DH Forgetfulness/Dement ia ?

I agree with others that it would seem a good idea to keep a diary for a while. Then you can look at the patterns and see if such things as perhaps physical illness such as flu or infections seem to make a difference to the amount he is forgetting. Naturally once something like this gets in your mind it is difficult to stand back and look at something in a measured way. Also if you try to just do this in a steady way for a time you will then be able to see if the situation ebbs and flows or remains static. Then you will also have a clear picture if you do feel the need to contact the doctor, and be able to show the ups and downs. If he is aware of the situation, he must be feeling very worried and scared. this in turn means that he will be putting a lot of effort into disguising what is happening, which of course is a strain and can make things worse and he will be trying to keep his guard up all the time. If he can be persuaded to seek some help from the doctors , then as others have said , there is at least some treatment I understand that at least will slow down the progress, so that it is a possible positive help for him. Know that you are doing it for him because you love and care for him, however much he dismisses you or gets annoyed. I hope you have a close friend or relative that you can confide in and to be a support for you yourself in this difficult situation, but know that you are right to check this out. No one else is living your life and you have the deepest knowledge of what is normal for yourselves. You are trying to help him and please feel that all of us here on GN are available to be what little support we can and at least give you somewhere you can write your feelings and concerns, where you will not be dismissed and we are here for whenever you need to let us know how things are going for you. Wishing you all the best

Nicolenet

It sounds like you both have dementia. Best of luck.

Um ....what on earth! Dear me!

Shelflife

Some confusion here!! I can assure everyone I do not have dementia - as far as I know !🤣

Oh great to hear 😅

Some confusion here!! I can assure everyone I do not have dementia - as far as I know !🤣

Erica23

Mt61 Yes you’re right, I’m the only one that can see what’s happening, he’s always been a square peg in a round hole ! Likes to think he’s one of a kind which of course he is, I think that’s why everyone finds it funny.
Sorry to hear about your struggles, I had the same with my mum.Its all a thankless task especially with the NHS being as it is.

I do hope you have family to muck in if it is the case of him having Alzheimer’s.
You are going to need all the support you can get.
Good luck 🫂

Nicolenet

It sounds like you both have dementia. Best of luck.

Who shelflife?

Absolutely true what you say babs03, plus 25% off council tax, providing this government don’t knock it on the head.

It sounds like you both have dementia. Best of luck.

Oh Glammargran , I know exactly how you feel. So many of us in this dire situation , some with a diagnosis others without. The situation with the prawns is familiar. My husband will open the fridge door after I have told him there is beef /chicken there for him to make a sandwich . I place the meat on the middle shelf on his eye line and he stands there unable to locate it ! Please keep asking for a diagnosis, we were lucky as it was a speedy and efficient process for us. I guess it depends on your GP and unfortunately not all GPs fully understand the complexities of dementia. My husband knows he has Alzheimers Disease but is not acknowledging it - if that makes sense.
He denies he has a problem ! My DH can become very cross and blames me when he fails to comprehend a situation.
When that happens I simply take off and have quiet coffee somewhere ,on my return he has completely forgotten what happened. I know how frightened you are and how lonely it is- no one else sees what you see and that is hard ! I do hope you are able to have time on your own or with friends? I go out alone and my husband is beginning to resent that but I go regardless while I can. I recognise he is feeling vulnerable but I need ' me ' time. Please see your GP and tell him everything including your decision not to have your hip replaced! Do not pull any punches or doubt yourself, if you have a good friend or an adult child ask them to go with you. You and everyone else in this situation are in my thoughts on this lonely journey. 🌸🌸

I know how exhausting and exasperating looking after a loved one with dementia is, my mum had it and now I care for my DH who due to a stroke and other complications is cognitively impaired with impaired vision. In the night he got up three times to tell me that somebody else was in the house. Our daughter and SiL are staying over with our grandson. I told him this many times. Is always worse at night.
But getting a diagnosis in order to get the help and support you need is essential, I qualify for attendance allowance and am getting support from Headway and the Stroke Assoc. Also any meds that can help can only be prescribed after a diagnosis.
Keep going to your docs, keep fighting for a diagnosis and the help you deserve. I have had to fight the system so many times to get the help my DH needs.
All the very best and my heart goes out to all of you.
🙏🏾❤️

kittylester

Sorry, I'll stop now. I do get evangelical about Carers.

Never apologise.
You can’t say it often enough 🥰

Mt61 Yes you’re right, I’m the only one that can see what’s happening, he’s always been a square peg in a round hole ! Likes to think he’s one of a kind which of course he is, I think that’s why everyone finds it funny.
Sorry to hear about your struggles, I had the same with my mum.Its all a thankless task especially with the NHS being as it is.

Mt61

Sorry that was for Erica23

Oh it is you Erica.

Sorry that was for Erica23

Erica23

Getting older is no fun is it. So sorry to hear your stories shelflife and Babs. My dad suffered a bad stroke aged 55 he never was the same, he lost his speech which never came back, so sad. He lived like that for 25 years, he was happy in his own way, but it was very difficult for my mum and me being an only child.
I think this is why it scares me so much, to see my DH struggling. Non of us know what lies ahead thank goodness, but I’ll help him as best I can and try and enjoy what we have at the moment 🤞

You do what you think is best- don’t do what my mum did, was to ignore all the signs.
During those bloody lockdowns, I couldn’t go over my mums door step, as I was looking after my sick mil. My mum kept her worries to herself. Not to burden me.
It was my aunt that picked up on it, whilst they were taking a break after COVID. She said, I don’t think you are going to like what I tell you, but I think——- is starting with dementia.
Of course there was all that buggering about with telephone calls, (still is) instead of face to face appointments.
Eighteen months down the line my mum
Paid for a brain scan- there it was in black & white, Alzheimer’s 😩
People are going to say is he this, that, or the other, but only you know your partner.

Sorry, I'll stop now. I do get evangelical about Carers.

Another thought, glamma is to see the GP yourself and explain how his behaviour is impacting your health. And feel free to cry - don't put a brave face on it.

Thank you Kitty

glammagran. I’m so sorry. your DH sounds awful to be honest, his comment about your mums dementia is horrible. Very upsetting and those words will stick with you forever.
Others on this thread have been very helpful suggesting where to get help, please look after yourself.

Would your DH visit the Dr again, maybe anti depressants may help. As for the memory test your Dr did I’m sure, when my mum had dementia in her eighties she would have been able to answer those questions too. Your GP sounds hopeless. Could you visit a different one in your practice.
I really hope you reconsider and get your hip sorted, you should be entitled to some help from social services after your op 🤞 I know my mum had enablement carers after her hip replacement they came several times a day until they were sure she’d be okay.
The very best of luck to you

Hlammagran You urgently need to speak again to the GO listing all "events". Also Alzheimers Society and Dementia Cars. Plus look for local facilities around your area maybe. If he is scaring you act now please; dont wait as sadly things will get worse. I am so sorry you are in this difficult situation. 💐

Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline - Dementia UK share.google/K8cz2MlCEqaIvnoeA

Glamma (and people in a similar situation) i would recommend talking to the Admiral Nurses helpline. They are really good at signposting.

Or the Alzheimer's Society or AgeUk.

And try talking to your husband's GP again. Something is not right.

All: It's good to know that I am not alone. Thank you for listening and sharing.

My life today.

Missed his blood test appt - he hadn’t even put it into his calendar.

Put the dishwasher on overnight even though it only had a few items in it.

Prawn stirfry for dinner. Having cooked all week, DH said he would. He deveined some raw prawns for stirfry. Everything was cooked absolutely fine by him. But no prawns in it. He didn’t “see them” directly in front of him on the worktop.

Ring file in which he’d filed the recipe I’d requested and he filed last night was left open and when I picked it up its very large contents fell out.

Weird humming noise coming from the kitchen freezer he said. I identified noise immediately from the study. Laminator left on as I’d requested a recipe yesterday to file. On 28 hours and very hot and making a very loud noise.

I’m living with a toddler! If I sound unsympathetic, when my mother died in 2015 from vascular dementia he moaned in a restaurant shortly after she’d died, telling a large family group he would probably get the same with me and he would be “stuck”. Looking back today, Wow! He has also become highly aggressive and tells me constantly I am gaslighting him about his cognitive problems.

He did actually go to his GP last year at my insistence and was asked who is the current monarch, the pm and when the 2nd WW2 ended and unsurprisingly, answered all correctly. He was very triumphant and said he was totally vindicated.

For myself, I’ve turned down a hip replacement as there is no way he could look after me.

He is starting to scare me.

Thank-you kittylester. Like you I have had experience of dementia through the Alzheimers Society. I am now on the other side of the fence! I try hard to practice the appropriate methods of dealing with this situation- I know what I should do but because this is my DH and I so much want this not to be happening I must be honest and say I find it very difficult at times! Our lives are now on a different path and I am learning to accept that. We have been married for 51 years so acknowledging the changes in my man is not a lesson that is easily learnt - but I am getting there !