Black dog 21

Sorry-posted too early then in middle of typing next message I must have pressed something and all of my GN layout has gone so tiny and messages displayed alongside other GN stuff. Been trying to get it back but can't. Other layout on WhatsApp is fine. Just GN. Trying to widen pge all the time to type.
HVDY Hope your cough gets better. You must be worn out coughing all night. Must be something going around as others here seem to have had or got it.

Just seeing if this will post!

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nadateturbe I didn't offer them any food - the wife can't eat anything, she had throat cancer 11 years ago, endured a 14hr operation, chemo, etc., then has been unable to swallow anything other than liquids and pureed stuff ever since. Poor lady. (she weighs about 5st). When will you get the x-ray results? I'm not doing much tomorrow. (might find somewhere to go).

SweetpeaSue I don't pay enough attention to things. How are you and your husband today?

Doodle How are you and your husband getting on?

It was a sunny day, nice enough to get washing dry . Hope ALL BDers have a nice evening x

Sweetpeasue how have you been today?

My HVDY you have been busy. Oh dear I think we’ve all done that and thought the delivery was due another day. 🤣🤣
Hope you had a good time with your friends despite no cake, not surpirised you’re so tired with the day you’ve had.
Sorry your cough is still keeping you awake at night. Have you tried Benylin cough linctus?
Whiff hope your brothers operation is successful and DHs makes a good recovery.
nadaterurbe hope the X-ray helps discover what’s wrong. Did you buy anything in the shops.
We’ve been to the podiatrist today. The only times it rained was when I was getting the wheelchair in and out of the car.

Whiff Glad your brother's op is over. He has everything going for him to get better as I remember you saying how much swimming he did to keep fit. Thankyou for letting us know how it went and hope he continues to recover.
HVDY Glad I'm not the only one to have a senior moment. I turned up for an appt a couple of weeks ago a month early! Not surprising you're tired after your busy weekend and all your house jobs..

Whiff I hope your brother continues to recover and can start physio soon. I'm sure you're glad he's over the op.
HVDY sorry your cough is still annoying you. I know a few people at the minute who have disturbed sleep with coughs that seem to last a long time. I hope it eases soon. You've been extremely busy. I hope that means you'll have an easy day tomorrow. What did you feed your friends? Hope you enjoyed the chat.
I've been for an xray to diagnose back pain, I've no doubt it's arthritis. An hour to the xray department. Husband drove thankfully. Very difficult to find the centre. I wonder how people manage who don't drive. It's not on a direct bus route. Had a look round the shops before coming home.
How is everyone today?

Whiff I'm tired, but that's due to keep coughing all night. Friends came for coffee ad stayed 2 hours, so that was nice. Just changed my bad and got the washer on (roll on bedtime, I AM tired). Glad all went well with your brother. You said he'd been in theatre for 3.5 years, but we'll know what you mean! I hope he continues to make a good recovery.

You must be tired HVDY.
My brother had his operation yesterday. He had a spinal tap and sedatives and was in theatre for 3.5 years . Saw the doctor this morning but his BP is low ,took bloods and x rays but wouldn't let him start physio today. But they stopped he's blood thinners and one of his heart tablets before the operation hopefully they have put him back on them today. And can start physio tomorrow as he will be like a bear with a.sore head if he can't.

Thank you all for wishing him well. 🤗

I was up at 7, showered, hair washed and blow-dried, then emptied the dishwasher, did the washing and hung it out. Mopped all the downstairs floors (laminated and tiled). Generally tidied up. Sat waiting for my grocery delivery between 9 and 10. Just looked on Asda's website - I'd booked it for tomorrow, not today. What a fool . Got some friends coming round for coffee (but now have no cake to offer them). Hope everyone's day goes well x

Night night to all xx

Whiff hope your brothers operation goes well and he makes a good recovery. Do you know how long he’ll be in for?

xx Thank you, and loving wishes to all BD's.

Gosh, HVDY that was a busy family day but lovely. It was a great help your GD being there. A caring loving person, just like her granny! I'm sure you have put your feet up now.
I had 3 sisters but the oldest died in 2011, just 60 years old. We have great craic when we get together. Lots of laughs.
Goodnight everyone, hope you all sleep well. Hope you are looking after yourself Wyllow3.xx

nadateturbe Nice that you spent time with your sister. I often wish I'd had/got a sister (had 3 older brothers, got 1 left). Beef casserole is lovely. Yes, GD1 adores the baby and entertained her all this afternoon.

Ladysuisei Waiting until April to go back to the place you know sounds sensible. It's good that you can stay with your dad (and indeed that you've still got him) and I bet he enjoys your company. As regards the "what-iferies", I think we on here all have that. I try to tell myself that some things are not worth thinking about (things that I can't change), but I go over conversations I've had, and wonder why I said/didn't say such and such, etc. It's all part of anxiety and seems to be a common thing.

ScaredyCat When's your holiday?

It's been a long day, but good. Son1, his eldest daughter and his GF came, we went to the pub for lunch, then to the local park, and the couple went off shopping. Chubby Chops has just gone. Mum and Dad came at 7, thanked us for having her, and told us about their busy w/e in Bath. GD1 went home at 7. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Don't worry about posting again. Giving you a big hug.xx

Doodle Such kind posts to Ladysuisei and others when you must be so exhausted. I don't know what is happening tomorrow for you both but hoping you have a restful night tonight. Also hope the antibiotics are nearly finished and your cough is getting better.

Sorry can't cope with more posts. Bladder and bowel pain again and so tired with meds ect. Thankyou so much all for your caring. Wishing all a peaceful night xxxx

Scaredycat Just wanted to wish you a lovely holiday . Sending love .x

Ladysuisei A warm welcome to you. I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for the loss of your dear husband. I can only imagine how hard that must be and utterly devastating for you to cope with especially with your mental illness. I wish I had magic words to soften your grief but I can only say you will be welcomed here by all and you can say as little or as much as you feel you want to.
Like others , I don't think it would help you to move somewhere that would be isolating. It's good you can stay with your father over this short term until you feel up to making your final decision. Don't feel rushed into anything .I'm so sorry for your huge loss and hope you have a peaceful night's sleep.

Doodle- such a nice post to Ladysuisei- she is among whatiffery experts!! Hope today you are feeling better and have had some restorative sleep. Thank you for your kind holiday wishes. We are all packed now and have to be up at silly o,clock to start our journey. Will think of you both while away and hope to be able to post.xx
Whiff- you always manage to say something heartwarming- yes it does feel like home here doesn’t it.
SweetPeaSue- yes it is scary going away with constant AF but there is one advantage I don’t live in fear of an episode happening as it’s there all the time. That’s a positive eh!!!
Hope you are having a comfortable day today and not needing your hottie. I often use mine for various aches and pains.
Hope too your urology appointment goes well next week.
EllieAnne- fingers crossed for your cars MOT on Monday- always a relief when it passes isn’t it.
JonesKpj- nice to see you. I too have had very sudden losses in my life and understand your feelings well. Nice words of advice.
Wyllow- I wonder every day how you are and wish for better times for youxx
HVDY- glad Chubby Chops seems to be getting better- I expect her cough is waking her up a bit. As long as she’s eating ok . So sweet of your GD to offer her services- everyone loves Chubby Chops!!
Nadateturbe- it’s so good to hear you are having some happy times- sister time is very special. Hope you don’t feel too worn out afterwards but I,m sure you,ll think it was worth it!!
Although I can’t drink now I still put red wine into anything I can- oh that lovely smell.
Ladysuisei- oh those dreadful Whatifferies. As Doodle said many of us here suffer a lot from these. However much you try to tell yourself the sensible thing they pop up and sow seeds of doubt and worry.
It sounds to me that an isolated home would not be right for you at all. If your Dad is happy for you to stay while the work is finished I would hang on for the house you want. While you are waiting maybe you could look at other properties in that same area if that would make you feel you had a back up plan.
Absolute certainty doesn’t exist although I understand what you are saying . Uncertainty is very wearying . But even when things seem peaceful it’s the always anticipating what could go wrong and never trusting anything to last.
Your friend is right about worrying if something happens- much much easier said than done. You are definitely not a one- off - we all understand what you feel. All I will say is since taking Anti Depressants for a year now they have helped lessen the anxiety.
Candy,Nanny,Allsorts and anyone else not mentioned have as good an evening as possible

Nice of you to post to Ladysusie Joneskpj.
Doodle It's great to hear the nausea is easing. I suffer from that quite often and it's a horrible feeling. I drink ginger tea. I have pills but prefer something natural. I hope your cough continues to ease. So many people are coughing at the minute.
It was so thoughtful of you to start a new thread. Thank you.
I have ordered your book too.
I wish we could all have a walk with Scaredycat on the beach!

I don't actually use the phrase What if. I do tend to worry. One way I find helpful is thinking What is the worst case scenario and work out how I cope with that. So anything less is easier (iykwim). Things that I can't control, and as Doodle says nothing is certain in this life, I try to put out of my mind. Especially health worries. A psychiatrist once told me what I want is a zip on my body so I can keep checking everything is functioning 😁. I find meditation helpful. I also find playing my comforting hymns playlist good, but of course that's not for everyone.

Doodle Keep tight hold on the good times Good advice. I think my diary will help with that.
I hope you and your husband slept last night and are managing today.
Hope everyone else is OK too. did your bladder pain ease Sweetpeasue?.

Ellie Anne glad you’ve got your car back ok. We are so reliant on them. Glad you had a beach walk and time with a friend. Have you heard from your daughter recently (sorry if you’ve said but my mind is muddled these days)
Sweetpeasue I hope you like the book. I think it is something I will have to read a few times to take in the parts that mean most to me. I’m about half way through I think.
Hope things go well with urologist next week. Does the GP think your DHs headaches are rheumatology related. July does seem a long way off for answers.
Whiff you’re a comforting presence in this thread and offer such useful advice and help in ways some of the rest of us can’t. Your post to Ladysuisei was nice.
nadateturbe glad you slept well and then had a nice time with your sister. Keep tight hold on the good days and concentrate on them when you’re feeling worn out,
Scaredycat having closed the last thread I thought itz would be good to set one up straight away in case anyone needed it last night. Nausea much better thank you. Still coughing but not so bad.
We would love to be by the sea with you. You have come so far with your AF worries since that first trip you were so anxious about. Enjoy the warmth and the rest and relax you deserve it.
Nice helpful post joneskpj

Ladysuisei I think what you’re describing is what we call here the whatiferies. And yes many of us suffer from that including me. Ruminating and going over things in our minds. What if this happens, what if that goes wrong, what if we’d done things differently, have I said the wrong thing. We are all aware of those feelings.
Thanks for telling us a little more about your housing situation.
I do think moving somewhere more isolated might not be a good thing. If you are comfortable enough at your dad’s and he is ok with you being there then waiting for your renovation might be best. April is not that far away but don’t get fixated on it. Building work often has its hitches but that doesn’t mean people are lying to you. You must be absolutely lost without your DH and struggling to cope on your own. Do you have a good relationship with your dad?
I don’t know anything about BP I’m afraid but any mental health issue is a struggle to cope with. Anxiety, depression health anxiety.
Sadly absolute certainty isn’t something any of us have. Some cope with life by worrying about things when they happen and not worrying about anything they have no control over.
Others like me, I was born a pessimist. I worry about my family, constantly. For those like us I think there are times of calm when things seem to be going ok and times of stress when we don’t know how we’re going to cope. I’ve had a few of those moments recently.
I often ruminate on things in my mind trying to come up with a sort of solution to my worries. Maybe it would help you to think through what you might do if anything goes wrong with the housing plan. Presumably, if you are ok to stay with your dad then there is no rush involved. You could look for other lodgings closer to the places you like. Are you sleeping ok?

Hi there - thank you for your kind replies. I have previously posted on another thread regarding the situation with my son , but there’s a lack of understanding about my mental health difficulties which led to some rather unkind responses . I’ve read through the thread and although I need to get to know everyone’s names I have a bit of an understanding as to the support you offer each other . Thank you .
Yes , the loss of a beloved partner is a terrible shock and I’ll never get over this . The shock lives with me every day and I miss his love and his wise advice. I miss being close to someone. This is why I mentioned my housing dilemma- I am currently housed in a small flat but staying with my dad following a spell in hospital for pneumonia around Xmas time. I have got the chance to move from here , to another flat but with it being so isolated it frightens me . Staying with my dad is ok but my stuff is at the flat , so I go round to collect my post and to check on things . I really want to go back to the private rented house which means waiting until the renovation is done . They tell me I’ll be in during April, so I think for now , I have to trust the process . I’m highly anxious something will go wrong but every normal rational person I’ve asked about this tells me an estate agent and landlord would have nothing to gain by lying to me about going back . They would have just said no from the outset . I have enormous difficulty with what ifs . Does anyone else have this too ? I’m sure I’ll be back in the house sometime during April as they say ( waiting for plumber to do a shower fitting first , but it’s booked in soon ) , so then I suppose a whole new set of what ifs could appear . Its relentless. Am I the only person who ruminates like this ? If anyone else does , please can you tell me how you manage this . I need absolute certainty with things but deep down I realise this is never going to happen. Absolute certainty doesn’t exist for any situation I suppose and it’s a case of trying to be optimistic without expectations of everything going wrong . I’m constantly living in a catastrophe, which lives in my head . I suppose I’ve attached so much importance to this move that if it goes wrong I’ll be absolutely devastated without a plan B . Would anyone advise a plan B at this stage , because introducing more anxiety and uncertainty into life would be exhausting I think . What I do know is that managing mental illness on top of a few stressors is so hard . The what ifs are so difficult to manage, particularly when I get my head around the situation, feel a sense of peace then suddenly a nagging doubt or anxiety pops into my head causing more what ifs . My good friend told me he worries constantly but refuses to worry about things out of his control. He says that unless he works ( his job is well paid but not stable ) he’s close to living under a bridge in a cardboard box and any living situation is better than this ! I’m still not satisfied by this explanation though - my craving mind for absolute certainty is starting to drive me mad . I was wondering if others on here operate like me , or whether I’m a one - off . If anyone can identify with this please can you let me know how to live with it xxx

Whiff a nice post to Ladysusiei. You are right of course, there is no judgement on this thread, and that's very important. As is hope, joy and laughter.