BLACK DOG 26

Goodness * Wyllow*! What a day full of dramatic events.
DH just gone to get Fluffball so just short post.
Your doc sis is right about 'wait and see'
Both of your feelings must have been on a real high alert after the poor lady was hurt. Take it easy ,we don't want you hurt anymore. I do so hope he becomes a good friend even if not a deeper relationship.
Hope you get a little talk with your cleaner.
Back later.

Ah, nice to have a farmy day and the treat of DS staying

It’s always that way if we are vulnerable, Sweetpeasue - end rings and goodbyes don’t come easy at all. And sharing the thing about “responsibility and jobs”. I so feel for you, waiting, and waiting. I think DH is right. See how it goes with Flufffball but bear that in mind, pease x

I’m glad you came in, Ellie Anne.
My dear, you are not a bad person. I can recall saying, before I’d done loads of therapy, to a friend who was very self accusing, “you aren’t bad, you are sad, and stand my this. Having a few drinks to help out, as long as its within reason, isnt a dreadful thing Sweetpeasue says it better than me. But probably, anti depressants are better than alcohol. Did you know that alcohol is a depressant, so its a danger in making things worse^

And we’ve all said so many times that our troubles in BD’s are not measurable or comparable, they are what they are for each of us.

Well 25 dresses is enough to be getting along with, HVDY, tho the vinted bit was fun for a time. I’m having to avoid charity shops now because of temptations and an alteration pile.

I’m glad to hear you are still searching for a cat Scaredycat. Lucky one who gets chosen and I so want to hear about it. Yes, the rain has been a relief, the grass is now surviving, it never got to be actually dead.

I’m so sorry to hear your news Allsorts about the difficulties with your aggressive GS, you love him but it’s damaging, what a dilemma. Sad thing it, he is taking it all out on someone he loves, which can often be the way. But there are limits. And yes, he will do it again, it’s clear it’s happened too many times.

I’ve often talked with professionals and when I was an impatient on a mental Health ward I saw for myself how severe MH affects whole families. There are support groups like Al Anon for families of alcoholics, and its big and well established, there isn’t the equivalent for Mental Health too little gourds do exist. Yes, some of us are fortunate indeed to be loved “despite all” but believe m I have caused distress in my family, fortunately its hasn’t ruined everything as he is doing to you. Sending hugs as you sound very short of them.

It’s a cruel situation as there is far less understanding from the public and also a physically ill person isnt getting “into your heads” in quite the same way at all.

I’m and elasticated waist person too Doodle, and like a tie within the elastic too to vary the tightness. There are smart ones around and a lot of people wear them too these days. Thank you for answering “what do you do in art class”. What you are doing is lovely, transforming cards, copying beauty as it were, to personalise them. My probably best painting was from a calendar picture, I couldn’t have done it from RL. 3 dogs and children! What a handful but lovely for the kids.

I need to share an extraordinary time, as I have only slept about 3 hours.

Yesterday I met Mr Costa as planned to look at the project as in assisting me to talk and share more, and very well prepared for a feedback discussion meeting as I’d been sent a snippet of the video (its was very good).

But in fact - long story short - he came alone, is not gay, and wanted to share what brought him to the place he finds himself in - a life crisis arising from having an undiagnosed cyst on his back, imagine 15 months with sciatic symptoms, the medics delaying MRI’s as they assumed sciatica. In the end, another long story short, he was in Croatia visiting his daughter and paid for an MRI - cheaper - and needed an operation, like being released from hell.

But we got on incredibly well, like mirrors in terms of life experience but even things like a great passion for music and so on. You can see where this is going - yes, was this a potential relationship

So, date taking for 2.5 hours in costa, decided on a 6.30 before calling it a day, deciding just to go for a quick drive to get fresh air and the big picture when..

This is the painful/troubling bit.

Went outside, got in the cars. But when we came out, a lovely elderly lady - 89 - had come out with her older and only just mobile husband and had fallen and smashed her face on the ground.

Blood pouring out of her cheek, a bad wound.

Mr Costa had rushed to his car and got a large first aid kit and when I got there had pressed a large presumably antiseptic pad against her cheek. Others stood around, ringing ambulances and so on, and trying to support her husband..

I just instinctively went right over to her, just as Mr costa had instinctively grabbed his first aid kit and knew what to do.

I went right down on my needs so close (she knows me from before, she is 100% there mentally) and cradled her head in my hands to lift it and kept eye contact, slid my hands under her head from the tarmac (it was clearly safe to do this as she was moving her head) she hadn’t broken anything, the pain was all on her cheek. It was a jagged flap.

I just held her and talked to her to keep her focused and check her eyes did not slide off into “nowhere” and me and others soothed her worries about her husband, (who is only just mobile, and I think not very with us”) The ambulance did not take long thankfully and she could be sat up.

One of the Costa servers said, “are you a nurse” which puzzled me until I realised afterwards that it’s been very “hands on touch and working with very disabled DGD that gave me the confidence.

But I was terribly shaken up. I had taken a risk, and it really got to me, her absolute fragility. It triggered mine, as the talks I’d just had were very opening and honest. Washing the blood off my hands, I got a hug.

So we did go still and I had a brandy and of course we talked some more, as Mr Costa is very upset about his Alzheimers father and it was a trigger. I was still shaken up. He walked me to my door. (A gentleman? Very old fashioned)

We had both talked about past relationships and it was clearly in my mind” what now? Ie we were having a relationship by the end of that afternoon and evening. Its left ope, “I’ll see you again” but I got the impression that he is unsure and wobbly himself about where his life will go right now. I do want a relationship, he said he was a "flight risk" as has spent so much time travelling while he works out "where now" in his life.

My wise DocSis said its not bad thing you both being unsure, let it be a "wait and see" situation, we cannot know.

In the night I woke, I’ve had 3 hours sleep - just worrying about the lady who had fallen, what would happen to her, those echoes of fragility and the excitement of all the rest

My cleaner comes at 8.45 - its now 8.15, and thank goodness as we are now friends not employer/employee
The house is a mess and I need someone to talk to.

Well, it's not like me to see the dawn in but it was lovely when it did. Seemed to have symbolic meaning today

Thank you all for responding. My grandson turns on a sixpence and is totally unpredictable you walk on eggshells.
He is brilliant meeting new people and clever and good company, its just in that moment and goes no further.HVDY He tells me what he has and as my d won't see me or him as he's driven her mad, I don't know.
Doodle like you I have to wear trainers most of the time but am assured trainers are now norm with dresses so I went out yesterday in mine. I now have six dresses and it takes a lot of bother away.
Love to everyone struggling.
Good night everyone, I hope you sleep, shuts everything off for a time when you can.
,

ScaredyCat It's nice that you can now meet up with your daughter more often. Is she enjoying retirement? It must have been awful to have seen your dad so unwell like that. Poor man, there wasn't much help around in those days. My mum was on Mogadon (sleeping tablets that were discontinued some time ago), for many years, because of her "nerves". Not had LG at all this week as DIL has been off work. Back to normal next Monday, I think. Hope your visit to your friends in the home goes ok. Do you sit in their room or the lounge?

Allsorts What a horrible dilemma. You say he's got PTSD but he surely must have some other MH problems. You love your GS but his actions and words have, it seems, pushed people away. Your GP is probably right in telling you to walk away, but has your GS got a Social Worker or Mental Health team to help him? Be careful to think of your own health in all of it. I wish you well.

Sweetpeasue Sue What a disappointment again, your poor husband still being kept waiting without an appointment. I hope the Cardiologist gets in touch very soon. It's been warm here but then absolutely poured with rain for an hour this afternoon and again about an hour ago. Glad your BIL is home now, and I hope he recovers well. I think patients are usually better in their own surroundings.

Day centre was ok. Roast pork dinner (I had a vegetarian thing). Bought a carpet for the bedroom, it'll be fitted in 2 weeks. Ordered a bed, too. Still need wallpaper, but it's taking shape. Hope everyone else has been ok x

Evening all.
Ellie Anne please take note of Sweetpeasue’s lovely post to you. You’re not a bad person or a failure. You’ve just been through some hard times. I hope when you’re back volunteering and in the choir then things look better for you.
Allsorts I’m so sorry for the situation you’re in. You obviously love your grandson despite the fact that he can be hard work. It’s hard if you’re the only one he can turn to.
I gather he’s returned to you at the moment. Is he living with you? Easy for the doctor to say walk away but it’s hard if you love him. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel?
HVDY 25 dresses 😱. I’ve got two. Mind you I wear trousers most of the time. I used to wear dresses a lot when I was younger but these days elasticated trousers are more comfortable. Also I think if you wear a dress you need nice shoes and I can only wear trainers at the moment and no heels.
Sweetpeasue. Lovely post to Ellie Anne How have you been today?
I took our granddaughters to lunch. Had a nice time. So lovely to spend time with them and hear all their news,
Scaredycat glad you’re getting to see more of your DD. Good your back is feeling better too.
I’m just doing short art projects. I’ve been coping pictures from cards or the internet . Drawing them and painting them in an afternoon. Nothing complicated but just practicing. It keeps me occupied for hours.
I do hope you find a nice cat soon. It will be lucky to have a home with you.
Wyllow so glad you had a good time with your carer. Sounds like you get on well and can have some laughs too.
Yes I had a cat when I was younger. DH bought it for me and then after we married and had children we had three dogs.
I love dogs. Such good companions. Cats too

Scaredycat It must have been quite upsetting to see your dad in the midst of his breakdowns. We just want our parents to be invincible when we are children don't we but of course it's often not possible.
Y DHs father had a nervous breakdown too and went away to a cottage in the country for a while. He couldn't stand any noise at all. I think it's only when we get older we realise our parents are just normal human beings. You have been through so much in life, as a child, as well as an adult. You seem such a happy, positive person and that must have been difficult to achieve. I do hope your friends in hospital are able to be coherent and your visit tomorrow isn't too upsetting.
Allsorts You are in an possible situation and being pulled in two different directions. Your heart must feel broken but you also need to protect yourself too. Its different, I know, but someone I know had a son on drugs and it was dreadful to see the impact it had on her life. Of course you want to help but you need to look after yourself too. You are on your own and it must be frightening and so hurtful when your GS says those awful things. Only you can know what is best to do , for yourself, and your DGS but I hope you will protect yourself from more pain. No matter what you choose to do I imagine it will be very hard for you.
I'm so sorry Allsorts. I'm sure there are others here that have more experience of your situation. Sending love and remember, take care of yourself.
Doodle I too wondered about what you have been drawing. Is it homework or can you draw whatever you want?
I expect the GPs in our surgery are just glad we've been seeking private help so they don't have to bother- it sickens me.
Hope you've seen friends today.

DH rang Cardiologist secretary this morning to ask how long the appt might be . She'd told us the consultant had been on nights the previous week and this week was 'on call'. Still, I'd thought we might get an appt through for next week( on Cardiogist's website he'd said people are often seen within a week). When he got through this morning another secretary told him the Cardio secretary was on leave till next Monday. 😐
Feel so angry about all this but mostly helpless. DH has considered going to A&E but we've Fluffball tomorrow and weekends are no good as Dr's are scarce then.
Warm day here- some rain showers this aft with rainbow.
DBIL is home from hospital. Sis is so pleased though he's still on lots antibiotics and meds.

Hope everyone is ok.

I am very down at the moment. My gs who has PTSD and has no one in his life but me as couldn't cope with the drama and entitlement, doctor told me I have to walk away as ifs affected my physical health but I love him and know he will be alone but he is hard work, he says everyone else is at fault so he has no friends, when he gets angry he writes and says terrible things so I have to cease contact and it has affected all my relationships. The last break was 6 months I was feeling better and he turns up full of sorry and won’t do it again. He will do the same now. I am too old to cope anymore.
Severe mental health problems are dreadful for the person but its ruined my life too.
Those of you who have your family to support are fortunate in that respect.

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- yes dogs do require a lot of work but do bring such joy too. Cats are easier and make a house a home although they are very hairy and can be naughty sometimes.
Glad you felt some moments of contentment walking with Fluffball- dogs are really good at helping to meet people aren’t they. But of course everything you do at the moment has the overriding feeling of longing to get your DH the proper treatment he needs and deserves.It is not good enough.What a
Lovely post to EllieAnne x
Doodle.- what are you drawing now? It is very therapeutic isn’t it and absorbing too.
Your grandsons dog sounds lovely- a gentle giantess.
We had rain last night - the sound of it woke me up . I felt happy for all the gardens.
Wyllow- it’s great your city is so well served for Dentists. Fantastic for all those who live there.
Yes I hope we can still get our little cat. I spend ages scrolling through the rescue sites. It’s so sad so many poor animals just being dumped like rubbish.
My walking is much better thank you as my back is getting better. Back to longer walks - but slower. Just love being out.
Yes DD and I are able to see each other more often now she is retired. She’s getting used to the new life and is much less stressed now.
That was another positive post Wyllow- that chance encounter in Costa was serendipity. Your plan in dealing with Ex is a sound one and I hope it brings you an amicable outcome.
EllieAnne- I,m glad you,ll have more to occupy you soon and hopefully make some new friendships.
But reading your thoughts on not being a good person and a failure is so far from the truth. You are kind,brave and,compassionate and a Mum and Grandmother who works tirelessly to help her family. Not many people would have stuck by their friend as you did with no thought of your own safety.
Please try and seek help- we all care for you and want you to believe in yourself and see what we see.
HVDY- I,m glad your Son got the support he needed from his work when he was poorly. As you say many men suffer because they cannot admit their pain for fear of seeming weak.
My Dad had 2 nervous breakdowns when I was a young teenager- it was horrible to see him in so much distress.
Is it a LG day today ? It’s raining at the moment and the sky is black - won’t have crispy grass for much longer!
Tomorrow we are visiting our friends with Alzheimer’s in the
home. We’re going with her Brother and wife then having a bite to eat after. My friends have had some difficult times there lately so at least we can see for ourselves.
Nadateturbe- hope today is not too difficult for you.

Love to all- those mentioned and all those who have visited over the Summer and our absent regulars.

Doodle I haven't bought anything from Vinted for a while - I've got lots of clothes (25 dresses) and I haven't managed to sell any more things, so I'm having a break from it. Glad you had a nice day yesterday. What is it you're drawing at the moment?

Wyllow3 Your carer sounds great. Having a laugh and being so relaxed with someone is what you need. That song is so happy. I like Bruno Mars.

EllieAnne Wise words from SweetpeaSue. You're a good person - you helped your friend when she needed it, despite the scary circumstances with her son. You go all that way to see your daughter and help her. You help your son and his wife with housework, and you're a good granny. You have a drink to try to cope with the sadness you feel, which is understandable, but alcohol is a depressant so then you feel no better afterwards. Please give antidepressants another go. I hope you'll keep seeing friends and might be able to talk openly with one of them. Take care of yourself.

* EllieAnne* You have an inner voice that tells you you're 'not a good person' and that ' you're a failure'. Bit it's so not true. The long drives you have done to see your DD- the consistent housework you do for your son and DIL- the way you look after your DGC and the way you bravely looked after your friend and in very frightening times with her troublesome son.Many would not do these things.
As for having a few drinks or one too many- that's a way of dampening down all the horror and hurt in your heart - it's anaesthetising your pain. It's completely understandable, even though it can't help. You see no other way of calming the raging hurt inside - alcohol does help for a short fix, though not in the long run. I know- I've done it.
I don't think it helps to compare your problems with others. You are hurting so much so your problem is equally as valid as anyone else's. We all 'see' your pain here and how miserable you are.
I hope that next week , at least, you can get some comfort from the companionship of your choir . Keep seeing your friends and please tell yourself every day that you are a good person. You really are. That destructive voice inside is not true. It's because you feel so defeated that you hear that voice so loudly.
Do keep coming in - we care , even if we can't solve things for you.
Hope you sleep well . God bless.x

Really low tonight.
I’ll be starting back with volunteering next week and choir starts back soon
I do keep busy.
But tonight I ve realised I’m not a good person and a failure.but I’ve had a few drinks and that isn’t good.
I know many people have bigger problems but I’m tired of it all

Just watched the song link * Wyllow*
Like Bruno Mars and such a positive happy song. Thanks.

Wyllow Glad in the end, after 'drugs wobble' you had a nice light time with your carer. She sounds so good for you and a true friend ( though I know it can be so hard emotionally to invest in someone you may have to separate from) I've felt this when my counselling sessions ended nearly a couple of yrs ago, and also with psychologist.
Oh its so interesting what you said about the responsibility in privately paying jobs. I knew I could teach piano , albeit as someone who'd passed grade 8 only and not someone who had 'proper' teaching experience, but I never felt comfortable , I didn't want to let anyone down , so never persuade it.

I realise how you need to have some meaningful end ,or closure, to your relationship with ex. I do hope he answers your letter - I know how much that means to you.
Take care of yourself.
.

Must watch..

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipR_EeK-sSI&list=PLyOD0lTWtynPM65nCbBmkUr8PzGZIQKOV

Lots of bad spelling, sorry tired, just to say *HVDY, "pub meeting"

Fluffball sounds just like my sisters dog Bella, Sweetpeasue.I’m so glad you’ve both got cuddles today and I hope the sun kept shining. I completely share your feelings about the caring responsibility - I was chatting about it briefly with sister today. Its a great way to start a conversation.

Your knitting is totally delightful - do post mix of anything you manage to make.
So many generations of women until recently have sat and knitted and crocheted and embroidered for mining and gifting and please in being creative whilst in troubled times.

There was a moorland fire in Covid, we were on a drive, it was astonishing sitting in the care watching it plead, and even seeing the firefighters up there on the hillside too. I’ve got photos of it. So yes hoping the rain will help.

I’m glad it’s coming back, I think covid played a part, then there is Sewing Bee and so on. Wouldn’t it be nice to have one on knitting and crochet.

I’m glad you have a good deal with the dentist, Scaredycat. Remarkably, everyone in my city can get to see an NHS dentist, tho the quality varies. Lots of multicultural talent in mine - young, every good. It’s part private part NHS.
Are you still going to get a cat? (Or you may have got one and it passed me by at a tough time?)
How is your walking these days, are you getting out for cafe and DD time?

Thank you for sharing your Son1 story, HVDY. Its was great how the firm helped, that really fortunate….and the out meeting too - thank goodness things are changing.

I got the downpour too, Doodle. Refreshing smells after, garden s watered, whats not to like? I have a new measure since getting my hearing aids, listening to rain. Lovely sound. Lets hear it for Wednesdays for you too then. Have you ever had a dog or cat?

Yes, seeing K my carer made all the difference in the world.

I thought earlier before I’d have to ring for help especially as my Psychiatrist threw a drugs wobble my way, I just wrote back saying I disagreed, what and see.

But we had a big hug and went out to the Park to have a coffee, she’d done the dishes whilst I finished getting ready, we sat and had a long talk and howls of laughing as ever, swapped family news and lots more, then we went to Mirage the Vape shop to get a very lightweight low nicotine one for me. The instructions were baffling, I’ll probably have to google them.

I had a nice sleep this afternoon, ordered a book or two from Amazon and so on.
II’ve been much more relaxed.
.
Costa Man was very fanciable, but I’m pretty sure he is gay.

Also…not good having a as a partner, another troubled person, except in exceptional circumstances.

But I’m certain we’ll meet up and it will be rewarding whatever. Their project - its high level computer technology. -I’d really like to know how they are going to do it and the results. Its frustrating in a way - tI’ve so many ways I could make money - trained as a counsellor, yoga teaching, art work including photography - but I’ve always been hampered by, if someone pays me, the Responsibility feels overwhelming, so except for selling art work its actually been a no go since 1994 except for 2 informal yoga teaching sessions in 2014.

I’ve just posted Ex a birthday card - my plan is to just do things like that, until he decidesit’s time to meet. Out of my hands isnt it. I most certainly want to see him, but will conscious work on a good bye/working through loss project. project

Ellie Anne, how are you? Hugs your way: and thinking too

of Nadateturbe, Allsorts, Candy, the “nans” and the many other pop ins and “occasionals”

Night night all.

Evening all. Had a nice time at church this morning then stayed for coffee and chat after, home for lunch then afternoon drawing. Kept me occupied till dinner time.
Wyllow glad you were able to help the people in Costa. You do have a lot of MH knowledge. Glad your favorite carer is back. You’ll be pleased to see her and lots of news for her.
Scaredycat you’re quite right, church, coffee and a nice chat. I do like my Wednesday mornings. Such a nice group.
Had a real downpour here earlier. Quite refreshing in a way.
HVDY glad you met up with a friend hope you had a nice time. Are you still doing Vinted? Made any good purchases recently?
Sweetpeasue my grandson has a German shepherd. The most fierce looking dog you’ve come across. Jet black and huge. However also the most gentle dog you could meet. She’s lovely. All dogs are different. I can see you sometime it’s a Fluffball but as you say, now is not the time.
I do wish your Dh could be seen soon and treated for whatever ails him. The strain this waiting is putting on you both is quite wrong. You’ve worked so hard to get him help I really think the doctors need too get a grip on his situation.
Ellie Anne hope you’re ok. You must miss your friend so much.

Scaredycat A Fluffball of our own? It's easy to say yes but they come with a lot of responsibility and it's not something I could consider right now. DH has always loved Labradors ( we got very attached to our son's chocolate one) but we do know how, in bad weather, its very difficult without somewhere to put them . We've only a v tiny kitchen - Labs shed a LOT of hair too so we've never 'gone for it'. Oh you've once been bitten when young- it's a wonder you're not scared of all dogs. I was once cornered against a fence by an angry Alsation . I was terrified. How is your back doing now?
HVDY* Been v watm here today though raining a little now. Thing is we need some rain here as the fire burning on NY Moors has been going for 3 weeks now. Its destroyed so many miles of moorland. Nice to meet a friend. Oh I'm glad your son's workplace was helpful when he needed support. It must have been really tough to see him like that. Men don't like opening up do they, though I know you can have long talks with one son. That is precious.
Wyllow You had an interesting encounter yesterday in Costa. I see it affected you quite a lot and you have so much to give to others with MH problems. Please be careful you don't take too much on as you're on a high at present . We care about you being a bit vulnerable right now to lots of exciting ideas. It would be lovely though for you to have a partner, a special person to love and be loved by , and I know you're open to this. ( Just try not to choose one that needs you to put him together) You are doing so well and it's lovely to see you looking positive about each day. Must have been great to see your nice carer again.
* Doodle* How are you today? Hope you've been out with friend/s or is it your art class today?
EllieAnne Hope you are OK.
NadateturbeCandy Allsorts* and others not bee in for a while hope things are OK.

DH had Specsavers appt at noon so I walked Fluffball around the town while he was in. At first it was great( and I don't usually walk alone) . Felt a real sense of , well, just being me, and feeling secure, People stopped to stroke her and it was nice to chat. I got extremely tired though appt 50 mins, so was glad when he came out. I could see he didn't look well and he admitted he felt awful. We went in and had a coffee then we came home. I wish he could get seen soon.

Wishing all a peaceful night x

Wyllow3 Sorry, I somehow hadn't seen your post from yesterday. It's good that men with MH problems are being offered help. Many men don't want to admit that they've got a problem (the need to have a stiff upper lip), and most wouldn't know where to go for help. Son1 had a breakdown, some years ago, and he worked for Eon at the time, who were very helpful (he was signed off work for 6 months, on full pay, and they had a counsellor who used to ring him regularly to chat with him). One of our local pubs has a weekly meeting of men with depression. It's good for men to know that they don't have to be macho or hide their feelings. I hope you've had a good day and a catch-up with your favourite carer.

SweetpeaSue Nice that you've got Fluffball for company and that she's a bit of a distraction.

Nadateturbe, Candy, Allsorts and all who read BD - hope you're all ok. It's a warm, sunny day here. DH met friends for breakfast, I saw a friend for lunch. He's now doing the skirtings, and I'm doing online shopping. x

Hi all
EllieAnne- Ah you must miss your friend so much - good friends become like family don’t they and leave a big hole. Are you in contact with her DD.
As others have said please don’t isolate yourself too much. Is it possible for you to do any volunteering at all. It’s a good way to meet people . But a chat with a friendly nurse would be a start and for many of us ADs have helped so much.
Wyllow- An intense day with lots of food for thought. To me no partner is better than one who makes life full of trauma and sadness. Nice to have male friends though- men get lonely too.
I got bitten by a dog when small so am always wary of bouncy dogs even the smiley ones!!
It must have been a joyful reunion with your lovely carer you had lots to tell her I,m sure. Perhaps seeing your old counsellor will help- you now have a good understanding of the impulsiveness you experience and won’t want to rush into any disastrous situations.
HVDY- Racing. minds in the early hours make you tired before you start don’t they.
It’s great how you and DH make such a good decorating team. Him doing the labouring and you the project manager and shopping expert.
Hope you’re doing something nice today.
SweetPeaSue- I expect it’s hard for you to concentrate on anything much at the moment with a head so full of worry.
Knitting is probably more therapeutic than you think - such a lovely kind thing to do. You are a selfless person.
Fluffball brings sunshine with her doesn’t she- such a dear little friend for you DH. Would you ever consider a Fluffball of your own?
Doodle- it sounds as if you have quite good sleeps. I don’t like getting up early either even if it’s an early whizzing mind day.
You’re right dentists certainly don’t hold back on their charges . I pay a monthly sum which keeps,the bills down a little.
Church day for you today so chatting and friendship with maybe coffee and cake too?
Nadateturbe,Candy, Allsorts, and all our absent friends thinking of you and hoping the day is being kind to you.

HVDY Thanks. I watch for the post every day though I think DH will probably get an email if anything.
Hope you have a decent day.
Wyllow thanks, DH is already on ADs - started them about 18ths ago.
Aw it'll be so nice for you to see carer again. You'll have lots to talk about. Good idea to see that counsellor, especially when she understands more about you and ex together.

Fluffball day. DH is already smiling and being amused by her. Sunny here and hope everyone has a good day.

I pray for the day Sweetpeasue you both can sit down and make decorating plans together, but I relate of course that could be a mixed blessing and up to you both. DH might like it however?
Cheer him a little? You did well to go tot he costa, funny we both went to Costas!. DH is doing what I did when v depressed - reach into the internet for distraction. Yes, I think too that DH should consider anti’d’s. Has he got that thing that “men dont talk or share? Read my long entry yesterday on that very topic.

HVDY, and Scaredycatmy mother regarded ironing as a necessary evil, and as she worked full time with 4 children (she was a teacher), employed a cleaner/ironer. I think sheets were done back then as of course no automatic washing machines when you can get the stuff out quickly and do a quick “shake and smooth out”.

HVDY I wrote all about my day at length on the last page.

I’m not scared of dogs bounding towards me unless they were snarling. If that was the case, I’d stay stock still and give a strong look at them hoping the dog would recognise me as unafriad even friendly.

I admit I haven’t had to try it in that bad a situation, but my understanding is that dogs need to recognise who is “boss”, and it’s worked in lesser situations.

My only use of an iron is on linen and a rough one at that, and of course in the alterations I make whilst sewing, and my endeavours to stretch clothes to be loose around the tum.

(I asked my sister what was really going on a s regards my colon in my distended tum. 30 years of MH drugs (after 2002 heavy ones, its far less likely going to affect those here in the way it has me)

It’s because those drugs sedate the nervous system so the colon’s muscles are loose and floppy. My best bet therefore is loads of gym work on tummy muscles to “hold in” the colon with the tummy wall. Oh joy. I do have a couple of exercises to do this tum stuff btw, PM me if you want details.

Dear Ellie Anne - echoing others, please dont push people away, it’s what I did on my long depression constantly, and I know it made things worse. It was having a friendly carer in the end that make the most difference.

Today at 11 is my fave carer back from holidays, oh I’ve missed her so much. 3 weeks.

Now really its up to me to play misc and use today as a chill, except to try and just respond to what comes at me.

I’m going to see a counsellor have used on and off for many years - she counselled me and Ex whilst she was in the NHS, and I reached out to her to discuss breaking up with Ex, and now find myself wanting to talk about men again what with my rushing into things far too easily .

SweetpeaSue My husband scrolls through his 'phone a lot (Facebook, news, weather). You must both be so low and sick of it all. Your husband has been unwell for a long time now. I know we all say we hope your DH is seen soon, but he surely won't be waiting for much longer. Getting a higher dose of ADs might help you.

HVDY Good your DH has got a lot done. Yes, our living room will wait. It has an old gas fire in that was in when the house was built nearly 50 yrs ago!
We don't use it since the CH was put in many yrs ago.
You asked about my day. We went out for a Costa then came back home. I sat in chair just felt unable to think. DH scrolled through his phone- he does that much more now. Did some knitting, read some of book, but overall had deep depression. We can't plan anything as waiting for med appts . Just hoping DH gets appt for scan soon for Vascular op. Also an appt for private Cardiologist . Cardiologist sec said the Cardiologist was on call all this week so no appts.

I knit for Ukraine- but I'm feeling more like a robot that's trying to use all this vast amount of wool given to me, via sister, from her DMIL.
Not a great day today. Thinking of going to GP to raise ADs.

SweetpeaSue After a brief shower this morning, the sun shone and it was warm all day. Did some ironing. Your decorating can wait - your husband needs to be seen and treated first, to get well enough for any DIY. Our house has been neglected for years - it was only 2 years ago that we finally got the house to ourselves (sons both to-ing and fro-ing, particularly Son1). How's your day been?

ScaredyCat My MIL used to iron socks, pants, and teatowels! I only do clothes, not bedding. I'd be frightened if any dog came bounding towards me. Glad the smiling one was friendly

EllieAnne You're grieving for your friend and are unhappy in your marriage. Don't isolate yourself - see other friends, go out when you can, perhaps join a group. We all care.

Doodle I wake at about 5am, for the loo. When I get back into bed, my mind races all the time. It's also so noisy in the front bedroom - people taking the bin out, car doors banging, etc. Dentists do charge a lot - none of my family can get an NHS one (I've been with the same one for years). It's a bad situation. Hope you have a nice day tomorrow.

Wyllow3 The light on that part of your garden is so pretty. How have you been today?

DH did the painting. He needs to paper a wall and get the new skirtings on, paint them. It's all taking time and money. I've been buying bedding (the room needs a new bed) and a carpet, to be fitted in the coming weeks. DH is out this evening with Son1. Hope ALL BDers have a restful night x