Black Dog 23

Doodle Of course you should tell it how it is. Never think otherwise, please. You've always encouraged us to do the same. This is what makes BD legitimate and sincere.
Please don't take back one word .We want to be here for you.
So good your son lands here tomorrow. I hope you'll let him comfort you. I understand that , as a mum, you will feel it should be other way.round, but you need , at this time , to accept your son's comfort and help.
Sleep well tonight Doodle. Your DH is with you.x

Sorry Sweetpeasue and all. I’ve just read back all I’ve written and I shouldn’t have put all those thoughts into words. I didn’t mean to bring anyone down or to ramble on so much.
Thanks for all your kindness. You’re all trying so hard to help me and despite how it sounds, I really do appreciate your love and support. xx

Oh Doodle You post with such sincerity. This is the place to come with all that- even though you know we can't bring back your beloved other half.
Fact is , there's no one who knows us better than our OH.
I wish I could help. Your own words say it all , how nothing can replace that intimate relationship.
I've no words to help Doodle. Just know I care , as do all of us here. Hope you have a restful night's sleep. Take courage in Scaredycat's words. She has experienced more than I. Sending a huge hug.

Candy nice to hear from you. Hope all is ok.
HVDY I feel so sorry for poor Jaffa. Sounds painful but at least he’s getting the best possible care from you. No one could do more for him. He’s a lucky cat. Hope he’s not in too much discomfort.
Good he’s seen the vet. Hope he improves quickly now.
Scaredycat I’ve been told by someone of a family that have 3 house cats. They too have cat proofed their garden with netting so the cats can go in the garden but not get out.
No you’re right, our pets are never just pets they are always members of the family.
Yes I do tell DH what I’m up to. If I’m going out I say come on, we’re off to church or shopping or something. I like to think of him being with me wherever I go. I also write to him most days with a brief message of what I’ve been doing.
Do you have any meds that help with the AF? I didn’t realise it is tiring. You never complain and cope so well with life I didn’t realise it caused you to have this problem.
Sweetpeasue thanks yes I have had a good day. Been for a nice meal and didn’t get home till late. Our son is due home tomorrow morning. I’ll be glad when his flight lands. I always worry.
Sleep well all

Wyllow I can understand that feeling of being left alone again. I can have a good time out with friends and enjoy company then I get home and as soon as I shut the front door the tears come. It’s not so much being at home it’s the aloneness of it all.
Of course you must tell it like it is. This is definitely the place. Is your cleaner pleasant, do you have a chat?
Hope today has been better.
Ellie Anne we have missed you. Sorry you’ve been so unwell that must have been hard for you if you weren’t able to get out. Hope you’re feeling better now,
Sweetpeasue please take that step and take a chance on doing something. The sit fit class sounds like a good place to meet others. It’s always hard to make the first move but if I hadn’t gone to my art class despite being very scared, I wouldn’t have the 5 friends I have made since being there.
Whiff thank you for the timely warning. It’s so easy to be duped by these hackers. Well done for being in the ball.
HVDY nothing much to admire here I’m afraid.
I haven’t been going out joining things and going places because I’m trying to get on with life. I haven’t thought this is my life and I’d better make the most of it. There is no bravery going on here.

The thought of not having that special person with you that you can rely on all the time, that you know will be there for you no matter what. That person that comforts you when you are sad, knows how you’re feeling, how to make you laugh and just smile with the joy of being together.

When you lose that person the fear of being alone to cope with life is terrifying. It doesn’t matter if you have a loving family or hundreds of friends, you just don’t have the person that has been there solely for you. The things you share with your life partner that no one else knows the softness and touch and understanding without needing words. The loss of that person can’t be replaced by anyone or anything. That’s where the fear kicks in. It’s that fear and panic that terrifies me and spurs me on to meet with people. Just to have something to do to occupy my mind. So sorry, as I say, nothing to be admired only a coward trying to find a way to exist.

SweetpeaSue some cats are quiet, but I suspect Jaffa's lack of voice is to do with his condition. He's still snotty so the vet suggested I get some vitamins to boost his immunity. I'd already ordered that on Wednesday, it arrived today. A paste stuff. He's very good at licking these various medicines from a spoon. I'm so pleased you had a good day today. The dog sounds cute and obviously likes being with you. Would you have a pet yourself?

How's everyone else's day been? x

Thankyou so much Whiff. Kind of you to think of us. I once had a message , looked v authentic on the text, from someone at book club asking me to but a game card thing and she'd pay me back. So many scams now.
HVDY Aw your poor little Jaffa. He's going to be a quiet pet but such a shame he's been rendered mute by previous negligence. You have been so good with your time and can understand how expensive it must be with vet's charges and all the food. It was a great shame you had only just bought him a large batch then he couldn't eat it. He's not 'just a cat' he's your cat and a family member now. If you hadn't taken notice of him from the beginning he probably wouldn't be alive now. I hope he continues to get better .x
Scaredycat I too was wondering how your AF was though didn't I've to ask in case it worried you. You do so well to manage it every day and keep on .
Like your analogy though not a lover of frogs! Used to be thousands of teeny ones on the lane to my aunt yrs ago and it was difficult to walk without treading on them- I was a nervous wreck walking that lane. You're right there are many things to do - just need courage.
EllieAnne Hope you'll be OK this weekend and are feeling better.
Candy A wave, as you're flying through.
Doodle Hope today has been kind to you. Appreciated you coming in last night to respond.

Been a good day today. Took Fluffball for a small walk by side of a small river- well more of a stream really. She was v interested in the ducks and really curious.

Wishing you all a peaceful night.x

ScaredyCat He's got the 2 canines on the bottom so looks daft. He's odd because he doesn't make much of a sound. He opens his mouth to "speak" but usually, no sound comes out . I hope you're having a good day. The weather's not great, all foggy and damp, but at least it isn't raining.

EllieAnne I hope you feel better soon. I always think of you at weekends and wonder how you're getting on.

Hope everyone else is ok today. I'm having a "tidy up" day x

Hi all.
HVDY- I agree it’s not natural for a cat to be indoors all the time but sometimes for their safety or health it has to be. Never heard of the netting stuff it sounds really good and it would be lovely if Jaffa can sit in the sun. It’s,great he is feeling more lively . He must look sweet without his pointy teeth! My DD cat who had all his out bar one miaows a lot and his mouth is a big pink cavern!! There is no such thing as “just a cat” . They are part of our families and mean such a lot . If only all cat owners were as kind as you.
The farm park sounded lovely - you a a brilliant Nan.
Doodle- nice to hear you had a good day yesterday. Do you tell your DH what you have been up to when you look at his photo- he would be so proud of you and how hard you are trying to help yourself heal.
Sending you a big hug and hope today is being kind to you.
SweetPeaSue- sorry Book Club has become a pretty unpleasant experience for you. Don’t go because you think you should only go if you want to.
Doodle gave you some good ideas - perhaps some of those things happen where you live. I realise you find it hard to join new established groups but there are some lovely people out there who are kind and understanding. U3A have many interest groups within their Groups. You can go on line and see what is happening at ones near you. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs!!!!!!
Wyllow- don’t think I,ll be replanting the pansies - just giving them a good talking to😀 My AF is there 24/7 permanently and makes me feel very tired. But it will never get better so,I just have to get on with it as best I can. Thank you for asking.
I get what you,re saying about the messed up day. It must have seemed no sooner did you get out with your carer you,d finished and there wasnt time to enjoy the companionship. It heightened your situation. It makes me sad to think of you alone and not allowing yourself any enjoyment. As SPS says please don’t be so hard on yourself - you deserve a better life and it is achievable. When your new career comes back you can start with a haircut - it will be a good feeling for you- even though it won’t be easy.
Do you have a chat with your cleaner?
Sending encouraging hugs xx
Whiff- thank you for your informative and helpful post.
Why do people have to be so divisive and cruel.
Hope you’re doing ok
Candy- good to see you. Wishing you good days too.
EllieAnne- hope you,ll be back to health soon. Will think of you this weekend.
Love to allx

Jaffa's seen the vet, she's pleased with him, though says his gums are still inflamed and prescribed more painkillers, anti-inflammatory stuff, and an antibiotic. He'll need to be on a mousse-type food for a month. Just ordered him some food. He's a very expensive cat . Love to all x

Morning all, haven’t been in for ages but am reading to catch up. Thinking of you all and wishing you the best days possible. Love to all xx

SweetpeaSue That's a shame about your book club. The leader of it sounds lacking in compassion. I've known people like that, too (one told me I was lucky not to have to go to work after my stroke). As Doodle says, look online for groups or classes, you should find something. Would your husband accompany you initially if you don't want to go alone? Yes, I'm so pleased that Jaffa feels happy. We are all friends here.

Doodle I admire you so much. You've picked yourself up, joined many things, and get out and about. You're doing great.

Wyllow3 It's hard to get motivated. If I don't make definite plans to do something or go to places, I tend to sit at home and do nothing (I'm becoming like DH, in that respect). Please do keep posting. You can say what you like here, we all care.

Whiff Thanks for that. I had someone on Facebook claiming to be an old friend, asking me for money (I knew it was a scam as the friend is well-off and would never ask for money, nor would they have messaged me that way instead of ringing).

Thank you all for your good wishes about Jaffa. He's "just a cat" to some people, but not to me, and I'm sitting here crying at the moment (which is daft), touche by your caring words. He's eaten all of the food the vet prescribed, so he's got normal stuff and I've mashed it up . Back later x

Sorry haven't read the thread for a few days my days fly by. Only just read this page .

Please be aware there have been a raft of imposter posters. Mainly on the estrangement threads where the imposter has used a regular posters name but change a 0 zero into an O, or used LL instead of ll in a person's name ,changing a n to a m and changing a 2 into 7 . It's only because some eagled eye GN posters spotted the difference spelling GN have deleted those posts and banned those imposter posters. Also please be aware of any PMs you receive from names you don't recognise. I had one from Silverfox99 he said he was in America and gave me his email address. But when I went into search to see any posts from him there where none so blocked and reported him . There is a thread on Chat about others receiving PMs from names they don't know. The PMs are pleasant so pleased be on your guard.

Heard from my best friend yesterday who isn't on GN . But she has been hacked . It's in the hands of the police and banks. I had a strange email supposedly from her but knew it wasn't as she said hi sorry to bother you but could you help me . I deleted it as I knew they where after my bank details. And told my friend about it.

In the past had text from supposedly from my daughter asking for money . They where deleted as knew they weren't from my daughter. But let her know about them .

Just wanted to warn you all to be on your guard as you all have enough to dealt with in your your lives without this sort of nonsense.

Will get round to reading as have several pages to catch up with but wanted to warn you all to be on your guard. As it's has caused people to be hurt on the estrangement threads because of the imposters . Would hate anyone to be hurt on this thread ..

Sorry, just read that back Doodle. Looks like I'm quite selfish the way I've put it about 'the lady , working for me'. Not meant like that. I'm scared about dipping my toes into something new , always have been, though you are a great inspiration.

Here, reading your posts to me and feeling very acknowledged. You are all a big part of my life now - such a safe place for all.
Doodle The last MH group session there were many papers flying around for all with various things to attend , encouraging those to try different things. I'm thinking that the lady , I like, though have sort of held back, who goes to a sit fit class, might work for me. (as it happens she even lives in the same village).
You are so kind to all here and I just wish so much your beloved was still here for you, ( though I know he still is , in a different way). X
EllieAnne I know you are there and reading even when you're not in. Thankyou for your understanding. Hope you're feeling better soon.x
Wyllow Understand what you're saying, you must feel so much , yourself, with worker that it's so hard to go back to being alone when she's gone. Please ,please don't punish yourself. You've been punished enough. Don't let the self critic win. You are such a good, valuable person , so wish you could believe that.
I notice the often use of dressing gown- they're great underrated things. A cosy shell. I love mine. I understand how you mean it though. Hoping today is OK for you. Always in our thoughts Wyllow.x

Sweet pea sue so sorry for your hurt. It’s hard when you feel insignificant and are not acknowledged. I’ve been unwell this week so been quiet but am reading and thinking of you all. And Jaffa. He will have the best life possible.

I hope that the consultant can help with the sleep apnea, HVDY.
My DGC go to farm parks, HVDY. They are lovely. Then a playgroup, you really give her a great time. I hope Jaffa is OK tomorrow. Sorry to hear about the FIV.

Will you re plant your pansies, Scaredycat? They dont sound a good lot. Your usual kind thoughts for all. I hope your AF isnt too troubling at the moment, you dont mention it but wehavent forgotten.

Sweetpeasue thank you for all the things you said yesterday for me. Well done fr getting out with Fluffball but sorry then it got painful.
The book group one is a difficult decision. Being with people who dont understand and you are tired….then there is the bit of you saying its the only group I have….I dont know whats best, tbh, I hope you can make the right choice for you. Good advice from Doodle tho its hard with new people sometimes.

*Doodle …..it was so poignant, what you wrote about the hospital yesterday. I’m glad it was better today earlier on….oh, just lots of hugs and understanding for that home alone feeling.

Yesterday what happened was the worker turned up I’d got the day wrong, I was in my dressing gown and got dressed quickly for a little walk in the park. It was OK except just ..how to put this..because it’s so hurried, I just sort of get used to being with her, then get dropped off home, alone again. Today a bad day dressing gown and so frustrated with myself not doing anything, self punishing….hours go slowly by…this is the only place I say this.

I have learnt from all of you it’s OK to tell it like it is …tomorrow it’s the cleaner early, have to prepare a bit.

Sweetpeasue I’m sorry you are not feeling part of things at your book club. It does sound as though it’s not the group you originally started off with.
If you’re not getting enjoyment from the group then there’s no point in going. Try looking online for something else. Since I lost DH, by looking online I have found reasonably locally a craft group, a ramblers walking for wellness group, my art class, tai chi, talking tables, walking for mental health.
There are things out there is you search hard enough. Try the local library. Is there a knit and natter group.
I hope you find something that suits you more.
Yes we’re your friends here just as you have been a good friend to us. Love and hugs xx
HVDY glad to hear Jaffas feeling better

I'm feeling quite hurt by leader of book group. So much has been wrong with this group and it's been challenging to go since my friend of 20 yrs didn't believe my op going wrong in Oct 17th 2020 and is in book group.
I don't feel I can go there much longer. It's more of a chore than how it started . I only go because I've nowhere else to meet people. I felt very unwell on Wednesday and emailed the leader but had no acknowledgement , which has happened several times.
They're all meeting many times between then now , since the group was took over by U3A. I realise this info might be recognised by anyone in the group that could read GN. I no longer care. I know my pain has gone from that of the uterus ( because of botched procedure ) which was helped 18mths later by the op that took away the caused (from botched op) fallopian cyst and bowel adhesion, Now I've started with Fibromyalgia, which is I think has probably been caused by the stress of everything and DHs illness.
Unfortunately, I don't think it's been acknowledged .
Sorry, I'm trying to get a grip on what's been a big part of my life but must now be coming to an end.
Just trying to share with my true friends here.
You are all do dear to me now.

HVDY Aw that's a joy to hear.So pleased he's showing such improvement, I really am . Thanks for updating. You will be so relieved. 😊

Doodle A harness might work. I'm glad you had a good day. Yes, I suppose certain things will set you off like that. It's different, I know, but I couldn't bear to look at a photo of my mum for years. I hope you manage to rest well.

Jaffa is obviously feeling better - he's been running about, jumping up, playing with one of DH's clean socks and a small plastic ball from LittleGirl's ball pool. He's a lovely cat, and looks funny with his top 2 canine teeth missing . He's got toys of his own but I'll get him lots more. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Dear Doodle Giving you a big hug that is not going to mean much,even if it wasn't a virtual one. I know I,'d be the same if I was in your shoes. No one knows who it will be goes first and, selfishly, I'd hope its me. Just sending you so much love , and prayers for some comfort and peace of mind tonight. Hoping you'll have some ease tomorrow for a while. xxxxx

Wyllow sending hugs. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

HvDY lucky Jaffa has you looking out for his best interests. Could you take him out in the garden on a lead?
What a lovely day for Little Girl no wonder she’s asleep.😊
Scaredycat that was such a lovely post to me. Thank you.
I need it tonight. I’ve had a really busy day and an enjoyable one. Everything was fine till I looked at a picture of my DH and now I can’t stop crying. You’re so kind. Thank you.
Sweetpeasue as mentioned above, I’ve actually had a really good day. Been very busy and seen several friends but now I’m not doing so well. I might go to bed soon.
Hope you get to see the GP soon. Hope the pain is wearing off now

SweetpeaSue When we've had a pet (not only cats), we (mainly me) have always done our best by them. I can't understand why anyone wouldn't. He's at the vet's again tomorrow - another check-up and another antibiotic jab. Poor little boy. LittleGirl was tired out when DIL collected her at 4.30. DH and I are tired, too . The little dog must love being out and chasing around when you have her. Hope your painkillers allow you some relief. It's been mild here, too. Nice to have some fresh air. x