Husband probably has dementia and just about to move house

I was in the same position Sankev. My husband had Vascular dementia that wasn't very bad and was keen to move into the new house on the other side of the farm. He stopped
doing anything useful and didn't even help with the furniture moving which he was still physically capable of.
I think leaving the house he had lived in all his life hastened his dementia.

If you love it and you have looked at all the possible obstacles and can cope with them, I think go ahead.

He won't get better if you stay but may actually enjoy the rural location and find things to enjoy regardless of his gradual dementia.

Think of yourself too and listen to your sister and friends. Let them help.

It sounds as though you’ve thought everything through and that your husband’s condition at the moment doesn’t seem to preclude a move. Also that more rural doesn’t mean isolated.
You have family nearby keen to help, and - very important - you yourself are keen on the move and being in an easier house in a location you like. So with all that in place I’d go for it. Best wishes and good luck.

I say “go for it”. If it is dementia it may progress just very slowly especially if he goes on medication.

My Mum’s decline was very slow and we still took short break holidays, still enjoyed meals out, still nearly wet ourselves laughing at her fave comedy programmes. She was a joy to be around and was never nasty or aggressive just forgetful and confused and obsessed with going for a wee even though she had just done one. But we were able to laugh about it mostly.

Sounds like it would give him another interest moving to a new bungalow.

Sankev having read your update , I think the bungalow sounds a good move !
If your husband does have the diagnosis confirmed , but he is keen to move , do it now while he still has time to get used to his new surroundings, my husband lived in the same house , he was born in , and still wanted to go “home “ ! I used to wheel him out into the hallway stand and talk for a bit then say oh we better go in the kitchen , it seemed to please him

rural location is what stuck out. Without being offensive , my thoughts are that rural locations are for the young and fit. But good luck with whatever you decide to do.

sankev

Abnuyc123 thank you for the thoughts. Yes we know the bungalow may be unavailable by the time we are ready to make an offer and fingers crossed I don’t think our house will take long to sell as it’s in a sort after area with excellent schools. We have researched the new area regarding local amenities and luckily I have a sister who lives just a mile away.
Mt61 I think you are probably right. I’m glad it’s worked for your family. Yes our family thinks it’s definitely the best idea and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. My main concern I think apart from the stress is at a later stage if things get difficult all our neighbours know us and are good neighbours. I’m probably overthinking everything but it’s such a big move. So grateful for the support

Thank you Sankev. Yes initially it was stressful, because every bungalow we looked at needed so much work (take that into consideration) as they were built in the 70s, plus, overpriced.
They ended up with a new build, 3 bedroom house in the end.
You have to also consider yourself when your DH is no longer around. Will you be happy in this area, on your own?
My dad managed to have two years in the new house- sadly he passed away.
My mum loves the house (backs on to woodlands) lovely walks & plenty of dog walkers that she chats to. Plus local bus tips her off outside her gate- couldn’t be more perfect 😊

petra

Sankev
The words that jumped out at me were rural location
If you get the diagnosis that you really don’t want to hear, with respect you really don’t want to be rural
There could maybe ( more than likely) be times when you will need people around you who know you and your husband.
Once again the rural word. There will more than likely come a time when you can’t drive.
In the meantime, wait until you get the diagnosis.

I was about to post making the same point.

You do not say how old your DH and you are, but DH and I live in a big village with buses, a small supermarket and other services, but we are moving into a town close to facilities. DH does not have dmentia but he has a bad heart condition and over the last three years I have been faced with endless journeys to hospitals, surgeries, day hospital, none less than 5 miles away, and the hospital is 15 mile away but it takes and an hour and a half to get there, and things could get worse. What if for some reason you can no longer drive?

Downsizing, especially when one half of you already has serious health problems, almost dictates that rural locations are out.

I appreciate your dilemma, my DH was diognosed year ago with Alzheimer's and life is difficult at times. Moving is stressful at the best if times. However ,on the face of things it does look like just what you have been looking for. You would be leaving a good support network , good neighbours who understand the situation and are there for you. that is a lot to loose! I am sure you know that dementia is progressive so your DH will become disorientated whether you move or not! My DH sometimes can't find what he is looking for in the kitchen , we have been here over 40 years! Please think very carefully! I hope the appointment next week goes as you wish . I wish you well 💐

We also have good family around and would only be another 10 minutes drive away generally. I no longer drive due to a health condition so transport is always going to be an issue unfortunately no matter where we live. You are giving me some extra things to consider so thank you all.

You aren’t over thinking @sankev, it’s a big decision to move. Even without the added worry about your husband, moving is very stressful. You are absolutely right to consider everything very carefully.

My husband died in December, very unexpectedly. I’ve been thinking about moving to downsize. There’s so much to consider, especially moving to a new area where you don’t know anyone. Then there’s the costs involved. There’s stamp duty, estate agents and solicitors to sort out and pay.

I’ve been looking for something but before you know it, it’s sold. I can’t bear the idea that I could sell my house and then not be able to find something else.

I definitely wouldn’t go rural, personally. As we get older we need better access to amenities.

Though it is rural it is quite close to everything we need. Most within walking distance. I think the setting makes it seem more rural than it is. It’s on a smaller estate mainly consisting of bungalows. Most seem occupied by retired or semi retired owners. Some lovely pubs just opposite looking over the canal. As I said I also have a sister just a mile away. I don’t drive anymore but it has a regular bus route to two close towns should we need it.

Apart from your husbands diagnosis, if you move away from friends , have you other friends /relations , at the new site ?
You say he is in poor health already.
Are you prepared to have medical appointments hard to get to ?
, grocery stuff can be online ordered , but socialising can be difficult “rurally in our later years
Think about it

I agree Petra the word rural jumped at me for the same reasons.

You want a GP, dentist, and shops close by so you do not have to spend money on taxis when you can no longer drive.

I am concerned that a move could cause more confusion and the change of location could be disorientating.

Abnuyc123 thank you for the thoughts. Yes we know the bungalow may be unavailable by the time we are ready to make an offer and fingers crossed I don’t think our house will take long to sell as it’s in a sort after area with excellent schools. We have researched the new area regarding local amenities and luckily I have a sister who lives just a mile away.
Mt61 I think you are probably right. I’m glad it’s worked for your family. Yes our family thinks it’s definitely the best idea and will do whatever it takes to make it happen. My main concern I think apart from the stress is at a later stage if things get difficult all our neighbours know us and are good neighbours. I’m probably overthinking everything but it’s such a big move. So grateful for the support

Sankev
The words that jumped out at me were rural location
If you get the diagnosis that you really don’t want to hear, with respect you really don’t want to be rural
There could maybe ( more than likely) be times when you will need people around you who know you and your husband.
Once again the rural word. There will more than likely come a time when you can’t drive.
In the meantime, wait until you get the diagnosis.

Go for it Sankev as long as house is definitely yours. I persuaded my M & D to move as their old house had no downstairs loo.
I booked them two nights in a hotel whilst I sorted the new house, putting their furniture in a similar position, as not to confuse dad, who was year in with dementia. Hopefully you have family to muck in ( I didn’t).
Lucky for us the previous owner had a huge garage & let me take personal belongings to store, that was a god send.
Good luck

I’m so sorry to read about your husband. Regarding your move, it sounds like a good plan to downsize and reduce maintenance and outgoings. I guess your husband will settle into a new place, even if it takes a bit longer than it might have done, especially as he’s only in the early stages of dementia.

There are some things that came to my mind about your move. If you haven’t sold your property yet, the bungalow you’re after might sell to another buyer, who is ready to move. Moving is definitely stressful, is now a good time to add more stress to your lives?

Secondly, you say the bungalow is in a more rural location? Have you thought about amenities for both of you? Is there a doctors close by, shops, a community? These things will become even more important as your husband’s illness progresses.

I hope whatever you decide goes well.

I would carry on with your plans as they stand. I understand with the different types of dementia some are very gradual.

If the new property is better, ground floor smaller etc it may be in your best interests to move while your husband is fully on board.

Hope it all goes well for you.