Black Dog 24

Whiff Thankyou for the nice things you say about this thread. You have such wise words from a person who has personal experience of grief at losing your other half.
NannyG4 I'm glad you had some comfort from your lived ones yesterday. I can only imagine your grief as have no personal experience, as others have here, though imagining feels extremely unthinkable. I know others here will be supportive as you are too.
Elvira1 It must be so difficult to keep going on with your own broken heart when you are clearly trying to be brave for your own 2 daughters too. I'm so sorry - I imagine you and your daughters will have a very special and close relationship as you are supporting each other. Scaredycat's words are full of her own experience and caring .
LucyD I too hope you had as good a Christmas Day as possible with your son .You will find kind words here and I hope you can feel the love and empathy from others in the same situation as yourself.
Doodle How painful it must be seeing others holding hands with partners. It's so cruel , the separating of caring, loving and long term relationships. I'm so glad you have such loving sons and I hope you have a nice time with your younger son today. You must be glad that yesterday has been and gone though.
Thankyou today has been better for myself though not so good for DH . Don't think we can be happy while the other is in pain but we try.
Wyllow Oh I'm glad yesterday is over for you. It was nice to have facetime with your son and family though I know it must be hard to do. Just re-read and you actually said wattsapps so not sure if that was the visual contact or texts, sorry if I've got that wrong. I had phone call from son but it turned into facetime at his request( didn't like to say no) and ended up looking very dishevelled in front of in DILs parents as I was really ' out of it' . Hate technology at times. Hope tomorrow you have a better time than you think with your new carer and she's on your wavelength.

Back later .

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- glad you had a FT with your Son. Me too this morning. It must be wonderful to be able to go on the beach so easily. Hope the pain stays away today.
Whiff - thank you for coming in - your wise words always welcome.
Elveral- your grief is still very raw and your 2 children are grieving too. This time of year is especially difficult but take each day at a time and I promise it will get better but at the moment just be kind to yourself and accept any hands of friendship or invitations offered even if you don’t feel like it. I remember well that first Christmas. Love to you and your children
HVDY- glad you had a good day yesterday and hope you have a great time with all the family later. My DD and SiL are coming over for the Football and a meal as they are alone today.( would you believe Forest supporters!!)
NannyG4 - I,m so glad you were able to enjoy yesterday- counting your blessings and feeling surrounded by love.
There is no easy fix but you sound a very strong and positive person but vulnerable nevertheless so it,ll take a while for that confidence to return but it will. In the meantime take care of yourself and we’re all here for each other.
Lucyd- hope your pain subsided and you were able to spend yesterday with your family. Good to have you here and look forward to seeing you again.
Wyllow- so sorry yesterday was so painful but somehow you got through it. The WhatsApp’s must have been very welcome.
Good to hear you enjoyed your meal- maybe a few more treats next time! Hope tomorrow the new carer will prove a valued visitor. If you could possibly manage a daily walk even 10 minutes I think you,d feel better for it once you start. Sending Boxing Day hugs xx
Doodle- hope today is kind to you and glad yesterday was as good as you deserve. Take carexx
Nadateturbe,EllieAnne ,Candy and everyone who is a regular or an occasional visitor hope you have the best day possible. Take care of yourselvesxxxxx

LucyD yes I remember you from another thread, nice of you to join us. Hope you had a nice Christmas Day with your son.
Elveral I’m so sorry for your loss. 4 months isn’t long and I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be bringing up two teenagers on your own. Do you have any family close by to help. Like you seeing other couples or people holding hands always brings it back what we’re missing. Hope you have a peaceful Christmas. Love to you all x
HVDY glad you had a nice time yesterday. Good idea the colour coded parcels, Hope you have a nice time today with the family, I’m off to younger sons today.
Whiff what a lovely post. Thank you. What are you doing today?
Wyllow I’m so sorry. I wish you weren’t so alone. I hope your new carer works out ok. It would be wonderful if you could get out more. Are there any Day centres locally you could go to when you start feeling a bit stronger? I so hope we get our Wyllow back again. Love and hugs
NannyG4 glad you were with family. It helps doesn’t it, still so very sad without our lovely men. We’ll get through supporting each other, Are you with family today. Beach walk perhaps?
Scaredycat glad you had a nice day too, yes I was very tired as well.
Sweetpeasue glad you managed a beach walk. Sorry you had to resort to the painkillers again. Hope today is a better day,
Have the best day possible all. Love and hugs xx

SweetpeaSue Glad you got out for a stroll. It must be great to live near the sea. It's nice that you FaceTimed with your son. I hope the pain subsided later.

Elvera1 Don't bottle up your feelings to your girls. They are grieving, too. I expect the first occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, etc., will be difficult. As Whiff says, there's a bereavement thread on here. That, and things like CRUSE can be helpful. Wishing you all well.

ScaredyCat I'm pleased that you had a good day. I hope you slept well.

Doodle A couple of drinks will help you to relax. Glad you had a nice day with your son and his family.

NannyG It's good that you spent time with your family. Their love will help you through it.

Wyllow3 So sorry you had such an awful day. We are all willing you to get better and be able to see your family. I hope the new carer tomorrow will be an understanding person.

Whiff Thoughtful words there.

It was a good day yesterday - we had messages from all the family, which was lovely (videos of LitleGirl). Jaffa liked his Christmas presents . The gang will be here for tea, so I've got to get the food shopping soon. Hope ALL BDers have a pleasant day x

Elveral I know how hard it is. My husband was 47 when he died I was 45 and our children 20 and 16. I was a fool and thought I had to be brave for everyone else so keep my grief locked in until bedtime or when I knew I was alone for hours.

Grief as many here know effects you not just mentally but physically. Bet you have lost weight . It's what I call grief weight loss. You eat but grief causes your body to use up all the calories. Trying to cope with your grief as well as your children's is exhausting. But they are different griefs . Took me years to realise that .

Have you read the bereavement form there is a thread missing someone or something like that . Those here are brilliant and have helped me perhaps that thread will help you more . There are people grieving for different family members.

But finding the other half of yourself is so precious and being loved and love in return grief is the heavy price we pay for that love . But our lives would be the poorer without it. Be 21 years in February since my darling husband died and have found my grief gets worse as the years go by. But my love for him is just as strong .

I hope all here had the best Christmas day they could . But for many everyday is the same coping with physical and mental pain . I hope you all get the help you need in 2025 but as we all know it's a post code lottery what help is available.

It does my heart good to see old friends still here helping eachother and all the new people who find help and support . Shows how much this thread is needed and it's longevity is testament to that . 🤗💞

Thank you for the wishes, Whiff

I hope the curry turned out well, HVDY.

Thank you, Sweetpeasue (noted). Good that you got out by the sea, but sorry you had to take the extra painkillers.

Elveral I think we protect our children and can’t often tell them just how hard it is when all we can do is barely keeping on keeping on x

I thought your day might be like that, Scaredycat, so it’s good you were able to pop in.

I really wondered how today would be for you Doodle and am relieved that you saw the family for most of the day.

And that you also saw your family and felt loved NannyG

Today was dreadful. So alone and although I got Whataspps from family and am glad they did but were so far away and I’m too ill to travel there. I dont know how I’v got through today - I haven’t left the house since last Wednesday and see (strange new) carer on Friday. Plus was my ready meal which was nice.

Must try to do something positive tomorrow.

Elveral...I've only been posting on this supportive caring thread a couple of weeks. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your DH recently, it's raw isn't it? Certainly no short cuts. Keep posting. We can support each other.
Thankyou to you all for your kind words, it really helps. Like you Doodle I had tears this morning and also when were all together but as the day went on, I felt lucky to be with my family, felt very loved by them all. Another hurdle over for us all....glad your day went smoothly...sleep well....
Also welcome to Lucyd, yes my DH used to do a lot of the admin things particularly after he retired and so it's quite challenging sorting all these things out myself...I feel I've lost some confidence since he passed away but I try to be strong, hard as it is sometimes. Keep posting....
I truly hope you ALL managed some joy in your day......
Much love. Xx

Evening all. Not been in long and I’m very tired so won’t post much tonight,
Hope you all had the best day possible, I had tears this morning but then had a very enjoyable day with our son and family. They picked me up so I could have a drink or two and I did which is why I’m so sleepy now,
Thinking of you all xx

Hi all
Just got home and can see the small post I did this morning was lost!!! So sorry.
I hope you,ve all had as good a day as possible and those who are troubled managed some moments of brightness.
Welcome to our new friends and love to all BDs .
I,m really tired - it was a busy , noisy but lovely day so will see you tomorrow. Much lovex

Thank you ladies for your kind words
Today has been really hard
We decided to go on a holiday that we had all planned together and now it’s me and the children
All the happiness and couples, families have really got to me
I just don’t know when I’ll feel any better
I don’t want to upset my girls
Life can be very unfair
Thanks for your support xx

Sorry should be son 1

Elvira1 It's true people don't know what to say. I have no words either but just wanted to say I hope you find some comfort in your love for each other. Hope you have as good a day as possible and feel free to post here.
LucyD I hope your tum has settled down and you can have a nice day with your son. It's good you can 'talk'to others like Doodle on other threads. Warm welcome here and hoping you get through today as best you can.💐
NannyG4 Hope you managed to get your car sorted. Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and hope that you have a tiny amount of comfort knowing others that are going through the same. I've no magic words but just sending love. and💐
Wyllow Not sure what you're doing right now but hope at least your tum isn't adding to worries and it's a bit m.ore comfortable . It's always a worry about getting too reliant on meds but what to do without? Immensely difficult when you can't see past the present day or indeed next few hours. Here for you whenever or feel free to pm any time. We all care Wyllow.
Doodle Good you could go to midnight mass with your son and DILso hope that was especially warm and peaceful. Thought of you often throughout day and just hope you can get through best way you can. Love and hugs.
Candy Getting covid would be the last thing you could foresee when you have been so busy arranging things. Do hope you are being looked after if you're still unwell.
HVDY Enjoy your Indian meal and hope you also enjoy Jaffa strokes today.
Scaredycat You are so kind and take pleasure being with your family today
Whiff Merry Christmas to you too and thankyou for all your care and support to us on this thread.x
EllieAnne Hope you can have as good a Christmas as possible. Will join you for a glass(or 2) tonight.

Very quiet here though managed a small stroll by the sea this morning. Sky and clouds lovely. So 1 facetimed me which was embarrassing as just taken full painkillers and very out of it. Never mind . Not the best day for us but we have each other so counting blessings.Will have some beef from slowcooker later.
Thinking of all here and many not mentioned( Nadateturbe hope you're OK today)
Love and gratitude to all for such kind posts. X
.

Elvera1 So sorry. You've got a lot to deal with, and this time of year makes everything so much more difficult. Love to you and your children.

Wyllow3 Yes - DH is making a curry, and we bought samosas and bhajis from an Indian shop yesterday. Thinking of you today, hope you manage to speak with your family.

Whiff You too and to all BDers x

Just wanted to wish you all Merry Christmas and hope 2025 will be a better year for you all . 🥂🎄⛄💝

Thank you all for my good wishes as its been a tough day and I know tomorrow will be really difficult alone. Family WhatsApp’s helped a bit. Lots of whats the point around. Cutting down on meds will be really difficult, I am addicted to certain ones.

What a lovely post Scardeycat when you spoke of BD’s. I’m sorry you cant all be together.

Take good care Sweetpeasue as you are tired, I hope there hasn’t been too much pain.

nadateturbe I think of you often and just glad you come in when you are able.

I understand your feelings about the food, Doodle Just sending very warmest thoughts for what will be a very tough day x
In the meantime thinking of you ar midnight mass, glad you have Ds and DiL.

Hello there Lucyd and Elvera1 good to “see” you in here.

HVDY If I recall correctly, your Christmas meal choice is Indian? Enjoy!

Thinking of other BD’s not in or just reading.

Hello I don’t usually post, just a lurker, but felt I had to reply. Nanny G4 you are not alone, I lost my lovely husband 4 months ago and feel absolutely awful most of the time. I’m not a gran but have two teenagers to bring up alone, which I never expected.
I’m finding this time of year so hard, people don’t know what to say do they and I’ve got to put a brave face on for the children. My heart breaks every day when I see other couples. So many memories everywhere, it’s so hard isn’t it.
Sending hugs to you

Candy6 I hope you feel better soon. You've perhaps been overdoing things.

Wyllow3 If you could cut down or cut out some of your meds, it would probably help with your stomach problems. Thinking of you.

ScaredyCat I hope you're enjoying a lovely evening with your family. Will you FaceTime your DS over Christmas? We all usually meet for Christmas Eve drinks, but both of my sons were working until 6, so that hasn't happened. Seeing them all on Boxing Day.

SweetpeaSue Hope you and your husband are ok today. Are you having a drink at all? I've been on the Buck's Fizz .

nadateturbe Wondered how you were. Hope you post again soon. Koko.

Doodle I wrapped presents as I got them - a different wrapping paper for each person. All presents exchanged over the weekend. Thinking of you and hope you manage to get through tomorrow ok.

EllieAnne Thinking of you, hope tomorrow goes ok for you.

LucyD* Hello. Fingers crossed that you're fine tomorrow and have a nice day at your son's tomorrow.

Hope ALL BDers manage to have a Happy Christmas and that 2025 will be better for you all. I think of you all as my friends on here. Love to all xx

Evening ladies. My first post on this thread. Snuggled up with a hot water bottle as had to leave work early as suddenly developed awful stomach cramps. Am hoping it is just a post migraine thing as am hoping to go to my son's for Christmas Day ( first Christmas with him and his family since 2019) so fingers crossed.
Doodle ( we have "spoken" on another thread recently) and NannyG4 - yes, the cards addressed just to you are hard. I also totally understand your tears re pranging the car, NannyG4. I was used to my late husband being the one who would have dealt with that sort of thing and would go into a panic whenever anything like that happened after I lost him.
Sending a hug to you all and hope that you have a peaceful night.

Oh Candy I’m so sorry. The last thing you need now is Covid. Hope you start to feel better soon.
Wyllow it would be a good idea to talk through your meds with the MH team to see if you can cut anything out, I hope you can work out something better for your tum.
Glad you’ve got a nice meal to look forward too. I haven’t bought anything this year. No Turkey or bits, no mince pies,or anything. Can’t face eating the treats without DH here to share them with,
Scaredycat sorry your son’s been ill. Hope he feels better soon. Enjoy your night out with family. Sounds lovely.
Thank you for your kind thoughts,
That’s nice of you Sweetpeasue . You do sound tired. Have you done all yoir Christmas preparations?
Nadateturbe nice to see you posting and thank you for your kind thoughts. You sound as though you r been overdoing it a bit, All too easy to do when it’s Christmas. I’ve been wrapping presents until 6.30. Goodness knows why I didn’t do it ages ago, I just kept putting it off.
Getting ready soon to go to midnight mass. Our son and DIL are taking me which is nice,
Not sure if I’ll get in to post tomorrow so just want to say not Thank you so much to all of you for your caring and support especially this year, it means so much.
Hope you all manage a peaceful and pain free Christmas 🎅🏻
Love and hugs xxx

NannyG4 i put a big dent in our car when my husband was in hospital. I was very upset and annoyed with myself. My DH always did most of the driving as he was a good driver. I hate it,
Sweetpeasue no you didn’t upset me. I’m over it now.
HVDY you’ve still not convinced me about the rats but they do sound quite cute. Have you wrapped up all your presents then? I wish I was that organised.
Scaredycat DH was a lovely man very calm and quietly spoken. Very kind and caring. Are you in the south too?

Good evening everyone. I'm afraid my eyes can't cope with reading everything, my sight is ok, just get eye strain very very quickly. But I've tried to read and scan the posts.
Thinking of those of you who are struggling and worrying about family members. And those who aren't looking forward to tomorrow. And hoping that everyone has the best day possible. And that those who are looking forward to a family Christmas have a wonderful day.
Thinking of you Doodle. Sending hugs.
I am so tired with delivering presents and chatting that I haven't been able to wrap my husbands gifts. Will have to do it in the morning 😁.
I do hope to get back to 'normal' and be able to take part again. We must koko and never give up hope.
Love to you all.xx

Candy Oh I'm so sorry you've caught covid - hope you will get better soon . I think we're all more likely to pick things up from others when there is so much mingling in the run up to Christmas. Do let others take the strain now.
Wyllow It's strange to put weight on when you're not eating very much. That tummy must get you so down. Yes, walking will certainly help if you can manage to do it - even for short bursts.
Good you have a chicken dinner and hopefully other treats too. We're all thinking of you and you are in our hearts and minds. x
Scaredycat What lovely words you us all. Do enjoy your family time tonight and I'm sure your son will be thinking of you at the same time too. Glad your son is better now and do hope you can both look forward to meeting again next year.

Thinking of you Doodle and sending a hug and prayers for you.
HVDY Hope you have a nice family time
EllieAnne Hope you're OK and coping.

Very tired so can't say too much tonight. Just wanting all of you to know how much your messages and supportive, kind words have meant to me and I hope you have a peaceful night in mind and spirit.x

Hi all
Candy- oh what an unfortunate thing to happen. I,m so sorry.
Hope by tomorrow you are feeling stronger and able to enjoy some Christmas food.
Wyllow- I,ll suggest the MP when I next speak to my Sister but they are dreadful at standing up for them selves.
Yes good idea to review the tum trouble and what you can do to help yourself. I guess several factors contribute to your weight gain but it doesn’t sound like you eat a lot. Maybe a more varied diet would help and the walking can kickstart your tum into action . Well done with the Chicken dinner - do hope you enjoy it.
Xmas Eve hug coming your way.

We are going out early this evening to have dinner with the family - GGC included. Having pubs within walking distance is really handy and a short drive for the others.
My DS who lives in Europe has been poorly all week but tonight they are going out to eat too. So wish we were all together but we are in Spirit.
Thinking of you all this Christmas Eve and sending much love to the lovely friends you all are. Life has been hard for so many of you this year yet you keep on and remain the kind caring people I have come to think so much of.
Hoping for a peaceful night for you all.

OH, for you, Candy, what a time to get covid! Unfair and poor you! take good care.

Glad to hear you mastered the table in the end, Scaredycat. Is there any way your niece can put more pressure on via the GP? (Tbh, I’m thinking via your MP!)

Warm waves, Nanny. Aw xx

I’m not surprised you were tired and aches and pains after the big family day, especially shopping too Sweetpeasue

Doodle No wonder the cards are so important because DH was really involved. Not surprised you tore that card up. Not melodramatic! He was clearly a lovely man x

You probably needed a quiet day after being so busy, HVDY: nice to see Son2. You are a very close family and it feels like you are at the heart of it.

I have got a last resort tummy solution but it’s not ideal I need some kind of routine which doesnt involve having to stay near a loo.I guess I’ve shelved things to get sorted properly. Need to tackle something else - I’m taking far too many meds, putting weight on however little I eat, but scare of cutting meds down, something I have to talk to MH people. All are right about walking helping. this time of night I think I'll do x and y tomorrow then tomorrow comes and its hard to just koko
I shopped, I got a chicken ready meal as a treat

Night night all., those present, those reading xxx

Evening all, just a quick visit. I did post late last week but can’t see it here so it mustn’t have posted. Our internet was playing up due to weather so it may have been that or just me! I’ve had a quick catch up with your days and I’m hoping you’re all coping ok. Welcome too to our new friends. Sorry can’t post individual replies as I’ve tested positive for covid at the weekend - yes I know what a time to get it! I’ve been fairly well but been exhausted and not sleeping well due to coughing but mainly night sweats. I’m getting better slowly though. I’m thinking of you all and hoping your Christmas goes as well as it can. Take care and love to all xxxx