Autism/ADHD

TheHappyGardener

Crasymum1561

Someone once explained to me me that ADHD. Stood for Absence of Dad's Hand on Derriere (?)

I also do think soft parenting (or lazy parenting!) has played a part.

Autism is a result of the brain being wired differently during development in the womb therefore that brain works differently. Absolutely rubbish to blame soft parenting. Read some research!

I shouldn’t have let myself get personal like DasyAnne did.

I didn’t need to copy that behaviour 😳

mrsgreenfingers56

I am struggling to understand why so many children are being diagnosed with Autism and ADHD.

Do you think this has always existed but we didn't really understand what it was and when I think back some children were called very naughty or backward and they had these two conditions.

Someone said to me poor parenting and the gentle parenting of today, the diets the parents have had, X Boy use. tablet and 'phone use.

Everyone's child I come across has these problems and really puzzling me as to why?

Comments please.

I should be very choosy about who you accuse of being a poor parent! Gentle parenting is a disaster but neither are responsible for autism and ADHD. These children and adults have their brains wired differently to neurotypicals and see the world in their own way. There is nothing wrong with them. It is just the way they are. Better diagnosis is the reason for the increase and not everyone's child has these issues! Maybe a programme educating people about those with forms of autism is the way to go for better understanding and acceptance of them.

DaisyAnneReturns

GrannyGravy13

Lathyrus3 what on earth makes you think that people are proud of labels that mark them or their children out as different from the crowd

It is emotionally draining for all members of the family with a child or adult with neurodiversity.

Have you had to suffer the glares from fellow diners when you have a young child sitting under the table with noise cancelling headphones on, or with an iPad in front of them throughout the meal. Both these examples are coping mechanisms y the way, not just lazy parenting.

It's the Dunning-Kruger effect GrannyGravy13

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias in which people wrongly overestimate their knowledge or ability in a specific area. This tends to occur because a lack of self-awareness prevents them from accurately assessing their own skills.

Oh my gosh. Does that mean I’m neuro diverse.

Because I think differently to you?

Or is it you that’s got the Dunning-Kruger effect?

Where you think you know it all🤣🤣🤣

Crasymum1561

Someone once explained to me me that ADHD. Stood for Absence of Dad's Hand on Derriere (?)

I also do think soft parenting (or lazy parenting!) has played a part.

GrannyGravy13

Lathyrus3 what on earth makes you think that people are proud of labels that mark them or their children out as different from the crowd

It is emotionally draining for all members of the family with a child or adult with neurodiversity.

Have you had to suffer the glares from fellow diners when you have a young child sitting under the table with noise cancelling headphones on, or with an iPad in front of them throughout the meal. Both these examples are coping mechanisms y the way, not just lazy parenting.

It's the Dunning-Kruger effect GrannyGravy13

The Dunning-Kruger Effect is a cognitive bias in which people wrongly overestimate their knowledge or ability in a specific area. This tends to occur because a lack of self-awareness prevents them from accurately assessing their own skills.

Septimia

I appreciate what you're saying Nandalot and I'm pleased that your DD is getting the help she needs for her son.

However, my DiL is a teacher and feels that some children - including those of friends - are being labelled unnecessarily (because of behaviour that is difficult for other reasons) in the hope that they'll at least get the minimum £29 or so. If this is happening, then it's not fair on those families that genuinely need the help.

I think that you will find that not many teachers will agree completely with your DIL. Many struggle with some children in their classes who have even "mild" autism and ADHD because they are more demanding on their time than the average child. If the children have a diagnosis the school would normally get extra money for help in the classroom which helps everybody.
I do agree that some might be looking for a little extra cash to help out the family budget. However it isn't that easy to get a diagnosis and even less easy to get extra cash.
Two of my children have recently been diagnosed as adults and one in particular, who is ND, would have benefitted from being diagnosed as a child - sadly not so much was known about it then, and he had a pretty lonely time at school.

Septima, DLA/pip awards are given on the basis of the need for help beyond what a 'normal' child/adult requires, it's not given for a diagnosis.

My grandson has been diagnosed with autism. He is highly intelligent and mostly well behaved. However he does think ‘differently’ to his brother and sister. The specialist says that it is highly possible that his autism will be to his advantage in adult life.

my grandson is autistic, he was diagnosed younger than most kids, he was only 3, he was non verbal, he is now 7 and starting to learn a few words, he goes to school with 6 other children in the class, i am the type of person than gives hugs, sometimes he does other times he blows me a kiss, shopping centres and crowded places can be difficult, his mum and dad knew he was different, he is a bright and funny little boy but he is different and that is fine. when i was at school in the 70s some children did not come back to school the next year, when we met up again they told us they now go to a special school, probably some of those kids had ADHD and autism, my half sister has just been diagnosed with aspergers (now called autism spectrum disorder) and she is 37.

Siptree

Having been working in a nursery I see how many parents try to get diagnosis of these conditions. It can excuse bad behaviour/parenting and bring in cash. Often the staff who know the children well don't believe the children are autistic or have ADHD but they still get a diagnosis. Going back to my days at Primary school in the 60s there were only a couple of children who were deemed slow learners and out of a class of 30 at least 8 passed the 11 plus, with no extra help in an inner city deprived area. I think the reasons for the rise in numbers of these conditions is many fold. Poor diet, poor parenting, financial incentive and better recognition of some conditions, even a strange kind of 'fashio'.

Oh dear oh dear 🙄……. A lot of children on the spectrum are able to hold it together at school but fall apart when they get home.
My six year old grandson obviously has ADHD. He’s had the same teacher for the past two years. The teacher says hmmmm yes he does seem to struggle a bit with friendships and focusing on his work.
She’s absolutely lovely but doesn’t have a clue and has 30 other children to worry about out - my DIL thinks it might just be dawning on her too.

For those saying it's parenting, I have three children, I've parented them all the same, but only one of then has ADHD/autism. My eldest DD has two children, again, parented the same, only one is autistic.

As for those saying it's because of the massive amounts of money paid in disability benefits, please educate yourselves! It takes a lot more than diagnosis to get these benefits, they're not just handed out for the GP saying "Oh, your child has ADHD". There has to be a significant impact on daily life on the majority of days PROVEN before a penny is paid out.

I really do think it is down to more knowledge and there is still a long way to go with this, especially for girls.

Diagnosis itself is still not easy to come by though. You either go through the GP and get referred to CAHMS, which, basically, unless the child is suicidal and prepared to tell them that,don't want to know/haven't got the capacity to deal with... or you go through the school. Going through the school is hard, as in my experience, which is with girls, the kids mask well at school, so school don't see it. Then you get to see a psychiatrist.... then there's the seemingly endless forms. Finally, months later, there may be a diagnosis.

THEN you get to filling in the forms for DLA. The highest rate is £187.45 a week but an autism or ADHD diagnosis is unlikely to get that rate,that's for people who can barely move.

More likely is the minimum which is just under £30 a week. That would barely cover the cost of the jumpers my DD has to replace frequently as my GDD chews the sleeves in anxiety. It certainly doesn't cover the hours taken off work to go to yet another meeting at school to discuss issues that seem to be ongoing. It doesn't cover what some would call bribes but what the professionals involved in my GDDs life call rewards for basic things, like going in to school without fuss, or managing a whole day in class (but it's ok,at this point, she rarely manages to achieve these things).

One thing I do know for certain, there is not a parent on this earth who would say I'll keep the money and let my child continue to struggle every day if they were realistically given the choice to swap the problems their child has for a "normal" child with no issues and no DLA!

Siptree

Having been working in a nursery I see how many parents try to get diagnosis of these conditions. It can excuse bad behaviour/parenting and bring in cash. Often the staff who know the children well don't believe the children are autistic or have ADHD but they still get a diagnosis. Going back to my days at Primary school in the 60s there were only a couple of children who were deemed slow learners and out of a class of 30 at least 8 passed the 11 plus, with no extra help in an inner city deprived area. I think the reasons for the rise in numbers of these conditions is many fold. Poor diet, poor parenting, financial incentive and better recognition of some conditions, even a strange kind of 'fashio'.

I agree with your comments siptree and my grandchildren who have no ‘additional’ needs and, as such, almost seem to be in the minority in their primary school classes, are bearing the brunt of having their learning constantly disrupted by those who do!! Special schools and units need to be reinstated as a matter of urgency in my opinion.

GrannyGravy13

It is an extremely difficult and long process to get a diagnosis of ADHD, ADD or autism.

If you have a family member with one of these conditions you will know how hard it can be for the rest of the family.

You cannot have a child labelled ^just for the money^

I could not agree more.

Benefits available £££

Septimia

I appreciate what you're saying Nandalot and I'm pleased that your DD is getting the help she needs for her son.

However, my DiL is a teacher and feels that some children - including those of friends - are being labelled unnecessarily (because of behaviour that is difficult for other reasons) in the hope that they'll at least get the minimum £29 or so. If this is happening, then it's not fair on those families that genuinely need the help.

Teachers are not qualified to diagnose ADHD or Autism. They may well experienced certain behaviours linked to the above or not. There are also certain biases that may well come into the equation.
I certainly wouldn't want a friend or teacher who questions the professionalism of those qualified to make the diagnosis.

It depends on how young the child was who sat beneath a table wearing ear-defenders, bu to me that signals a child very disturbed by the environment and clearly not ready to be there.
Children are taken very early into adult environments, some too soon to be able to cope, and are not happy. Plenty of time later to join in adult events.
I remember Prince Louis' behaviour at the Platinum (?) Jubilee, and a thread dominated by someone who kept insisting he should be 'lammied' ,I think was the expression used; her parents apparently wouldn't have tolerated it.

What a load of nonsense! It took 4 years of assessments before my grandson was diagnosed with autism and it wasn’t for money, it was to get him the right help!
He is now in a “special” school as mainstream was no good for him!

Three of my grandchildren have autism and ADHD. It's very real. It sickens me to hear people here dismiss it as fashion or for benefits. Shame on you.

Margiknot
Thank you for your interesting and considered
contributions to this discussion.

My daughter is a reception teacher and out of 30 children in the class 10 are classed as needing extra support . That is a high percentage . Other schools she speaks to say the numbers are increasing year on year

Having been working in a nursery I see how many parents try to get diagnosis of these conditions. It can excuse bad behaviour/parenting and bring in cash. Often the staff who know the children well don't believe the children are autistic or have ADHD but they still get a diagnosis. Going back to my days at Primary school in the 60s there were only a couple of children who were deemed slow learners and out of a class of 30 at least 8 passed the 11 plus, with no extra help in an inner city deprived area. I think the reasons for the rise in numbers of these conditions is many fold. Poor diet, poor parenting, financial incentive and better recognition of some conditions, even a strange kind of 'fashio'.

Crasymum1561

Someone once explained to me me that ADHD. Stood for Absence of Dad's Hand on Derriere (?)

That someone was ignorant in my opinion!

Isn’t it so that the older you get you realise the less you know.
I know I have a degree of add and would have thrived had I been diagnosed and treated as a child. At close to 70 I manage without burnout but I am well aware life could have been so much simpler.

My grandson has anxiety and ADHD, I think that for some age groups covid and lockdown made things much worse in terms of mental health. He was 5 when the pandemic started, so should have been just getting involved in school, learning and socialization, but the constant upset of school sometime and not other times, not seeing the rest of his family the way he was used to really put him back and affected his mental health.