Black Dog 23

Big mix up at the hospital this morning. Despite having a text message telling me to go they couldn’t find out why I was there. Fortunately I explained it all to the radiologist and he was able to sort it out, I was there for about an hour before being seen and unfortunately it made me very upset. Just being in the presence of medical people now and the hospital setting really got to me. I cried all the way home and have been a mess ever since. I cant bear the thought of not having him here on an ongoing basis. I just want it all to end. Sorry can’t be more positive today.
Sweetpeasue your concise note is good as long as all your concerns are clearly noted that should help.
Wyllow glad you managed to get out and shop. When is your carer coming?
HVDY I remember taking mine to playgroup. How grown up your little girl is now, have a lovely day.
Scaredycat hope you’re still resting and that cough is improving. Yes the dwelling on the future isn’t a good idea, it looks so bleak. I’ve got my first bereavement counselling session booked for next Monday. Hope I can cope and it will help. Thank you so much for caring.
AGA hope you’re having a better day today.

Hi all.
AGAA- glad you are feeling comfortable here- have a good day.
HVDY- thank you- cough not as bad and realise now rest is the answer. It feels different from last times Covid.
Glad the Lunch club ladies were friendly - they will enjoy having a youngster like you with them!! It sounded like a good meal too.
Is your new fridge one of those big ones?
Have a lovely day in the sunshine with LG. Precious times.
SweetPeaSue- I,m sure you made a good job of your letter - as Doodle said too much waffle and the points get lost in it.
DH needs a second opinion ASAP - he deserves better than this. You can be certain that you have done the best you can it’s just a pity the people who should be supporting you both haven’t.
Doodle- you must feel tired today after your bad night then having to get up early this morning. Hope all went ok at the hospital. It’s not easy being in a Hospital after all the traumatic times you have had is it? I never feel at ease in one now after so many traumas over the years.
We,re ok thanks - very tired though. Each day is a bit better.
Just seen Annabel Croft on TV talking about bereavement . She talked about days when the shock of reality hits her so hard but also to not be afraid of moments of happiness either . Take each day as it comes - enjoy the moment - and don’t dwell on the future too much.
Dear Doodle- you are so special to us allxx
Wyllow- Glimpses of the Old Wyllow do appear sometimes. Your posts are much more animated than they were . You are making such an effort. Your weekly food shop is such an achievement I think.
HVDY s idea is a good one. To write down each little victory you achieve- thinking of what you can do - not what you haven’t done.
Your confidence is there - let it out a little at a time and feel proud of yourself - you are a brave lady.
Hope your new carer is proving to be someone you can ‘ let in’.
Sending love to all and those not mentioned- also readers

SweetpeaSue I'm glad the GP understood. As others have said, short, concise points about the problem will help - all typed. They're more likely to read it like that. You could also write to (or email) PALS.

Doodle Hope your x-ray goes ok. I was up early too - 6am, for LittleGirl.

Wyllow3 The "old" you is there but needs bringing out. If you achieve 1 small thing each day,write it down. Then perhaps aim to add 1 more thing the next time. If you take small steps each day/week/month, perhaps it will be easier than thinking of all the things you currently can't manage. You can do it.

It's a sunny day so DH and I are going to take LittleGirl out soon, then to a playgroup after lunch. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Wyllow Thanks for feedback re letter. I'm not sure about what I should write and how. Wrote it on my phone , then sent it to DHs who somehow got it printed to our new wireless printer. Thought a handwritten letter might not look so 'authentic' .
So determined not to seem emotional I felt it looked very brief.
Just want to do everything right for DH.
I'm so scared the way things are going.
I value your comments about it.
So wish you could return to the confident and old Wyllow. Please koko for yourself aswell as us here on BD. I see your posts on political stuff and you're a really knowledgeable lady who has so much to offer.
We care so much. Sleep well and good you got out for your shop. X

Thank you for your kind thoughts, AGA. Glad its helped coming in…thoughtful words there for Doodle.

I hope the sedative idea does work, HVDY. Jaffa is very due for a “check up”. I’m sorry you are having some sleeping difficulties at the moment. The day centre doesn’t seem as right for you as the last one., tho the food sounds good. Yes it’s been gloomy and raining all day here too.

Hello to the Germy House Scaredycat. Keep lolling! I hope you aren’t in a lot of pain.

- [ ] Yes - its a long time to be so ill MH wise, thank you for walking with me.
- [ ]
Some thoughtful words there too, Sweetpeasue
As regards what you have written, it sounded fine. If it helps to go into an appointment knowing nothing has been forgotten it should help. A half A4 sheet is excellent. Given the situation, you could add your fears a bit next time?

Thank goodness your GP sounded very good today - but what a shock that DH was discharged! Quite right to get a re-referral.
A very hard time.

Sorry to hear about your bad night, Doodle. And dodgy day.

Same old same old difficulties today, forcing myself to eat etc: managed to go and get weekly shop done, no signs of old Wyllow back yet.

Night night, hugs to all BD’s

Really appreciate Doodle
My letter only takes up less than half an A4 sheet.
It doesn't deal with emotions , which was my worry- it sounding too concise.
Yes I made sure the symptoms relating to arm was constant pain.

Thankyou Doodle. So kind. Hope you sleep. Xx

Sweetpeasue clinicians deal in facts and are short of time. I always wrote or made bullet points making sure to get my main concerns or worries clearly stated and not adding in little things that weren’t really important. Make sure your real worries are stated first and clearly so that the reader gets the message when they start reading. If you waffle to much they might give up half way.
I’m sure you’ve written it well.
I think you need to push for the second opinion soon and also when you find out who you’ve been referred to phone the secretary and say you would like your DH to see the consultant not the registrar.
It’s really not right you’re treated like this. Gp doesn’t sound happy either. That paint about your DH’s arm and the pain should be a major point in your letter. I feel for you I really do.

Doodle Soory you've had a bad nights sleep. Hope tonight is much better with your early start tomorrow. Night night.Big hug and love. X

Sorry all quick post today. Didn’t have a very good night hardly slept. Been a bit dodgy today too. Got to get up very early tomorrow to get to hospital for my X-ray.
Wyllow I think it will have done you good to talk to your son. He obviously wants to know how you are. I think we all remember the old Wyllow and are hoping you make it back to us.
HVDY hope the day centre wasn’t as bad as you feared. The food sounds ok. Hope your new fridge is now full of goodies.
Not good when you don’t get a good night is it so hope tonight is better.
Oh dear Scaredycat you don’t sound well. How are you coping? Don’t know how we’d cope without our Techi support.
I’m hopeless.
AGA that’s so kind of you. I need words of encouragement as these dark days are bringing me down. I’m so glad we made you welcome on BD there are lovely caring people here
Sweetpeasue . Hope you got to see the GP.
Ellie Anne Candy thinking of you too.

Sorry-
we're letting that go and putting our trust back in him.
He was hoping we'd know more than the letter that Vascular dept had sent to him already. Apparently the registrar had said she felt no pulse in affected arm. She'd tried to press on his inner elbow for pulse at the time ,after his wrist, though she never told us there was no pulse.
We told GP we'd only been given about 5 mins with her in the room and she' d not conveyed facts to consultant correctly. The letter said DH only felt tingling in that arm- wrong it's painful constantly. GP was waiting for info from Vascular as to how to treat his BP ( with it being vastly different in each arm. We had to tell him -it was up to him. He wasn't happy. He gave us copy of letter which we read back home. He's referring DH for second opinion to a Vascular consultant. After reading letter , which was 2 small paragraphs containing incorrect fact , we read he'd been discharged! No further monitoring or appts to see them in a few months, nothing! It's disgraceful it really is.

Dh very quiet and upset afterwards. He can't believe it. His arm is hurting awful because the blood flow isn't getting through to his hand properly.
Sorry for going on.
Have appt for Rheumatoligist in Nov.
Goodness knows how long for another Vascular appt.

Wishing all a peaceful night. You all mean so much. Take care. Xx

.

AGAA4 I'm so glad you are finding BD
so helpful and it is a warm thread. Doodle is right -all have different struggles and all are valid here. I'm sure
your words to Doodle will mean so much. I have been helped greatly by the acceptance of my worries and the care from those here.
HVDY Another lovely photo of Jaffa. I hope you can get something from the vet to calm Jaffa enough to get him there to be looked over. Hope the day centre felt a little .more your style today and they did a nice lunch. Oh this weather is grim here too. Woke up to rain and fog and still thick fog now. It's hard to know what to give as presents when they're teen age but sounds as if you understand the things your DGD likes and I'm sure she'll love them.
Scaredycat Oh your posts are so nice to everyone and good of you to make such effort when you're so unwell. Made me smile your introduction from the germy house! Hope the hot water bottles are on hand and the paracetamol. Do keep lolling till you feel better. Thanks about the letter though I'm not sure I wrote it too factually- maybe should have put in more feely stuff but didn't think that would help. Take care of yourselves. Hope you're better soon.
Doodle When my mum died the memories of her illness and her being in hospital and hospice were constantly with me. Her running out of her room into the car park outside in the night demanding to be taken home( drugs , partly). I know now I did all I could but I kept going over stuff and 'what if I'd done this or that , at a certain time. I know now I did my best and you know you always did your very best for your own loved husband. I'm glad you are looking back to when he was well and happy moments of your life together. Wish I could take your pain away-so much.
Something bothering me now I've written the letter for DHs records. I may have been too 'clinical' . Might I ask did you write one with feelings in it.? I did say what 'believed' was wrong.
Hope your day hasn't been too bad Doodle. Xx
Wyllow Hoping your day has been a tiny bit better. You are doing amazing to keep going .So glad you made that call to your son. It's brave of you to say it how it is and I'm sure he will really want that truth. He will know you trust him and you need that contact with your family. Oh dear if I'm talking a lot of tosh forgive me and I don't mean any harm. Just glad you're in contact with son. Sending you a hug.
EllieAnne I hope this week is much better than the previous one and sending you a hug too.
NadateturbeCandy**Whiff Hoping you are OK.

Was lucky to get appt again with the GP who only does F2F appts. He was the one who wouldn't believe DH'S headaches were GCA and we only got to Emergency Day ward by going to another. However I

ScaredyCat Hope you're feeling a little better today. Drink plenty, get some rest, take paracetamol. The vet will have a prescription for me to collect tomorrow. The day centre was fine - I feel I don't really belong there because everyone is older (most of them have ACs my age). The nearest in age to me are the Cook, Coordinator and Manager. I suppose because most women my age are still working (I get state pension next April). Most are friendly, though.

AGAA4 He's a lovely-natured cat. Have you got any pets?

How has everyone been today?

Day centre lunch was roast beef etc., then lemon cheesecake. I've ordered some nice things online (I loathe going to shops) for GD2. Our new fridge arrived today, so when the groceries arrive shortly, it will be well stocked-up. It's rained/drizzled every bit of the day. Hope everyone is ok x

I realise reading through all the posts on BD that some of you are finding life very difficult now. I would give each of you a big hug if I could as despite your own suffering you have shown kindness to me which has helped enormously.
Scaredeycat I had covid in July and was barely able to get off the sofa for days. You just have to rest and let it take its course.
HVDY your cat is beautiful.
Doodle you are in the early days of your grief. I remember it well. The tears are never far away are they? I can only say that it will get better and you will be able to think and talk about your DH without it upsetting you. You may have "moments" like me but they become less frequent. I have some lovely memories now that make me smile.
Sweetpeasue Wyllowand anyone I haven't mentioned.I hope you have some brightness in your days and thanks again to all BDs.

Hello everyone from our Germy House!!🤢🤢🤢
HVDY- I remember giving my cats sedatives many years ago when we had to transport them from one end of the country to the other.they were fine.
Those are good pressie ideas - girls that age love hair and beauty stuff.
Hope the day centre is an improvement on your last visit- it sounds like you’re not too keen.
SweetPeaSue- thanks for your kind wishes- I,d forgotten how horrible Covid is.
Well done with the letter- you have composed it well from the sound of it. Good idea too to make a few copies.
I hope you have been able to talk to somebody this morning.
EllieAnne- good to hear from you- I always worry if someone is absent for a while. I,m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you- take care of yourself.
Doodle- yes it does explain why I felt so crummy- DH too.
We,re lolling about like 2 old souls - which of course is what we are- me especially!!
I hope you find enough pics to do another book- maybe your boys will have some you could use.If you take a photo of a photo they come out quite well then you can use them too. It,d be a Winter project.
Lovely kind words for AGAA- you are so thoughtful.
One of my Stepsons is our ‘go to’ techie - they do it all so quickly don’t they!
Hope you are having a gentle day - it’s been bucketing down this morning.
Wyllow- I know what you mean about Covid- I can relax now I know why we feel so poo.
So pleased you took up your Sons suggestion of a chat- that took a lot of courage.To be able to be open and honest wit( him is how it should be. It will be fine- now your family will have more understanding of how you are.
The Old Wyllow is on her way back - but it’s a long hard journey for you to start isn’t it. We are all walking with you.
Nadateturbe- how are you today? Hope things are getting a bit easier for you. Xx
Candy- Are you at the caravan? The weather is a bit mad at the moment isn’t it so hope you,re not badly hit today.
AGAA- Hope that old Dog is leaving you alone- so glad you are here .
Whiff,Nanny, Allsorts and some of those who have visited over the last few months hope life is treating you kindly.

SweetpeaSue Your dinner sounded gorgeous. Just right for this miserable weather. It poured every minute of the day here, yesterday. Well done on writing that letter.

EllieAnne Sorry you've felt so low, hope this week will be better for you. Take care.

Doodle You are doing so very well. Don't forget, your loss is still quite recent really. Hope you have company today.

Wyllow3 Glad you spoke with your son. Hope he and the rest of the family now realise how you feel. I'm going to ring the vet today about a sedative for Jaffa. He really needs a full check-up.

Why is it that I feel tired all day, could go to sleep at any time (although I don't), take ages to get to sleep (12.30 last night) yet still wake at 6? Going to try the day centre today (not really my scene at all). Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Jaffa looks very happy indeed in the photo, I HVDY. I just wondered, if there is a safe minor tranquilliser vets can give you to help Jaffa get there. Those presents seem just right for a 10 year old. Your memory was right about the vents of a year ago.

Oh dear, Scaredycat - I’m so sorry to hear about the Covid, no wonder you’ve been struggling….. hope having a “reason” can help a bit.

AGA thank you for sharing a bit more, it helps understanding. Glad the Dog was nearer thee door today.

Ellie Anne Just a big big hug x

Well done with that lovely meal Sweetpeasue and getting out. But especially well done on compiling the letter.

If we knew what the answer was Doodle we’d probably be doing it….Hugs for keeping on keeping on. Glad you have things in common with AGA You put the way BD works very well.

Thank you all who’ve talked about the old Wyllow. Wise and perceptive words.

Yes, I was sinking then crashed, after apparently being OK through the bad bits of ex, but this is not the first time, it’s a pattern in my MH journey.

Today grim but did a wash and had a shower then Son suggested a phone call so I agonised about it for ages and eventually did. For the first time I told him how things are, he pushed me to say, I hope it will be OK as never done it before.

HVDY I loved buying presents for the DGC when they were young. So much easier then than now they’ve grown.
I’m sure your DGD will love that.
Sweetpeasue yes I rely on our sons for all that stuff.
Well done on doing your letter and getting copies ready for future appointments. Hope you get to see GP soon.
Ellie Anne I’m so sorry. Your last post after seeing your daughter was so positive I’m sorry you’ve gone downhill again.
Thanks for posting. We all worry about you. Sending a big hug and prayers for you to feel better soon.

Sweetpeasue don’t worry I know what you mean and you’ve been so supportive and caring.
Wyllow I’m not sure but I think I can understand the thoughts about no future. That’s a bit like I feel. I know I’m out and about and doing stuff but it’s not what o really want to be doing. I don’t know what the answer is. I believe you need something more interesting to live for. I think you’re a very intelligent lady and you could turn your hand to a lot of things but at the moment you’ve sunk so low you can’t get out of the pit without help. I hope your new carer can help you. You need to find something to do that interests you .
HVDY yes photos are my main source of memories. Looking at them reminds me of things as long as it’s not too many years ago. Good news about your son’s new job. Hope it works well for him. Glad your DGDs keep in touch.
Scaredycat oh no. Poor you catching Covid. No wonder you feel ill. Yes relax now and don’t go worrying about doing things and hopefully you’ll feel better soon.
Yes I do have lots of holiday photos and many on my iPad and phone. Trouble is DH took most of them so isn’t in them but I have over the years taken a few of him so I do already have one Photobook. I will do another I think.
AGA thank you for the encouragement. I have tried to push memories of DH’s last 6 months to the back of my mind. I’ve got rid of all the appliances and support aids and although the memories of being in hospital are very vivid in my mind I try and focus on the times before he became disabled.
I’m glad you are feeling a bit better and that you have found being on BD helps.
As I said we offer no solutions unfortunately only a little group that all know what it’s like and are willing to offer support and a listening ear. All our troubles are different but we treat them all the same. No one worse than the other, no comparing just all struggles treated equally. You are most welcome.

EllieAnne Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for coming in - no need to explain or worry. I do hope things ease up for you soon and get sorted. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you. x

Hello everyone. I’m reading all the posts but been a bad week so I’m not able to say much.

Wyllow It doesn't seem like a Yr since the 'old Wyllow ' but that Wyllow had only just finished relationship with ex and was struggling so much with the heartbreak and fallout. It will have all taken it's toll on your MH and you sank. You are trying so hard to come back and you will and are doing. We all care and are willing you forward. ❤️
HVDY I feel hopeless with technology and wish I knew more but I also wish I was more interested! Sons can help with stuff like that can't they ( when they've time). What a great photo - Jaffa looks soooo contented. He really is a handsome one. My aunt knows her brother is gone but still , at first, started a conversation with -'a lot seems to be going on lately, I think someone's died. Then went on later about her brother dying. She says her memory is terrible but don't think she realises how bad.

Scaredycat Oh dear, no wonder you weren't feeling well. Do hope you both pick up soon and it won't be long before you're back to health. Good job you got those Pansies in. Yes , that's one way of looking at it-- could have been worse without the jabs. Sending a hug.
Doodle How are you today? Hope you saw your son and friends at church. It's quite chilly here and I hate the Winter
and dark nights and mornings too.
AGAA4 Glad you're feeling a little better. Kind words to Doodle in your post and encouraging that memories become clearer with time. I hope that dog keeps his distance and you can have some moments of brightness in your days.

Dull cold and fog here all day.
Had pain this morning but wore off a bit later.
Prepared veg and slow - cooker braising beef. Went out for coffee and a cake.
Spent over 2 hrs compiling letter for GP to go on file and have copies to take to further appts ( in case they don't read all notes!)
Headed letter with:
To medical professionals-
Purpose - in order to clarify communication to advantage of both patient and Drs.

I managed to put in main concerns firstly about slurred speech episode last Yr NOT being a migraine (Stroke Dr had put in letter at time' probable migraine' though MRI had been done 3 dys after incident)
Also disappointment with last appt and a list of present symptoms.
Hope we get GP appt tomorrow.

Love to all and those not personally mentioned or reading.

ScaredyCat GD will be 10. Her sister is 13

ScaredyCat I hadn't had any jabs when I got Covid 3 years ago, and ended up in an induced coma (on a ventilator) for 3 weeks. I had 2 jabs some time later that year, that's all. I hope your illness won't last long. Jaffa will have a good life with us - I just need to somehow get him to the vet.

HVDY- I know I,ve had so many and getting the Autumn one in 4 weeks. The only thing I can think is I,d probably feel even. worse if I hadn’t had them.😀 wish it would b….r off.
Jaffa looks well comfortable - love the sound of a happy cat.

ScaredyCat. Alll the vaccines and yet prople still get Covid (. Hope you feel better soon. I'll probably get GD hair thingd and toiletries. Jaffa is very happy and settled.