BLACK DOG 26

Flippinheck ( Love your username)
Welcome and I know you will get support here from everyone. Look forward to getting to ' know' you.

I have problems with guts right now and nausea so can't write much. Just to let everyone know how I so appreciate your support and kind words.
Yes, GP away tomorrow but not early thank goodness.
Wishing all a peaceful night.x

*Doodle I was wondering so much how you were “in yourself” I was glad to hear, especially today, how you are: and that the hospice continues to be a haven. Of course you miss your lovely DH still, so very much. He is "with you" but not "with you", and that is so hard: yet you describe it as having slightly eased, and you are so clearly "doing things right"

Doodle - I am listening to your voice about Ex. I promise not to act if the Psychiatrist gives a most definite “no.” You are bing so thoughtful.

Sis said, “oh your psychiatrist won’t “tell” you things like that.
But she is wrong. That is what a psychotherapist would do, force you as it were to make your own mind up:
But a psychiatrists duty is to keep someone safe and she is such a good one too - I would of course ask, “why” but what she says, goes. And I will be seeing her after she has read 6 weeks of pondering of all kinds.

Yes, I adore the gym. I would prescribe "Yoga For All"

( Ha! This will send BD's off a-running 😉)

HVDY so sorry you’ve. Been feeling so poorly. Good idea to stay in. Hope your DGD decides to stay with her dad. She’s better off there.
Scaredycat I felt I was saying too much about how I was feeling so have toned it down a bit. I’m ok but very tired these days. Today would have been/or is our 55 th wedding anniversary. I’ve not had a bad day. Friend went with me to the hospice and I spent some quiet time at the lake. I am better than i was last year but still very sad, I do miss my darling man so much,
Hope you get your referral through soon.
Flipinheck welcome. All here have troubles and worries. All different reasons but we help and support each other. I am on my own too now. Do you get out and meet people?
Sweetpeasue hope you’ve decided to go on the holiday. When is it? Try and have a restful time together and try not to worry.
Wyllow shame your sister lives so far away. It would be nice if you were closer. I’m sorry but I side with your sister, no matter what’s been done that right or wrong you need to leave your Ex well alone until you have had a long stable period yourself. I would hate to see you back in that pit of despair again and I think you should allow your sister those worries, she cares for you as we do and we don’t want to see you going back there again.
So pleased you’re enjoying the gym. Good for you

Wyllow3 You've got your car sorted out, and great news about the window cleaner being able to go to you at short notice like that. Shame your sister is so far away, but it would be good if she could visit you when she sees your nephew (and she surely will when the baby is born). GD1 has stayed at ours before (both girls have. When Son2 lived here, they used to be here every other weekend and half of every school holiday). At the moment, she's ignoring my texts.

Flippinheck I just wondered if you have anyone much around that you can share any anxieties/problems with? I've got my husband here, and he listens to me.

ScaredyCat GD1 has, in the past, tried Judo, football, cricket, swimming and rugby. There is an ice rink in Nottingham, which would mean getting 2 buses. Not sure if she'd want to do that. It's step-GD who does all the drama - she belongs to 3 different groups and is very different to GD1. I hope this dizziness will stop soon, but I'll see a GP on Monday if it continues. How's your day been?

How has everyone been? x

Now that may be troubling, Scardeycat if you let us know when its due I'll light a candle... be there in spirit with you for that appointment.

DocSis - best bet will come here to visit my “new nephew” at some point - bound to when the new baby arrives. …she’s found her lovely place to live, has many animals, and is a home bird.

I live alone too, Flippinheck, and my, does it suit me. I can be just how I like (edit - as weird as I like) when I like and it’s a relief now I’m weller not having to fit round someone else.

Time for a long overdue rest. What happened was that I’ve been in touch with someone a while who can clean windows, UPVC, the gutters out and clean the actual gutters etc.

I texted him just a wee nudge

And he said :are you in, in 30 mins time? So - I didnt “say no” and he’s a really nice local bloke..hence only retiring upstairs just now. Very genuine, he has a local cleaning round as well you see.

Sweetpeasue I was just reflecting on what Scardeycat said….and it brought to mind that old saying about aeroplanes, you know the one, “Put your own oxygen mask on before you rescue the one next to you.

I so feel for you..but truly hope you may feel able to ask your GP (or even that psychologist you knew directly)..I'm not you but honestly, would be after some support, really.

..just a thought really, if you can be better in yourself, better to help DH, if you see what I mean?

Anyway - when does the holiday start, is it Saturday? How are you both today?

Thank you to everyone who has responded, welcoming me here. I can see that so many of you have daunting issues to deal with so my best wishes for you all. I will follow with interest and sympathy.

Scaredycat

Hi all
EllieAnne- oh no telly😩Don’t forget your IPad then. Yes take some books,goodies,magazines and a couple of bottles. Just enjoy being yourself and not having to walk on eggshells. Are there nice places nearby you can have a couple of days out?
Wyllow- I,m going for the referral because the Boots Optician was concerned about the inside of my Right eyelid.
You have put a lot of work into that diary- it should prove a helpful insight for your psychologist.
So pleased you are enjoying the Gym again. Your Sis sounds a great person and lovely that you can have open discussions with her . She is looking out for you as we all are and not wanting you to get hurt or damaged again by your Ex . It’s dangerous territory . Would it be possible for you to visit her later on ? You are doing so well and life is looking up - just remember to take breaks like this afternoon
HVDY- not sure if Girl Guides is the answer but certainly taking up a Sport or hobby is. You have a good Ice rink where you live I believe would she be interested in that? You have another GD who loves Drama perhaps that would appeal.
Her Mumsounds very irresponsible and not very kind. A big new house sounds tempting but the reality of being there not so pleasant- you’re right she probabaly needs to find that out for herself.
Sorry you feel poorly again- that sounds very unpleasant. Hope the new BP meds suit you better.
SweetPeaSue- what a dissappointing day for you both yesterday. I think,like others, your DH just needs a week to forget about everything and just enjoy the time away.
You both need a break from all this worry and stress. After a relaxing week away he will be ready to do whatever you both decide is the way to go.
Please take care of yourself - you need a break too xx
Doodle- you have given SweePeaSue such helpful advice from your own experiences .
I,m a bit worried about you as you sound subdued . Hoping you have been able to have some outings with friends or family.
Yes ,it’s a long time ago but every moment of that day is etched in my mind as if it were yesterday. I,m sure you know how that feels. Thank you for the hugs- I love a hug. Sending some right back.
Nadateturbe- hope you are OK today.
Flippinheck- Hello and nice to meet you. You sound like a very empathetic person who has experienced many difficulties in your life. You don’t sound at all mealy mouthed just a really nice person who maybe needs a willing ear sometimes. Join us when ever you want - no judgements or unkindness here.
Nanny2507- how are you today?

Love to all present and those we miss

Thank you.

HowVeryDareYou2

Flippinheck Welcome. Hope you find this thread useful. We on here all have, or have experienced, anxiety and/or depression. Do you live alone?

Thank you. I do live alone. Probably for the best as I like my own routines and the freedom to follow them - even when they seem ridiculous.

Hi all
EllieAnne- oh no telly😩Don’t forget your IPad then. Yes take some books,goodies,magazines and a couple of bottles. Just enjoy being yourself and not having to walk on eggshells. Are there nice places nearby you can have a couple of days out?
Wyllow- I,m going for the referral because the Boots Optician was concerned about the inside of my Right eyelid.
You have put a lot of work into that diary- it should prove a helpful insight for your psychologist.
So pleased you are enjoying the Gym again. Your Sis sounds a great person and lovely that you can have open discussions with her . She is looking out for you as we all are and not wanting you to get hurt or damaged again by your Ex . It’s dangerous territory . Would it be possible for you to visit her later on ? You are doing so well and life is looking up - just remember to take breaks like this afternoon
HVDY- not sure if Girl Guides is the answer but certainly taking up a Sport or hobby is. You have a good Ice rink where you live I believe would she be interested in that? You have another GD who loves Drama perhaps that would appeal.
Her Mumsounds very irresponsible and not very kind. A big new house sounds tempting but the reality of being there not so pleasant- you’re right she probabaly needs to find that out for herself.
Sorry you feel poorly again- that sounds very unpleasant. Hope the new BP meds suit you better.
SweetPeaSue- what a dissappointing day for you both yesterday. I think,like others, your DH just needs a week to forget about everything and just enjoy the time away.
You both need a break from all this worry and stress. After a relaxing week away he will be ready to do whatever you both decide is the way to go.
Please take care of yourself - you need a break too xx
Doodle- you have given SweePeaSue such helpful advice from your own experiences .
I,m a bit worried about you as you sound subdued . Hoping you have been able to have some outings with friends or family.
Yes ,it’s a long time ago but every moment of that day is etched in my mind as if it were yesterday. I,m sure you know how that feels. Thank you for the hugs- I love a hug. Sending some right back.
Nadateturbe- hope you are OK today.
Flippinheck- Hello and nice to meet you. You sound like a very empathetic person who has experienced many difficulties in your life. You don’t sound at all mealy mouthed just a really nice person who maybe needs a willing ear sometimes. Join us when ever you want - no judgements or unkindness here.
Nanny2507- how are you today?

Love to all present and those we miss

HVDY How kind of you to enquire. My dear sis and I are very close, Just am so sad she lives 7 hours drive away, and I’m not up to rail journeys.

What we did get into last night at the beginning was a head on row about me wanting to in some way ameliorate Ex’s situation, for although he was very bad to me at times, he was also very good as well, and there were a couple of points at which I made crucial decisions for us that made his last episode worse. Yes - really my fault, tho no need for details.

Sis was totally utterly against it, (and we had a row about he being bossy but claiming she wasn’t (ha!)
But as the conversation developed,

Becuase I am very clear about boundaries now with Ex, and believe he cant do the damage she is afriad it could do to me. In the diary the Psychiatrist is getting, my thought processes are revealed as to why I think I can intervene without risk, and its inherent hands now to advise.

But everyone needs a caring DocSis - she’s worked so hard, as her consultant husband (he’d work 12 hour days for the NHS) they are enjoying the fruits of there work and having their “me time”.

I cant think of anything better than a puppy for GD1 - and you are right, it’s not nice at all, but company and a cuddle with a furry responsive animal - great.

Have a good rest today - it’s hot, we need a joint self promise to laze around. Since I’ve just heard my car is sorted, (a number of things were urgent and they could fit me in today) and they can drop off the key, I am a free woman to go to bed and watch Sewing Bee or some nice countryside stuff or music.

Flippinheck you sound ready to come and join us - easy as she goes we share bits and bobs in a “get to know you” as time goes on. Well...I agree it is a mixture of genes and our parenting.

And you are right, for the more fortunate with Black Dog issues, time and experience are good teachers despite the pain. If you want - take a peep back over the last Black Dogs, you can see how we generally function.

Flippinheck Welcome. Hope you find this thread useful. We on here all have, or have experienced, anxiety and/or depression. Do you live alone?

Just to introduce myself. I am returning after deregistering a couple of years ago. In a nutshell I have awful social anxiety and various other things that make life a challenge. I was told I was autistic but I am not convinced that I am not just the product of my genes and some cold parenting. I get by so no sympathy needed but it does make me try to understand other people more as I get older. If that sounds mealy mouthed, I am not aiming for sainthood.

Wyllow3 You had a long chat with your sister. That must have been good. Does she, like us here, warn you not to overdo things? Glad you saw a friend for a chat, too. GD1 is bowled over with the puppy her mum has got - that, and the promise of her own bedroom when the mum & bloke get this new house. She doesn't know that the mum has already told Son1 she doesn't want GD living there (nice eh).

I'm still really dizzy and nauseous, so not going out today. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Haven't caught up. Just read last 2 posts on BD 25. Thank you Wyllow3. Just what I need right now.

Yes I had a lovely time at the gym - after my coffee found and old friend and along natter which changed into one of those changing room group discussions that happen by accident….

and had a long relaxing session at the gym - yoga just is so goose for me, it calms me a great deal, its a space under a bit window with no music, and was nearly empty.

Home to finish the dreaded text and a long natter with DocSis for 1.5 hours.

It’s very late indeed but I need to unwind a bit and eat a bit so I have classic FM’s nighttime stuff which is always relaxing -my cleaner comes in the morning early but nothing else for the rest of the day. We aren’t just cleaning - its also helping with the sorting and slowly shedding things in view of long term plans.

I missed that from you post, Ellie Anne, I got most of it.

I can see why it’s troubling there is no TV -perhaps there’s a way of “doing your own thing” for chunks of time? (Come in here and share a lot?)

It does sound like the situation is really not helping GD1, HVDY Trouble is, it’s clearly not a situation where intervention is welcomed. Does she come to stay with you sometimes? I’ve forgotten, sorry.
I’m sorry you are clearly not well and I hope the pill change does the job.

Nice to see Nanny2507 in.

Oh, Sweetpeasue, I was hoping for better. No wonder you are angry as well as very upset. Talk about crossed wires.

It’s the GP basically who is in a position to look at it as a whole and is the best option, yes I would be there the next day..

…but maybe DH wants to think it a bit, wait …he can only take so much at one time and - well, you cant change the way he is? Poor you both …xx…..
Doodle’s ideas are good I think - and I agree.

You don’t write of yourself Doodle, I hope things as are well as they can be.

Wondering what Peppa Pig world is like HVDY. I shall google it.

Night night to all BD’s including these who just read.

* Doodle* Thankyou. I think your suggestion is right. I'd be better writing this after holiday as DH doesn't want anything to do with his health while away and there's bound to be a reply before we get back home.
I really appreciate your help. It's got to the stage now that I believe we need to intervene at out surgery. Much love to you.
HVDY Thankyou too for your words. My DH has a strong will. I think there's an element of he's so sick now he just wants a holiday to leave it behind. Thing is , he'll not be able to do that - his chest pain and dizziness- but I'll do my best to go with it.
I hope you're feeling a bit better.Bet Littlegirl loved the Pepperpig World.

SweetpeaSue What a disastrous appointment! You must both be so sick of it all. I once emailed the Practice Manager of our GP surgery, when I felt things weren't being done to help my husband when he had a cough for about a year. Things got moving after that. You could perhaps do that. If your husband won't go to the doctor's tomorrow - and I can't blame him - just go on holiday, try to rest and relax, both of you, and sort things out at a later date.

Doodle How was your day today? GD1 is enamoured with the puppy her mum has got (the woman is hopeless with animals, we ended up having quite a few that she neglected, when the girls were little), and the fact that she and the boyfriend are going to move into a big, new house. GD has told her dad she doesn't want to live with him any more. I said let her go, she'll soon realise her mistake.

It's been raining here for most of the day. Son2 and family are having a nice holiday and took LG to Peppa Pig World today x

Scaredycat many thanks for opening up a new thread.
Sweetpeasue I’m lost for words, one more disastrous appointment on top of another. I know I bang on about this but I really think you must put all this backwards and forward treatment of your husband in writing. I think you should ask for an appointment with the practice Manager and tell them how long this has being going on for and your concerns. Make sure they copy your email onto your husbands record.
Also I would phone the secretary of the Dr your Dh was referred to in the main hospital the one who sent you to the smaller hospital. Explain to the secretary what happened and ask if they can help. Sorry I’m not trying to sound so bullying I’m just fuming on your behalf. This is just what I’d do. Obviously it’s up to you what path you take.
At the end of the day I suggest you do what your Dh wants, go in your holiday, do your best to forget all this and try and relax and have a good time together. Don’t go and be anxious all the time you’ll spoil it for you both,
HVDY sorry about your DGD. You’re right she needs to join a more structured group. Something that gets her missing with other girls in a properly monitored way. Hope things improve for her and your family.
Ellie Anne I gather you’re going to look after your daughter’s cat again. I hope if you decide to go the journey is ok. Hope also you get some time to talk.
Wyllow nice you’re out in the gym and missing with others again.
Scaredycat do you know how long you will have to wait for an appointment? Hope all is well.
Thinking of you today. A very hard one. I can’t imagine how difficult and emotional it must be for you. Sending love and hugs.

HVDY So sorry you've not felt well today. Hope your GP is right and you start to feel better soon once it's out of your system. Oh dear , there's so much temptation now for teenagers isn't there. Your son must be really worried. It's a co.plicated situation with DGs mum being of no help . The girl guides sounds an excellent idea- hope she goes.
Scarddycat Oh Scaredy it's a bad time for you with The Anniversary yet you always choose to over ride hurtful memories with the good and what a great thing to do, though it can't be easy.
Glad you don't have to wait any longer than Wednesday - linger the wait the longer you'd have to worry. You'll be OK.
Nanny2507 Hello How are you doing lately?
EllieAnne Good idea from HVDY about taking books . Is there anywhere nearby to walk? You are really the best mum for helping like this- it's not easy for you with the long drive ect.
Wyllow Glad you shared that lovely photo of your grandchild. It's adorable it really is.

Sorry if I get straight to the point. I'm shaking and my phone is trembling as I'm so wound up but have been trying to knit to distract.
Went with DH for Spirometry test to the local hospital he was sent to. If you remember the nurse in our GP surgery wouldn't do it as she said with his problems, high BP he'd need a 'crashcart' close by. So GP referred him to Respiratory Dr in the main large hospital. He didn't do the S test but sent him for the S test and then we waited until this appt at smaller hospital.
Nurse today wouldn't do it either!! She said he'd need this crash cart so would need a Dr standing by. DH had to fill a form in initially and ticked boxes like does he have chest pain-- yes. Nurse said
she was going to call the Respiratory Dr that sent him there and tell him. We'd already told him that previous GP Nurse couldn't do it because of high BP , yet he sent us there.
Of course I'm fuming . Nurse said the test was really to do with which inhaler would be best, yet DH hasn't found any of the 3 inhalers given made a scrap of diffefence-- only the spray for Angina.

I wanted DH to go to or call GP surgery tomorrow - I want to have it all out with a Dr . He went with the tight chest and breathlessness last November and has waited all this time to rule out Respiratory problem with Spirometry test. He won't go tomorrow and he just wants to have our hiday to forget about it ,then he says he'll do whatever .
I know it's not a Respiratory problem and so does he, and fuming he's had to wait 7mths to 'rule something out'.

I can't cajole him but I know his problem is serious.
Was physically sick this morning.
Just need to get my frustration out.
BD is the only place I have left.

ScaredyCat That was a quick response from your referral. Better to get these things over and done with. GD1's mum is "casual" with parenting (I'm being kind and diplomatic). GD hasn't even got a bed there, she sleeps on the settee when she goes (and is covered in flea bites from it). I've suggested to my son that GD joins Girl Guides or a sport. She needs an interest and new friends.

EllieAnne You're a good and caring mum. Whilst you're there, enjoy the cat cuddles, perhaps take some good books to read and something nice to eat and drink, and make the best of being away from home.

Wyllow3 That's a LOT of writing to your Psychologist. I hope she'll find the time to read it. Iced coffees are lovely when the weather's warm.

Hello, Nanny2507. How are you getting on?

SweetpeaSue How did things go today?

I didn't go to day centre. Been feeling very dizzy and nauseous with a headache, for about a week now, so spoke with a GP this morning (on the phone). She suspects the Lostartan BP pill so has changed it. It's really muggy here now. Hope everyone has been ok x

Don’t know if anyone saw my last post as it was on the previous thread but dd doesn’t have a tv so I can only watch catch up on the iPad but no BBC because no license.

Eeek, I started another BD new thread, it must have been a close call who got there first. 🙂
I was just saying to Ellie Anne what a tricky journey to contemplate, on both a driving and social level. I would find it very very hard too. Just to say I think you are doing the right thing considering it. I suppose a way to approach it is, ‘keep it light’, the sane advice I was given re the row me and my son had, despite internally wanting to have more?

*Scaredycat I would like to join you in a magic handbag for your appointment. Could finding out what it is for be helpful?

I am in the gym having a cold coconut coffee as my mouth is post dentist teeth clean numb.

Needed a break anyway.

As regards the Big Diary I contacted the psychologist re getting it to her and the Doc in time, as she’s off tomorrow. Got a snippety mail back (I have over pestered her about how exactly to present diary).
So I have just poured soothing oil over her v busy and stretched and hassled brow and told her I’d sort it all.

As regards my Ex, I am going to ask my Psychiatrist and Psychologist if they will act or in which circumstances they would before considering any action. My mind won’t rest easy but that is how I shall proceed. May I say again Doodle how I appreciate you using your own experiences to advise.

Back in later online, Sweetpeasue, I hope you get a helpful outcome.

Hi all
Doodle - what strong and wise words for Wyllow.You are so right - let go of the bad stuff - it can’t be changed now .Today is The Anniversary and always feels surreal but I chose to remember the good times .
I,m so sorry that things had got so bad for you but one day at a time and trust that life will be brighter - it will I promise.
I,ve just had a referral phone call for an Appt on Wednesday- trying not to put my Scaredy hat on.
SweetPeaSue- so glad you are going to have your holiday. Remember what a lovely week you had earlier in the year
I hope your DH is OK with the Spirometry test- they wouldn’t do it if they thought it wasn’t safe for him.
HVDY- you could have knocked me down with a feather when I got that referral calll this morning. Trying not to freak out.
Oh dear teeenagers.its not always safe to hang about in Parks although we all did it years ago. It would help if her Mum told her off too. You can’t interfere though can you just be there for your Son and listen. You are a brilliant Mum .
Nadateturbe- look forward to seeing you later.
Nanny2507- Hello! So nice to hear from you. How are things going? Have you had any more thoughts on moving?
Wyllow- what a sweet photo of your DGD- it would look lovely as a black and white one in a frame.
I know you will listen to Doodle she is very perceptive and wise and understands grief very well. Even if your ex were suicidal you cannot get involved but I,m sure you will get very good advice from your MH team. But please be careful and keep safe- you have a good friend in your carer don’t you.
Those words strike many chords- every day is a gift for us .
EllieAnne- it may be nice for you to have a few days peace with a furry friend. Get some nice food, watch what you like on telly and relax if you can. Your DD will be happy too knowing her little cat is in safe hands.

Sending love to all as we start our next BD journey. Hopefully to welcome some of our old friends and make new ones.

Hi all - hope this is all OK.
Will be back later but going for a walk while it’s still fairly coolxx