BLACK DOG 26

EllieAnne I like Michael Jackson's Earth song too. I bet you have such a nice voice . It must be calming listening to all the voices blending together.
Scaredycat I still don't like the dentist either. Sometimes I think the thought of going is worse than actually being there in the chair ( though my hands are sometimes gripping the chair arms) . So glad there was nothing wrong with the implant. We were caught in the rain yesterday - it was pounding wasn't it.
HVDY Hope the cream helps the Actinic Keratosis, I'd not heard of it. Will the cream diminish the lesion? Good thing you went to the Dr's even though you felt it wasn't necessary. Oh the carvery must have been welcome.
Wyllow I hate sorting through paperwork - it's so tedious but Im luck that DH doesn't seem to mind it. I thought your paintings were truly lovely - do you have something different in mind to enter? I believe you're right about intelligence and paper qualifications - some have a gift of good memory and can remember lots of facts, which is very handy for some examinations. An inquisitive mind is good too. Thankyou for the hugs and kind words.
Doodle Sounds like your DH had some of the same problem as mine. It's so worrying isn't it. Glad you like your art class and the company there . Hope you had more friends to see today.

So tired. Couldn't contain myself today when DH let down again. ( You remember the blood test that we couldn't have for 8dys , even though York hospital can't do scan until blood test done). DH rang surgery about medication and thought he'd just ask about BT booked for tomorrow in another surgery. Receptionist said all BTs had been cancelled there and people were informed and given replacement appts at another surgery. DH hadn't been inforned- he needs that blood test- . Both went down to see practice manager- honestly I was shaking with adrenaline. Shown into office- DH telling him in a soft voice what had happened and showed him form from hospital asking for BT . I just started telling him all the let downs from the Dr and surgery we've had- how much my DH had deteriorated. He said he couldn't do anything there were no more appts left for BT s this afternoon.
I told him he was speaking like a robot and not a human being- asked if it was his own nearest and dearest wouldn't he move heaven and earth for them- told him he couldn't sit there and say DH couldn't have a blood test when he'd had a call to say he could go in any time for a Shingles vaccine. Told him he as manager had the influence and authority to make sure he had one this afternoon. No change in him at all. Told him government advice to surgeries were to give F2F appts.
We left feeling deflated and powerless then about an hr later DH got a call from him -- he'd 'found' and appt in different surgery and he was given it for tomorrow - the day he should have been having it anyway. Manager apologised for DH not being informed that it had been cancelled to . Otherwise DH would have turned up at this other surgery tomorrow and found no one there.

So sick of all these things happening. I didn't realise I could speak up but glad I did.

Rant over.
Hoping everyone has a peaceful night.xx

Sweetpeasue I’m finding it hard to understand why they are not operating on your DH’s carotid artery if they think it’s fully blocked. Please don’t let your dad do anything strenuous until they’ve cleared it out. Hopefully it should be soon.
Ellie Anne sounds like you had a nice day with your friend, and choir too.
HVDY isn’t it annoying when you make plans and then are let down by people, now you have to wait longer for your carpet. Nothing much to show art wise at the moment. Sort of sketching for the first couple of weeks. Lovely to be back with friends though.
Always worth getting these things checked properly. Our son was sent to a dermatologist by his Gp for the same thing. Turns out the mole he was sent for is fine but the dermatologist insisted on checking him all over and found one in his stomach that needed removing.
Wyllow glad you got through a lot of admin. I have days when I just have to sit and work through things. All the things that DH used to do. I always feel a sense of achievement when it’s done.
Scaredycat yes so nice to be back with art friends. Good to be occupied for a few hours too. I think that “Scaredy* person was always rather brave. You’ve ut on a brave face for so many things, you’re an inspiration.

Hi all
Doodle- you must have all been pleased to see each other at Art. As with most classes the company is as important as the subject being taught.
I realise the ‘ scaredy’ person is still lurking inside when I was at the dentist. But then I thought of all my lovely friends who are having such hard times and manned up!! Or should I say Granned up!!
SweetPeaSue- Soon you will be nearer the truth - not long to wait now. I do hope then those awful feelings start to fade.
Your DGS sounds a lovely boy and making the buns for him was good for you both. Especially his tummy! Those are the things you remember from your childhood all your life.
Wish I could undo all those horrible knots.
EllieAnne- that was a great walk and nice to have a bite to eat afterwards . I used to love long walks so much.
It must be lovely to be part of your choir and to be surrounded by all those voices it must feel very uplifting.
Do you watch the TV in your bedroom? It’s not right you have to feel so on edge. It’s your home too.
HVDY- shame about the carpet - what a daft mistake on their part. That was a filling lunch at the day centre - fruit crumble is a favourite.
That rain yesterday was sooo heavy. My friend and I were in M and S cafe and the noise on the roof was deafening.
I have AK on my nose from the sun . The cream is good but it does reoccur from time to time.
Wyllow- you’re right about intelligence. There’s a natural intelligence and one from study and education. Sometimes the most learned people have no common sense don’t they!! But that certainly doesn’t apply in your case😀
Hope the Zoom session went well and that you and N had a good old chat.
So glad the new fridge fits the bill - you can fit lots of deli goodies in there I,m sure .

Love to all- present and our missing friends. Xx

Saw the Dermatologist, she was very thorough and said it's Actinic Keratosis, a sun damage which could have the potential to become cancerous. Got cream, will be seen again in a couple of months. Had a carvery, so I must work hard at aqua

EllieAnne Michael Jackson's "Earth Song" is so poignant, especially now.

Wyllow3 had a busy day. Hope you have a good chat with your lovely cleaner.

Dermatologist today, to look at this lesion on my arm. I feel a fraud as there are people with real things wrong with them, but the GP did the referral. Pub lunch, possibly, then aqua this afternoon. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Spot on right about MrC, Sweetpeasue All things considered waiting to see what happens. I have other fish to fry. I felt that *Scaredycat had said some wise words I feel that he may just be worn out with everything and is perhaps a bit depressed Physically he should have some answers soon^
^Try and have confidence in the Vascular Consultant knowing his stuff
Enfolding you (both) in imaginary hugs. You’ve both suffered a lot. Try and take comfort that things are on the way at last and there is always A and E.

It’s interesting you say the same thing HVDY. When I thought he wanted me to be involved commenting on his video I did a CV and well, its pretty dazzling - but when push comes to shove, as my carer K and I have said (she is another incredibly intelligent women, but nothing on paper)…so many, so many are.

Intelligence IS NOT about paper qualifications although it has left me knowledgable and articulate. ...its a natural thirst towards curiosity to the world, to people, an eagerness to engage in finding out more, and share with others.

It is true however that I am sort of testing men out to see if they can bear it. Back when I was young, women tended to hide their intelligence as men might feel threatened.

I did. And carried on till first DH, but it was still there with Ex, big time.

But even my Dad, bless, used to say, “You’re too clever by half” quite often 🥲

“Sweet snacks are my downfall”. HVDY I stopped initially as very sweet stuff seems to go straight to my teeth. All the best in that battle! But you do eat healthily, that’s great. I’d be looking forward to the new carpet too, they sort of have a lovely smell.

I’m glad you had a good birthday, Scaredycat. MnS are tops for treats. Their deli selections…mmmmmmm. I am totally thrilled to bits with my new fridge-freezer, oh, the luxury to have all that space. What a relief after the CT scan at the dentist. You can do without more invasive stuff.

Lots of doors are opening tonight. My local Labour Party had a meeting tonight and I’m fortunate to be part of a caring bunch of members….. I tried to be powerful in the right way and think I managed.

I’ve spent the whole day doing admin. Propelled by the need to find stuff out for my home and buildings insurance renewal, I had to find certain papers and print out invoices from the computer and chase deleted ones! I also decided not to show my original art work so complex phone calls to the printer (in town but the one bit I can get to)…result, pile of sorted papers from The Heap all in folders..

Congratulations on 4 miles, Ellie Anne - brilliant! Nothing wrong with a little tipple, why not?

Yes Doodle I’d love a pic too. I did an art therapy group for a time and all sorts of stuff came out, not “art” at all. It’s the doing it that matters big time.

Up late again….classic FM doing their lovely calming music as ever.
Tomorrow I have that counselling Zoom at midday, after N my lovely cleaner.

Thoughts for all BD’s facing uncertain nights, or waiting on painful situations xx

We sang some from last session and looked at some new ones. One is earth song by Michael Jackson

EllieAnne Overall sounds a nice walk this morning. Also nice that your choir has started. That all sounds so good, but sorry you're feeling the anxiousness now.
Hope you sleep tonight. I can't imagine how very bad it is for you. Xx
HVDY Shame the carpet fitters had got the date wrong.
So right about DGC . They're so innocent and full of positive frame of mind.

Im so scared DH isn't been taken notice of. It's just so wrong that we've had to go private but I wished we'd done it long ago as NHS has really failed us. The NHS Vascular dept spat DH out , TWICE, and private Vascular surgeon threw their report on the desk, saying it was nonsense that they hadn't diagnosed SS. DH has been suffers long now.

ScaredyCat Glad all was well at the dentist. We had *lots& of heavy rain this afternoon, and a thunderstorm (I like them).
Doodle Did you have a nice catch-up with the people at your art club? Got any pictures to show us yet?
SweetpeaSue The occluded carotid artery will mean that the blood isn't flowing correctly/as much as it should. I hope your husband will get the treatment he needs very soon. Glad you had such a lovely time with your grandson. Children are so innocent and full of wonderment at that age, aren't they?
EllieAnne That was a long walk. I envy you that. What did you sing this evening? Hope you feel more relaxed after a drink.
Wyllow3 How have you been today?

The carpet wasn't fitted - DH rang the shop when the men hadn't arrived by 4. They'd put it in the diary for tomorrow! We're out tomorrow morning, they couldn't promise being here in the afternoon, so they're going to lay the carpet on Monday. Sausages, mash, veg, then fruit crumble at day centre. Love to ALL x

Managed quite a long walk today with a friend from church. Did one of the trails in a local park about 4 miles. I took painkillers before I went. Then we had a bowl of soup in the cafe.
Tonight choir started and that was good too.
But now in my bedroom because he is watching something in the living room and I’m feeling tense and anxious again. Definitely a wine or whiskey night but not till he’s gone to bed

Sweet pea sue I wish you could get some answers.

Very anxious tonight. DH is not right at all and things aren't happening quick enough for me. His tightness in chest and breathlessness appears to be getting worse. I think it might be to do with the Subclavian Steal and the Carotid and Subclavian arteries ( even though the Vascular surgeon though it wasn't related) Vascular surgeon wrote back that he thinks Carotid artery is fully occluded. I hope he gets scan soon after the blood test on Saturday. Other scan that Cardiac is arranging - hope that won't be too long.
Was nice to have DGS ,made him Raspberry Buns that he said he gets at school. ( he had 5) we did drawing and he talks so much more now and showed us his first tie.
Sorry am just leaving it here - feel knotted up with worry.
Take care all.x

Sweetpeasue you know your DH’s carotid artery is furred up.Perhaps other arteries are too. This could cause breathlessness. DH had similar symptoms when his heart was playing up. (This was many years ago)
Do hope you get a proper diagnosis soon.
Have a lovely time with DGS.
Wyllow my church and the Christian Fellowship are two separate places of worship although quite close to each other on a nearby road. Both are lovely with nice people.
Sorry Mr C is backing off. I don’t think he knows what he wants as he’s sending out mixed signals. How nice you were able to help that lady with her yoga.
I know some people who are at a McCarthy and Stone place locally. They all like it there and get on well with each other but they say the manager leaves a lot to be desired.
HVDY you must be excited to get the carpet down. That will be another finished. Hope you had a nice day at the day centre.
Yes I was exhausted after helping at church yesterday but quite happy to do it.
Scaredycat so pleased you had a lovely day. Glad the trip to the dentist ended up being ok. We had a heavy downpour earlier but fortunate it had dried up when I came home from afternoon tea.
Nice to be back at art class today. I missed the company of the others.

Hi all
Thank you for the kind Birthday wishes- it was a lovely day thank you.
EllieAnne- Enjoy those simple times with your family- we cannot change the news but we can make a difference for our loved ones .Hope those horrible feelings leave you alone soon.
HVDY- like the sound . of pancakes and fruit. I do like maple syrup on them too. I still have a delivery each week but then we do M and S for all the nice extras.
Have a good time at the day centre.
SweetPeaSue- So glad your DH heart was OK. I feel that he may just be worn out with everything and is perhaps a bit depressed. Physically he should have some answers soon.
Try and have confidence in the Vascular Consultant knowing his stuff.
Doodle- it was a lovely day - thank you.
Your hair sounds marvellous . It must be lovely and thick.Mine hasn’t the energy to stand on end!
Your Church must so appreciate all the help you give. It’s a win/win isn’t it. You enjoy being there and they have a lovely helper.
Wyllow- I think at least MrC has been honest with you. You still have his friendship but now you can get on with your life and shine your light far and wide.
Talk about another door opening!! That lovely lady sounds a real potential friend and very interesting too.
Yes it would be good to see in one of those flats. Until she got poorly my friend had a Churchill one and it was lovely.
Hope your new fridge/ freezer is bursting with treats. Your kitchen will look good once it’s on site.

I,ve been to dentist today - had a CT scan cos they thought there was a problem with an implant but all was Ok . Phew.
Just had the heaviest rain we,ve seen for ages .
Thinking of you all and hope the evening passes kindlyxx

Doodle You had a busy morning at church. Your help there must be very appreciated.
SweetpeaSue Your husband's breathlessness is not, at least, to do with his heart, which is good. He's not anaemic, is he? (That can cause breathlessness) You must be counting the days until he gets sorted out. Hopefully, ot long now.
Wyllow3 Mr Costa might have felt a bit intimidated - perhaps he's not used to strong women with big personalities. At least you now know where you stand. You seem to have made a friend at the gym, perhaps someone you could meet up with? I always have fresh fruit and pancake after aqua (only once a week). I used to have an omelette, but no longer eat eggs. I really need to lose weight, but lack the willpower - my meals are healthy, and I eat lots of fruit every day, but sweet snacks are my downfall.

Bedroom carpet being fitted (bed next Monday) today. I'm going to the day centre. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Oh Wyllow Just read your post.
So sorry about Mr C. Seems he's a bit dazzled by your shining light. Perhaps he's not for you and just suitable for friendship after all. You've done so well to form that friendship anyway.
The woman at the Gym sounds really nice. You certainly have a friend there.
Hope the Chicken Biriani was good.
Glad you don't have an early morning before your fridge freezer arrives.
DGS is coming today after school. Im looking forward to hearing how he is taking to his new class . X

I'm imagining a Doodle with stand up hair. Very Vivienne Westwood if you dye it red. I haven't got the courage. It sounds like a really productive morning at the church. It is a very special one at the moment, certainly, its fellowship. Tiring, yes, did you get another nap?

What a day you had, Scaredycat. I hope it was everything you wanted. You cope with so much grace after so much loss and pain, and have therefore a loving family around you to celebrate with you. What did you go to see at the cinema? a recommendation?

That blank tired look has come of utter weariness of the worry and the waiting, hasn't it, Sweetpeasue. He needs a lot of nurturing - so do you, I hope you can do it together. I hope DGS helped pick up that dull look x

Ooo, a super healthy lunch there, HVDY. Have you set out to lose weight in a planned way or was this just today? The aqua is so very good for you.

Huh, after the very affectionate kiss yesterday I got a WhatsApp at 8am which was backing off and a pompous

"With every due respect and kind regard, please shine your light on others you can serve and allow me to focus my attention on the greater good. We all have important roles to play...I am sure we will bump into each other for friendly hellos and I genuinely wish you well 🙏🏼"

As I do shine my light around the place I hardly need telling.

He's torn, not game playing

I wrote a strong answer and went off to shine my light later at the gym. Much food for thought, some very bad moments indeed as it brought back Ex stuff for a time: but the gym sorted that..

..I went there just intending to do a quiet yoga session and a shower. I started my yoga near a women who was doing nearly all the same stuff as me. I remarked on her doing the same and it turned out she has had no formal yoga teaching.

She is a cleaner at the gym and has a very bad back so went online to U tube and found some stuff. I showed her a couple of back things and then moved off as a class was taking the space.

She came up and asked me to teach her. I like to do it so no problem. She has a bad back but is hypermobile like me, no way could she have done what she did otherwise so we went into the wellbeing quiet room and had over an hour together and howls of laughter, she is a natural.

She's from Eritrea, don't know how she got here, except it was clearly very, very bad before she left from the few words she said about it.

Dont know how she arrived, but she has so much to give, I think she could make it as a yoga teacher helping others overcome back and other stuff, she's a natural intuitive and earn a better living.

I made it to the Quaker Zoom and realised that one of the regulars R, could be helpful as she has a 2 bedroomed flat on the top floor of the McCarthy and Stone place I want to go to. Certainly too offs about when one comes up, but I think she would be willing for me to visit her flat. Useful information- like the food is good and cheap if you want to buy in - dinner for around £6.

Drove home late and caught in the little Sainsbugs the young man putting yellow labels on stuff for tomorrow, so got a reduction chicken Biriani which has just been eaten.

Tomorrow my new fridge freezer arrives but not till 11, I have a right messy kitchen.

Doodle You've been busy then at church this morning. You are a valuable church member . Hope your afternoon was alright.
I don't know what's causing DHs breathlessness. I thought maybe the Vascular consultant would have said its the Subclavian Steal thing , but he said it wouldn't be. I wonder if he's wrong , after all the SS is quite rare. Just have to wait to see. Night Doodle.x

Scaredycat happy birthday 🎂😊🥳 🎈 hope you’re having a lovely day. You are an amazing lady to keep going and being so positive. Hope today brings some happy memories of time with your son.
Wyllow my hair needs positive taming. Left to its own devices it would stand up on end. Your soft curls sounds nice.
Glad you had a nice day and caught up with Mr Costa again.
Ellie Anne how lovely to have some cake making time with your DGD. These moments are precious.
HVDY glad you got on at aqua and had a nice lunch.
Sweetpeasue I bet you can’t wait for DH to be seen. I wonder what is causing the breathlessness. Hope the scan comes soon.
Not surprised he’s tired with all that’s going on. You too I shouldn’t wonder.
I’ve been to church this morning. Made coffee , washed up and then had to sort out things for the next morning. Didn’t get home till gone one.

Scaredycat Happy Birghday to you. ( hope it includes cake) You are seizing the day and doing lots of things. Im sorry that it will always be tinged with some sadness ( that must be so hard )
Hope you have a lovely meal out together.
HVDY What a healthy morning - with aqua-aerobics and a lovely lunch. I used to get online shopping during covid though have gone back to trailing the aisles. Sometimes you can get chatting with someone though and then it's not so bad. Prices going up a bit of a downer. I like a look at the clothes range at times.
Wyllow Forgot to say what a lovely photo of the moon the other day. It was too cloudy to see the eclipse here but it was beautifully bright earlier on. Your walk sounded quite a long one - glad you've only got stiffness after that. So glad you saw Mr C and he was very friendly.
* EllieAnne* Thankyou for thinking about us. Yes, I agree, the news has been pretty awful today. I can't help being influenced too and can add to anxiety. Glad your DGD is feeling better . My DGS is coming here after school for tea.
Doodle Hoping you are ok and your day has been good. Im relieved DHs heart was ok -- today Im now wondering what on earth the tightness/ breathlessness is.
Nadateturbe Thinking of you and hoping you are ok and managing.

DH went out to pick up his new glasses ,quite early so he went alone. Then we went out for coffee and visited charity shop. Called in at son's on way home. Fluffball went crazy bless her!
DH didn't look well - had that eyes blank and tired look , like he'd not slept for ages. Said tightness of chest there. Im still so worried - maybe it's the blocked arteries( Subclavian and Carotid) his arm/hand pain there. Ah well blood test Saturday then he should get that scan appt.

Hope everyone has had a reasonable day.

Wyllow3 Lazy days are needed sometimes. Hope you got something tasty from M&S. I recently discovered their "special" lasagne, which was excellent.
ScaredyCat Happy birthday, although it must be tinged with sadness. You're having a full day, with other family members. Enjoy such as you can.
EllieAnne Glad your GD seems better. Yes, the news is all doom and gloom. I don't watch it but read it online, only once a day. All those awful things are all out of our control so I try not to dwell on them too much.

How's everyone else been? Aqua was good, then pancakes and fresh fruit for brunch. Vacuuming and weekly shop ( I actually went to a supermarket for a change - didn't like all that faffing about) x

At son 1 today but came early because gd2 off school feeling sick. She seems ok now. We have just made cakes.
I still have these horrible anxious feelings.
I’m glad to hear about sweet pea Sue’s husband and that Wyllow had a good day.
Watched the news at lunchtime. It’s very worrying

Hi all
A flying visit as it’s my Birthday today . We,ve been out with DDand SiL this morning and soon we’re going out again for a meal and then the cinema .
I,share my Birthday with my dear Son who died - every year I think of how much he has missed and how much we all miss him. But have so many things and people to be grateful for.
SweetPeaSue- so pleased that you are getting somewhere at last. Try and relax a bit til the next appt and do stuff that you both enjoy.
Enjoy Aqua today HVDY .
Wyllow-there’s always time to stock up in M and S.
Doodle- hope you’re having a Church day full of friendship.
EllieAnne - how’s it going this week?
Nadateturbe- a difficult time I expect with your DB funeral coming up.
Candy- hope all,is well with you and yours.
Love to all. Hoping those we haven’t seen for a while are having a better timexxx

Well it was raining when I finally got up. HVDY, and now bright sun. I had the heating on last night to feel cosy and dry some clothes. I hope aqua was good.

How is it for you now Sweetpeasue after yesterday?

Are you having a busy time, Scaredycat?

Looking forward to hearing from our regulars, Ellie Anne ho wis it on the friendship front, Candy have you packed up your caravan yet, Nadteturbe how are things for you in this tough time....I could go on, just hope to hear from you all.

I'm having a very lazy day, so much from yesterday to process - lovely photos, more work in the framing front to be pursued, and M n S goodies to collect if I get around for it. Knees, back, etc fine after yesterday just stiff.

Wyllow3 Good that you had a walk and enjoyed it. Nice that Mr Costa was friendly.

It's cool this morning. DH is out for his breakfast with friends, so I've put the heating on for an hour. Aqua aerobics and brunch soon. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

That was a nice day after all, HVDY, nice chats, and a quiet evening in for a cuddle with Jaffa.

Good on you for sit fit and hair washing, Doodle. Mine is about 8 days now, busy busy reasons, but it's 11.20pm and going to do it now just to relax. I let it dry naturally and just squish the curls up with conditioner. I do hope the sit fit and hair wash helped you feel better (but recall the days myself when it was a chore.

After my wonderful walk I went for R and R to Costa, and there was Mr Costa, talking to a man connected with his project.

When I walked in I'd dumped my bag next to him but he was turned the other way, so he saw and heard me at the counter talking to my fave barista L about the lovely walk and joking with the male barista (my sausage roll had got a bit burnt, and he was terribly worried, and I only found out later he was worried I'd give him a bad review, and it turned out that computers had taken over the cooking time 🤣 ...you couldn't make it up so I joked I'd review the computers badly and he just laughed.

so by the time I went over MrC introduced me to the bloke and I was all glowing with the walk and bloke knew Curbar Gap and so on. When bloke went I joined MrC outside and normal chat resumed and I found out a lot more why he is so busy and involved nearly 100% on the project. Key point is: he's Riley to escape during the winter (now its Morocco but could change) any Spanish connection is in the past, and when he left to go to his meeting he just spontaneously leaned over and gave me a very warm kiss on the cheek.

what he didn't know is that the project is ultimately very generally political, related tot he functioning of computer services within the NHS, and he had no idea I've had a whole life in politics and therefore am more interested than ever in the project. So I've told him.

then tonight rung first DH and had a long good heart to heart about my family and life death the universe etc so its been a very good day indeed.

Off to wash my hair...

Looking forward to more BD news, as ever, whether you post here or just follow us, and remember that although we are a small group you are always welcome even if just to say hello and share the once.

k slightly in surpr, but he had recovered by the time