Stroke

Gingster,
There are lots of out stories here but really you are a stroke victim too. Just because the physical damage that you are contending with is much much less than others, doesn't mean you don't yearn for the time before the stroke.

Please do remind your family of the truth of this one day when you feel stronger. Tell them, as you told us, how emotionally draining it is to be constantly jigging along someone who you know could do so much more?

I do hope the trip to the footie has done a little good.

Wishing you well.

When my DH was in hospital for 2 months was a young man in his mid forties on the stroke ward, he was paralysed and unable to talk or eat, they would turn him regularly to avoid sores, every day his young wife and little boy would visit and I wanted to weep for them.
We hear regularly about the big hitters, cancer and heart disease, but stroke is the thief in the night that can turn your whole life upside down in seconds.
Good to hear from those now recovering, it gives us hope, and hugs to those still suffering, keep on keeping on 🙏🏾🙏🏾

granny'sbuttons

My niece had a catastrophic stroke 3 years ago, aged 60. She has had the best care possible and can now see, use her thumb and recognises some of her family. She is peg fed, cannot swallow, speak or move anything at all apart from her thumb. Obviously she is doubly incontinent. She lives in a very expensive home. She has to be turned every few hours to avoid getting bed sores. She cannot communicate. She will not improve. She was an active, healthy woman, working in the music industry and running a home, and keeping an eye on her 80 year old mother. She, poor lady , visits her daughter and weeps.

It is such a cruel thing granny’sbuttons.
I know a lady who had a massive stroke when she was about 30 and had two small kids. She never walked again and her speech, memory, continence and hand on that side were all badly affected. She is now about 74.

She had a marvellous husband who cared for her and brought the kids up. She needed 24/7 care. Everybody assumed she would go first but he had a heart attack and died aged 72 so she is now cared for by her adult children. Very, very sad.

My niece had a catastrophic stroke 3 years ago, aged 60. She has had the best care possible and can now see, use her thumb and recognises some of her family. She is peg fed, cannot swallow, speak or move anything at all apart from her thumb. Obviously she is doubly incontinent. She lives in a very expensive home. She has to be turned every few hours to avoid getting bed sores. She cannot communicate. She will not improve. She was an active, healthy woman, working in the music industry and running a home, and keeping an eye on her 80 year old mother. She, poor lady , visits her daughter and weeps.

My heart goes out to those of you caring for your DH after a stroke. They are the most awful things. My dad had a big stroke aged 55 he never spoke again and couldn’t use his arm but could walk thankfully.
My mum looked after him like the angel that she was for 25 years. He passed aged 80. So cruel.

Wishing you the chance to rest. Is pretty much 24/7, I know how exhausting it can be.
My DH can walk with a stick now too but has very little balance and has fallen a couple of times.
Take care 🙏🏾❤️

Babs03

I could have never envisaged how hard it would be to see my DH struggling with everyday things he would have found second nature this time last year.
Is heartbreaking. He was such an active and energetic man. But now I have to help him to the toilet, help him eat and drink, and though he is getting better all the time progress can be painfully slow and neither of us has ever been patient.
I have to be positive and upbeat for him then have a quick cry in the kitchen.
Stroke can be life changing and adjusting to those changes is a tough journey for both of us and our family.
Wishing strength and patience for everyone affected by stroke.
❤️🙏🏾

I could have written that myself Babs. 😢 my husband can do very little with just one working hand. Can’t cut his food up, can’t hold a book, can’t send a text, can’t pull his pants up, can’t hold something like a yoghurt to feed himself.

He can now walk a few wobbly steps in the house with a quadstick and is mostly in the wheelchair. This is a man who was still working full time, drove, rode a big motorbike, rode his horse, did all our DIY, cut the hedges and lawn etc.

I take him now most places I go as I don’t like leaving him home alone. This morning it was pouring so I left him at home for 2 hrs while I did the weekly shop and it was nice to just switch off for a while even though it was only groceries.

I could have never envisaged how hard it would be to see my DH struggling with everyday things he would have found second nature this time last year.
Is heartbreaking. He was such an active and energetic man. But now I have to help him to the toilet, help him eat and drink, and though he is getting better all the time progress can be painfully slow and neither of us has ever been patient.
I have to be positive and upbeat for him then have a quick cry in the kitchen.
Stroke can be life changing and adjusting to those changes is a tough journey for both of us and our family.
Wishing strength and patience for everyone affected by stroke.
❤️🙏🏾

The problem is a saying someone has had a stroke can mean anything from a minor event to a catastrophic event and it can affect people in so many different ways.

It is also very difficult when someone develops a serious condition like that and then seems to be unwilling to help themselves. The best of families sometime think that a spouse should have a magic touch that will motivate someone in recovery when no one else can and that just isn't so.

Just sending good wishes to all those recovering from stroke - it takes grit to persevere, and it is a challenge for partners x

And I've had to use a crutch all the time since then...but consider myself lucky as some people never recover...I'm still independent living on my own and can still drive...
Best wishes to you OP and family

I had a mild stroke in 2010..left me with right sided weakness and slight limp...also like you NotSpaghetti I'm nearly 6 mths post right side THR....I'm seeing Consultant tomorrow and will ask why I can really feel the extra weight in my right thigh of the titanium rod...will this get easier?? When I turn over in bed the right leg is soo heavy and have to separate my knees...

Am not sure if this is to do with neuropathy...perhaps someone here will let me know of their experiences...

I had a stroke.

I am 3 years on now.
Nobody really can tell - its a terrific recovery.

I know though - my projection, annunciation and my smile are wrong (especially if tired), I still say the wrong things, my left foot is weaker/less stable, my left arm is a bit "clunky" in its movements (not visible and very subtle) and I know my work is not the same (and that really upsets me).

My family can tell - but not all the time - just sometimes. When I get words wrong, obviously, but also when on unlevel/lumpy ground and they notice I don't look so stable.
I am grateful that I was treated and I do know that I had a lucky escape.

I am a "flatter" person I think and this saddens me.

I have just had my hip replaced (non-stroke side) and just ahead of this operation I felt a terrible panic wobble as my "stroke side" would now have to do so much more...

Anyway, ahead of the operation, scared of how I would be afterwards, I had just two sessions with a great private physio who had stroke as her speciality). I could not believe how much better my foot was in two weeks. I think there are quick wins at the beginning after a stroke but the upcomming surgery motivated me into action.
Just 2 weeks of targeted work on my foot really made me happy and a deep tissue therapeutic massage of my bad foot and calf was recommended.

The reason I'm saying this is that there are terrible lulls where you think "this is it" and nothing more is worth it. The NHS physio is a broad sweep service. It is not targeted at the things that mattered to you

It is still really early days.
To be keen on sport probably makes it worse.

I don't have a magic bullet but as a stroke survivor who presents as normal, it took my hip replacement to jig me into action.
Actually it was the long and weepy 1st session with the physio who was truly interested in me and did not know me, but was interested in what I felt and helped me feel glimmers of hope in what I might achieve.

If there is any way he can see someone - maybe going just once "for new pointers" perhaps? My old exercises were all out of date really.

I read a paper a little while ago where 20 years on there was good evidence of recovery! That is amazing.
It gives me more hope.
Xx

It’s completely understandable that he would feel this way. To once have been an active man, no doubt working and contributing to family life, he finds himself a shadow of his former self and it hurts. Its knocked his confidence, feelings of self worth and made him dependent on others. Depression has set in.
Have a family meeting and suggest a way forward to help him out of it.

Maybe different family members can call round and spend some one on one time with him - maybe reignite old hobbies or start new ones. But gradually, not so its blatantly obvious what you’re all doing as he may resent it.
As someone suggested, a private physio calling weekly could be helpful. Maybe family would chip in if possible.

Its hard for him. I hope you can both get a break through.

Hear hear

I would like to send a huge 💐 to those of you caring for loved ones following a stroke.
You are all heroes and I hope that you know that.

My husband had a stroke in March and is still struggling, he also had several bleeds on the brain which didn’t help. He has reduced mobility, impaired vision, and has problems with his short term memory, aphasia - which means he uses the wrong word for something, and other cognitive difficulties.
Recovering from a stroke can take a long time, many months or even years, and in some cases a full recovery is not possible.
This is because a brain injury has been sustained, that will never heal, the damage is done, but new neural pathways in the brain can help a sufferer recover, if the damage is not too severe.
Many stroke victims can experience changes in their personality, mood swings, irritability and depression, they can also get post stroke fatigue which is a kind of exhaustion we can’t even comprehend, my husband might go for an assisted walk to the park in the morning, then need to sleep for most of the next two days.
He also takes an anti depressant every day or he becomes very depressed and says he wishes he had died. This is not uncommon. Obviously the behaviour of a loved one after a stroke can be challenging but the stroke association and charities like Headway and others linked to brain injuries can help with information and advice.
I hope this is helpful to anyone with a loved one who has suffered a stroke.

Just checking how your husband is now Gingster.

Gingster

Oh Primrose I’m so sorry you and your dh are struggling with this horrid condition. You must be exhausted!

I feel rather ashamed of myself moaning, as my Dh hasn’t been so badly affected but it’s still sad to see.

I do hope you have support and help. Try to get out at least once a week for enjoyment not just for shopping.

Prayers and thoughts winging your way. 🪽.

Thanks for everyone who took the trouble to reply.
And good wishes for all of you going through life with ‘stroke’ effects overshadowing you. 🙏

Please don’t feel ashamed Gingster . All strokes are awful.

Oh Primrose I’m so sorry you and your dh are struggling with this horrid condition. You must be exhausted!

I feel rather ashamed of myself moaning, as my Dh hasn’t been so badly affected but it’s still sad to see.

I do hope you have support and help. Try to get out at least once a week for enjoyment not just for shopping.

Prayers and thoughts winging your way. 🪽.

Thanks for everyone who took the trouble to reply.
And good wishes for all of you going through life with ‘stroke’ effects overshadowing you. 🙏

I would see if he can have some anti depressants, just mild ones. It could be a whole lot worse!

My husband had a severe stroke 8 months ago and is still very badly affected. He is still in a wheelchair and sleeping downstairs in a hospital bed. His right arm and leg are useless and he is right handed so he is very limited in what he can do with just his left hand. His speech is badly affected, he has been very depressed as he was so active before. He has also been suicidal so I have been told to hide sharp objects and medicines and I cannot leave him unattended although I have just started going out once a week to do the grocery shop.

Both his eyesight and hearing on that side are affected. He needs help with everything - going to the loo, showering, cutting up food, dressing, in/out of car, even pulling pants up.

He had 12 weeks therapy from the stroke unit. We got an extra 6 weeks (should have been 6) because the therapy in the unit was virtually non existent due to staff shortages. We now get one session a week for 6 weeks from the community team but she is often off sick or on “annual leave” so it’s very patchy and time is nearly up.

I take him to a gym for stroke exercise once a week which we pay for and he enjoys. We also pay for him to see a private therapist.

Hope your husband turns the corner soon.

Sometimes people didn’t understand having a stroke can be so exhausting it’s not just feeling tired but feeling great fatigue so great you just can’t be bothered and there’s no use saying cmon get on with it, that’s so cruel, I had the best physio ever she really helped me. Thank goodness for the nhs here in Fife I’ve had the best care you can ever have

I’m into 5 yrs of stroke recovery I’ve recovered very well only my left side isn’t functioning however I’ve learned to walk with a walking stick. Grit and determination as well as my family and friends support has seen me through these awful times

Glad you cleared up about the family as it sounded as if was only you that’s much better
So I think carry on what you’re all doing an outing here or there include him wherever you can he may be depressed knowing he s no longer his former self I think men can go downhill when they lose their strength women tend to claw their way back and I m not being sexist

I remember when my eldest was working in a big hospital in London she told me she would much rather nurse men than women because the men just did whatever you wanted them to do, where as the women wanted to tell you how to look after them and how to do it I think that’s exactly how it is in life men who can’t be active for whatever reason kind of sit back and let you get on with it whereas most women will fight to get their old ways back
4 months is very early days he’s not got over the shock of it all and the life changes yet

I experienced a TIA during open heart surgery in 2022 but this was only identified via an eye test a year later and confirmed by a brain scan. That explained why I’d been lethargic and depressed following the surgery which wasn’t the expected outcome based on the experience of others.

Since then I’ve enjoyed being part of a weekly online meeting of a Stroke Survivors' Café. Here is the link:

bit.ly/StrokeCafe

It’s available on Zoom every Thursday from 1.00 - 3.00 pm and you can dip in and out as you choose. I have learned a lot from it, not least how brave others are facing far worse limitations on their activities than I have.

Hope that helps.