FIRST SIGNS OF AUTISM?

My son was non verbal from the beginning, my daughter was lively and full of chat, but they say girls mask it, she was diagnosed til last year, and she’s 13 now. I think my niece is autistic, she has a lot of similar traits to my son, but I say nothing, because my brother and sister in law obviously don’t want to see it and that’s their call. I’ve noticed in the school system some parents just don’t want to get the diagnosis, my kids are treated differently, unfortunately that’s the way it is. They are awesome kids and will find their way. I think just leave it to your daughter and son in law, the health visitor was the one who flagged it with us for my son, it was a real surprise because he was our first and we had no idea what to look for.

Love your daughter and grandson - let others do the worrying.

Is he passing urine okay? Constipation? Good diet? Thirsty?
Do the parent themselves speak a lot, and clearly?

There may be some other reason he screams when picked up.Is there a sore bit somewhere, Skin? Joint? Bone. Internal organ?

I always remember when I did some autism training years ago and given this advice.

You either have autism or you don't. It is like being pregnant, you may feel sick in morning, your periods may even stop but it doesn't mean you are pregnant. Some people, like my grandson, have traits of autism but he does not have autism.

At pre-school his parents were told he seemed a 'little' autistic. I agreed that he did have traits but my son was adamant the pre-school were wrong. They then had a nightmare few months ending in a visit to a specialist who said no, he wasn't autistic and the pre-school were wrong.
Fast forward to his now starting secondary school after being very happy and achieving in primary school. The records were still there from pre-school and on a visit to the secondary school he underwent an assessment without my son's knowledge. He was very angry as you can imagine and made a fuss which in the end led to an apology.
It can be a minefield. My son and his wife went through a lot of distress at this time and I learned to keep out of it. In this recent episode I just listened, and did not interfere at all.
I suggest you take a step back too and let things take their course.
No amount of box ticking or labelling will change the fact that he is your grandson and you love him.

Sorry school teacher. It’s really not the end of the world.

19 months is very young to be worrying about Autism.

Autism isn’t a “bad” thing. We have a high functioning adult daughter with autism, she is a Promary

'Dr' Google is not a very accurate way of diagnosing ANY condition. Three circumstances rgarding speech in my own family -
Nearly fifty years ago, my twin daughters were 'non-verbal' at the age of two and a quarter. No, not autistic, just did not need to speak as they had older siblings who seemed to understand any of their demands. Started to speak at two and a half and within a fortnight went from single word to full sentence construction. Both achieved Masters Degrees when they grew up.
My eldest g.son (aged 24), IS Autistic. Always very verbal, just his social behaviour seems to have stopped around the development age of about 2or 3 years. Special secondary school for such youngsters, Achieved good GCSE's and excellent A levels (maths, chemistry, Further Maths, physics - all A's). Degree in chemical studies.

Strangely enough it was his younger brother that had speech problems, a less autistic person you could not find, but he had (what Speech and language called 'backspeech'). We could not understand anything he said, which not only caused problems at home, but at nursery and at school in Reception class. He would get so angry and frustrated that we did not know what he was saying. 'Speech and Language' did, eventually, sort this out and he is that strange object - a really lovely, bright, social teenager now.

At nineteen months, a baby is getting to realise who he is close to and strangers. It is a time when many show shyness and unwillingness to be looked after by anyone other than parents. There are still lots of standard check ups for these babies and if something needs following up then the appropriate referrals will be made.

Nobody's world needs to fall apart- just enjoy having a lovely, healthy grandson.

Sarnia, what a lovely positive post! Autism is indeed a complex condition but people grow and develop as we all do . People with autism have to learn things that others know instinctively, but many do learn . My SIL has autism , he is intelligent, kind and wonderful. At family gatherings he sometimes disappears ( I told him to use our spare bedroom if he needs time out) . Sometimes he does this and recharges before rejoining the family - no problem.
In your situation I would listen carefully to your DD and pick up any anything she says that demonstrates her anxiety.Please don't jump the
gun, all may be well! Just be there and whatever you do don't interfere and cause friction between you and your DD. Just listen to her and let her take the lead with her child. Don't stress too much ! If your GS does have autism then you being in despair will not improve the situation. Just be there , and if he does get a diognosis further down the line - you will deal with it because of the love you have for your family. 💐💐

you have hit the nail on the head nexus63. I think i am most upset for my daughter. She has had multiple miscarriages over the years and this was an IVF baby. For various reasons her mental health is not great - nor is her husband's. Just worried about how all this will affect her.

Please leave this to the parents

Your main priority is keep a good relationship with your daughter

Sorry, that was meant for Ingrid and Sarnia

nexus63

why has the bottom fell out of your world? is it because of your daughter or grandson? my only granchild has autism, he was diagnosed at 3, which is early, he is a lovely little boy and is mostly non verbal, he is now six and will be starting his first year at school after the summer, he had two operation last year to help with brain fluid problems, he is a smart little boy and can solve problems, my laptop was causing a problem and he pulled me over to show me the bar was nearly empty then he looked at the plug and pointed to tell me that it had come out and was no longer charging my laptop. some days he wants a cuddle other days he wants to be left alone, when he is hungry he pulls me to the kitchen and takes what he wants from the freezer, when he points to his heart and mine that is him telling me he loves me. i am 61 and i am so proud of him and his family.

Awww...
That's so lovely.
Made me a bit watery eyed.

Sarnia - I know 2 of my close friends had children at the same time , and strangely, both boys were diagnosed with autism. They are both doing fine. I know both. Very polite young men, love to chat. One is a car mechanic and the other is a taxi-driver. They may not be brain-surgeons, but they make a decent living.
Your grandson will be fine - just love him, love him, love him.😍

why has the bottom fell out of your world? is it because of your daughter or grandson? my only granchild has autism, he was diagnosed at 3, which is early, he is a lovely little boy and is mostly non verbal, he is now six and will be starting his first year at school after the summer, he had two operation last year to help with brain fluid problems, he is a smart little boy and can solve problems, my laptop was causing a problem and he pulled me over to show me the bar was nearly empty then he looked at the plug and pointed to tell me that it had come out and was no longer charging my laptop. some days he wants a cuddle other days he wants to be left alone, when he is hungry he pulls me to the kitchen and takes what he wants from the freezer, when he points to his heart and mine that is him telling me he loves me. i am 61 and i am so proud of him and his family.

Ingrid
Believe me when I say for all the tears you and your family will shed you have no idea how euphoric you will feel at his achievements. It is shear joy.
All the signs point that way but wait and see.

My grandson started to talk. He could say mummy daddy teddy etc, then gradually he lost all his words. He started speaking again at age 3 but the words were garbled and barely understandable. He was diagnosed as autistic at age 5. He had speech therapy for childhood dyspraxia of speech and is much easier to understand now.
My daughter home educated him until she could take him no further. He has a place at a school for children with learning disabilities. He is marvellous at taking apart and putting back together all things electrical/mechanical, has wonderful computer skills and is great with animals.
Moreover, he is a lovely boy.
If your grandson grows up anything like mine you will be proud of him.

You'll love him just the same.

I was about to add something similar to Sarnia.

My friend’s grandson was diagnosed at just 18 months in another part of the country. She insists that early intervention was essential because he then went to a nursery where staff liaised with his parents and when he went to school they worked very closely together. He has blossomed and I believe starts HighSchool in Sept. He has had so much help since he was diagnosed and his parents have been so involved as well.

Thank you Sarnia

You could have been writing about my grandson. He seemed to be developing at the proper rate up to around 18 months. He was increasing his vocabulary then within a few weeks would not speak. I looked after him 2 days a week and noticed these changes with some alarm. I would sit for ages with picture books, take him out and chat to him about what we could see but no response whatsoever. His Mum spoke to her GP and she set the ball rolling to have assessments from the health professionals. A diagnosis of autism was made and he had an EHCP (Educational Healthcare Plan) set up for him. An EHCP is like gold dust and opened doors to a specialist education, tailored for his individual needs. This has to be the route your son and DIL need to take. Nobody wants to have a disability confirmed for their child but they need to know what they will be dealing with for everyone's benefit but especially your grandson. Don't Google 'Autism'. It will show you the most severe and the spectrum is huge. Many autistic children can attend mainstream school with additional help. There is a saying 'When you have met one autistic child, you have met one autistic child, a never was anything so true. My grandson is a strapping 15 year old now with impeccable manners and a kind and engaging personality beyond his years. It wasn't always so. He had momentous meltdowns and found life overwhelming but he has learned coping strategies, as we all have. No definite cause of autism has been found although genetics may play a part. Basically, an autistic's brain is wired differently to us neuro typicals. My grandson tells me has a dodgy electrician in when his brain was forming. The bottom hasn't fallen out of your world, although you may feel like it has. You will all go on a huge learning curve in the months and years ahead and you will see that a diagnosis of autism is not a death sentence. My very best wishes to you all.

He will have a health visitor home visit when he is 2 years....where they will assess development using a formal tool....any concerns they will refer him to a community paediatrician

Maybe he was behaving that way as he didn’t recognise you or didn't remember you.

The parents will deal with any testing if they want it, not every one wants a diagnosis , autism is such a huge spectrum, not always needing special measures of support.

Follow your daughters lead on this one. I had to have a difficult conversation with my own daughter about this - and we are very close!
Get her to bring up the subject with her health visitor - but again only if she brings it up first.

Enjoy your grandson for the little boy he is

Hi Ingrid Laura N has given good advice.
Your Grandson is the same little boy, enjoy him.
You wouldn’t use the term “non verbal” to describe such a young child. Communication isn’t just about the spoken word. Children develop language at different rates.

How is he making his needs known? If the screaming when picked up is new he could either be starting to make his needs known or may be in pain for some reason?

Just be there and listen to your daughter. Be available if she needs you. If he starts to attend a Preschool setting from the age of 2 or 3 the staff should pick up on any social communication and interaction differences and speak to the parents.
Try not to worry.