Black Dog 23

Read today but felt ill in body mind all day, had to shop food, I'll catch up tomorrow.
Sending warm hugs out xx

HVDY I understand about day centre I think. My book group changed so much when I was unable to go, and new people went. It seems like a new clique of people , who all see each other at U3A groups ( book group changed to U3A run) and I'm clearly on the outside. They're all older than me apart from1.
Oh I do hope Jaffa can be yours!
Afraid my aunt has Dementia ( as far as I know) but not my place to say anything. Her DD is monitoring things. My aunt is desperately hanging on to her 'independence' and won't move from her house. She's happy there- which is the main thing.
Do wish your DB could let you help him and you could be closer. It must be so hurtful for you. X

SweetpeaSue That was funny about your mum and the toilet roll . Yes, I loved Mr Cooper, he was my favourite cat. "Jaffa" was here at 9am, had 2 pouches of food then came later, more food and went. I don't particularly want another cat, but IF he ever moves in, I'll keep him (he'll need neutering). Hope your pain settled down. Has your aunt got dementia, do you think? Hope your son's new job goes well. Will he be away regularly with it? Best of luck in getting an appointment tomorrow.

Wyllow3 I hope you've had a better day today. How has the swelling been? My ankles are always swollen, much of it to do with gravity - sitting with my legs down. Do your legs hurt?

EllieAnne Sadly, some people cannot be helped (or are helped then continue with their poor lifestyles). Your poor friend. Did you go to church?

Doolde My brother is his own worst enemy - he won't try anything new, see anyone, go anywhere, etc. He turns his mobile off in the evening (therefore I get no answer when I ring). You do so well to accept invitations and push yourself to do things and go to places. As you say, it's a survival mode.

I went to the day centre place today - a different group of people, although I now 4 of them from Thursdays. I have to say, I didn't much like it. Most of them are in their own cliques. I was also the youngest there - most have got sons/daughters of my age! I'll go next week but I don't really fit in.

Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

Ah Doodle just seen your post. You've had a restless and sad afternoon. You did well to get to the shops. You are doing everything you can - it must be so awful . I hope you can rest easier after your glass of wine and meal. Does the TV distract a bit. I understand about not being able to concentrate on reading. The craft group sounds a good idea. Hope that works out for you. Sending a hug (and lots of plums) x

Wyllow Hope the 'Tum day' wasn't too bad or painful. I am concerned about the swelling though- it seems strange if it's connected to your arm pain. Did you manage to call your sis today? Hope I don't sound like I'm harassing you- just concerned.
You made me smile about the Trebuchet and the cake. Some very funny images came to mind.I hope you've had a little better day today . You sound so very low and I'm at a loss what to say. Perhaps you've been to shop today- it will brake the day up a bit, I hope so.
EllieAnne Feel so sorry for your poor friend with such a problem son. She must be living with fear and worry all of the time. You can only do so much in these cases. You've had a busy day ,you'll need to relax after all that. Hope meeting your friend was nice.

Was up this morning at 3 taking painkillers then had terrible dream.
Son 2 starting new job tomorrow in Shetlands so will be away 3 weeks. Will miss him so much and hope he's OK.
Hope to get appt with GP who's on tomorrow for DH.

Plums-- My aunt has a plum tree laden and rang me 3 days in a row to see if I wanted them( her memory is bad ,she forgets each time that I've said about my own plums) So I've relieved her of some of hers to stop her worrying and keep her happy. I'm surrounded with mountains of them.😧

Hope everyone has had as good a day as they can.x
.

Wyllow i would love to sit and read but I can’t concentrate. I feel tense all the time like I’m waiting for something to happen.
Can you relax when you’re reading? I do hope so.
Sweetpeasue nothing wrong with talking to people. Say whatever you like. Life in the tills must be boring perhaps they like people who talk.
Scaredycat I’m amazed how many invitations I’ve accepted or things I’ve done. I would never normally put myself out there like that but I have to if I’m to survive. Been out today to survey a possible craft club that runs in Tuesday afternoons. Not far away and I might try it out next week.
Your holiday place sounds lovely. I love that sort of thing.
What have you been doing today? Hope the weather is being kind to you.
Sweetpeasue your tale about your mum made me laugh. The thought of that loo roll rolling down the aisle 🤣🤣
HVDY I feel sorry for your brother. I don’t know how he can manage being at home all the time. I have to get out.
How lovely to hear your son is happy in his new relationship. Must be good for him and his daughters.
Wyllow have you seen the GP about your swollen legs and arm pain? You’re right, normally the swelling is better after laying down. Do you have any point in the day when you feel at peace with yourself? I can’t imagine how you can keep going feeling so awful all the time. Sending a hug.
Ellie Anne it’s good to hear you had a good weekend. Just tackle one thing at a time. I always feel a bit stressed when the place is untidy.
I’ve had a flat day today. (flat as in mood not flat being what I live in) Been doing housework. Spent an hour with neighbour having coffee this morning but this afternoon was spent thinking is this what my life is now. Then I felt guilty because compared to many I have so many good things going for me. Just not been comfortable with myself today. I went out to the shops around 4 but everything reminded me of DH.
I expect i will have an early night. I have had a large 🍷. And now going to have chocolate.

Friends son has had so many opportunities for help. Taken drugs since teens, been in prison many times, had drug workers and psychiatrists and never worked a day in his

Life. Now in 40 s.
Always plays the poor me card.
After a busy and mostly good weekend I feel a bit under pressure today. I have stuff from the lawyer to read so we can go and sign will etc and can’t even face opening the email.
House needs cleaned shopping needs done and I’ve said I’ll visit a friend. Church group starts up tonight. Think I’d better get up !

You do so well with your friend, Elllie Anne., and you had to leave….I suppose you know she could call the police - but there’s probably a very complicated history.
How lovely, today, to see DD in a better state. Good to know it can happen.

Yes Scardeycat - online trebuchets can work wonders.

I didnt ring sis - I needed to do a wash and have a shower and one of my “tum” days…and chickened out of ringing.
Yes, I have Netflix.
I hope you are still having decent weather by the sea side.

HVDY sounds like a lovely time after you’d prepared all the buffet food. Always good to have a “help yourself to what you want” food. Glad your son is now in a good place.

I You know Sweetpeasue I didnt notice anything clumsy! Oh how I understand about being seen to be adequately “normal” and it does get in the way of being able to see people. No need to say sorry …ever here x
BTW, everyone with a trebuchet has a receiving function to receive squishy stuff including cake.

Dear Doodle why, its the contrast between the warmth of seeing the friends neighbour and then coming home alone. So understandable. Those time when we feel we cant go on. They hurt impossibly. We just do xx
You wrote one lovey perceive things today.

It’s not typical swelling in my feet, it’s worse when I get up not after being on my feet and may or may not be connected with some arm pain. As you say HVDY moving around enough important. Also ordered some new shoes for the house which I hope will help.

Emotions wise, it was such a bad patch took extra meds to interrupt the level of the whats the point mood.

Thankyou HVDY I understand the relief of knowing your son is happy with a girlfriend after having a really hard time. I'm so happy that my son2 has married and is happy. So hope that Jaffa will be yours soon too. I know how much you loved Mr Cooper.

Doodle I'm glad you had a nice time at church and with your friends. Crying will relieve stress, you cannot keep grief in. Hope you sleep ok tonight. My brother is grieving for his wife (she's got Alzheimer's so he misses the woman she used to be) and his son (died in April) but he refuses to share any feelings or make any effort to join anything or go anywhere. I wish I could help him but he won't allow that.

It was a lovely afternoon/early evening with Son1 and his family. After so many years of hurt (with the GDs mother), and a few unsuitable girlfriends afterwards, it's so good to know that this time, he's truly settled and happy with a lovely lady. The stray cat - GDs have named him JAFFA, not Gremlin - came round and came into the living room, enjoyed a lot of strokes from us all! (He will be mine soon ). Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x

SweetpeaSue You aren't kind to yourself, but you have absolutely no need at all to dislike yourself so much. You're a kind, good person with compassion, empathy and love for others. You have had a lot of stress with your own health concerns, and now with your husband. You're a caring, loving wife, mum and granny, as well as being thoughtful and understanding to us all on BD. Never put yourself down.

Scaredycat Thankyou for your thoughtful words and that lovely hug- think we all need a group one right now.
You're right - I do care too much about what others think and I'm scared of being myself. You understand well.
I'm so glad you're enjoying your time away nr the sea. Must be great to be so nr the water. I like people watching too (maybe that's a double edged sword sometimes- I'm more aware that I could be 'watched ' too.haha) It's lovely to see the children enjoying themselves. We once rented a holiday boathouse and I absolutely loved watching the boats go by - all different kinds. Sometimes people waved at us and we'd wave back. Such kind words to Doodle. x
Doodle I didn't see you'd written a post before the one addressed to me. So sorry about your mass weeping time. It must be quite a contrast to be with people and the distraction that gives, then to come home and the highlighted absence of your dear husband. I think you would burst if you didn't cry. My mum used to always have a loo roll in her bag- not because of crying , just for her nose! Out it would come and one day when we were on a bus she dropped it and it rolled down the aisle- it's funny now- but back then I felt awful. Ah I hope you feel a little better and you can face some tea.

Just halved lots of plums and bagged them in freezer bags. I think I've eaten too many in the process. Expect I'll not need so much Laxido today.🤢

SweetPeaSue- you ARE normal just going through a really worrying time with DH and personal health problems. Please don’t beat yourself up - you have lost your confidence and are so not inferior or stupid in anyway.
You are kind, caring, brave andjust the sort of friend we all wish to have. You don’t sound silly at all- just scared of being yourself. Most people have to put on a brave face a lot of the time - we just think too much of what other people think. Your DH adores you and your family love you to bits- that’s all that matters. Big hug on its way
HVDY- I bet you make a cracking buffet! Enjoy time with your son and family. Yes this place feels like home and the beach is so close.
Doodle- I,m glad you,ve had a nice day- I guess however much you have enjoyed it you miss DH so much once you get home. Maybe you,ll beat the World tissue Champion!!!I think you are doing the right thing going out and accepting peoples kindness. I remember sometimes being somewhere and thinking “what am I doing here?” But felt that if people put out a hand of friendship I should grasp it and try.
You would love it here- yes there are fishing boats and some small craft. The local kids jump off the harbour into the water. Always something to watch and we are so close to the water .
Keep going Doodle- you are have so much couragexx
Take care allxx

Oh Doodle have just seen your post to me and it's brought tears. Everything you say is true, of course, about others hidden lives. It's what the psychologist said too. I should keep reminding myself of it. I think the more we isolate ourselves from others the more our thoughts get out of hand. I just don't know what to say to people but I usually do find something, checkouts ect, then I think it sounded silly. Thankyou Doodle for putting things in perspective. Much love and a big hug.x

Wyllow It's good you can read at least but such long days for you. Hope today has been better. Don't like the sound of those swollen legs and arm- something going on there. Hope you can manage to phone your doc sis , please don't let it go for too long.
Scaredycat You're comment to me - 'have a gentle Sunday' was such a nice thing to say- it stayed with me all morning. I like the word gentle.You have a way with words. About the plums - love Wyllow's idea. Get ready to duck everyone! 😂 They're getting nice and squidgy.
HVDY The AC do like their tans don't they? Pretty drizzly here today so after going out for coffee this morning and a mooch in charity shop (book, and a canvas painting) much of a boring afternoon. We did have another go at the ping pong which gave us some exercise- which I don't think burnt enough calories for the choc muffin I had earlier 🫣.Lovely thoughtful gift for you both from son!
EllieAnne You are such a good friend and you obviously care a lot for your friend with the troublesome, son , which must be a big worry for her. I think I'd have been scared too. Strangely , last night we were awoken by trouble opposite us. A neighbour told us there were people on drugs there a while ago. Last night a man on crutches was in a row of some sort with them. 2police cars turned up and so much noise.
So pleased you have both been out for lunch with your DD- so happy for you. Hope you enjoyed GD in sporting competition.
Doodle Hope you've had a reasonable day with friends and at church. You are certainly not being ungrateful in any way at all. You are so kind to everyone, I just wish we could take away your huge grief and pain.
Re plums- realised I could also freeze them as googled it and still have enough left for you all.
Nadateturbe Thinking about you and hoping you're OK.
CandyWhiff**Allsort**Jaffacake and anyone not mentioned- hope your day has seen some light in it . X

Sweetpeasue you are neither stupid or inferior don’t ever think that.
I’m not surprised you’re feeling wobbly you’ve had so much to deal with in the last year. Firstly your own pain and troubles and then all this worrying about your DH.
Let me tell you something about other people, the “normal” people you talk about. I bet every single one of them has something going on in their lives that worries them to death or they are anxious about.
Many people you would describe as “normal” who look and sound happy, some wealthy, some with many, many friends struggle every day as much as you do.
You can’t tell from the outside what has happened in people’s lives. Some have lost children, grandchildren, partners. Some have lost money, their homes. Divorced, worried about children at school, bullying, stress at work worry about mortgage repayments. There’s a list a mile long and you wouldn’t know about it just by looking at them.
I have recently found out a few things about people I’ve known for a while. Going through my own bereavement they have opened up about tragedies and worries in their lives. I would never have guessed. I thought outwardly their lives were perfect.
You never know. What I do know is that you are completely normal. You have health worries, concerns for your loved ones, isolation worries. All that is perfectly normal.
As I’ve said before, never worry about what you say here it’s fine.
No need to apologise for anything. I have written on this thread before that I didn’t have many friends and it was true.
So don’t run away from the coffee queue you are not conspicuous you are just like everyone else.
You are also kind, caring, thoughtful and doing your best to care for your DH. ❤️

Scaredycat did have a really nice lunch and chat actually. We went to a local garden centre and had a mooch round after. Nearly bought a winter coat but will go back another day and see if I still like it.
Love little ports. Is there a harbour with sailing boats or fishing boats? I love to watch them.
Sweetpeasue I willingly spent all my time with DH. It was what we both wanted. I would gladly be with him now if I could. I am lucky in that the church was part of my life before and I knew people then. Since losing DH I’ve had to put myself out there a bit and they’ve been kind enough to respond and meet up for coffee or lunch. The art class was on a wing and a prayer but I’ve been lucky with them too. Thank God for my family who are always there.
I am forcing myself to meet people. To go places and do things. Sometimes I look forward to it other times I don’t really enjoy it but I have to keep going as it’s the only way. I often feel I can’t go on but there’s no choice. I’m hoping over time i will enjoy life a bit more.
You yourself have been so supportive of me and others. A vital part of our little group. Thank you for all your kindness and thoughtfulness.
Wyllow do you listen to music at all? Can you see anyone passing by from your windows? I am worried that you are so isolated. I hope your new career can get you out more. We all need company.
Ellie Anne I worry about you too. So little enjoyment in your life is hard to live with.
Just read your post and so pleased you met up with your DD and felt she was a bit better. That must have been good to see her like that. Your friend must have a terrible time if she’s scared of her son. Hope she was ok. You were probably right to leave.
HVDY I love a buffet. Picking bits I like is such fun. Hope you have a lovely afternoon.

Well I’ve just had a lovely morning at church. Then went to lunch with three friends then had coffee with neighbour so been busy all day so why am I sitting here sobbing my heart out. Random thought, I wonder how many boxes of tissues I’ve got through recently.
Nadateturbe hope you are able to get some help at the clinic.
How often do you go?
HVDY we loved Blackadder too especially Baldrick.
Yes I do have some good friends. Thank goodness. Don’t know what I’d do without them and family.
Oh a nice afternoon tea, that will be something to look forward to. Is it far away?

I just have to come in and apologise for what I feel was such a clumsy comment and when I re- read my late post last night I felt/feel very silly.
I feel I emphasised that I've no friends and it looked like self'pity( maybe it is?) but I've got used to coming here and 'telling it how it is' and it just goes to show how easy it is for things to sound somehow not right.
To put some context - some may remember the MH group I attended just once ,a few mths ago. The Psychologist I saw a couple of mths ago told me I could go into another one starting this month- I've not had any word from the young trainee who runs it yet.
I'm feeling a bit wobbly lately and was intending to go-reason I'm a very isolated person and feel extremely nervous with people- as if they can see straight through me and realise how stupid/ inferior I am compared to other 'normal' people.
I realise this is sounding silly and am oversharing.
I keep waking feeling scared.

Just didn't want everyone to think I'm a right pain in the backside .

In queue for coffee the other day it took me all my strength not to run out, I felt so conspicuous.
I'm always trying to hide who I am.
Now you all know and I feel even more stupid. Sorry.

Wyllow3 Do you sit with your feet elevated? That should help with the swelling. My feet and ankles are always puffy (GP and Physio both mentioned it), but I do put them up when I'm watching tv or reading. I try to get up and have a walk about every hour, too, even if it's just upstairs or in the garden. If you're really worried, you could ring 111. Hope today is better for you.

EllieAnne Your friend's son sounds a nightmare. Has he got a Social Worker who might be able to help him? Glad you saw your daughter. That must have been nice. Hope your GD does well this afternoon. Have a lovely time.

ScaredyCat It must be great to be near the beach. Hope the weather is decent.

Son1 (eldest) and his family will be here for tea, so I've got a lot of buffet food to prepare later. Son2, ChubbyChops etc are all out today, to a huge Chatsworth House event. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Hi all just having a cuppa watching the village come to life and the tide going out.
Wyllow- ha ha - a trebuchet it would be raining plums!! I think they’d have to come a long way too!!
On a serious note . I think if you possibly can have a word with your sister or text her. She would be glad to help you I,m sure. I know it’s. Not that easy but please don’t just leave it. I know for me personally walking as much as possible helps my legs and sitting with my feet elevated as much as possible.
Could you have Netflix- there’s so much on there both films and series.
Hope today isn’t so troubling.
EllieAnne- you were wise to leave - any confrontational behaviour is scary - it makes me shake too.
I,m so glad you saw your DD - it must have raised your spirits for her to contact you. Glad she’s brighter too.
Enjoy the sports today- hope DGS does well.

Oh the village gigs are going out with the tide-they just rowed past.

Doodle- have a nice lunch todayxx
SweetPeaSue- I echo what you said about BD- it helped so much and still does. Have a gentle Sunday x
HVDY- what thoughtful Sons you have - lovely thank you gift.
Hope Chubby Chops and her Mum feel better today.
Candy,Nadateturbe,Whiff, and all not mentioned enjoy Sunday as best you can.

Been a busy weekend so far. Friday night I was at my friend as usual. She’d had a terrible day with her son . He doesn’t officially live there but doesn’t have a place of his own so stays with various folk. Half ten he arrived banging on the door and she has to let him in or neighbours complain and will report it to the council. Anyhow I left because he scares me and didn’t think being there would help but I was shaking. She has heart problems and I really think one day the stress will kill her.
Then had a message from dd who unbeknown to me is in the area to do with work. So met her for lunch yesterday with her dad and she was much better than last time.
This afternoon we are going to watch gd in a sporting competition. So been quite eventful.

Sweetpeasue I’m glad you went to see your aunt and took her out, it must be lovely for her. DH sounds very creative. I hope it was a sunny day for plum picking.

You don’t sound ungrateful, Doodle…you’ve just told it like it is - some distraction only passes the time. But my guess is that you are a good listener and are almost certainly “giving” too, as you do here.

I’m glad that your day had a break when son2 came HVDY. Nice gift there. I watch bits and bobs of crime/thriller stuff on TV, it would be better if I got a working DVD player for sets.

Scardeycat lovely to hear of a mooch by the sea - glad your break is going OK and the weather has been good, too.
….. Perhaps Sweetpeasue can trebuchet plums…..

It was a dressing gown day I just hid and read, long long day. Some new problems come up - something funny with my arm and my lower legs and feet very puffy. Not me at all. Should ring doc sis but everything seems too much.

Love to absent BD’s….
Night night xx

Doodle You don't sound ungrateful at all. Good that you can get distracted from your pain and keep doing what you feel helps, though I imagine your loss must be so huge. I can't think what I would do in your shoes. I've no one else at all. Just want to tell you how much it's meant to me for you to be there in my time of need when I reached out to BD.
You'll never know how much it has meant.
Love to all BDs. This is such a special thread.

Hello all.
Had a really nice day just mooching about our little port and beach. Not bad weather either.
Doodle- your day sounds nice too- I,m glad you have some nice friends. You are certainly not ungrateful - you are generous by nature and have much emotion to contend with . People give you their time because they love you.
Hope you enjoy your lunch tomorrowxx
HVDY-nice lunch with family - my DH loves Ham ,egg and chips too and James Bond films - they don’t do it for me😩
Gremlin is a lucky boy to have you to visit. Today the seaside cat came to visit. We see him every time - he’s a huge Maine Coon and lovely.
So glad the pain is keeping away - long may it last.
Nadateturbe- lovely to hear from you. It’s so difficult for you not to be able to use the screen - I hope the clinic can help you.
Take carexx
Wyllow- sorry you,ve had another bad day - it’s hard when you don’t see anyone . Hope today has been a bit kinder. Sending a hugxx
Candy- hope the sun is shining on you at the caravan
SweetPeaSue- Oh I wish you could magic plums to us. I absolutely love Victoria plums - such delicious fruit. You must be very popular with your neighbours. Glad you,ve been out with your Aunt - she has had a busy weekend.
So far the weather has been nice thank you- so glad to be here again.
What sort of carving does DH do- he is very creative isn’t he.
EllieAnne- hope this weekend isn’t too stressful for you. Have you been out anywhere?
Sleep peacefully dear friends