Black Dog 23

Ellie Anne sending you a hug. I can’t think of anything that will lift your mood not come up with anything that will help, but do know that we care about you and really wish things were better for you.

Wyllow it’s difficult with close family. We have a desire to protect them even when fully grown. Nice to know they’re there for you though. I suppose your MH workers are correct in that the more you manage to get out the better you will feel but I can appreciate you have to feel able to do that.
HVDY we usually give all the family a sum of money to buy what they want and then some little presents to go with it. The money side is easy it’s the little extras I’m struggling with.
Sorry to hear Little Girl is still poorly. Hopefully she’ll sleep well tonight and feel better tomorrow.
Scaredycat sounds like you had a good day yesterday with art friends and photography. Is it all finished till after Christmas now? I’ve done a bit more shopping today but not sure I like what I’ve bought. I like to wear things I feel suit me and I’m comfortable in as well. I’m not much je for dressing up now though. Comfort comes first for me.
Sweetpeasue oh yes I remember those calendars and making Christmas cards, I remember the fun of being little and looking forward to Christmas. Must be lovely to see your DGS getting excited and having a party too.
Sounds like he spent a lovely time with you today. Sparklers in the garden that’s really good fun.

Wyllow Your DIL sounds like she wants to help ,by saying she's there any time. I'm sure she means it though I can see that you'd not want to worry them about the extent of your condition and feelings. That's only natural, I'd feel the same . It's good you got out for a walk , you've mentioned before how it helps a bit. Scaredycat's idea of aiming for a very small walk, even on alternate days might be good.
HVDY Do hope Littlegirl is better when you see her tomorrow. You know they're not well when they go off their food. Glad you had your friend for company today.
Yes my DGS showed me his Christmas card he'd made at school and a Christmas calendar. We all made calendars didn't we with those little tiny book of months stuck on. He's having a Christmas party tomorrow afternoon.
Doodle Hope you've been OK today and also that you find comfort with like minded friends at your bereavement group tomorrow. It must feel a relief to let out how you feel to others who understand. My DGS lives with his mum and I won't see him at Christmas but he'll be back at my son's just before New Year when my son returns from work.
Scaredycat I'm not a New Year person either. I used to like it as a child when the whole extended family would gather at my Nana's house for a get together. Myself my sisters and cousins used to run round hiding in the big old house where she lived while uncles and aunt's would dance to the big record player. Mum was one of 6 so it was a huge occasion. Where do the years go? I get sentimental about New Year and hate the 'May Old Aquaintance be Forgot..' song.
EllieAnne So sorry you're feeling so horrible. This time of year always highlights the loneliness in people's lives. It's only natural for you to feel as you do when your home life is so uncomfortable. You've made so much effort for your family . I hope you can see some of them at Christmas time. Really it will all be practically finished Boxing Day which in only just over a week today.

Had a nice time with DGS. DH showed him how to do 3 magician tricks from the Magic Box we got from a charity shop. I'd bought him a cat hottie (he was upset to lose his cat last week* Then he held Sparklers outside in the dark and we all drank Bucks Fizz and had chocolate outside. We took him home with a chocolate Orange. I've got him some VBooks which I'll give him on New Year at his Dad's.

Take care everyone. Thinking of all those who came in briefly here this year and hoping things have been better.
Peaceful night to all.x

Hi all.
SweetPeaSue- I just feel once you get in your late seventies and over you suddenly become invisible😀not always an advantage!
Yes we do spend too much time worrying about social occasions etc - it really doesn’t matter as we won’t be the only ones . Glad you,ve had a more comfortable time and are enjoying your DGS company this afternoon.
EllieAnne- Sorry the games were a bit of a trial- I don’t care any more about looking daft- I,ve had years of practice!!
Well done doing the decorations - not easy when you feel no one will appreciate them . The saddest thing is to get no comfort from your home . You are not moaning but feel left out of everything and unhappy. God has given you more strength than you think. Sending a Xmas hug.
Doodle- yes thank you it was a nice evening. Yesterday I met my Art friends in the morning and then photography in the afternoon. It was the busiest day for ages but lovely to see everyone.
Your bereavement group sounds like it helps you- it is such a good idea to help people who are not only sad but feel lost and alone. Just to be with each other must be a comfort.
Hope you,ve managed a few Christmassy bits - but don’t put too much pressure on yourself - that’s what Vouchers are for!!
Wyllow- I expect it can seem annoying sometimes when the MH worker try’s to get you to do more. You and I know she is right but being told and wanting to do it are 2 different things.
Is there anything you used to like doing that perhaps you could try after Christmas - for yourself though not other people.
Good you had a walk - even a small daily walk might be a target to aim for.
Your DiL sounds like she understands you and is kind. What you say about protecting them too shows what a lovely Mum you are. They must love you very much.
HVDY- No my Jumper was a Birthday pressie from DD this year - I feel nice in it.
I,m no good at enforced jollity like NYE .
Nice to meet up with your friend - it’s amazing how much we find to chat about isn’t it.
Hope Little Girl feels better soon. Poor little soul so soon after being poorly before.

Love to all .

ScaredyCat Thank you. I'm glad you had an enjoyable evening. There is a lot more traffic about around this way, too.
It's frustrating to be stuck in it. Was your jumper a Christmas one?

EllieAnne I don't like enforced entertainment like that (and am no good at accents). I would rather watch others. Will you see any of your family over Christmas?

Doodle Do you buy presents for your sons and their wives? I usually buy a lot of things, but I told them that this year, I will give token gifts. I've got them a bottle of something and a small personal thing each. It's hard to know what to get, isn't it?

Wyllow3 Thank you. I'm sure your family understands you aren't "yourself." I'm glad you managed to get out for a walk.

Saw my friend, we exchanged presents and cards, had lunch and did a lot of chatting. The neighbour across the road is having a new roof today - in all this windy weather! There are 3 men on scaffolding and the roof. I bet they'll be glad to get it finished. Hope ALL BDers are ok x

SweetpeaSue Little Girl didn't eat any lunch or snacks (unusual for her) and slept on & off all day. Hope she'll be ok for tomorrow. We're having her overnight on Friday, too. Hope you have a nice time with your grandson after school. I expect he'll want to tell you what Christmas things they're doing at school.

Just going out with my friend. Back later to reply to others x

HVDY sorry LittleGirl was under the weather. Ithink you will come across as caring!

Glad it was a bit better today Sweetpeasue

Good to hear you enjoyed the evening, Scaredeycat. Despite the traffic jam. Jeans and new jumper sounds comfy and just right.

Aw EllieAnne very demanding games! Well done for the decorations.
Understand the abandonment feelings. It’s because you are ill, not your best self, and you are not moaning.

Doodle my god is on mute too. Thats a good way of putting it. I hope you manage the pressies soon. I’m sure people will understand if they aren’t very imaginative. And yes the busy is to keep bad thoughts at bay. Your church is a blessing.

Thank you for kind words and thoughts.MH worker today just went on about doing more of this and that tbh didnt help at all but we did get a walk in.

Havent done any c mas stuff. DiL has sent a pressie. I what sapped thank you but I was struggling and she what sapped ask for help day or night.

I’m appreciative they understand things really aren’t good, but I sort of cant talk about what we all describe as “Bad feelings” in BD’s ” as the desire to protect them is strong too. Maybe be better after c mas as it’s such a hard time of year for me like many.

Ellie Anne lots of people don’t like those sort of games. What a shame . Was the rest of the evening ok?
Glad you’re pleased with your decorations.
There is a book you could try if you wanted to. It’s called God on mute and it explains a bit why we feel we are not being listened to. He is there but sometimes it’s hard to believe that.
Are y,ou seeing your family for Christmas?
hVDY sounds like quite a crowd for the lunch. Your outfit sounds nice. Oh poor Little Girl. Doesn’t sound like her at all. Good thing to keep her indoors. Hope she’s picks up soon. In the meantime I expect lots of cuddles will be required.
Sweetpeasue glad you’ve been offered more support from the Psychology team. Glad you are feeling a bit better today.
I bet your little grandson is looking forward to Christmas. Will you be seeing him then?
Wyllow have you not seen the GP about your tummy issues? It would be a good idea to get it checked. Did you get any shopping done? I’m still fapping about what to get the family.
Being busy certainly helps me although it doesn’t work all the time. It helps to keep some of the bad thoughts away for a while. Hope today has been ok for you.
Scaredycat glad you enjoyed the evening. I hate it when you get caught up in traffic. Seems to be so many roadworks and temporary traffic lights around here at least.
Yes my church means a lot to me. The people are lovely. This Thursday is our bereavement group, that’s really nice too. We get tea and cake and a chance to chat to others,
Take care all

The games were awful. We had to put on stupid accents and other stuff. I couldn’t do it. Just said no. Next time I won’t go.
I’m so down. I hate being at home.
I managed to put the decorations up today and they do look good but nothing helps
I feel abandoned by everyone and god too.
Then I think of people on the streets or with real problems . Have just seen a Salvation Army appeal . I always give to them .
I should just stop moaning and be grateful .

Hi all
HVDY- I loved the sound of your outfit- bet you looked lovely. Hope you enjoyed the meal. DH and I had Turkey and Xmas pud.
So sorry Little Girl isn’t very well. There are so many germs around at the moment. Ah she needed cuddles from her lovely Nan.
EllieAnne- Curry is great for a get together. I wore a new jumper and jeans too in the end. Hope the games weren’t too stressful for you- sometimes they can be really funny.
Doodle- thank you we enjoyed the evening . We arrived an hour late though due to the traffic jam from hell.
Our GD little cat is much happier without her tail - it had gone stiff as a board and no use whatsoever.
Your church does sound so lovely.a real haven not only of peace but kind companionship too. Your busy bee strategy seems to be very good for you- as long as you take rests in between. Xmas has crept up on you hasn’t it. Whatever you get or do will be fine - your family will be happy with you there.
SweetPeaSue- I,m glad you have the chance of further psychology appointments. It’s nice that you already know the young trainee she may prove a wonderful help for you.
So sorry your pain becomes so bad at times- it feels so much worse in the middle of the night as well.Hope you,ve been better today.
Wyllow- New bed socks was a good treat- yes a couple more new pairs then you,ll have happy feet!!
Good there’s a bit of tum improvement- I feel sure that regular daily Movicol will help eventually. Could you ask your Sis?
I understand the what’s the point feeling but sometimes there isn’t one - just one day at a time and small achievements will gradually lead to better days. Shopping day for you is such a big achievement- be proud with that.Make a little plan for tomorrow- nothing big- maybe a 15 min walk . See if it helps.

Wishing all who come here or just read a peaceful night

Tum - of course Wyllow.

Scaredycat Hope you found something to wear and enjoyed your meal out last night. I'm pretty certain you're not invisible as you sound such a vibrant and fun personality as well as thoughtful to all. I've been better today thankyou.
EllieAnne Seems last night many BDs were out for a meal. Hope you enjoyed the curry and company. Its usually better than we at first fear . I think I'd feel the same about the games but hope it wasn't as bad as you thought.
HVDY I used to be the same - worrying about what to wear going somewhere. My son's wedding was a huge fear for me but I was fine when we settled in and got there. That was a lot of people at the meal .
Aw poor Littlegirl is in the wars again - not that long since she had the blisters. Hope after the nap she felt in a better mood . Children seem to get over things quickly so hope it won't be too long before she's her usual happy self.
Doodle I'm usually the same at Christmas in that it seems so far ahead then it's just round the corner. It'll be next week soon enough - then in a flash it'll be over and we are looking toward the Spring. Your church sounds lovely and I'm so pleased your friends and the other parishioners are being so helpful and supportive. Hope you can sleep at the end of your busy days.You need rest too.
Wyllow Sorry your gum isn't much better. The medical advice could be from your Dr sis aswell as GP surgery though your sis has best professional experience in that field. It would be so good if you could manage to call or text her about what to do. Otherwise you may need GP before next week before holiday. Wish we could help you see how valuable you are . Sending a hug .x
Nadateturbe It was lovely to see you in . I know it's hard for you at present. I just hope you have a better Yr next Yr. X

Better day today. Not done much to speak of. I think my days are quite boring compared to others. I will have my DGS after school tomorrow so am looking forward to seeing his little face.

Wishing all a peaceful night.

SweetpeaSue I'm glad you're getting help. I hope it means you'll gain confidence. I'm sorry your pain has been so bad. I hope things are better for you today.

Wyllow3 I somehow manage to give people a different impression, although I sometimes wonder if my lack of self-assurance comes across as something else. I love fluffy socks. Hope you get some food items you enjoy. Do you like Bailey's?

Little Girl is here but not well - a cold and cough, probably a sore throat too, so she doesn't want to play (didn't go to playgroup) and has been clingy, which is opposite to how she usually is. She's having a nap at the moment. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Well done for getting all the presents, HVDY I can understand being nervous so many people. So glad it went well!

Treats in trolley were warm bedsocks Scaredycat and might get more as the old ones are a bit grotty.
I hope this evenings meal out is a lovely one and you found your "just right" outfit.

EllieAnne hope the eveing went better than you feared as regards the games.

Aw, Doodle, hoping you get everything done you want to for christmas. Being busy seems to work bst for you atm xx

I'm very glad that you are going to get some further emotional support Sweetpeasue I understand the confidence thing! Sorry you needed heavy painillers in the night.

Tum got a bit better but its not sorted yet I should really get some medical advice I think..seems little point and so on...just shopping today.

Night night to all BD's

I had first contact appt with Psychologist today after about 3mths. It was with him and the trainee psychologist that ran the 8 week MH group.
Decided that I can have further appts with trainee to help my confidence problem. In as I'm not able to socialise with others as I've no confidence.
I told them about my DH's health issues. I expect they won't understand half of what I've already said here.
Sorry not been in tonight for others.
Still bad with pain during night but did take painkillers and morphine which I keep for bad stuff and needed last night.
I pray and wish that all here have help with their own problems.
Night all.x

EllieAnne Curry sounds great. What did you have? I hope the games went well.

Doodle About 40 arrived. I wore a dress with 3/4 sleeves, calf-length, small floral pattern, and ankle boots. The restaurant is huge, but we had the function room (10.30 until 2.45). How did your day go? Have you got many people to buy for?

nadateturbe it’s not been a good year has it. Nice to hear from you again. How are things at the moment are you still exhausted a lot of the time? Are you meeting family for Christmas?

Ellie Anne that’s a great amount to raise for charity. Good cause too I hope you enjoy the curry and games. Just go with it and well done you for making the effort.
Glad you don’t have to drive so much this week. Do you know what you’re doing at Christmas?
sweetpease sorry you’ve not been feeling that great again. Hope today has been better. Yes knitting is a big help and people came to ask what I was knitting so that meant chatting to more people which was nice.
Willow it is a lovely church and the people are so kind. Yes I could do less but although I get tired, doing things means my mind is occupied. If I could I’d be busy every minute of the day except for sleeping.
Glad you managed to shower today. I have just realised Christmas is next week 😱. I thought it was the week after and there’s loads of presents I need to arrange with no ideas .
Can you just do gift vouchers or something?
HVDY I do hope you had a good time at the Christmas lunch. I bet you looked nice, what did you wear in the end?
40 to 50 is a lot of people. Did you take over the whole restaurant?
Scaredycat you GD poor little cat. I hope now without the tail it’s doing better. Your DDs cats are lucky to have been adopted into a good family. Do you get to see them often and have a cuddle.?
Hope you have a great time tonight and enjoy the dinner.

We’re having curry at my bible study group tonight. We ‘ll order it in from the local Indian restaurant.
I shall wear a jumper and jeans !
Unfortunately we are going to play games which I hate but maybe be in teams which isn’t so bad.

ScaredyCat Those cats are lucky to have a good home with your daughter. I'm glad the one whose tail was amputated is doing well. Cats do adapt pretty quickly. I changed my outfit 3 times before I went out! My hair looks good today, and my make-up is nice, so I felt ok. I had 2 vodkas and a lager and have just got home. Hope you have a lovely evening out.

Hi all
Doodle- you did so well at the Carol Service- some songs just tug so hard at the heartstrings. Glad it was a nice day for you- such a lovely church.
Don’t worry about getting Xmas done- remember when we were young and the children little- somehow it all worked out.
Just see after yourself so you are well for it all.
EllieAnne- that was a great sum to raise- you should all be proud of yourselves. Hope that poor person was rescued- a horrible thing to happen near Xmas.
Glad you are having a rest from too much driving - take it easy when you can and maybe treat yourself to something nice - you deserve it.
SweetPeaSue- Oh dear that baseball bat needs locking up. That awful churning feeling wears you out doesn’t it.
Hope today is the better tomorrow you wished for.
Nadateturbe- lovely to hear from you.You,ve had a really difficult few months it must be very hard to keep your spirits up.hope you can soon start enjoying your Art again and just be able to get out a bit. Take care.
Wyllow- try and persevere with the Movicol maybe you just need more time.
You kept busy yesterday and must have been tired after your late posting.
Good news you had a good idea for a family gift- it will give you a bit of a project to sort out with the help of maybe your DiL.
Hope shopping was OK today- did any treats find their way into your trolley?
HVDY- yes those little cats have been through so much . My DD has been so patient with them and they are enjoying life again . My GD1 cat who,had her tail amputated is doing really well and has a little furry stump now. It’s better for her now as it was dead.
I hope you enjoy the Christmas lunch- a couple of Voddies will help you relax. The anxiety of what to wear etc never goes away does it- I just work on the principle that as I have got older I,m invisible anyway!!
We’re off to a Christmas meal too this evening with DHs Gym friends. What shall I wear!!!!!😩
Love to all BDs and visitors or readers.

nadateturbe I'd been wondering how you were. Yes, being unable to do things we'd like to do is frustrating. I know you have to pace yourself. I hope you find some strength to enjoy Christmas. Will you see anyone over Christmas?

Wyllow3 Glad you managed to do your washing and have a shower. I always feel a bit brighter when I've showered and put on clean clothes (or pyjamas). I hope you buy something you like when you do your shopping today.

It's the day centre's Christmas lunch at a local restaurant today. About 40 - 50 will be going. As stupid as it sounds, I've been whittling about it for weeks (wondering what to wear although I've got several options, worrying about what if I have an upset stomach - a regular concern although it's never a reality) and I don't want to go, but I will (and perhaps I'll have a couple of vodkas there as I won't be driving. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

ScardeyCat Having a cat on your lap is so relaxing. Your daughter's cat trusts you. It's so rewarding to gain an animal's trust when they've been mistreated or neglected. My brother doesn't enjoy anything in life but won't do anything to try to change that. Your niece has got an appointment - surely it must be the one she's been waiting for. Fingers crossed she's getting nearer to having an operation.

Doodle I'm Glad you had a good day. I cried when I saw some children on TV singing Silent Night . Yes, I've got everything for everyone (5 GC, 4 adults), and everyone has their own wrapping paper, so I know whose is whose at a glance. My SIL never seems distressed now. She didn't recognise her sister yesterday, although she'd seen her 2 days before. I hope you manage to get all your present shopping done. There's still plenty of time.

EllieAnne That's a marvellous amount of money raised. What a great cause. I hope that person in the harbour ended up being ok. It's no wonder you've been falling asleep - you've been very busy.

SweetPeaSue Sorry you had such a bad day yesterday. I hope today will be different.

I’m glad that Jaffa isnt attacking the tree, Doodle.
We just dont seem to be getting sun here either.
Its probably the best option for your brother.

Nice to hear you had a coffee outing with DD and the honour of cat-on-lap Scaredycat . It seems strange to get an appointment and not know what it is, can they find out? So hoping its to do with the operation.
I like the idea of BD visits.

Well done for coping at the service Doodle, those songs so emotional. It really is a very special and friendly church. Are all the “things to do” essential? Will others understand if you do less?

That was an amazing amount to raise, EllieAnne. I’m sorry you had to cope with that in your car, it must have been really difficult.

Aw, Sweetpeasue, sad to hear it was a baseball bat down day x

nadateturbe its just so nice to see you in and feel “remembered”. You are certainly not forgotten! Warm thoughts back for the frustration.

Today was doing a wash and having a shower. I still haven’t done anything about Christmas and feel bad about it tho have had an idea for a family gift.Tum playing up so not eaten much have to do more about it tomorrow as well as shop, 3 movicols did no good.. Mood the same, but thank you all for loving wishes and thoughts.

Hello everyone.
Have read posts for the last few days. I have not stopped thinking about you all, and remembering you in my prayers.
It's not been my best year, body letting me down. So frustrating when there is so much I would like to do. But I know most of you can relate to that.
Sending love xx