BLACK DOG 26

BiL. -well, it's up in the air. Fortunately DocSis explains everything to me so I don't catastrophise (sp?).

But it has reached crisis point, he has to have a blood transfusion: again, until he has an ultrasound, (prob this weekend) they dont know the overall cause of the collapse in A and E.

Fortunately - they live in London - best place to be seriously ill.
And his 2 daughters make sure he gets what he needs, as one of the daughters has a partner whose brother is a top anaesthetic Doc and has insider knowledge.

It's not a day to really tempt you out, is it HVDY? Thank you for being clear about when you had the counselling and its purpose, it all makes sense.

Me, I'm having a lazy morning chatting online and due to go to the gym for a nice long session but not rushing, I'm still in my big keep me warm fleece and nightie. But my chat with my sis was special.

It had me in tears at one point. What have I done to deserve, despite all, the good things that have happened in my life? The answer is obvious, I dont feel worthy, but knowing that in my head and feeling that in my heart are two different things.

SweetpeaSue Yes. I have been feeling really unwell. I'm glad you feel reassured that your husband's problems aren't due to his heart. Hopefully, things will get moving soon after the 8th.

EllieAnne I haven't heard of silent migraines, but it must be disturbing when they happen. Whatever is happening with your BIL, I hope the end is painless.

Wyllow Thanks. I understand that people find counselling useful, but I don't need or want to go. I went initially to talk about the stroke and how the hospital gave me the wrong drug, and that I believed that caused the stroke, but I've come to accept that my life has changed, and I no longer feel angry about it. I hope your BIL is soon home again, and that he's being kept comfortable.

Not much today - boring housework. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

That must be very disturbing, Ellie Anne. Would you be prepared to try the deep breathing? You could do it when you stop to recover? It isnt magic, it's not for all magic, but it will help de-stress - well worth a try?
What I always do when teaching yoga is to say the following: "
"
we breathe deeply not just to calm ourselves, but it has a physical effect. It oxygenates the blood, and it flows more freely around the body (including the brain) and that has a healing effect as the blood reaches the muscles...light breathing (which occurs during stress) means not enough oxygen is getting to the cells and results in worse functioning all round.

Wyllow I don’t get the headache just the visual disturbances. You can’t read because the letters are jumping around or missing and you can see zigzags everywhere. The tv is distorted too. If it happens when driving you have to stop and wait for it to pass.

Not try the option first, but try the optician first.

HVDY, in terms of experiences within Mental Health /Wellbeing help, I have had the very best and the very worst.

And when I say that, I mean that one partuclar person unwitting drove me towards suicide (and my first husband was unable to cope either because of appalling childhood experiences (rescuing his mother with her head in a gas oven when he was 6 - I do not exaggerate or lie.

On the other hand, I am in no doubt that 6 years, yes 6 years, with the NHS psychotherapist saved my life.

So what I have to say to all here is….is - one can have had bad experiences, but in the big picture, you cannot take them as typical - and its worth giving it another try, especially of you actually talk about what happened before and how it led you to distrust counselling.

BtW, post Covid -there may be a bit of an unbalance in potassium levels? Have you been tested - low potassium levels lead to low mood. And what a great dentist re your jaw

Sudden big family worry - BiL collapsed in A and E last night, I got a WhatsApp in our 3 sibling round Robin group at 5.30am.

The GP had sent him, unwilling my cousins almost certainly pressing him even to go to GP - then he collapsed in A and E.

He has Kidney Cancer but it’s been treated symptomatically successfully for some time to date with ameliorating drugs- and there’re are more possible. DocSis says but it’s now a series of tests an d uncertain.

DocSis genuinely doesn’t have a prognosis till she knows more. His wife my sis M died in 2019 of cancer and it was strange - she and BiL were in denial she was undoubtedly dying. No one was allowed to mention it to her. That meant no going got say goodbye. I tell you, bits of my family are weird about loss and death. Denial, fear leading to M illness. Which I am now beginning to overcome.

People give good cautionary advice about G I think yes, he is content to live alone, his whole life has been so, and very adventurous indeed. That doesnt mean to say he would not relate to someone special whom he respects. I know there are good reasons for being as he is - it’s not disappointment, but high expectations.

But I also want to live alone. And my house shouts that when he walked through it.

And yes there would be times I wanted more but its best for me to struggle and not give onto high levels of dependency - look what happened with Ex will not leave me. I have to strengthen my self love and strength of heart.

How lovely to see you in, Scaredycat..I was saying just last night….I’m so glad your holiday gave you the break and a happy week. Just..great to hear.

Sweetpeasue, I’m listening carefully to what is coming out of these tests.
This is a very, very big step forward. I am glad in my heart for you. You are now facing something that can be treated.💛
Seeing DGS will now be easier, gradually otters things will become easier, but you will feel very tired for a long time.

It must be frightening to get all that pain, Ellie Anne. How sensible to look it up and find a cause that is very “Explainable”, even if diffract to alleviate with your current levels stress.
I learnt this many times in Yoga. It is called alternate nostril breathing

- And works -

www.youtube.com/shorts/ITG-7_KVqvI

I’d be interested in there trying it and see if it helps stress? It does me, it’s one of the first things I teach to stressed people.”Hey stop and”…

I had my cleaner/friend this morning, then basically caught up on a load of administration big time, amazon returns…

There is a Local group for putting forward a political agenda to get more money for Women and Girls affected by abuse.
I imagine its cross-political party, I hope so:
I found that out at the meeting last night: It sounds right up my street to get involved in as my “first political priority”, but I need to fond out ore about what the group does.

I also took on a rather arrogant optician at Specsavers who gave me the advice that the only drug that affects sight (blurred vision) was steroids: I specifically asked him is my main drug a factor, he said a def no: yet is on my list of the most common side effects: (my doc sis later said loads of other drugs did it too). I finally got a manager who was really not up to it, so I told her the path she needed to take (ie try the option first, off no joy, take it further up the "food chain". she tried to get me to contact people further up said food chain and I said def not, your responsibility, I wall ring or call in in two weeks to see if how things are progressing.
It could be a complaint in fact, bad advice: people on MH drugs need to know this side effect blurred vision in order tot all to their doctor if they take a lot and want to drive.

I'll see all BD's who post later today or tomorrow.

Here's a pic for all. (its a digitally enhanced photo)

Hvdy I don’t really know what s going on with b in L. I know his heart is very weak and Bp very low but dh doesn’t ask for info and if I answer the phone his wife doesn’t tell me anything. I don’t know her very well.
I’m ok but tonight had a bad silent migraine. Only lasted about half an hour but everything was distorted.
I’ve looked up all the triggers and the only one that could apply is stress.
Sweet pea sue I’m glad you feel a bit reassured. I hope the op can happen soon.

Scaredycat Glad youve had a good holiday. No need to apologise for anything at all-- tiredness is a real burden as we get older and you have so much to concern you with ill friends.
HVDY If your kidneys have been infected with the UTI you will feel so ill indeed - as you said with the fever. I hope the antibiotics kick in soon. I so understand how valuable honesty is when our families have instilled it's importance. My family did this too.

Sorry can't address all.
Im so tired but we have results of heart scan and 'pipework'. The arteries going to the heart are in the report ' moderately ok ' .We will see Cardiologist again on the 7th yo explain, but no need for intervention as yet.
So glad we've ruled out heart problems for DHs symptoms.
It now is quite certain that DHs problems are Vascular and the scan on the 8th should, I hope, hasten an operation that will give him relief from pain in arm through SS and also help tight chest/ breathlessness.

Had DGS from school today. He's such a lovely person and has been through a lot.
Hoping everyone is ok and love to those not mentioned.

ScaredyCat You and I must have been posting at the same time. Glad you've had a good holiday. It's nice that you all get on so well. I think this UTI had been coming on for a while, so that's probably why I felt so low. Mentally, I'm feeling ok now, thanks. Hope you rest well tonight.

EllieAnne Is your BIL on Morphine? I hope he goes peacefully. How have you been today?

B in law is still hanging on.
Scaredy cat I’m glad your holiday was good.
Hvdy I hope the antibiotics work quickly. UTI s are awful.
I’m thinking of you all .

Doodle I got the antibiotics yesterday, 2 a day, for a week. The dentist was ok, thanks. Nothing to be done, although this new dentist says she'll refer me to a hospital specialist as my jaw isn't properly aligned (it hasn't stopped me overeating all these years ). GD2's birthday is actually next Wednesday, but we'll give her her presents this Sunday. Have you been out today? Seen friends?

How has everyone been? x

Hi all- at last!! So sorry that I have been away the whole week but the Internet in our holiday place was total pants and useless. We got home late this afternoon . It was a lovely week and so special to share our beloved place with DD and SiL. I feel so very lucky to have had those days together.
I,ve just caught up with all your posts - what lovely friends you all are to me and to each other.
SweetPeaSue- you have had such a tough time these last few weeks yet you still are so kind and generous with everyone.
So sorry to hear that your DH is suffering as he is - no wonder you feel scared. I really hope that the latest scan will make things clearer.
HVDY- so so sorry you have felt so down . I think it’s a good idea to talk to someone about the meningioma . Maybe you get the UTIs when you are low in spirits - hope it clears up soon.
Hope your reading rest day did you good.
Doodle- you always have such sensible advice for us all. You sound a bit better than when I went away. I thought of you while by the sea as I know how much you love it. Most days it was calm and shiny- we had a boat trip too .
EllieAnne- sorry about your BiL As long as DH wont regret it later there seems little point in you both going all that way.
Allsorts- so nice to see you here a bit more often. Good thinking with the avoidance plan.
Wyllow- you,ve been busy! Your bike friend sounds a kind person and friendship is a good start always. Glad you got up in the hills- yes everyone always seems friendly up there.

Sorry this post is a short one for me . I am feeling tired after the busy week. Back tomorrow. Love to allxx

HVDY 32 wee’s. You must have spent all day in the bathroom. No wonder you were feeling low. You need antibiotics to help things improve. Can you get something from the pharmacy?
It’s nice to be a close family. Hope your DGD has a lovely time in her birthday. Hope you got on ok at the dentist.
Wyllow how kind to give your old bike to a group that have need of one. Sounds like you had a nice day. Good you got to have a good chat in Costa.
Scaredycat hope you’re having a good time on holiday.
Sweetpeasue and Ellie Anne thinking if you

Wyllow3 Some people can't be truthful. Honesty has always been important in my family, apart from kind white lies, of course. I hope you go slowly with the bike man. It would be nice for you to have someone in your life, but he might be perfectly happy on his own. I last had treatment for a UTI 5 months ago, and I ought to have asked the GP for antibiotics on Monday. My kidneys hurt and I feel feverish. I self-referred for counselling after the stroke - the 1st was F2F, and all she did was listen. She was not available when her child was off school, which ended up being often. I turned up the last time to find that she wasn't there but hadn't let me know. The 2nd counsellor was on the 'phone. One week, she asked how my new job at the bakery was going! Another time, she asked if I felt better from the flu I'd had the previous week (not me), so no, not helpful at all.

Got the dentist at 11.30. I don't feel up to going, but if I cancel this late, they'll still charge me. Back later x

I started off thinking I was going to read then something in the book I read - there was a flash of insight that has stayed with me all day. Long story short, it made me realise that Ex's lies could not all be put down to his illness - he lied deliberately and many, many times.

I'm a trusting person and I met someone who could not be trusted with telling the truth.

In my family lying was strongly morally wrong (not gentle white lies, of course, ie not saying something, or minimising something)

So when I contacted my friend to take my old bike to the place for refuges and those with no means to get a bike he was OK me going with him, and I said lets get a Costa and we talked a lot including that - his lifelong job has given him people skills as well a technical skills.

Yes he is a person of interest but its early days. However it has DocSis's full approval as to kindness, character, background etc. And I don't know if he has someone in his life tho I think it unlikely - I still want him as a friend.

Then I did what I'd been planning all week, a short drive and slow walk to my lovely high place Curbar Gap. A sociable walk - a couple of people come from far away, and I was explaining the landmarks - everyone smiling in the perfect autumn day, but time to think too.

then a Zoom, where everyone behaved and it was over in just over an hour and our local MP was interesting.

You really, really are plagued by urine infections, HVDY. do you know why you are so vulnerable? It has to affect your mood and wanting to go out, big time. There is no doubt that mental health problems are partly genetic. And you had Covid on top of it. I think you do really, really well, but this is clearly a tough patch. Has counselling never helped?

Ellie Anne - I've been there - no point in life, not wanting to talk...it is wearing to just keep going. /since I am bipolar I can expect it to come back to some extent. All I can say is that there truly can be better times ahead and its important to hang in and say how you feel on here, as there is no doubt in my mind that the caring is genuine.

I wish too the 8th would hasten, Sweetpeasue. I am glad that you have a nice neighbour. Contact and ordinary kindness - everything counts in the situation that you are in xx

I hope your day was OK, Doodle.

I do hope Scaredycat is as well as she can be. I think of BD missing ones often.

SweetpeaSue Thanks. I've been feeling not quite right for about a week, and this UTI has probably been why. I've counted the number of wees today - so far, 32! No wonder I'm tired. I'll ring someone about the Meningioma tomorrow or next week. Just less than 2 weeks then, until your husband will be seen about the SS etc. He should get some answers then. It's all been going on for far too long.

Doodle Thanks. Yes, we're quite a close family (much like you and yours). We're all going to Son1's on Sunday, for a buffet, for GD2's birthday (she'll be 11, she's the one who lives with the mother). I actually feel better, mentally, today. I've no intention of ever stopping the ADs. The GP agrees - my depression didn't ever have a cause (unlike yours, which is due to grief and is understandable), it used to be known as Endogenous depression. Weight gain is better than feeling so awful.

How has everyone else been? x

HVDY having a loving family helps a lot. You seem so close to your boys and grandchildren. So nice.
Hope this current low mood passes soon and you feel better. I’m on ADs too. I feel I’ve put on loads of weight which is a side effect but not confident enough to start cutting down on them yet.
Wyllow you’ve got some great bargains there. Hope you have a nice quiet day reading.
Sweetpeasue what with the scan and the cariology appointment and the vascular one on the 8th I sincerely hope you get some proper answers and a treatment plan for your Dh. This has gone on for far too long.

Evening all.
Sweetpeasue I bet you can’t wait till you see the vascular surgeon with your Dh. It’s this a different one to the one who said it wasn’t SS. Nice to meet your neighbour today. Is she a bit knitter? I went to our church knitting group this afternoon. Ended up undoing 3 of the six rows I knitted because I’d made a mistake.
Ellie Anne I hate those dreams that linger. I find it unsettles me for the day. I would love to go to Scotland too. It’s a long way from where I live. I imagine it to be a beautiful place. You are lucky to be near the sea too.
HVDY we have lots of good charity shops here. I try to take them decent stuff and the rest goes into textile bins if I can find one. Glad you got your antibiotics. Hope you feel better soon.

HVDY I used to be in absolute agony with a UTI . I hope it clears with the antibiotics- I used yo find 3 dys was never enough to clear it properly. I think you might feel better if you checked out the angioma- it must be niggling away at you. Hope today hasn't been too bad for you . The SS and the carotid and Subclavian arteries are to do with Vascular surgeon and will be looked at October 8.
Wyllow What a lot of bargains you found. I love ankle boots ,there are some really comfy ones . I don't do high heels!
The trainee psychologist said shed give me a call in a few weeks but I can call them if I need to. Its left open.
EllieAnne As HVDY says the headache is most probably dehydration. Sorry about that dark feeling - bad dreams tend to really get under our skin and they last throughout the day- so difficult to shake off. I get repeated themes in mine. Sorry about your BIL but if you don't usually see him much and his home is so far away I'd not go to the funeral. Look to yourself more EllieAnne x

Took back a cardi that didn't suit. Went to a neighbour this aft and she helped me with a knitting problem.
Hoping everyone is ok .

The GP rang me at 10.30, agreed I didn't need to be seen, and she prescribed the antibiotics I'd had 5 months ago, so DH kindly fetched that and got a few things we needed. It's a lovely sunny day, but I'm staying in and reading. Hope everyone is ok x

EllieAnne I've never been to Scotland, always fancied going, but perhaps one day. The dream you had was just that - a dream, but they are quite unsettling when they're unpleasant. The headache is likely to be because you're dehydrated (alcohol does that). Drink lots of fluids, take Paracetamol, and do something nice for yourself today, if possible. Hope you feel brighter later.

Wyllow3 I dislike going to shops,but whenever I've been to charity shops, like to look for toys for LG so she has a change of things to play with here. I've just had a few things from Amazon and Temu for her.

I did an online consultation thing to the GP but not yet had a response, which is unusual. Not going to day centre.

Wyllow your finds sound good. I need a waterproof jacket but our charity shops have been poor recently.
Hvdy I don’t share with family either just one close friend.
I’ve always lived in Scotland but dh comes from Gloucestershire.
Had a very disturbing dream last night and I can’t shake off a bad feeling. Also got a headache but that could be due to last night’s whisky. I keep saying I am going to stop but I don’t.
Feel a darkness over me today.

You never know what you might find for you when you get there, HVDY. Just watch that debit card.

(Just looked up the Regatta, it was originally £80 and on sale now, a few sizes left, for £24, so I did get a good one there.)

Wyllow3 You get some great things from charity shops. I keep meaning to take some things to a shop - it's all bagged up - bedding that doesn't match the new decor, toys LG had outgrown, some clothes I no longer wear. Good idea to have a day of relaxing and reading.

Oh, Sweetpeasue - on the ankle boot front, we'd mentioned it, I've ordered a small selection to try on, 2 Sketchers - their fit and size is always good on me, and a much cheaper pair in red just to see.