Black Dogs 29

Wyllow I don’t understand how those in charge can let the situation in your worship meeting continue..it’s meant to be a place of peace and how can it be with these tensions in the background. It’s supposed to be your safe space and that has been violated. There are tensions and disagreements in every church but sexual assault is on a different level.
By the way I just found out that the Scottish Lib Dem leader Alec Cole Hamilton is a Quaker. Tempted to vote for them but they have no chance in my area so probably a wasted vote.

Great to see the picture, Purple Pixie. I have a wood like that just 5 mins walk away.

What do you iron, HVDY? My board is only out for the two linen items I own and for sewing. We had to iron our school blouses as a child, and Dad's shirts had to be good (except for that dreadful nylon white shirt phase).

Light mornings don't bother me, I quite like them, I don't like the dark and have a night light on.

I didnt sleep in a good state: yes all I have to somehow bring this MrA business to an end, see how it goes at Quakers today. (MrA not there, but R whom I wrote to might be, and I'd thrown him quite a curve ball by telling him what had actually happened not MrA's version which he had believed)

No sun atm, hope it brightens up.

PurplePixie Great photo. Bluebells are so pretty.

Wyllow3 Jaffa's fine, thanks - nothing stops him eating. I will probably go somewhere else and have some eyebrows pt on - I've got so little in the way of hairs there, and don't want to have to keep pencilling them on. I wake a lot in the night, but can't sleep after about 6, 6.30 now that the mornings are so light (I've got a blind and curtains in the bedroom). I'm the same on holiday (but a few drinks at night might help). DH has always been able to fix cars. He's stripped engines, etc. He lets the garage do ours these days, but Son1 wants to learn things as garages charge a lot.

Not a lot happening today. I really ought to tackle this pile of ironing, but don't fancy that. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

What a lovely post as ever for all, Scardeycat.

I like the sounds of most of your busy but nice day. The good bit - your friend. It was truly so desperate and you have seen her through so very much. I’m relieved that, well certainly as yet, the immunotherapy isn’t hitting her like the chemo.
But oh dear re the delivery. No, milk is not enough. I admit that I rarely do a ginormas shop, but sometimes spend more in the smaller Sainsbugs on the way to or from something. I dont mind the lights..but I admit that the Tesco big shops are harder to cope with than the Sainsbugs, its the wider aisles not to mention this and that on offer 23 for two or buy this and get a reduction on that and so on. (So I quite like some shops in my big Sainsbugs, but it does take up energy and if you are short on it….

I will hold you in my mind on Thursday. It’s scary for you (hugs).

HVDY how is Jaffa? I’m glad you got a refund.

Will you go to someone else to have whatever changes they can make.
Now it’s great for GD1 to have you to herself for lunch. Is DH handy on cars? Handy! I hope you sleep better more - how well do you sleep on holiday?
Yes, as I get older, it gets harder to confront the mirror. I use an enlarging mirror for stray hair/eyebrows/skin condition and don’t look at the whole picture, I sort of pretend it’s a map.

The bluebell woods are breathtaking at the moment, Purplepixie. Well done there on the gardening and crocheting. I hope you have a lovely phone call. I will imagine the lovely picture of the woods.

It’s just as well you live in a flat, Doodle, because good garden centres are very dangerous places for a debit card. Do you have a balcony for a few pots, or one of those small ones? Glad the Covid jab is so far, so good. Church tomorrow, I hope it brings some comfort.

Lovely photos, Sweetpeasue I hope the traffic wasn’t too bad but welcome home. It’s not surprising you are tired. Poor DiL, but I’m very glad you called by. You made a difference for her at the right time
Coming back to reality is hard when you’ve had “time out”.
I feel what you both need is better access to telephone help. I’m not sure how that can be arranged. All I can suggest for you now know she is there and your GP can do an urgent referral -

But I suggest when you do see the nurse you ask her about phone lines for help/support. Because there are times when a short call is reassuring - knowing they are there but cant contact them is so difficult to live with.

I know MrA is sort of eating me up. Lots of good thinking done today as I took it easy in the sun then got out to the gym early evening. Well I know why is eating me up: it has challenged some of my most basic feelings about the morality of my worship group and how the values - faith and actual life we are supposed to have - have been challenged. Also my ability to handle anger. How someone who sets themselves up as “good” can self deceive and lie. One expects it in life generally, but…
It’s the idealisation of some values I was brought up with, telling the truth, not hurting others. The irony is that had I reacted according to my internal feelings - as in coming across as crying, vulnerable, wounded telling more people not hiding it from some sort of shame or self protection- would have resulted in better results.

One can be too good at using a strong persona.

On the other hand, the fact - I didn’t give up - its challenging me to grow in some ways. Does one ever stop trying?

Tadah

Doodle Thanks. I'm going to keep washing my eyebrows to try to get them to fade a bit. I feel better today about it all and am going to try to stop over-thinking it all. Oh, I love garden centre lunches. Did you have cake?

SweetpeaSue Thank you. You're so kind. I've never in my life had self-confidence but when I look at old photos I can see that I was slim and decent to look at. I'm so pleased you've both had a nice time away. Such a beautiful place. The weather's due to be good, so you'll be able to do your washing and get ot dry. It was thoughtful of you to call in and give your DIL her card and gift. Hope you and your husband sleep well tonight. It's always good to get back to your own bed.

Been up since 6 (not been sleeping well), so I won't be late to bed. Hope we all have a good rest. x

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We're back home , unpacked and v tired.
Excuse me if I post not quite right- mind isnt working clearly.
HVDY I so feel for you about how the eyebrows job has made you feel as I often/always feel so unhappy and self- conscious about my thinning hair and clearly noticeable scalp. To be absolutely honest I wasnt absolutely honest in my previous post about how they looked in case I might have sounded at all 'dismissive' , but the difference is very slight and I dont think people will notice
at all. Youve been so looking forward to this holiday and the weight youve lost is massive , youve done so well! Its incredible- I wish Id managed to lose before our holiday but Ive not been self- denying as you have so my own fault.
Please, please dont let it spoil it for you. You can change them later on. I really can understand that feeling you describe - I hate looking in the mirror- but you are such a lovely looking lady , you really are.
Hope Jaffa feels better after the tooth removal- aren't vets expensive!
Doodle I live bluebells too. They are starting to come out at the back garden of house we were in but not at full best yet. Love garden centre menus- some food ,right up my street. Well done on the covid jab- I haven't had one this yr as my flu one, last yr, had such a bad impact( never did before) so I thought it was the Fibro that had made things different.Have a nice day at church tomorrow.
Purplepixie Bluebell woods are lovely and I plant up a couple of containers with flowers and always, always trying lobelia ,its beautiful isnt it- What colours did you get ? So nice time have you with us. It took me ages before I managed to post a photo- Im still scared I send the wrong one.
EllieAnne That walk ,where others went too fast, must have been quite a plod- which isnt what enjoyable walks are all about is it. Hope you can find a different and better group.
Scaredycat Glad your friend is a lot brighter now. Must make you so happy for her and be a relief.
Oh no youve had to trailing those supermarket aisles after the mistake. Im sure those bright lights dont help at all.
Im sorry youve got the extra worry of the heart failure on top of the AF. Hoping the result of the echocardiogram isnt too bad but I know its a worry.
Thankyou our holiday was so lovely and the weather back home now is so much colder than on the western side.
Wyllow The angst your having over the fallout of the Mr A assault is just eating you up and the injustice of it all is waring you down so much. I wonder if theres another Quakers group you can go to - I think the other one in town is further away though. On the other hand, why should you have to change - Im just so worried that this is setting you back so much. So glad you called Mind and could talk to someone there.
Its my DILs birthday today- stopped off before we unpacked to give her a card and some money in it but didnt stop as I knew she was going out with a friend. Her first birthday without her dear mum- my son, her DH is working away too. 😌 Its difficult to actually choose presents for people lately I find. Especially young ones.
Yes, home safe and unpacked, so much stuff to take when self catering. Suitcase of meds!

Some tears when I left this morning. Been a good distraction from worries- but back to reality now. DH took mobile phone to bed with him every night in case Cardiac nurse rang back( as shed said she would after talking to Cardiologist) She didnt. A couple of days ago he got a text with another phone appt with the Cardiac nurse- in 6 weeks time! I cant get in touch with her( only know her first name and shes in Rapid Access Chest Clinic which can only be for urgent referral from GP).
Will decide what to do next week.

For now , wishing the beauty and the quiet of some of the scenes from that lovely place.
Hope everyone has a peaceful night. Love to all. Xx

HVDY I know you’re very unhappy with your eyebrows and I can understand that. When you showed us a photo having talked about them I could see they weee uneven but if you hadn’t mentioned them at all I doubt I’d have noticed. I don’t think many people would. Faces are mobile we very seldom study other people’s faces just fleeting glances and whilst I’m sure the lady in the salon did get it wrong I don’t think anyone you encounter would really notice them. Please don’t let it get you down. You’ve done so well with your weight loss. Not that is something people will notice.
Purplepixie I love bluebells. A walk in the bluebell woods sounds lovely. Hope you had a nice day.
Scaredycat I was to,d by a cardiologist that heart failure wasn’t nearly as bad as it sounds. All it meant was that the heart wasn’t functioning as well as it once was but that happens when we get older. Hope your scan goes ok. So kind of you to do your friends shopping. Oops I’ve done that before and ordered my shopping for the wrong week.
Wyllow hope you manage all those birthdays but sounds as though you’ve enjoyed choosing presents. Try and relax this weekend. The weather is lovely. A sit in the garden perhaps?
Sweetpeasue hope you’re home safely and had a lovely time. The photos were so nice.
I’ve had my covid jab today. Ok so far. Went for a nice lunch at a new garden centre.

Sorry, I just can’t get the photo to appear. I’ll try again later.

Try again with the photo.

The bluebell wood today.

Thank you for all of your kind words. I’ve been kept busy today with a lovely walk in a bluebell wood then planted some lobelia in pots. Tidied up the garden and did a bit of a jigsaw. Then back onto the crocheting of a C2C baby stroller for a friend’s granddaughter.
Felt a bit cheer today and my youngest son is phoning son.
Hugs to all.

Wyllow3 That's a lot of birthdays coming up. Teenagers like buying their own things, don't they? We've got GD1 and my friend on the same day in June, then LG 6 days later. Your family members are just a telephone/WhatsApp/Skype away, and you know you can manage the drive, having done it all recently. Don't let the MrA business consume you - you'll make yourself ill, and he certainly isn't worth that.

ScaredyCat The Tesco mix-up made me smile. Easily done - look at me, turning up at the optician's a week early. Hope all goes well with your ECG. Heart failure isn't drastic - my mum had that for 25 years (didn't die of it, by the way). It can be managed with medication.

I saw the eyebrow lady, told her how unhappy I've been. She was very friendly and pleasant (her reputation at stake) and offered to either laser them off at some later stage and redo them I declined both as I don't trust her and told her so. She gave me a full refund - cash. I felt sorry when she told me her little cat had been knocked over and killed near her home. Saw GD1 for a few hours, took her for a pub lunch (the other kids weren't at home), whilst DH helped Son1 to fix something on the car. Hope everyone has been ok today x

Hi all
SweetPeaSue- hope you re home safe and sound.
What a wonderful week you have had. Your photos have been lovely and the sun certainly had his hat on.
You both deserved every lovely moment of it - I couldn’t be more pleased for you and am sure we all feel the same.
You grabbed life with both hands this week and hope it has done you both as much good as it has us reading about it.
Wyllow- I,m glad you were able to divert your troublesome thoughts of Mr A saga to those of your lovely family. That’s a lot of Birthdays.
Yes it would be nice of they were closer but they are only a phone call or FT away. You,ve also managed the drive over to them so that is much progress.
You’re right families do have a long reach - as do all our life experiences. Try not to let that anger and despair wear away at you. My Dad,s life experiences affected his MH very badly- he didn’t share them . You know better .
Your Sis has your back and I,m sure gives you sound advice when she can.
HVDY- poor little Jaffa he has a hard time with the FIV . He couldn’t be in kinder or safer hands than with you .
I feel so cross for you about your eyebrows and how dismissive that practioner sounded. Well done you on sticking up for yourself. Try not to let it spoil your holiday. You could get some snazzy Sunglasses and maybe the sun will lighten them a bit. Once you feel that lovely warmth and see the Sea you,ll feel better. You,ve made a wonderful effort with your weight loss - start planning your outfits that,ll help cheer you up.
Doodle- I get the same as Ellie Anne - I think they are called Ocular migraines. It would be worth mentioning it to your Optician as it could be the same.
Your walking group sounds fun - good idea to stop for lunch afterwards too. When the weather is lovely you don’t want to waste it do you. Chips are one of the biggest temptations known to man!!! But it’s not sensible for places to ready salt them when so many people try to keep salt intake down.
I had a busy but nice day. Did some shopping for my friend and then we dropped it round. She is brighter since the chemo finished and the immunotherapy on its own seems less awful.
We normally have a Tesco delivery for ourselves - I mucked up the order and did it for next week. So I only got milk as that was what I secured the order with!! What a twit - the man said one day he had to deliver just one lemon!!
So we had to do the big shop- I had forgotten how awful I used to feel being in the supermarket for a long time - felt like passing out. It’s the lights. That,ll teach me.
EllieAnne- what a shame your group didn’t materialise. Maybe you could just give the other group a try.
Your poorDGD- what a frightening experience for her . Hopefully it will make her more aware of the dangers of the internet. Those people are despicable.

I have to have an echocardiogram on Thursday. I have signs of heart failure so I have a referral from a blood test taken a couple of weeks ago. Love to all- hope you’re OK PurplePixie.

It's a lovely sunny day.

Last night I reached out to MINDS chatline, Side by Side, and today - GN being down helped egg me on - I have been taking it slowly, the sun streaming in, and facing the 8 family birthdays coming up in the next 5 weeks - gulp, except for one who is a teenager and wants money. I wish they were closer, but thinking about their birthdays and getting it just right especially for DiL and the art keen DGD was an enjoyable challenge.

How are BD's today? safe travel, Sweetpeasue, if you are on your way home.

How are your eyes, Doodle?

Crispy chips are so moreish. I'm glad to hear of your day in the sunshine. with friends.

No, its becomes clearer and clearer there is no established narrative from the Safeguarding team. They most clearly did not give one when they talked to those who look after the meeting.They are hoping my guess is it will resolve itself: they arrived on the scene too late to be able to pick through a coherent narrative. I haven't made it easy for them as I have at times reacted strongly to this or that, but did so on the assumption they knew all.

Mega fed up.

Wyllow3 What does your DocSis think you should do? Jaffa's gums are bright red and must be extremely sore, but he manages to eat 4 meals a day. He's put on weight and is 11.5lbs now.

Doodle Looking online, these eyebrows can be reversed by laser treatment (not until they've healed, in another 6-8wk, or by saline injections, but both are costly and would take several treatments. They won't just fade for about 18 months! I wish we weren't going on holiday, I'm so unhappy. I don't like places to salt chips like that. I never use salt in anything and try not to eat any/much processed stuff because of the salt.

Lost 3.5st now, but this eyebrows thing has depressed me so much, I feel like not bothering any more. Hope everyone has a peaceful night x

Ellie Anne your poor DgD what an awful experience for you. So easily to get conned by people these days. Hope she’s getting the support and help she needs. Thanks for the info about the flashing lights. Not had it again so far.
Some people have happy marriages and some people sadly don’t. Your widowed friends should remember that and if they were one of the lucky ones they should be grateful and not make others uncomfortable. Sorry your walking group didn’t take off. Try looking for another. Sometimes we have to keep searching till the right thing comes along.
HVDY what can be done about your eyebrows? Do you have to wait till they grow again? Poor Jaffa shame he has all this to go through but lucky Jaffa to have been taken in by you. Just think how bad things would be for him if he hadn’t been
Oh dear Wyllow will this nightmare never end for you.
Has there been no official communication to the group from the safeguarding team that explains the situation correctly.
Sweetpeasue after all you’ve been through, you and your DH deserve a rest and what a beautiful place you’ve chosen
How lovely. Hope the weather stays good for you.
Scaredycat I went out with our walking group this morning and had a lovely time. We got back and sat outside in the sunshine and had coffee and chatted. My friend and I then decided to stay of for lunch. I had a huge plate of chips. Lovely but I regret it now as they arrived pre salted. They were delicious and I ate most of them. So much for the diet. Salt makes me retain fluid too so I’m extra puffy now. Hope you’ve had a good day.

Poor Jaffa, HVDY. You have been so wonderful for him and with him.

The danger for me with those extreme bouts of anger is that I turn it very quickly into despair. I spoke to my sis about what to do practically, but it's bad news: those I thought were fully informed and supportive, turn out to have different ideas.

It was clear in nice R's mail that he saw it as a MH thing. As in "poor Wyllow". And if he was that short of accurate information, I know some others will be too. MrA has had a long reach.

And its a classic case of a very well respected man who has done all these good things in his public life and a reputation to go with, liked by many who just don't know me at all, behaving differently in personal life to the extent he did.

I know from one trustworthy person for example his marriage was not a good one for his wife: I know that not all are taken in by him, but enough to make it hard for me locally.

It brings to mind my Ex, who of course coursed me quite a lot of grief, although I always have been able to understand his severe MH element. But his Dad was like that: "hail fellow well met" to the world, but a total swine at home to his wife and Ex a lot of the time.

After he died his two sons went through his personal stuff before his wife did: they uncovered an affair conducted when he was still at work with a much younger (but mature) student.

Families have a long reach, as some BD's know very well, and others on other threads who allude to it.

Jaffa was at the vet's this morning - the usual Gingivitis (extremely inflamed and infected gums), and a rotten tooth that will need to be taken out. All due to the FIV. Poor boy. He's got antibiotics and painkillers. £210. It'll be about £450 to extract his tooth under anaesthetic, next week. He's such a gentle little cat.

SweetpeaSue You're right, it's noticeable front-facing (so it's obvious to anyone who sees me). The woman has been friendly since I put the post on Facebook. I will be taking action. What a thoroughly beautiful place you're holidaying at. Such lovely weather, too.

Churning with anger? Seething with anger?

I’m actually turning with anger not knowing yet what to do with it. Because my well meaning approach for friendly chat with Quaker R as I mentioned above revealed ( by his initial email response thatMrA lied seriously: that he had no idea Vv significant QuakerD had told me I was making it up, ( and I have good reason to think suggested or hinted this to others) making the gaslighting far far worse: that Safeguarding had not put right the impression that I contacted the police before trying them.. and more:

Yes I have emailed them back, it it just breaks open my confidence that I have been accurately and adequately heard by those who matter and are the movers and shakers, and I really don’t k ow what to do.

Ice R isn’t one to make a fuss: and it’s put him in conflict as he is long term friendly in a sort of blokes talking religion or male stuff.

What do I do?

Thanks * Wyllow* Oh 7am is really early for me too- I couldn't eat breakfast then and often miss it. Hope you have a good day whatever you decide.

Have escaped it was only an hour in the hospital… straight to a Starbucks for one of their porridge breakfasts … getting up at 7 is a r era al struggle. ( night meds take time to wake up from and got up too late for breakfast.

But it is a lovely day here so trying to decide how to best enjoy when I’m tired.