DH Forgetfulness/Dement ia ?

Needs a check up with GP inc hearing.

I going through similar with my DH, although when he cooked toad in the hole, he gorgotbthe sausages completely. We've been to the memory clinic (waited 5 months) and now waiting for a CT scan in November. Its a blimmin nightmare

Getting older is no fun is it. So sorry to hear your stories shelflife and Babs. My dad suffered a bad stroke aged 55 he never was the same, he lost his speech which never came back, so sad. He lived like that for 25 years, he was happy in his own way, but it was very difficult for my mum and me being an only child.
I think this is why it scares me so much, to see my DH struggling. Non of us know what lies ahead thank goodness, but I’ll help him as best I can and try and enjoy what we have at the moment 🤞

kittylester

Caleo

Does your husband gesticulate instead of using the appropriate word- common words such as 'gloves' or 'fridge' ?
I am not asking with a view to explaining dementia, but with a view to suggesting laziness , or trendy vagueness.

I do that!! I think it can come with age and when there is a lot on your mind.

Thanks Kittylester

I can relate to what you just said Shelflife, I now care for my DH who has a stroke and bleeds on the brain, his behaviour is very similar to someone with dementia. Getting cross is something I try not to do but sometimes he can be very challenging and I might snap at him though I try to just leave the room. He has aphasia which is similar to those with dementia inasmuch as he can’t remember the right words so will say ‘school’ instead of hospital etc., and his memory both short term and long term is not great. Sadly after 47 years of marriage he can’t remember our wedding day or when the children were born, though with dementia I believe they hold onto these memories whilst losing short term memory.
Is so hard but whilst he is still here with me we can enjoy small joys, is a question of counting blessings, at least his mobility is improving.

Another of our mantras is 'We are all human'.

As Shelflife says.

Erica. I know how upset and worried you are! I also recognise how bad you feel when you are short tempered. Like kittylester I have had many many years experience with the Alzheimers Society
Woking as a volunteer - befriending carers , raising awareness, helping at dementia cafes. I thought I had a sound understanding of dementia! However I now have a clearer understanding of how complex the condition is. Don't beat yourself up about being short tempered- you are angry and cross this is happening to both of you. I was also scared, I could not believe my DH of 50 years was at times so irrational . My man who could always be relied on was no longer my ' strength and stay' it's frightening!!
Even though my husband has been diagnosed I think friends and family find it hard to believe because he is still very good at small talk - surface chit chat. He can talk about the garden or the weather but conversation that demands more cognitive thinking is difficult for him. My sister will say " F is on top form today " but I know he is not! Short term memory is shot, is unable to remember where or why we are going out! His brain makes up stories to try and fill in the gaps it's called confabulation. He is not deliberately telling lies he is trying to make sense of a story that he only half understands. The problem is the story sounds perfectly plausible!!
I too am a good few years younger than my husband- thankfully for him!!
I can relate to your DH being quiet when you are out , my DH is the same - unable to pass an opinion on a play we have seen - because I know he has no idea of the story line.
Please remember you are not imagining things . It is so very difficult to believe things are happening because we have become so familiar with being able to rely and trust on our partners .
I sincerely hope there is a sound reason other than dementia that will explain what is happening. Do write things down, do try and see your GP and do keep posting on GN and most if all do not feel guilty if you feel cross with your
DH. 💐💐

Caleo

Does your husband gesticulate instead of using the appropriate word- common words such as 'gloves' or 'fridge' ?
I am not asking with a view to explaining dementia, but with a view to suggesting laziness , or trendy vagueness.

I do that!! I think it can come with age and when there is a lot on your mind.

Correction - do write things down

Erica23

Kittylester. This is the reason it’s so difficult to see what’s happening. Sometimes I think I’m imagining it. Some things that are happening are just an exaggeration of his personality.
He’s never been good at finding his way, but then neither have I. He’s always been anxious and quiet in company, thats becoming worse, might be a loss of confidence, but that can also come with getting older.
I’m going to start with writing things down as they happen, for a while see how we get on.

Is so hard I know. My DH doesn’t have dementia but has suffered brain injuries due to a stroke and bleeds on the brain. I have to always be alert to his behaviour to see if he is showing signs of another bleed, I keep a diary which is useful so do write things then, the medical profession want clinical signs of dementia so your diary will be useful.
Am wondering if your DH repeats something he recently said, this repetition was something my mum started doing just before a diagnosis of dementia. She also would do things impulsively at the wrong time of the day, start making dinner just an hour or so after lunch etc.
But your DH may not be suffering from dementia at all and in this case when you read back your diary you might see that there are no patterns of behaviour that suggest this.
I wish you all the best, must be a worry 🌹🙏🏾

Kittylester, if you read my above, please comment.

Does your husband gesticulate instead of using the appropriate word- common words such as 'gloves' or 'fridge' ?
I am not asking with a view to explaining dementia, but with a view to suggesting laziness , or trendy vagueness.

Erica23

Kittylester. This is the reason it’s so difficult to see what’s happening. Sometimes I think I’m imagining it. Some things that are happening are just an exaggeration of his personality.
He’s never been good at finding his way, but then neither have I. He’s always been anxious and quiet in company, thats becoming worse, might be a loss of confidence, but that can also come with getting older.
I’m going to start with writing things down as they happen, for a while see how we get on.

Also, infections can cause confusion in older people - particularly bladder infections.

It is hard.

I am by no means an expert but have been doing these courses for a long time so feel free to message me if it helps.

J52

Might be worth having his hearing checked as well.

Yes absolutely - my DH will not wear his hearing aids and also simply does not listen!

I think it may just be general anxiety tbh.As said already, a further loss of confidence due to age, and as testosterone decreases for men.
I think that keeping a discreet list of things is a good idea just in case.
Men don’t always pay attention to things wives/ partners say so he could have thought it helpful to cook the sausages.Does he cook many meals usually?
It doesn’t sound worrying to me.

Kittylester. This is the reason it’s so difficult to see what’s happening. Sometimes I think I’m imagining it. Some things that are happening are just an exaggeration of his personality.
He’s never been good at finding his way, but then neither have I. He’s always been anxious and quiet in company, thats becoming worse, might be a loss of confidence, but that can also come with getting older.
I’m going to start with writing things down as they happen, for a while see how we get on.

There is a lot of generalisation on this thread.

I help deliver Carer courses for people caring for love ones living with dementia - one of our mantras is 'If you have met one person with dementia, you have met one person with dementia' No two 'journeys' are the same.

Usually the confidence goes first. You mentioned his driving, following directions.
Has he become clingy? Quiet perhaps That could be another sign.
Like other ops I would get him to the Gps, as there are meds to slow down decline.
Gosh I could be describing myself 😳

Thank you shelflife. You’re so right about second guessing myself, sometimes I think it’s me, I’m short tempered these days and have little patience. I’m a few years younger than him and I’m finding him very slow these days too.
If I mention it to friends and family they laugh. no one has taken me seriously yet, so thank you for the offer to pm you.
I’ll try the Dr. He has an operation next week for his shoulder, so he might have to visit more anyway. If only he’d realise I’m trying to help him.

Not suggesting discussing the husband with the GP- that would be patient confidentiality- but to pass on any concerns. A letter might also work.

I can fully understand ! My DH has Alzheimers Disese and what you describe sounds very familiar. My DHs symptoms were there long before his diagnosis. It's the little things I noticed , things no one else witnessed! To my surprise my husband made an appointment to see the GP and things moved on from there. In your position I would voice my thoughts to your GP. He may call your husband in for a check up.
When I knew things were not right with my DH I persuaded him that we should take out POA. We did this before his diagnosis . I am listed to act for him and he for me ( although he does' nt seem to realise that now he will not be able to make decisions about my financial or health welfare) our children are down as replacement attorneys)
I hope speaking to your GP goes smoothly. It will depend on the GP , he / she may refuse to act if you don't have POA - Patient confidentiality!!
Poor navigation skills when driving are common with people who have dementia, so yes that rings bells for me.
Take a day at a time, make notes of little things you notice that are just not ' right ' or out of character for your husband . That way you will be sure you are not imagining it! It is very easy to second guess yourself and think ' have I got that right ? Did that really happen ' Please try and see your GP., your DH will not know you have been! It is very difficult to do these things as you will feel disloyal! But needs must sometimes. Good luck and keep posting . PM me if you think that may help. Always a good
' listener' .

My husband (67) probably wouldn't remember what time I'd got an appointment, now about putting the oven on, unless I left a written note. He hasn't got dementia or anything.

However, if your husband is finding it difficult to follow a satnav's directions and gets lost when driving, I think that's a cause for concern.

Good point js2 He’s such a proud stubborn man, there can’t possibly be anything wrong with him. Very frustrating !

Might be worth having his hearing checked as well.

Thank you. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do that. He won’t be due his annual check up until next August though so I’m not sure how I’d do it. He hates going to the Dr as it is.