Black Dog 24

Hi Candy - being a busy Candy as you often are x

I hope you have a good night with Littlegirl, HVDY.
Great CPAG machine.

Have a hug, nannyG4, you are welcome to share on here and tell it like it is.

Warm wave to you Whiff

I hope you have managed to make progress with the wrapping-ups, Scaredycat.

You really gave your aunt a lovely time today with Fluffball, Sweetpeasue. I felt so angry reading about the letter sent to the wrong place and then permission and yes, it’s horrible having it happen and have to join up the dots yet again.

Doodle I’m glad you were able to respond to nanny and glad today was Ok-ish and to hear of your friend.

Hi whywhywhy I’m dreading it too - I do sympathise - keep posting. Oh, and…no one EVER needs to say sorry, here.

Things are very difficult - sometimes grim - thought of so many days alone ahead scary, regulars here know why includes EX stuff and my family all miles away and not really wanting to b social anyway.. usual stuff.

Thank you for welcoming me in. I haven’t slept much as usual. At least my youngest son will be here on Monday for a few days.

whywhywhy You are most welcome and though we have no magic wands ,I've found comfort in knowing someone cares. I really am sorry to hear of your circumstances at home. It's bound to affect you mentally and often that can affect physical health too. You must feel as if yours is a catch 22 situation but I think its understandable that when you're so very down you can't face a huge change in later life. Please never believe any unkind put downs - none of it is your fault. Not getting enough sleep makes it doubly hard . I feel for you- it sounds such a sad situation.
I hope you can speak to your son about things and you feel a little better after his visit . Take care of yourself and feel free to post whenever you want .
Wyllow Lonely feelings are magnified by the 'jollity' of the Christmas holiday and the emphasis on family get togethers yet many of the ideas of the perfect family aren't true. Knowing this doesn't help though.
(Just read back those words and they seem empty- I'm not in your shoes- sorry if they sound trite) Wish I could help but just hang on till the Christmas period is over and I think things won't look so grim. That probably applies to most of us with anxieties and worries I think.
Hope your tummy is not as bad.
Not wanting to be sociable but feeling alone is so hard. Please don't torture yourself about memories of your ex - for what it's worth, and from what you've said, I think he really did love you but his love was twisted and he maybe was trying to control you. Whatever it was - you deserve much better. Take care and hang on - we all care.

SweetpeaSue Aww, Fluffball sounds such a cute little thing. I'm glad your aunt enjoyed the visit. I bet it made her day. About your DH and the hospital - Talk about one hand not knowing what the other is doing! I hope things are sorted out very soon.

Doodle The hospice sounds a very special place, in a beautiful setting.

Wyllow3 Not wanting to mix with others and yet feeling so alone is all to do with depression, I think. I think, from things you've previously said, that your ex loved you but he was very troubled and ill himself. You did nothing wrong. Christmas isn't like the magazines and tv portray it - not everyone is sitting around a log fire with their family, all in matching pyjamas. After all, Christmas is really only one day, anyway.

Whywhywhy You can be as open as you like on here, we all care about each other. Having your son there for a while will be good for you.

ScaredyCat, EllieAnne, Candy - hope you've been ok today. How has everyone else been?

LittleGirl was coughing a lot through the night (so was I). I slept on a settee, she was in her cot downstairs. She got up at 6.15, played and looked at books with me until she fell asleep after lunch. Son2 and DIL picked her up at 2.30. Son1 and the 3 children called in, briefly. Hope ALL BDers have been ok x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- how nice for your Aunt to have Fluffball cuddles- I,d like some too!!
Can’t believe the absence of coordination with regards to your DH problems. Don’t think they understand the concept of dot joining.
Doodle- those sort of friends are to be treasured aren’t they- so glad you have her.
Would you believe that my niece appt wasn’t for the Cyst- something else but I don’t know what.
Hope you get comfort from Church tomorrow.
whywhywhy- Welcome. This is a place where you can come and say how you feel with no fear of judgement.
Christmas can be wonderful but also can be a trial to just get through it. I hope you enjoy your youngest Sons visit - it,ll be the best medicine and you can just be yourself with him.
Please come in whenever you feel low- or just come in anyway!
Wyllow- finished the dreaded wrapping a little while ago.😀
So sad for you and the thought of those empty days- it will pass and hopefully you will have some contact with your family.
SweetPeaSue is right - reliving all the trauma with your Ex is destructive . Remember the good times if you can and look forward to getting your life back. You really do deserve so much more.
Don’t forget some treats for tomorrow- give yourself permission to be kind to yourself - we all care so much for you and getting our old Wyllow back.
HVDY- hope your day with Little Girl went well yesterday and she is getting back to her energetic little self.
EllieAnne- as always thinking of you at the weekend.
Take care all BDs and those who visit or have been absent for a while.

Doodle The hospice sounds such a beautiful place. I'm glad your DH was in such peaceful and lovely surroundings with family around him. It's so good that you can visit whenever you like .
Thankyou for telling me about the oxygen figures as I'd no idea about them really. Hope today has been OK for you. HVDY Oh I hope Littlegirl and yourself haven't got another virus with all that coughing. Nice to see your other son and family too.
Yes, couldn't make it up about the lack of organisation in health care at times. I feel so sorry for those alone who aren't able to question or fight for themselves.
Scaredycat Oh I'm sorry that your niece's appt wasn't about the cyst! I wonder how much longer she will have to wait, poor girl. It's unbelievable isn't it. Hope you've got all the dreaded wrapping finished now. Wish I could magic Fluffball over to you - she never gets tired of hugs and cuddles , she's a medicine.

Really tired so going to have an early night I think. Hope everyone is managing and coping with the hustle and bustle. Wishing you all a peaceful night.

Why sorry you are feeling so bad. Is there really no way you can move out and be on your own. Do you have any family you could go to?
Glad your son is coming. Is he staying for Christmas?
Wyllow yes you’re right no one needs to say sorry for posting that they’re upset or down. Have you managed to go out at all today? It’s been drizzling most of the day here and I’ve got wet a couple of times.
HvDY sorry Little Girl was coughing a lot. Doesn’t sound as though either of you had a good night. Hope you’re both feeling better today. Nice you got to see all the children.
Scaredycat my friend is a real treasure, we’ve been Christmas shopping today. Man in one shop having a heart attack then three drunk lads in another shop causing concern among the security staff but all was ok in the end.
Sweetpeasue the hospice is indeed lovely. I’m so pleased I can cope with going there. I like to sit and look out at the lake and just have some quiet time. They have a nice little shop too which I always look at, bought some Christmas presents there the other day.
Hope you’ve had a reasonable day today and your DH.
Take care all

Waves to whywhywhy I’m glad your son will be there.

People are right about people’s ideas about other’s families all OK. Hard for me to know about mine and yet not being well enough to join in (it would have meant a long drive and hotel) Yes Ex's love was twisted it twisted me up..

That was a long night with LittleGirl, HVDY A busy family day, I expect you were tired afterwards.

Well done on the wrapping Scaredycat Will try and do treats on Monday.

Very thoughtful posts, Sweetpeasue, I hope you get a good night.

So glad to hear of you getting out with Friend Doodle. Rather a dramatic shopping time.

Dressing gown day today, it was very windy and rainy but got stuck too.

Best nights possible BD’s xx

ScaredyCat It beggars belief that your niece still hasn't had any word about her operation. The poor woman.

SweetpeaSue LittleGirl has got a virus (she saw the GP on Wednesday). Mine is poorly-controlled Asthma at the moment (I need a blue inhaler, they won't prescribe one until I've seen the Asthma nurse - but she hasn't got any available slots. You know how it goes....)

Doodle Glad you had your friend's company. Yes, as Wyllow says, a dramatic shopping trip. Hope you have a ood day today. Will you see family?

Wyllow3 It's been very windy and wet here, all through the night. Did you manage to get any nice food or drinks from the shops recently? I bought a bottle of Pimms.

Seeing the other GDs later - taking them out for lunch and to buy something for their dad. Son1 and DIL are going away at lunchtime, just until tomorrow evening, for her birthday, so DH and I will stay the night at theirs, to look after the girls, dog, cat, and 6 pet rats . Son2 will see to Jaffa. Hope ALL BDers have a decent day x

Popping in early today as I’m out tonight at the church Carole service. I’m not positive I’m doing the right thing as some of the songs are very emotional for me but I’m going with friends so hopefully ok.
Had a good morning at church with lots of chat then came home and found some Christmas cards on the mat. Of course they were just addressed to me rather than the two of us so that set the tears coming again.
HVdY how lovely of you to look after the family so your son and DIL can have some time to themselves. I bet the girls with love you being there.
No I don’t often see family at the weekends just if one or other invites me over for a meal.
It’s really cold here so I intend to wrap up for the service tonight because churches aren’t that warm.
Hope you are all ok and not overdoing things, xx

It’s very wild and windy here. We have a carol service at 4 so I’m going to wrap up warm and go. Parking will probably be a problem.

HVDY Oh I didn't realise Littlegirl still had the same virus , I was thinking it might be another one. It's lasted a long time poor little bairn. Disgraceful that you have to put up with your asthma without the inhaler .It was the GP that prescribed DHs but we know it's not Asthma anyway. Hope you enjoy your lunch out later. You are good looking after everyone - 6 pet rats!
Wyllow I keep hoping every day will be better for you. It's awkward when it's such a long way to see son. I'm sure they understand that it's impossible for you right now. Hope in the new year you might be able to get together.
Doodle Hope you manage the carol service without emotions coming to the surface. The Christmas cards must be hard . I hated addressing mine to one person too when their other half has gone. You must be so tired at the end of the day so crossed fingers you can sleep OK.
EllieAnne Parking is such a problem at this time of year when there's so many people wanting to do and go to things. Enjoy the service and stay warm.

Had both sisters here today , with their DH and partner, at same time. Lots of talking . Don't get together much these days but it was lovely.
Feel so exhausted after all that so wishing you all a peaceful night and thinking of those recently in Littlegran and whywhywhy. Take care.

Hi all
HVDY- So nice of you to look after the girls and the furry grandchildren. Being able to spend time together is so good for your Son and DiL. They can go away knowing the girls are in such safe loving hands.
Jaffa is sorted too- you are such a nice family
EllieAnne- hope you got a Parking space and managed to keep warm. Was there refreshments after the Carol Service?
SweetPeaSue- yes I feel so sorry for my Niece- you really couldn’t make it up.
What a lovely get together with your Sisters and their OH. So much to catch up on and lovely to just be with each other.
That’s a nice exhaustion isn’t it.
You,ll sleep,well tonight hopefully.
Doodle- Ah tears for the cards is so understandable- but people knew and loved your DH and want to send love to you this time of year.
Yes it’s freezing this evening- we,ve just walked back from the pub - sooo cold. Winter woolies for you at the Carol Service this evening. Hopefully the beauty of the Carols and the lights in the Church will make your heart sing even though you feel sad.
Sending a hug for such an emotional day.
Whywhywhy- how have you been today?
Wyllow- Yes it’s true it’s so easy to imagine that everyone is having a picture book Christmas but in reality some are but others struggle to get through the day with or without family.
What you say about your Ex is very insightful and yes his twisted way of loving has left you damaged . But you are doing your best to get to a better place and hopefully next year you will be able to meet up with your family again.
Hope some goodies land up in your trolley tomorrow!!
Take care Wyllow
Love to all

Doodle The Christnas cards must have made you feel sad. I hope the carol service and being with others helped.

SweetpeaSue Son2 is Asthmatic and had a spare inhaler, so that's helped a little bit today. The rats at Son1's are lovely (he had rats when he was about 14). 4 from 1 litter in 1 cage, the other 2 in another cage. Cages are 4 or 5ft high, 4 tiered - very spacious! How nice that you've seen your sisters and their partners today. Do they live near to you?

EllieAnne hope the caril service was nice. Were there many there?

It's bitterly cold and windy out, isn't it? I wonder if it wikl snow tonight. I left the heating on at home for Jaffa .

Watching a film with DH and the girls. Their mum is in Tenerife with her boyfriend, back late Christmas Eve. I must be old-fashioned....... Hope ALL BDers have a cosy night x

Well done HVDY for all that looking after, people and animals!
So sad to come home and find the cards, Doodle. xx I do hope the service tonight has brought comfort as well as difficult emotions.

Warm Waves EllieAnne

Aw, Sweetpeasue glad it was a postive family time and I'm not surprised you were so tired afterwards.

I really feel angry on your niece’s behalf, Scardeycat! Glad you got out to the pub. I’ll do my best in the goodies basket.

Not too bad a day, washing and had a shower, but lots of tum trouble swollen and so on. Unopened cards, haven't the heart.

Night night all xx

Wyllow3 Sorry your tum is still bad. Perhaps after Christmas you'll need to see a GP? You might feel better to open the cards and know that people care about you. DH & I have just got home - the GDs are now with their other grandparents until tonight - Son1 and DIL going to a funeral on their way back from their night away. All animals fed, watered and sorted out. Dog now with DIL's mum.

It's very cold out but at least not windy or wet. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day. x

Hi all
HVDY- glad your stay with the girls and furries went well.
It’s cold here too but dry- thank goodness. Done a bit of housework today then DH and I assembled a small coffee table.
Why the instruction diagrams don’t resemble the bits in front of you is a mystery! But we did it in the end.
Hope you have had a decent day too.
Doodle- hope you,ve been OK today after what must have been a bittersweet time at the Carol Service.
Think of you such a lot- wish you were close enough to pop in.
Wyllow- thank you - yes I feel angry too my niece has a lot to contend with and needs this worry like a hole in the head.
You got some stuff done yesterday - good for you when it can’t be easy with an uncomfortable tum. Are you still trying with the Movicol?
HVDY had a good point re the Xmas cards- it would be good for you to see that people really do care for you . Now you need to care for yourself - you are very important to us all.
Hope the shopping went OK.
Hope all BDs are managing OK in what can be a stressful time for many. Love to all.

Good Evening and thank you to you all for a very warm welcome, what a lovely thread….
Well it’s nearly here…I’ve had some difficult days, like Doodle, received Christmas cards addressed to me only…I have to admit I’ve just put them in a pile out of the way!! Also yesterday I pranged my car damaging the passenger door, I just parked my car up and cried, just miss having someone to look after me…..
Anyway enough of my woes….I really hope you can all have the best Christmas you can have under your circumstances…..
Love to you all.

HVDY Glad you have an inhaler to use of your son's. You do so well looking after your family. They must appreciate it so much. Hope Littlegirl on the mend.
Wyllow Well done for yesterday managing to do that wash but so sorry about your tum being no better. The swollen bloated feeling must be so uncomfortable and you won't feel like eating. Could you get a callback from GP tomorrow ? It's getting to the point when you may need extra help. Drink plenty of water too. Sorry I don't know what to say but a walk might help to get something started too. Hope you have some laxative meds in that have worked for you before. Will the deep massaging tum help? Expect you've already tried that. Hugs and wishes that something will work soon.
Scardycat I'm angry for your neice too. My sisters SIL has a tumour in her bowel and has had terrible pain for so long now. She's been told she might lose some of her bowel but they keep postponing her op. I really wish and pray your neice gets word soon for her cyst op. It really is disgusting.
Oh well done for fathoming out the table instructions!
Doodle Hope you were OK at the carol service last night. I was thinking about you there and hoping you felt some peace in the words without too much heartache.
EllieAnne Hope you were OK and managed a parking space last night.

Terribly tired -it feels unnaturally so. Aches n pains and can't think straight. Got shopping in now. DIL came this afternoon with present for us from them and other son too- must have clubbed tog- no idea what it is. It's massive.

Love to all and those not personally mentioned or who just read. Xx

NannyG4 Aw the car prang must have felt like the last straw. Thankyou for your wishes for a nice Christmas. I hope you can get over the next couple of days in the best way you can .
A couple of ladies from my book group lost their DHs not long ago and I found it so very sad just writing their names on the cards. Just open them when you feel like it- entirely up to yourself . Sending you a big hug and thinking of you.x

Ellie Anne I hope your carol service went well. Ours was lovely. As you say very cold. We had mulled wine and mince pies after.
Sweetpeasue how lovely to have both your sisters round at the same time, I bet the menfolk couldn’t get a word in edge ways. Ooh I wonder what your massive gift is, do let us know after Christmas,
Scaredycat the cards are very emotional. DH used to play a big part in doing the Christmas cards and I missed his input this year. I had a very insensitive card from a relative this morning who was hoping I had “a Christmas to remember”
Well I’m not likely to forget my first Christmas without my DH am I. I tore it up and threw it in the bin. Maybe a bit melodramatic but it’s how I felt.
The carol service was lovely thank you and I was fine.
It would be lovely if we could visit each other wouldn’t it,
HVDY good the girls have you to rely on. At least you’re there for them. Not sure I could cope with rats. Never seen pet ones. Are they white or grey?
Wyllow are you sure a trip to the GP isn’t the right thing to do about your tum, Don’t like to think of you being in this discomfort all the time.
NannyG4 I know what your mean. My DH was always there for me. Always supportive calm and understanding. Dealing with things on,your own can be so upsetting. Hope you have a peaceful time with your family at Christmas.

Doodle Just read your post where you mentioned a certain Christmas card. It's mind boggling how anyone can send a card like that. Insensitivity or carelessness , but in the bin it surely belongs. I'm just so sorry you had a card like that. Probably best for me not to have mentioned it really- so sorry if it's caused further annoyance. Just wanted to say as I'm upset on your behalf. Sending love and hope you have a peaceful night.x

ScaredyCat Well done on assembling the coffee table. I'm never of any help with those things. DIL assembled a play kitchen for Little Girl when Son2 was at work. Hope you're relaxing now.

NannyG4 Hope the prang hasn't done much damage to your car. That must have been frustrating and upsetting for you. Hope you spend some time with your family over Christmas.

SweetpeaSue Your big present sounds interesting. I'm sure it'll be something you both enjoy. You'll have to let us know.

Doodle What an idiot that person was to send a card like that. Some people have got no sense. Pet rats are lovely, very clean, intelligent and easy to keep. A couple are white/grey, one is white, another brown and white. Not sure about Step GS's 2, but they're named after Forest footballers .

It's been a quiet day, just a bit of housework and washing. Son2 called in, briefly, and all the others have been in touch. Hope ALL BDers have a pleasant evening x

Evening all
NannyG4- that must have felt like the last straw - but thankfully it was only the car that was hurt. Yes those cards hurt don’t they- but people want you to know they are thinking of you . I hope you too can find the peace of Christmas . Please come here whenever you are able.
SweetPeaSue- oh that poor lady - how can they leave her like that. It’s bad enough to be told that news but to keep being messed about is just cruel.
So far the table is still in one piece!!
All the worries you have had and are still having takes it out of you so no wonder you feel tired. Oh I wonder what is in your parcel - it’s nice to think of your family planning together to give you a surprise.
Hope you sleep well.
Doodle- how thoughtless was that relative of yours. I bet you felt like giving them a Christmas to remember!!!😡
I,m glad you enjoyed the Carol service and mince pies and wine was perfect afterwards.
I think your DH must have had a lovely air of calm about him and his support has given you strength for this new journey.
Maybe we can meet one day- I feel like you are quite near.
Wishing you all a peaceful night