BLACK DOG 26

Wyllow How nasty of ex to write so hurtfully when all you wanted was to separate as friends. You have gone the extra mile and then some by forgiving the way he treated you. I understand that it would have felt better to have a peaceful ending but I'd steer clear now. Your sister's letter was clear and I think you should be proud of the decision you've made not to meet. From what you've said he hasn't changed much and has the capacity to hurt you a lot. You already feel saddened. You've done your best - more than many would do.
I'm sure that lady who fell will come back to Costa when she's well enough.
HVDY Glad you enjoyed the day- centre meal( though I don't eat pasta) .Dessert sounded good. Rained here on and off too with a little thunder , but not dramatic enough to be e xcited by.

Just quiet day . Got some knitting patterns at craft shop that is closing down.
DH has not been great today at all. Had dizzy spell with very tight chest . Can't stop worrying about it.

Hope everyone has been OK today.

It’s not been raining here but I’ve not been walking much. Legs feel tired. I’d intended a short walk this afternoon but my friends daughter phoned and wanted help with something so I did that instead. And tomorrow going to the hairdresser so I might not have time.
Wyllow I agree that it is time to give up on your ex. It causes you stress and unhappiness and you are doing so well in other parts of your life.
I’m still feeling awful mentally but can pretend when necessary.
I don’t think I’ll meet my friends tomorrow. It’s becoming clear that they can’t be bothered so I’m not pushing for it.
They both know that I need to be out of the house but they are both widows and i sometimes feel that they think I should be thankful for what I have.

Yes, they aren't here today - me and young barista chatted - apparently have been trying to get them to take a taxi here for ever, she insists on driving. We said why not a taxi etc, but they must have to be revaluating a lot.

HVDY you made me smile with the small sample of beer. I'd have enjoyed the Lasagne and salad. I like quizzes, they are fun in a group. What sort of questions are there? (footie?)

As for Ex - the letter was truly nasty, (with a few genuine flashes of insight) and I will not be meeting him.

As I said above, the denial of our lovely holidays in Crete, the cycle rides, the times together with my grandchildren - the intimate life - planning and making a garden together..DocSis drafted this for me after I'd read it out and quick chat along these lines

"Thank you for taking the time to respond etc. However if you can’t remember the happy times we had together then I don’t feel a meeting would be positive for either of us - still going round in circles^

It's sad, isn't it...everyone hurts each other at some point in relationships ...but does bitterness or acceptance win?

The sun is coming out at last here - blue sky - white puffy clouds - the cheek of it after a grotty day.

Wyllow3 It seems you're "flogging a dead horse" with your ex. For your own sanity, perhaps you should give it up as a bad job, instead of "poking the bear". Glad you and your cleaning friend made good progress with your craft room. Well done. The weather's been miserable here - very heavy rain, on and off, all day. Perhaps the Costa lady is having a rest at home. A fall like that can take a while to get over when the person is elderly.

Day centre was good - we had various quizzes (they no longer give us prizes - used to be a bag of sweets to share in our groups of about 6 people) but we had small samples of beers. I quite like IPA (DH drinks it) and chocolate stout. It was lasagne and salad, then orange sponge and cream. Hope everyone's had a decent day and not got wet x

I actually got a reply letter from Ex. It was abusive as before, ......but he doesn't realise it. His denial that there were good times took my breath away....he said grudgingly he'd meet out of curiosity, but after that letter! It was more than punitive, he cannot conquer his bitterness. He "showed it to three people and they all said how emotionally co-ercive I was" 😡.

Will reply with compassion, but point out we are still going round in circles.

Rather shaken up, both DocSis and "cleaner now friend" settled my mind, and me and cleaner have done wonders in my upstairs craft room, physically hard work.

Seeing MrC today is less important now, emotionally and physically tired - one thing at a time. Just going to go and hang out - it's exactly a week since the elderly lady cut her cheek open, she may or may not be there.

Rain, rain, it feels like a "need to be cosy day".

I'm wondering if you are still walking in this rain, Ellie Anne and hoping Black Dogs are having as benign a day as possible.

I am hoping Mr Costa will be there as its a week since the elderly lady had the terrible fall, am hoping she and her husband will be there, I wouldn't normally but determination poured from every part of her being.

I'm sleepy after a night of dreams undoubtedly brought on by prosecco - my limit is 0.8 units and I must had had 1.8units. (this is because of my heavy medication so doesn't apply to others here, I approve of taking the weight off ones mind with moderate alcohol.)

Wave to HVDY who often starts the day off, and of course I'll be in as I like to hear news that I didn't catch up on yesterday.

Thanks everyone.

Wyllow The way you described memories after we lose someone is so true--- much love * Nadateturbe* ❤️

Sorry ( so far) on Mr Costa.
Good your day has been on even keel. Night. x

Sweetpeasue..thank goodness, at long last...not long to go now xxx.

No news on the Mr Costa front:feelings remain, and if the non contact goes on much longer I will feel as I did on wakening this morning "I just cant be doing with all this hassle - so many other good things..but the longing remains as of now.

Sorry for missing others out - long day, even had a sleep, mostly very satisfactory in tying up ends and making 1 sealer list not 20 odd bits of paper.

Night night all BD's. xx

nadateturbe
a central part of your life's history has died with him, I'd love to hear about him, whenever you wish, meanwhile I am "Walking with you" remembering feelings, the loving funeral, my sisters death in 2019 and how afterwards the memories recovered and rediscovered and constantly renewed and reviewed xx

tinyurl.com/bdfr4jxp

I've just been watching one of the best films I've ever seen. "The Thursday Murder Club" (up on Netflix, can be rented on Sky)
I'm Just over halfway through and imo...it's better than the book. The cast alone...

tinyurl.com/bdfr4jxp

See you all tomorrow, its been a busy and satisfying day, no Costa news.

Thanks * HVDY* about Amazon headphones.
No wonder you had to Google it all. Sounds like a foreign language, as do all medical reports.
Of you've no cough or other really unwell symptoms I'm sure it's all OK.😊

SweetpeaSue Your doctor's surgery sounds useless. So many are like that, it seems. I wrote down what it said on my notes about my lungs - 5mm solid upper lobe, 4 mm lobulated soft tissue, also optical segment lower lobe, 4mm subpleural tag, and groundglass opacification, both lungs. I had to Google it all , but as I haven't got any breathlessness or cough, I assume it's all ok. I haven't yet heard about seeing a specialist (referred in April). I feel alright, that's the main thing. I hope your husband gets on ok next week. I got my headphones, Bluetooth ones, from Amazon.

* HVDY* DHs lung nodules were found incidentally during a chest CT. 6mm and 4mm , a year ago. When he saw Respiratory Dr in June he said a follow up CT would be advisable so he had it July 14th. We've been asking GP surgery if results were back many times - always said they weren't. Rang clinic k , left messages on answer phone , never heard back. Got in touch with the Xray department where he had it done and they said the results had been sent to GP. It's now 7weeks , so called surgery today and told them . Receptionist put me on hold as she couldn't find anything then came back after seeing supervisor and told me they were there and had to be seen by a Dr.
Honestly I despair with our surgery. We haven't been too bothered as we were told by previous GP that the size and density of nodules weren't sinister. DH doesn't have a cough either.
How they got there I've no idea.
Your previous serious Covid infection seems yo be the factor.
I must get some headphones - they'd come in handy.

nadateturbe Sorry to hear about your brother. I'm glad you were there with him. It's not easy when a family member dies. Take care of yourself.

Doodle Yes, I am looked after. I cooked every night for 44 of the 45 years we've been married, though, so it's good that DH does it now. If only he'd do the ironing . I've been going to that hairdressing salon for about 8 years, but only had the man (the owner) doing my hair for about 4. Glad you had a lot of company today.

SweetpeaSue Do you know the cause of your husband's lung nodules? I've got them, too, apparently from having been on a ventilator when I had Covid, the GP said.

DH is watching a film (nothing I'm interested in), so I'm listening to music with headphones on. Ray Charles and Charlie & Inex Foxx, a bit of Marvin Gaye as well x

Doodle I too cut my DHs hair in lockdown and continued to cut it for a while after . It was never the same haircut twice! I smiled at your cutting a lump out- I've done the same.
You've had a nice day with friends again, so glad. It's good you have the bereavement group so you can share your feelings or just chat lightly if you want.
Yes, so relieved DH has his appt. Feeling a bit anxious as I know the cardiac nurse he saw didn't think it was his heart and the GP didn't believe it was either but at least we should know one way or the other. We've been trying to trace the result of his chest CT that he had 7 weeks ago ( the lung nodules that were considered no problem a Yr ago). Long story but we've had a big runaround and receptionist finally 'found' results this morning ,with help of supervisor. I don't know where they've been till now. They have been given to a GP who should ring in a couple of dys.
Hope you sleep well tonight. X

Oh * Nadateturbe* I'm so terribly sorry you have lost your dear brother. You will be heartbroken.
Perhaps 10 yrs ago you didn't feel as bad because your health was stronger then.
I was wondering how the visit had gone - I'm glad you were there with him.
Just come in whenever you feel and don't think you have to address us all.
Wish I knew what to say but sending you lots of love and a big warm hug. Xxx

Nadateturbe- all my condolences for the loss of your dear brother. You must have been so glad to be able to be with him on his last day. Losing those we love is never easy but our brothers and sisters are special. In time you will remember all the good times but now you are hurting so take care of yourself and a hug is on its way from me tooxx

HVDY I’m glad you’re enjoying aqua again. Pub lunch and your Dh is cooking. My you’re being well looked after. 😊
Your hairdresser sounds nice have you been going to him for a long time.
Sweetpeasue wonderful news about your DH’s appointment and the echocardiogram. About time he was seen. Hope the outcome is a clearer diagnosis of his problems and a treatment plan. You must be so relieved something is happening. Glad he’s doing his painting again, he is very talented.
I am in a bereavement group of about 7. All of us are constantly tired no matter how well we’ve slept. We have come to the conclusion it doesn’t matter when we go to bed or what we do we think it must just be how grief works.
Scaredycat I cut DH’s hair during lockdown. It wasn’t a great success. The best cut I did looked fine until I decided just to take a little more off and instead just cut out a chunk. It was so obvious but being at the back of his head he didn’t notice 😱
Woodland trusts are nice places to walk. We’ve got a NT woodland walk near us but it’s quite isolated. I wouldn’t go there on my own. Glad you get to enjoy yours.
Wyllow glad you feel comfortable in Costa and are being welcomed by the staff. Nice to feel accepted. Sorry your Mr Costa wasn’t there. Do you know if you’ll see him again?
Hope you get your new CPN soon and it’s someone you can relate too. Nice pictures.
I went to church this morning then long chat and coffee with others after, this afternoon met three friends for coffee at the hospice and another nice long chat,

nadateturbe I’m so sorry about your brother. I’m so glad you managed to be with him . It’s never easy. People will say at least he’s not in pain and that is a good thing but it doesn’t help when you’re feeling the loss. A walk with your own thoughts is a good idea. Sending a hug and condolences to you and your family

Brother died 4pm Monday. I was with him until 12.30.
Have overwhelming tiredness, probably a combination of sadness plus M E. from the effort of visiting. I just want to feel OK. When my mum and brother and sister died 10/11 years ago, I coped very well. Don't know why it's worse this time. looked at bereavement posts but nothing helpful.
Not sure when I'll get back.
But will keep reading and try to feel part of things. Hopefully I will go for a walk in the fresh air tomorrow.

Wyllow3 Love the picture. You're really at home in Costa. Nice that you've got people to chat with there. How's your day been?

ScaredyCat It's good to have a hairdresser you can get on with, isn't it? Mine is a 70 year old Italian man, and we chat all the time when I go. My GD1 often gets mistaken for LG's young mum when we're out with them both!

SweetpeaSue So glad your husband has got the Cardiology appointment coming up. He's waited such a long time. Not much longer.

It's been funny weather - thunderstorm, sunshine, more rain, and no it's bright and sunny again. Did aqua, had brunch at the pub, faffed about at home, a friend rang me for an hour. DH cooking now. Hope everyone's been ok x

Doodle You are making the most of every day . Natural to feel so tired after being out all day yesterday. Hope today has been OK.
Wyllow The Costa visits have proved to be a great place to meet friends. I'm glad you are feeling more relaxed and grounded - you've lots of days where you can make up for your long house - bound low period. Nice to see your enjoying your treats again. Oh I've seen the boxy cardis ,I quite like them too - as are the few boxy blouses. Those paintings are lovely - you can see so many shapes in them.
Scaredycat I seee what you mean about walks where you feel you need to talk to someone with you. Good you can walk alone in a place that's safe .
I felt the same about the treadmill- he's really not up to that and has dizzy spells every day now. Wish I could pluck up the courage to get my hair cut. I think I'd like mine a bit shorter.
HVDY Hope you've been OK today. Oh I see Jaffa is getting his own tuna steak- he's one lucky cat to have found you.

Had a quiet day today. DH has been doing some painting again which is nice to see instead of his phone taking all his attention. Just dropped some plums off at son's- didn't stop- he only came home yesterday. DH really wasn't well and felt dizzy and chest tight. Gave me a bit of a fright really as he'd not been too bad yesterday.
Great news is he has been given Cardiology appt next Tuesday and will have echocardiogram the same time. So glad.

Hoping everyone has had a reasonable day. Love to all.x