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Health

Fear of ageing.

(75 Posts)
Stillness Thu 22-May-25 09:14:08

I’m posting this under Health as I see it as a mental health topic. How does anyone honestly feel about retirement…and ageing? I didn’t think I had an issue particularly, with any of this, but now it’s all upon me, I’m feeling decidedly uneasy and actually dreading the prospect of this latter stage of life. I feel I just don’t know how to approach anything anymore. I do have a full life and lots to do but this frame of mind seems to override everything. If I’m honest, I just don’t want to be old and I don’t want to die.( I also don’t want to be medicated to get past this, so please don’t suggest seeing a doctor).

Greciangirl Fri 23-May-25 17:49:16

When you reach the age of 80 plus.
You do begin to think about your mortality. It’s only natural.

I’m certainly beginning to think that way now, but don’t dwell too long on it.

HeavenLeigh Fri 23-May-25 17:34:03

I’ve got two rare illnesses and I’m very positive I’m not a worrier and take things as they come. I get knocked back all the time regarding health luckily I just get on with things I. Certainly not worrying aboht the future who knows what tomorrow will bring! And worrying I would imagine is a waste of time makes things worse and solves nothing! I’m just very happy to wake up every morning, full of gratitude for the things I have got in my life like a great husband good family and friends.

Etoile2701 Fri 23-May-25 17:31:16

When I was 12 a girl at school told me that she could read palms and that I would die in my mid forties. This worried me for years even though it seemed a long way off at that time. An Irishman in a London pub told me the same thing. I am now nearly 80. Ironically I researched the schoolgirl on an ancestry website recently and discovered that she had died at the age of 46 in 1991. I used to worry for years about dying young but I don't care so much now.

crazyH Fri 23-May-25 16:38:16

Love that SueDonim 👍

BlueBelle Fri 23-May-25 16:33:28

I hated retirement and felt really down about having no role then I found volunteering and between that, gardening, allotment, sea swimming, coffee or meals with friends there isn’t enough time.
I really don’t care about getting old nothing I can do about it except try to keep myself and my mind going

Dying, well it’s going to happen isn’t it? so I try not to think about it, it ll happen when it happens, Not a thing worrying can do diddly squit about so I just plod on day by day and get what I can out of my fairly simple life
No being concerned about age or death doesn’t really feature in my life

win Fri 23-May-25 16:28:58

SueDonim

It’s being cantankerous and curmudgeonly that’s enabled my mother to reach her 98th year, I reckon. grin

🤣 👍

Allira Fri 23-May-25 16:20:29

SueDonim

It’s being cantankerous and curmudgeonly that’s enabled my mother to reach her 98th year, I reckon. grin

Oh, DH should be fine for a few years, then 😁

I've just got my 25p a week extra 😃 Can't wait to spend it!
There's always something to look forward to.

M0nica Fri 23-May-25 15:39:24

MaggsMcG

I'm 73 and I am more scared of being disabled by a disease or illness than I am of old age in general. I am not actually scared of dying as such but I am terrified of the method that I might have to ensure to get there. I am scared of any pain or loss of mobility. I scared of loosing my memory and actually knowing that its happening. I try not to think about it too much and just get on with what I can and want to do day to day. I have holidays booked for end of this year and the beginning of 26 and 27 so I have to soldier on for that long at least. Fingers crossed.

What is the point of worrying about things that may never happen. You could be knocked over and killed by a car driven by a demented old man tomorrow - then you would miss all your holidays.

You simply do not know what might happen, even this evening. Supposing you live to 100, still doing your mile a day (like my neighbour) and still fully in your right mind, then slip away in your sleep, think of allthat time you will have watsed worrying unnecessarily. You can never get it back.

So eat, drink and be merry, you have no idea what the future will contain.

MaggsMcG Fri 23-May-25 15:30:36

DaisyLa

I'm in my 80s and although I find I have to pace myself a bit more now still do lots of things. Keeping in touch with friends is important and having friends of all ages. Volunteering is great. Having a dog or two! Joining clubs and groups that interest you. I am a member of at least five. Gardening - whether it is a couple of pots of a large area. Going to talks - even if the subject doesn't really appeal you can usually get something out of it. It is only too easy to sit alone and worry about the future.

Thats exactly what I do. All of it. Well except for the dog, although I usually look after one at least once or twice a year.

MaggsMcG Fri 23-May-25 15:29:51

Thats exactly what I do. All of it. Well except for the dog, although I usually look after one at least once or twice a year.

MaggsMcG Fri 23-May-25 15:28:03

endure not ensure

MaggsMcG Fri 23-May-25 15:27:44

I'm 73 and I am more scared of being disabled by a disease or illness than I am of old age in general. I am not actually scared of dying as such but I am terrified of the method that I might have to ensure to get there. I am scared of any pain or loss of mobility. I scared of loosing my memory and actually knowing that its happening. I try not to think about it too much and just get on with what I can and want to do day to day. I have holidays booked for end of this year and the beginning of 26 and 27 so I have to soldier on for that long at least. Fingers crossed.

ayse Fri 23-May-25 15:15:09

I’m 73 and for the second time I may be facing a tumour diagnosis, this time a secondary. This may or may not be the case. It’s the waiting game. If it’s a secondary life will possibly be limited. My three daughters have their own problems and often contact me to let off steam. I’m very happy to do my best.

BUT, I’m now feeling old and exhausted but I know I’m not. Apart from the cancer thing hanging over me, I’m relatively healthy and mobile. Just now it’s problematic to throw off all this negativity. I’m currently frightened by it all.

Up until yesterday I was feeling a bit down but now ……

Hopefully my head space will improve with a bit of effort from me and more certainty. I empathise with anyone who is feeing their age.

Skydancer Fri 23-May-25 14:51:34

I’m scared of dying. I can’t bear the thought of leaving loved ones behind. The years go too quickly now. Oh to be young again. I find it hard to be positive.

DaisyLa Fri 23-May-25 14:41:13

I'm in my 80s and although I find I have to pace myself a bit more now still do lots of things. Keeping in touch with friends is important and having friends of all ages. Volunteering is great. Having a dog or two! Joining clubs and groups that interest you. I am a member of at least five. Gardening - whether it is a couple of pots of a large area. Going to talks - even if the subject doesn't really appeal you can usually get something out of it. It is only too easy to sit alone and worry about the future.

Norah Fri 23-May-25 14:26:00

Whilst I'm sorry some fear ageing, I'm content. God has a plan.

JennyCee Fri 23-May-25 14:18:45

I enjoy life at nearly 81, but am ‘scared’ of dying alone because I’m on my own - daughter with very responsible job in OZ and so therefore maybe couldn't get to me.
BUT, expect there are lots like me, so maybe that a bit of a help.

NanRuby Fri 23-May-25 14:01:46

Hello, You don't say how old you are? I'm 73 but I never give ageing a thought to be honest. I'm stuck in the house because of a health condition most days but that's nothing to do with my age as younger women, women in their 20's have the same condition. The best advice I can give is that when you feel as you do, don't dwell on it, get out and about, see friends, join a club, do a hobby as it will give you a huge boost and you'll find you haven't thought about ageing for a while. There are huge plus sides to ageing, no more deadlines, no more people at work harassing you, the freedom to do whatever you choose and making new friends. Also, if you have children there are grandchildren, they keep you young and if you feel up to it you could get a pet, a dog perhaps? Who knows, think of it as a new beginning rather than the beginning of the end. I'm never going to die, I've too many people to annoy ;) and too much to do. Live as though you'll never die, life is a gift.

Indiebee Thu 22-May-25 19:44:05

HettyBetty - it's called the Organ Recital around here!

M0nica Thu 22-May-25 19:39:41

Here is the link to the news item I said I had read, when I wrote my post on p1 www.msn.com/en-gb/health/health-news/elderly-people-who-have-a-positive-attitude-towards-ageing-recover-better-if-they-fall/ar-AA1FexsO?ocid=winp2fptaskbarhover&cvid=f36ce021f0414faceed3376421342e03&ei=20

HettyBetty Thu 22-May-25 19:29:49

I think the secret is to keep as busy and as healthy as possible.

I am currently self employed but starting to retire gradually. A new stage of life will come along and will be just as enjoyable. I intend to take up at least one new sport and some new activities in the next year or two.

A large garden project, a busy social life and a lot of work mean I don't have time to dwell on ageing.

A friend of mine in her mid 80s meets each week with her "widows group". She says they have a rule that they can discuss aches, pains and illnesses for the first ten minutes and then it is firmly banned. It stops them dwelling and means they chat about more uplifting things.

Getting old is a privilege, too many people I have known have not been so fortunate. Attending a six year olds funeral puts elderly niggles into perspective.

Indiebee Thu 22-May-25 19:25:07

I think for many of us it’s the deterioration and ill health that might precede death that is the scary part, not the actual dying. Death could be a relief!
In my eighties, I try to live very positively but subtle aches and pains and more tiredness inexorably creep up on one!

silverlining48 Thu 22-May-25 16:02:54

It’s not so much about age in years but quality of life and decent health. I will be 77 in a few weeks and still doing most of what I have always enjoyed doing but it’s starting to be awkward to sit and get up in the garden, hard to get up from low chairs. Achy stuff.
When I can’t go for a good long walk in the countryside or seaside I will be limited to spending more time at home, before possibly ending up in a care home. Now that does worry me. So best enjoy what we have now rather than letting things get us down. We have a present, it’s today.

karmalady Thu 22-May-25 16:00:34

There is no point worrying about dying, we are given the return ticket when we are born and worrying won`t change that. However `dying tidy` comes to mind and it is never too early to de-clutter and get paperwork in order. Once that is done then you can rest easy

The only time I think about being old is when I glimpse that older woman in the mirror. My mil always said that old age does not come on its own, very true words but that does not mean sitting in the corner and waiting to be old. Ok there are aches but you need to plan days so that you factor in rest days to recover

Personally I am 77 and I am just back from cycling to and fro my new allotment, hills are involved. I spent 4 hours lifting and carrying and digging out weeds. No stress at all because that was all I thought about, it is called living in the moment.

Acceptance is missing from your life OP, once you accept that there is no turning back of the clock, just go with the flow and try to maintain health, energy and fitness to get the most out of life

AuntieE Thu 22-May-25 15:58:24

For most of my life, I have found change unsettling and sometimes very worrying, so I do know how you feel.

Fortunately, most of those "sharp corners" 40th birthday, followed predictably 10 years later by 50th, retirement, all turned out to be less worrying than I thought.

I imagine we all worry about the propect of needing more help as we age, or not being able to manage on our own.

I have found been practical (provisional power of attorney, pre-paid funeral plan, will in order) helps,

For me it is harder to accept that to a certain extent it is necessary to slow down, but I have found it worth while to make myself accept that I can now longer mow all the grass in the garden in the course of one afternoon, or clean the whole house thoroughly in the course of two days.

In order to get this far, I have had to sit down an work out exactly what my concerns and unconcious worries were, and how to tackle them.

Life is still worth living, even if the pace is necessarily slower and some of our loved ones are no longer with us. Try to remember that we tend to hear of all the lonely old people left to fairly incompetent carers, BUT we don't hear of all those who have friends, good carers, and few or no health problems.

Why worry about whether you or I will be unfortunate later on? It might never happen. and if it does ´, remember the old Glasgow saying, "We'll be all right, hen, we're Clyde built."