DH has Peripheral Neuropathy

I can empathise. My DH who when working walked miles a day, has turned into a shuffler, also haunched up too. I think this probably followed a back injury more than 25 years ago. Added to this he fractured his skull in a fall five years ago. He doesn't seem to have a lot of insight into his problems. He's a proud man and internally must hate how life is but never voices it. He's nearly 80.

I do my best to make the life we are leading as good as possible but it's tiring as I'm sure you've discovered. He has had intensive physio privately but with a nine month break. We are now back with the same physio who is excellent and never dismisses him but always encourages which gives me confidence too.

I'm not sure how to detach without feeling guilty. I just wish I did.

I think you really have to let go when it comes to health matters with another person. My DH is the same, I put his tablets on a special marked day of the week container, he takes them out, puts them by a glass of water and walks away. They'll get taken at some point, I used to get quite upset but have learnt to walk away myself and just don't mention it. He has type 2 diabetes but has never tried to lose weight, and as for eating what he wants!! But he's just gone 80 so he's probably not doing too badly. Don't get stressed, it's his health and his life, just take care of yourself.

I’m very sorry for your situation Madmeg but with regard to health, have no wise words to offer I’m afraid. On a practical level, have you heard of a company called The Able Label? I first looked at them for a relative and registered online with them because a lot of their clothes are natural fabrics. They’re designed for older people, those who have had strokes or are otherwise having difficulty dressing.

I’m actually waiting for a car at the moment but will post this and come back later with their email address.

I agree with pp comment that you need to detach yourself from your DHs health issues. Do apply for attendance allowance if you are not already doing so and get your local council in to do an assessment of your home and arrange for any equipment that will help make your and DHs life a little easier. I applied on behalf of my 86 year old neighbour who uses the money to pay for a cleaner and gardener which makes her life easier.
Some people will not engage when they have health issues and as a result may be afraid of being 'told off'. Health staff are well aware of which people engage or not when it comes to treating their patients as if they see no improvement it becomes self explanatory.
My own DH when pre-diabetic just took his tablets and carried on eating everything he shouldn't. He is now actively engaging with dietary changes that he should have done years ago under the supervision of the hospital whereas he never took it seriously with the doctors' surgery. We may yet avoid insulin injections due to these changes but it was a salutary lesson.
You are taking care of yourself and following all medical advice which is brilliant but if DH won't help himself then maybe you need to do less for him. Adapt his clothing for him to learn to handle on his own - if that means jogging bottoms, t-shirts, loose cardis and slip-on Skechers then so be it. There is all kinds of equipment such as sock puller ons and other clever gadgets that he will be able to use.
You must be exhausted with all this and I feel for you but your DH is taking you for granted with his lack of even attempting to do things for himself.

Very wise words MOnica. I have somebody very close to me who really won't do anything to help herself - and it drives me bonkers, but I just have to grit my teeth because I love her very much.

I think, Madmeg that you have to detach yourself mentally from your DH's health and fitness problems. Just accept that he is how he is, that nothing you or anyone else csn do or say will ever change him. Give him help and support when he needs it and will accept it - and get on with your own life.

In very different circumstances, I had to accept that my DH's attitude to health and fitness was totally fatalistic and non-responsive.. Now he really does have serious health problems and there is no going back.

All you can do is detach yourself from that part of their lives and leave them to it, but if you still love and care about them, there will still be all those facets of personality that drew you close in the first place - and none of us is perfect.

The man is 78 he hasn’t tried to engage in any physio over the last nearly decade so realistically he isn’t going to suddenly start doing any now
You don’t say what your relationship is like as a married couple if you are still a loving caring couple or just there for the duration, if it’s the latter I d get on with your life which seems as if you ve manage to conquer some big hurdles and let him just flop around in comfort in his own little way
Did he ever work? If so was he an office ‘sitter’? That can sometimes lead to bad posture
How you describe him he sounds as if he’s never had any umph ….you talk of him being slumped at 47 That’s very young to be so energyless Was he depressed ?
If you are truly worried go along with him to his next appointment and ask some questions whether you like the consultant or not, or alternatively talk to your own GP about your need to help him and how it’s impinging on your mental and physical health and see if they come up with any advice as to anything available
But
You can led a horse to water and all that ……….

Hello Madmeg. Im sorry but there is nothing you can do to save your DH from himself. He needs to do core strengthening exercises but like my DH, he will not bother or care. We need to just take care of ourselves and let these grown men make their own choices.