energy and eyes can't do screens for long either.
Just wanted to say Doodle It's so hard for you. I know it's not the same but I remember hugging my mums dressing gown and crying so loudly. Grief is awful. I feel for you so much. Hugs xx
And Sweetpeasue I'm so sorry for your terrible night and your poor husband too. Perhaps you could ring out of hours doctor if it happens again. I do pray that someone listens. It's such a nightmare for you. xx
Love to everyone else.xx

Sweetpeasue so sorry you’ve been so unwell and with all the worry about your DH too. I hope you get him to the GP soon.
Thinking of you all but just a short message tonight. I’ve got so much to do before tomorrow sorting out things for DHs funera. Sorry I can’t spend more time here x

Take lots of meds - they are sort of settled but not sure they are the issue HVDY, glad you had a good day.

Very pretty, whiff.

Sweetpeasue sorry it was such a horrible time for both of you. Scary at night. I do understand the pressure you feel to present as OK for the wedding, hoping things ease a bit after.

Doodle as ever xx in this time.

Warm wave nadateturbe

Hardly coping, see what happens tomorrow, worker comes with agency person but I dont believe they can help.

Good morning everyone.
Thinking of you today Doodle xx.
Hope you get some help from the agency lady Wyllow3.
Sweetpeasue hoping you have a better day and get some answers soon. 🙏
Feel the fear and do it anyway......I often follow this.
Hello HVDY Scaredycat EllieAnne Whiff Candy Allsorts and others.
Hoping today is good for you. xx

Sweetpeasue don't worry about your wedding outfit. So many times I have worried like that, and come home and realised I worried for nothing and should just have enjoyed myself. What we wear isn't that important to others, nor should it be. xx

Whiff- more really sensible kind words.
Love your little fox and also the owls that your SiL made. What a talented pair you are.
EllieAnne- I,m so sorry for your feelings of loneliness but please never think that nobody would miss you. If you want to go and see your DD then just go. She may really need to just have you there .
Please also consider ADs - they have helped me so much this last year . My children say they have ‘me’ back and I,m so glad I plucked up the courage to take them.
HVDY- Thank you GGD had a really nice day. She is a very good baker so had made her own cake. Mexican themed( don’t know why) so very bright and cactussy!! Very nice too - cake is one of life’s pleasures isn’t it.
Chubby Chops sounds like nothing fazes her and must have looked so sweet with the big dog.
Such a nice birthday for your SiL even though she won’t remember it she will have been happy in the moment.
I think that little cat has you in her sights. We once took in a stray and had her for 8 years - we loved her so much.
SweetPeaSue- sorry you had such a painful night and hope today is better for you.
You can never find shoes when you have to can you. You will look lovely in your new dress . Just think how nervous the bride and her mother feel- bet they’re panicking too!!
Maybe your DH just wants the wedding to go off ok and then he can concentrate on his own very debilitating health.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow and hope it is a happy day and that you both manage to enjoy it.
Doodle- these first few weeks there are so many milestone for you to negotiate. One day at a time and never ,ever be afraid to ask for help - or as Whiff said ask to be alone when you feel the need to be.
After the funeral then that is the time when reality really sets in and a new chapter in your life begins. You have many happy memories and your lovely family and they will sustain you as you learn to live your different life. I can offer a little word of advice that helped me when my husband and son were killed .
Accept any kindness offered and any invitations that come your way even if you don’t really feel like it. People need to show kindness to you too and in accepting it it helps to heal you gradually. It helped me and my broken children.
Whenever you need us we,ll be here - just wish we we close by.
Nadateturbe- good morning! You are right all that anxiety and nobody really cares what we wear. Of course it’s not that easy when we feel down and have little confidence.
I hope your eyes improve soon.
Wyllow- do hope the visit today will have a positive outcome for you.
I think sometimes you are afraid of doing something nice for yourself in case it all goes wrong. Very understandable when you have had your spirit crushed as you have.
Wishing you better daysxx
Hoping today brings everyone moments of brightness. Love to Allsorts,Nanny,Candy, and any I have missed. Also those maybe just reading .