Black Dog 23

HVDY you’ve all been so kind to me and I know you care. There isn’t really anything anyone could say to help me and if I tried to comfort others in a similar situation I wouldn’t know what to say either, but I do appreciate the support.
Jaffa sounds quite the gentleman. Glad he’s ok. How does he get on with Little Girl?
You had a busy night last night and tonight with your other DGDs . I bet you love it though.
Sweetpeasue it will be interesting to hear the rheumatologists views on your husbands care. Can’t believe he has to wait so long.
The café at Henley was lovely. Beautiful views of the river. I do love being by the river but I love the sea and would like to go to the seaside again. I will have to see if one of our sons will take me next year,
Have lots of lovely cuddles with fluff all tonight,
Willow so pleased to hear you went out for a walk. Despite the weather it will have done you good,
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a good day. Have you been out?
I was going for a walk but it was so miserable outside my friend and I stayed in making things for Christmas, I am trying hard to get some enthusiasm up.
Ellie Anne I do hope you’re ok.

Wyllow Well done you for getting out for a walk yesterday. Glad you have a reason to dress when you go for that walk. Hope your tum is better too.
HVDY Hope Littlegirl continues to get better. She must love it when she comes to you. Have a nice evening with your GGDs.

Short message tonight.
Took aunt out this morning. Both v tired and have Fluffball overnight tonight as son and wife going away for short break. Hoping she doesn't respond to next door noises- they have dogs too.
Thinking of you all and wishing all a peaceful night.xx

SweetpeaSue All this waiting for hospital appointments is poor, isn't it? The NHS is under so much pressure, and yet more and more people are coming into the country........ I hope you and your husband manage to have a better day today.

Wyllow3 Good that you made an effort and went for a walk. The Wyllow we all know is there and will be back one day.

LittleGirl was as good as gold last night - eventually fell asleep in the cot at 9.15, slept until 7.45am, had breakfast, a play, etc., and Son2 picked her up at 11.30. DH and I are sitting with the other GDs this evening, whilst Son1 and his GF go out for a meal. Hope ALL BDers are ok today x

Thank you for your very kind words, all, on my yesterday -all very thoughtful.

I’d like to live by the sea too Scardeycat. Frustrating for you not being able to do those woodland walks.

Tomorrow, I’m glad you are going to meet up - a little mini break trip away - but it’s really sad that DD and family have Covid, I hope its not too bad for them.

Good for you for getting out today Sweetpeasue by the sea. It sounds like you have a good plan for after DH sees the Rheumatologist.

I can recall you writing about your time with DH in the hospice Doodle. Keep on with your wine! Good to hear you had company for lunch. Big hug, as ever.

Very good to hear that the vet was pleased with Jaffa and the vet has “signed him off”. “He's a beautiful cat with a gentle nature” - a lot down to your care, HVDY. I hope you have had a reasonably peaceful night with LittleGirl - good for her parents to have a break.

Day a bit better as I went out for a walk. Wasn’t sunny, but was exercise and makes me get dressed!

Thinking of all BD’s not in today - xx, night night.

Doodle Most people have very good experiences with hospices , I believe. They have wonderful nurses and Dr's and so glad your own DH could go there. Hospitals just haven't the time for individual care, so much.
Oh Henley, overlooking the river- sounds a beautiful place.You live in a lovely area too , so far from my own area.
It was Rheumatologist who referred DH to Vascular dept. He was nice but I think he'll be surprised at how DH was dismissed there. He now has to wait till end Jan for 2nd opinion at Vascular.
HVDY So pleased Jaffa has stabilised now and vet has given him the OK. All down to your own care and watchfulness. I think DH's breathlessness and chest wheeze could be down to the blood not circulating properly with this Subclavian Steal Syndrome thing but the last Vascular appt wasn't efficient at all. Now waiting again.
Hope you have nice time with Littlegirl.

SweetpeaSue It sounds idyllic where you live. How lovely to be near a beach and pier. It sounds as though you had a very nice time with Fluffball and your grandson. The situation with your mum must have been terribly upsetting for you. I hope your husband gets some help soon. What's causing his breathlessness and wheezing? I must say, I've been wheezing a lot at night. Mine is to do with the weather, I think.

Doodle I, too, remember how kind and understanding you were to me when I was so concerned about my sons and Son1's children. You always know what to say to people to make them feel better. I wish I knew what to say to you but I don't think there are any words that would help with your grief. I care, though. Your day today sounds very enjoyable.

Wyllow3 It does feel as though we all know each other. We're all friends here. If only we all lived near to each other.... Do you sit with your feet raised? My ankles sometimes get swollen and ache, so I put my legs on the settee when watching tv. Koko, you can and will get better. Keep believing it.

ScaredyCat Where you live sounds very scenic. I love the colours of the trees at this time of year. Beautiful. How nice that you've kept in touch with your SIL all these years. You must get on very well. I hope your family members all feel better soon.

Jaffa had a check-up today. Vet was pleased with him. He's always very well-behaved (he doesn't meow, hasn't got a voice), and he hasn't got to go again unless he seems unwell. He's a beautiful cat with a gentle nature. Took my friend for lunch and gave her a present and card for her birthday tomorrow. LittleGirl came here at 3.30, staying the night as parents and sister have gone to Birmingham for dinner and theatre. They'll pick baby up late morning. Hop ALL BDers have a restful night x

Evening all.
Sweetpeasue thank you for your kind words. Yes the hospice is somewhere special for me. They took good care of DH. I’m just so grateful he didn’t die in that awful ward with no windows and plain walls to look at day after day for four weeks. To get to the hospice with a garden outside the window and the peace was wonderful,.
I do wish you could get some proper help for your DH. Hope the rheumatologist is on the ball this time and can help.
Good you had a little walk though.
Willow i remember how fit you always were with your treadmill etc. Sorry you’ve not had such a good day today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Scaredycat yes DH was a lovely and kind man. He would certainly appreciate me carrying on with the wine 😊
Your SIl sounds a lovely person. Shame the rest of the family can’t join the visit too. Hope you have a good time.
HvDY have you been out and about today? Not sure if you have Little Girl on Fridays or not. Is Jaffa being good?
I’ve been to Henley with a friend today. Had a lovely lunch overlooking the river. People watching and relaxing.

Scaredycat Thankyou for your caring words .Oh you have some lovely Woodlands nearby too. The autumn colour is especially beautiful this year I think. It's good for MH to be outdoors in natural surroundings isn't it. We made ourselves walk by the sea this afternoon and it was good even through the aches n pains. I'm trying hard not to let it stop us from walking where possible.
It's nice for you to keep in touch with SIL when you've such a good relationship. Shame your DD and family have covid- I do hope they spon get over it. Enjoy your days away.
Doodle Hope you've been OK today. It must be very hard with the end of the year approaching. I don't know what to say but think of you and sending you hugs and love.

Had a small walk today. DH had to sort out why the surgery stopped his statins a while ago. A mistake and he's now supposed to wait till end of the month for a nurse practitioner to ring him about abnormal lipids found in his blood tests yesterday. I've told DH that after he's seen Rheumatologist on Monday next week we'll be sorting it next week with the GP. He's still breathless and wheezing and it's a long time to wait for new Vascular appt end of January. Hoping Rheumatologist can help on Monday.
Hope everyone has had as good a day as you can. Love to all and those not personally mentioned.

Hi all.
HVDY- I expect little girls mouth is still sore so eating hurts a bit. The yoghurts must have felt soothing.
I remember taking my Daughters girls to see the ducks. The middle one was scared stiff of the Canada geese- then GGC and they loved the ducks . Duck was one of the first words DGGS said!!
We live in a village at the edge of the town so can walk straight into the countryside. But now I can’t walk like I did we walk on the Woodland Trust and the roads around the village.
SweetPeaSue- I put a scarf on today as you’re right it’s flippin cold. Oh I,m envious you can walk on a pier . Love watching surfers too . Heaven fish and chips and moon on the water. I,m so glad you have a beautiful place to live and that it was a good day.
Good idea of Doodles to use when persuading DH.
Your poor Mum it must have been beyond heartbreaking.
Wyllow- Those dressing gown days must be very tiring for you - so many confusions and what ifs clouding your thoughts.
SweetPeaSue put it so well when she said the illness is not you .
Your really sharp intelligence,your humour ,your great capacity for love,your family they are all you . You just need setting free to do all the things you enjoyed before.
You have made a start Wyllow- as you say this inactive person is not you. Perhaps you could try just a small walk every other day- you don’t have to go far. It will help your ankles.At least in the cold weather we don’t have to worry what to wear!!
I too have pictures of you all in my mind and think how nice it would be to meet one day.
Doodle- I understand how you feel about DH favourite Xmas treats etc. but I think he would be happy for you to keep on his traditions. He sounded the most kind and generous of men .
He’d certainly approve of the wine🍷🍷
Glad Art was fun and that the hospice is somewhere you can go to feel the sense of peace you need.
Tomorrow DH and I are going to visit my SiL from my late husband. We have been friends since we were 17 and we all love her including DH. MyDD should have come with us but her,herDH , GD3and boyfriend all have Covid😩she is so sad as are we as we were looking forward to it so much. It’s in my home town so we are going for 2 nights- it is always such a treat to go back.
Wishing all BDs old and new and any one else who just reads a weekend of kindness.

Wyllow So sorry you had dressing gown day 'just to survive'. When I had mine ,I kept under the covers and just wanted to be 'me' . I prayed for everyone here and those in MH group and just wanted peace for all.
Hate to think of you as isolated as I know what that feels like, even when I have those that care for me. I' m in a different place now to where I was , thank goodness, but I never want to be there again. Please koko , you might not feel it, but you are doing better- you'd never have walked by yourself before. You are Wyllow. In MH group there was a circle on paper and another intersecting it. One was the person, the other the problem/illness. Two different things. You are not the illness, You are still Wyllow who has the illness.
I have a picture in my mind of people here too. Wish I could reach out to you and heal that poorly Wyllow. You will get better, believe it. You will. So hard for you now , feeling alone. Big warm hug and much love. I care. xx

Read but very exhausted, tho it was a dressing gown day when I just "survive"..

So much caring and love in the posts today for each other and good to read as get so isolated. Feel I know people and make pictures in my mind.

Must try to do better, as my ankles are swelling for lack of walking. this is not me at all! a lifetime of yoga, swimming, cycling.

Night night see you all tomorrow.

Doodle I do understand the time scale and the way it can work. So long in some ways- so short in others.
Good you had a nice time at art.
Hospices are very peaceful. I have a bad experience of it however in my mum's case. The staff were great but my mum wanted to go home- which was impossible- she was in extreme pain with Pancreatic Cancer - needed the best care. Drugs she had left her unable to communicate with us- Ketamine.
I'm sure that with your own DH it was the best way ever. I remember you saying how good it was -I'm so glad about that.
I hear what you say about my DH and how best to cope. Also about the videos , thankyou.
I'm so very sorry for your heartache and longing. I care very much , just as we all do here.
I will always remember how kind and helpful you were to me in my first posts here.
Wishing you a good night's sleep. Hugs.x

Sweetpeasue these last 6 months have been the longest of my life in some ways but have gone quickly in others.
I am having better days but the pain of missing him doesn’t get any less. I keep myself busy which helps and yes our family and friends have been so good to me.
You need to do all you can for your DH’s health. Suggest he lets you help for your sake not just his. Please don’t forget the photos and videos. So many I know regret they can’t hear their loved ones voice.
Willow so glad you got out to the gardens today. It was a nice day here so I’m hoping you had some sunshine too.
Scaredycat such kind words. Thank you. One of the things is struggle with are all the treats that DH enjoyed. Mince pies and Christmas puddings. I find it difficult to eat the things he loved so much. Not the same problem with the wine though thank goodness,
Glad you are still getting out walking. Wrap up though. It can be really cold.
HVDY Little Girl still not back on top form then. Hope she gets better soon. You must be tired after such a long day.
I had a good day at art then went to the hospice for a bit. I love it there so peaceful

Doodle Hard to believe 6mths has gone by since you lost your DH. It doesn't seem that long at all. High hug from me too. Hope your day has been made better with company.
Scaredycat Thanks , yes I do have to push DH. Probably not so different to others. You did well to have a walk again today - it's so blooming cold. I look forward to son coming home though I know he's eager to see his wife, son and friends too. Kind lovely words to Doodle.
Wyllow It's so good you managed your walk in the Botanical Gardens. It must be so nice there-Ive never been myself.
Oh I should say you can buy Movicol at pharmacies too though your surgery should supply it as its an ongoing med problem for you. Hope your day hasn't been too bad today. Your post was late last night- hope you got some sleep in.
HVDY Aw I thought Littlegirl would be able to eat the jelly but the yoghurt were good for her. I hope she's soon back to full health. I expect the 90min sleep would help and do her good. It's so sad when children feel poorly though they can spring back quite quickly.

We managed and we went for a little walk along the pier after school. Watched the surfers and had fish n chips looking over the sea and a full moon came out casting a shimmer on the water. Came back to ours and played a memory game then took them both back. Sooo tired but lovely to see him.
Wishing all a peaceful night and love to all and those who just read.

Doodle Half a year since your dear husband went. This time of year is emotional for many people. Thinking of you. Your lovely family and friends will help to get you through it.

SweetpeaSue Your husband is lucky to have you supporting him and pushing for things to be done. I think most men are reluctant to seek help.

Wyllow The botanical gardens sound nice. I expect there are birds and perhaps squirrels to watch. I hope today has been a decent day for you.

ScaredyCat Do you walk anywhere in particular? Park? Round the shops?

LittleGirl has just gone (from 7.30). We went for a walk in a park and fed the ducks. She's completely off her food. She refused the jelly but had yoghurts and slept for 90 minutes. Hope ALL BDers have been ok today x

Hi all.
HVDY- Oh I do miss a cat on my lap - he really is a character isn’t he.
I hope your DH will be able to hve a CPAP machine- I know I have mentioned it before but my BiL has been helped so much since he had his and so ultimately has my Sister !!
Hope the jelly helped little girls sore mouth.
Had a walk yesterday and today - it’s quite cold but at least it’s dry.
Doodle- oh goodness that time has gone by so quickly- this first year so many things are reminders and anniversaries aren’t they. This time of year is especially hard - as a family you can celebrate the wonderful man who you all loved so much. I know you like lights so light lots of lights and enjoy the goodies and know your DH loved you very much he would want you to feel the special love of Christmas . Nothing will make up for his absence but love will get you through.
I,m sending you a high hug too!!!!!
SweetPeaSue- hope you were OK with Fluffball and DGS.Sounds like the school is quite near to your house. You must feel so happy when DS is home again.
I think the way you deal with your DH problems is really well balanced. You always fight his corner and when he is reluctant to act you give him a gentle push. We fight for those we love .
Wyllow- glad your care worker is helping you and hope the manager will take on board that you need more help and continuity over the the holiday period.
Botanical Gardens sound lovely- can you walk there? Is there a cafe as well?
I expect by now you know we,ve all used Movicol or know someone who does. Perhaps the pharmacist would help you.
Hope you managed to sleep ok you were awake late last night.
Love to all

Very tired so just brief tonight.

Sweetpeasue my sympathies for your dressing gown day, and really hope you feel well enough for picking up GDS and Fluffball. Very good ideas from others about your psychologist.

Lovely post as ever Scaredycat take care now.

I’m sorry to hear of delays for DH, HVDY. Hoping the CPAP machine helps. Jaffa is a lovely cuddly cat, sounds like he’s making up of years of not stroking! Poor LittleeGirl, jelly seems a great idea.

Yes Doodle time weighing heavily indeed since you lost your lovely man - hugs sent. I recall so well your post telling us xxx

Care worker is talking to care manager, she will ring me.
Still to ring doc re movicol, today went to Botanical Gardens.

Message 21.41 I'd printed earlier but hadn't pressed ' post'. Sorry for the confusion.

Doodle I hadn't pressed the post symbol my last message so realised you had posted since.
It's incredible that it's 26 weeks on Sunday that you post your precious D
G. Doesn't seem that long at all. As I said
about my mum- couldn't understand at
all that she would be relegated to 'the
past' so quickly - it didn't seem real.
I couldn't come to terms with that.
I can understand it's not the same at all for your other half. I don't want you to think I know about that because I don't. I know it would be much worse if I lost my DH. That's why it's so hard to know what to do for the best. I don't want to let him down and need to be in control over his health issues. He isn't a person to push his own health problems.
You understand so much Doodle.
I'm really so sorry. Xxx

Scaredycat Son came home yesterday so he has my DGS now. He's going out with friends tomorrow so DGS walks down Rd to us then we'll go and get Fluffball and hopefully, crossed fingers, take him for a walk. I'm just hoping I'll be OK. Sounds like a good cake you had there.
HVDY Oh dear, sorry that your DHs appt has been put back- he's waited so long for that. I dread post coming through the door in case it is a cancellation. Everything takes so long to sort out doesn't it. Jaffa sounds like Fluffball wanting lots of strokes and attention! So glad his fur is growing nicely. Have a good time with Littlegirl tomorrow and sure the jelly will go down nicely.x
.

Ellie Anne don’t know where the high hug comes from I meant big hug.

Ellie Anne you know we all care about you and hate you have such little joy in your life. Not much I can say really just that we’re here if you want to talk and here if you don’t say anything. Sending you a very high hug.xx
Sweetpeasue could you not tell the psychiatrist that you are concerned at not having any more contact and would like to have a further appointments so you can bring up any concerns. Tell him about all the worry you’ve had over your DH’s health.
Sorry you’ve not been feeling so good today. Hope you were ok to pick up your DGS. I have a friend who has fibromyalgia and I know she suffers a lot of pain. Isn’t it crazy you have to wait so long for an appointment.
Scaredycat thank you headache gone today. I went to church this morning then I went with friends to a farm shop. Had a nice day but bit upset in church. It will be 26 weeks on Sunday and 6 calendar months next Tuesday since I lost my darling husband. It is weighing heavily on my mind at the moment.
Wyllow Movicol is not like other laxatives it doesn’t produce a violent reaction you could try taking one every day for a bit to see how it works out, hope your Gp prescribes it and it helps
I hope you get more help too. I think you need to have someone with you more often.
HVDY sounds though your DH really needs that CPAP machine. Sorry to hear yet another appointment put back.
I had my lung check put back. They rang me the day of the appointment to say they didn’t have enough staff to cover the clinic. Must be very therapeutic to sit stroking Jaffa,
I spent a long time Sunday sitting cuddling DS1s dog. So nice

ScaredyCat Jaffa sits/lies on my lap, often for an hour at a time. He demands that I stroke him the whole time! He still gobbles his food in one go, and is fed 5 times a day! Ridiculous, but I'm glad he's putting on weight and has such nice fur now. LitttleGirl has got a few blisters in her mouth, but is drinking lots and having ice cream. I've made some jelly for her for tomorrow. The cake you had sounds delicious. Have you been out today at all?

Wyllow3 I hope your care worker might come up with a plan and that somehow you'll get a care visit over Christmas. I used to work every Christmas Day until lunchtime, when I was a Carer.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful evening x

Doodle I hope your headache went quickly last night and that you've had a good day today.

EllieAnne Sorry for your situation. I hope you're having decent weather and have been able to get out.

SweetpeaSue I hope the rest in bed made you feel a bit better afterwards. Everyone seems to be waiting ages for hospital appointments. DH's long-awaited Endocrinology appt has been put back to the end of December, but he's got to see someone at the lung function department this month. He's had a letter to say he's got severe sleep apnoea, so he'll probably end up with a CPAP machine. Hope tomorrow is better for you with collecting your grandson and having the dog. I bet your grandson loves Fluffball.

Hi all
HVDY- hope you and Jaffa had a happy evening together. Does he sit on your lap? Poor little girl that blister must be really painful- glad she’s not as poorly as last time.
Yes it was lovely to chat and cake was really nice- raisin,apple in lattice pastry.
Doodle- hope your headache has gone today. Glad you had a nice day yesterday though.
EllieAnne- nice of you to pop in - so sorry for your unhappy situation.
SweetPeaSue
I do understand you being nervous of going it alone MH wise. You have certainly tried so hard and just pleased for you the ADs have been such a help.
You obviously needed your dressing gown rest day both physically and mentally. Hope it helped you enjoy your Fluffball day today. Do you take her to meet your DGS from school? The children must love her.
Wyllow- the hamper is a great idea for your family - they will love it. Positive thoughts about cards too- you are really having moments of positivity amongst all your down time. You got through the dressing gown day too- what a special person you are.
Hope today the care worker was able to help you sort out some
Help over what otherwise would be a difficult time.
Hope too the Doc agreed to the Movicol- you can just buy it but I expect you need reassurance that it won’t react with your other meds. I don’t think it will.
Take care of yourself and hope you get a restful night.
Love to all mentioned and not. Thinking of all those we haven’t heard from latelyxx