Dementia dad refusing to go to any activities.

watermeadow

When I see pictures of activities for old people I cringe, imagining being parked in a plastic-covered chair to hear war-time songs round a piano.
If someone has never been interested in board games or model railways or yoga they are not likely to enjoy them later
when confused and tired.
I hope to spend my dotage in bed with a cat asleep on me and Radio 3 on.

I think you have a very old fashioned view of what happens nowadays watermeadow.

mrsba Thanks for sharing this.
Great move mrsba's dad!

When I see pictures of activities for old people I cringe, imagining being parked in a plastic-covered chair to hear war-time songs round a piano.
If someone has never been interested in board games or model railways or yoga they are not likely to enjoy them later
when confused and tired.
I hope to spend my dotage in bed with a cat asleep on me and Radio 3 on.

My dad refused to go to a centre, but went willingly as a 'helper' he would shuffle round with a tin of biscuits to share at tea time and the nurses were dependent on his ability to give out the sugar and tea spoons! he looked at it as his job and told people he was a helper looking after the elderly! Eventually it was too much for him, but had made friends and wanted to go and visit them

I paid a carer to sit with my husband while I got out to Church or club or shopping

Can someone take him out for a drive around ?
A cousin of my husband used to turn up at the door , his carer drove him here and either came in or sat in the car waiting
It was distressing for me as Jim had died a year before , but I made them a drink and a biscuit
This was a paid carer brought him

If ones memory (and confidence) are unreliable - it is not fun to go to new places and try new things with new people. So maybe he could be helped to go places he knows and likes?

Taking him out is to give his wife a break. He didn't settle in the house and just wanted to drive.

Honestly, if he doesn't want to go, there is no point in forcing him. The man has dementia.

So instead of driving him to day centres, he would rather not visit, sit with him in his home, so his wife can have an hour to rest, go to the hairdresser, church, the public library, shopping, whatever she likes.

She will appreciate this far more than you all badgering her husband to do something he sees no need to do, which probably makes him even harder for her to care for.

I devoutly hope no-one will ever suggest my going to an activities centre, because what I have seen of them would certainly drive me nuts, with or without dementia!

If he's happy to sit at home peacefully and watch tv then let him. It's a bonus if someone suffering with dementia can still sit and be settled, so many sufferers experience persistent, intractable agitation characterised by a need to be on the go constantly. A caution though, if he sits for long periods encourage him to move around regularly to keep his limbs from.stiffening up

I think it can be upsetting for them seeing people with the same disease but in a bad way and thinking they’ll soon be like it themselves.
Maybe you could get someone to sit with him at home while his wife goes out for a break?

Are you trying to get him to go out because the family think it will do him good, or because they need a break. Doesn't sound like he'd enjoy it if he's always prefered to spend his spare time on his own at home. He might as well be left to watch TV. If his carers just need a break that's another matter and understandable.

forum.alzheimers.org.uk/

This is the link to Talking Point

There's an Alzheimer Dementia support forum ,have a look on there, the forum is very helpful. my husband has alzheimers and won't go to any of these places, he's says he's happy at home....just sits and watches repeats on telly, as if it's the first time he's seen them...and eats biscuits...

For memory cafes it is normal for a 'carer' to go too. We do not do any personal care. The carers find it helpful to get together too.

Day centres are different.

Our village Helping Hands group can provide companionship and transport.

My mum and dad were both hesitant about going to a day centre never been group people but they absolutely loved it when the got used to it
Alzheimer’s society are very helpful and I don’t know if they still do but they used to sit free of charge with mum while Dad went out (mum had Alzheimer’s and Dad was fine just elderly)
We have a lovely community theatre here that does loads with Alzheimer’s, memory cafes, singing old song days, games etc etc nearly every day there is something Try going together to start with then go half the time by then he may get used to it

My mother watches TV all day, she is happy doing that as she doesn’t like mixing with other people, not everyone likes activities.

I think he's too far gone for that. He has been driving often to the office but they understand and tell him he had a day off.

What was his job, kircubbin2000?
Is it something that might "transfer" into something else?

My mum has never been one for activities nor socialising which makes things challenging so I have sympathy. She did like going out for a coffee and cake or afternoon tea. I don't think you can make him go, if he doesn't want to. Sorry

Jaxjacky

My mum was the same kircubbin I went with her twice, she stubbornly refused to go to the next one. I’m sorry I can’t help with any options, mum just wanted to be at home so we visited and she had carers until she had to go into a very pleasant care home.

This is the reality.

My mum was the same kircubbin I went with her twice, she stubbornly refused to go to the next one. I’m sorry I can’t help with any options, mum just wanted to be at home so we visited and she had carers until she had to go into a very pleasant care home.

Unfortunately he never had any hobbies or interests outside work. When he retired he was only in his 60s and spent the day watching TV. He never read books.

Has he been diagnosed by GP?yes Alzheimers society and Admiral nurses a great idea.
There is help out there I hope they find some....

Maybe accompany him a couple of times, and join in (alongside him) with a few activities? My MiL (who sadly had dementia) used to enjoy DH & I joining her in activities, when she was in a care home. Check with the organisers first: I wouldn't think they'd say no? (With MiL it also gave us something to do together and to talk about.) Worth a try?