Black Dogs 29

Yes you got it Doodle tho remember my own "leaders" include D who tore a strip off me but that has sort of has come back to bite?
So yes it is very much up to Safeguarders which feels at at last some progress - and they also must be aware that had they really believed me/taken it seriously well it might never have come to this. But truly it has set me back a long way and that man is not going to get off the hook.

I was naive thinking cos he was a Quaker he would want to "own it" and other Quakers would believe me but it is so classic a sort of the nastier misogyny - ie powerful, charming but failing male acts out a fantasy and expects to get away with it to the extent they convince themselves and some others its "poor little me" "she exaggerated/made it up it was just a hug".

Stats show exactly that, time and time again, BD's.

Oh my, you are well out of being at the town centre, Doodle if I am not mistaken it is being "commuter belted", and flats like that generally mean "young professionals". (My city centre has canal/riverside central town flats but not many as they only feed our own moderate size city is all.) My that was a bad mistake re the hospital meds! They will really be on the alert on that ward he could have kicked off to the press.

Are there nice out of town retail parks and other parks? I do think living by water is a good choice tho. Something about it. (note to self for a shady river walk except all get the same idea at weekends 🤔)

Yes HVDY you must be careful now with the bending down cleaning. Now a little kick up your DH's bum for that bit?
Now its so light in the morning it's an easy mistake to make that early but I'm glad you were able to get a bit more sleep. Jaffa is naughty.
There is lots of gluten free stuff now, the bread can be a bit boring but there is some nice stuff but ££££. I'm laying off it a bit, no need for a ban here is just helping is all, and have increased my potato intake.

But best of all Son has had the wake up call and is responding and taking responsibility..

Now dear PurplePixie
you say, "I should be happy but I’m not*. This is a "beat yourself up depressive putting self down thing"

" Shoulds" of this sort are rarely benign. I'm glad you are going to see your friend, have good old natter with her and a think, away from DH.

Other BD's have said all that I would re anti depressants, which is we will always support you whatever

but let me ask you
what is wrong with being dependent on a drug that is life changing? Or giving it say a 4 month try? (it would need that long to judge imo?)

Today was mainly a good one for me. I have been better at parking thoughts aside despite wobbles and it was nice at the gym socially and then a Costa. And trying to get together ways to see my family more ie focusing on that not the usual (tho always welcome feedback here of course)

You are as ever lovely with all Scaredycat, but how has today been for you (except perhaps very hot and cats lying about somewhere cool).

Wyllow Thankyou for the Vaughn Williams piece- it was just what I needed.
HVDY Hope your son is able to adjust to the gluten free diet - that must be hard for a young lad ( I still call mine young lads) to change. Glad your Gynae appt has come through - youll be glad to get that over with.
Doodle What you say is so true. When my DH was in hospital a nurse came round and said here's your inhaler. He said I dont have one. She insisted it was his. He said Well I didnt need an inhaler when I came in! It was meant for a man 2 beds up. I hope you have had a reasonable day and been accompanied by good friends.
Purplepixie How you describe those inner thoughts must make you feel quite lonely. I seem to have those not wanting to get out of bed days lately. I think we've all had them here. Glad you have your friend to have some good chats with and you can look forward to seeing her soon.
Scaredycat Hope youve been OK today. You always seem to manage to sound optimistic and Im sure you must feel otherwise at times. How is your lovely sister? Hope her wound has healed now. Yes, Jaffa looked so cute with his tongue out.

DHs blood tests dont show high inflammation so not Polymyalgia. When Rheumatologist pressed his left side of chest lightly DH had strong pain so Dr seems to think it was something muscular and might need v carefully guide injection there. Also waiting gor ultrasound guided injections in shoulder. Thought it was cervical arthritis ( neck) thats causing pain in shoulders and even chest. Can't think why that should affect hips aswell. We'll see.
Feeling low. Visited aunt again yesterday. She was surprised and wondered how we knew she was there. Same scenario when we left- tears and and pleading for us to take her back home.

Hope everyone is ok and thinking of Nadateturbe too. X

Purple pixie I have been on a few different antidepressants over the years. I wasn’t addicted but they made me ,very flat. I don’t know if I am genuinely depressed or just unhappy. There is no pill for that.

PurplePixie Antidepressants aren't like they were many years ago. I'm been on mine for about 8 years and don't care if I never come off them. Life throws some sad and bad things at us all the time, and the tablets give me the ability to cope with them.

ScaredyCat Son1 has got to adjust his diet accordingly, which will be quite difficult for a while. He knows he won't feel better (although there isn't a cure for Coeliac disease) unless he does. The dentist appointment was a waste of time - she asked me a lot of questions (I've answered them all before), took some photos on her mobile, of my underbite, and suggested I pay privately to have an operation to correct my jaw (I won't be doing that). How's your day been?

Bought some plants and potted them in troughs and hanging baskets. Son2 nipped here for a chat. Got a gynaecology appointment through (the 2-week pathway) for next Tuesday. I'll be glad to get that sorted out. How's eveyone been? x

Hi all
Purple Pixie- glad you have been able to arrange a visit with your friend soon. Something to look forward to.
I was like you about anti depressants for many years- worried about addiction. But only a few years ago I decided to try them after a chat with a kind Doctor. I will never ever come off them they made me feel so much better.My children said they had got their Mum back and I,m so grateful I took the plunge.
Doodle- our village is joined to the local town which has changed so much in the last few years and is nothing like it was but the one we went to for the Wine place is really lovely.
They have and still are building thousands of new houses with no new infrastructure - madness.
So glad you have your lovely river close by.
Your story of the man with the wrong meds makes your blood run cold doesn’t it- means really we have to check everything ourselves.
HVDY - that was a lot for your Son to take on but it sounds like he ,s willing to make some changes .
Sometimes life just seems too short to worry about skirting boards and such like . I get dizzy too bending my neck up or down.
Hope the dentist visit went well- never a fun thing to do is it!
Still nice to get the plants afterwards- we saw nice plants at B and M this afternoon.
That was a bit of an early rising,- Jaffa must have been; pleased though!! He looks so sweet with his little tongue sticking out.
Wyllow- so good to hear of your happy time gardening with your lovely cleaner. She is just the sort of friend you need- reliable,kind,funny and obviously likes you a lot too. She was sent to you for a purpose.
My Sis would love to be like yours and have space to have animals although she hasn’t the strength any more to do the work.Alpacas must be quite hard work though. Does she use the wool?
Hope you,be had a good day today.

Love to allxxx

No, not tried antidepressants because I’m worried about addiction.

PurplePixie It'll do you good to go and see your friend. What would make you happier? Living alone? Sorry if you've already said before, but are you on antidepressants?

Cosy boy

I slept well after a week of not much sleep. Still in bed and don’t want to get up yet. I heard DH get up around 7am. I’m not in the mood to face the world and him yet. I had a lovely chat with a good friend on the phone yesterday. She lives 200 miles away and I’m going to see her in two weeks time. A fleeting visit but it will perken me up. Youngest son will be phoning at the weekend. I should be happy but I’m not. At least it’s not raining. Hugs.

I woke up at what I thought was 6:30, so I came down and fed Jaffa. It was 4.30! I went back to bed until 7. Dentist today, then buying plants to go in tubs and hanging baskets. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Wyllow3 I've got plenty of time to do cleaning, but struggle with some of it - skirting boards, particularly as ben I bend/look down, I'm very dizzy (to do with the stroke - the Consultant told me I'll probably always have that). I'd love to have the ironing done, too. DH could help with those things but doesn't. Yes, Son1 needs to look after himself.

Doodle He eats normally, and only got diagnosed with those conditions yesterday. He's had indigestion for a long time but the GP kept prescribing antacids, telling him to cut out coffee. Son1 thought he'd got something wrong with his oesophagus but didn't expect the hospital to put the camera all the way down into his bowel. He went shopping last night and stocked up on some gluten-free foods. My GDs are fine, thanks. The younger one (11) lives with the mum.

HVDY do you think your son doesn’t follow a proper diet for his conditions? . How are your two older granddaughters now? Which one lives with her mum? It’s lovely they get in with LG.
What a brilliant idea of your Dh with the trolley. Carrying chairs etc in this heat is too much.
Sweetpeasue the NhS is in such a state at the moment you need to push to get seen and get things done. Saw a man today who when he was in hospital recently was given the meds for the man in the next bed, Had he actually taken them he would have had a very bad allergic reaction. His good sense to check but it isn’t good is it.
purplepixie I’m sorry you and your Dh have such an awful relationship .. I can’t imagine how difficult your life is feeling like that about him.
Wyllow if I read your post right, it is not the group of people who you attend Quakers with that blame you but others not from that group who are blaming your group for not allowing him back. Is that right? If so, it must cheer you to know that your group are with you on this, Surely the decision should be made by the safeguarding team and others shouldn’t overrule this. That’s the point of a safeguarding team isn’t it?
Scaredycat that’s a lot of animals. We only have three dogs and one cat. I’m not allowed pets.
Your local town sounds lovely. I hope it continues to be. Ours is about to be demolished and turned into flats (even though we’ve got hundreds already). No Green areas or parks just blocks of flats. All because the Elizabeth line will bring in new Se of us who live here won’t have any shops. I’m lucky I live out of town by the river.

Yes a lovely hour gardening. I'm glad she's in my life, just one of those fortunate serendipitous things.

Scaredycat that soft rolling countryside, at this time of year is so...(imo)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWz-Hfw4fnk&list=RDoWz-Hfw4fnk&start_radio=1

yes sis is Alpaca person (+Dog, 2 cats, chickens)

My cleaner is lovely ...I think it's a good idea for releasing time to do what you want, if energy is short or there are other calls on your time, like enjoying life.

Son1 really does have to take care, doesnt he? That is quite a list of the sort of problem he has to keep on top of. Definitely go gluten free, its easier these days.

ScaredyCat That's a LOT of pets! It's good for children to grow up with animals - it teaches them empathy, responsibility, awareness of the needs of a creature, and also grief. LG and GD2 each had a ride in the trolley and enjoyed being pulled along. Hardwick Hall is in Derbyshire, Belvoir Castle in Grantham, so not too far from Nottingham. Wine tasting and lunch out - that sounds so good. Just what was called for on a sunny day.

PurplePixie Hope you've had a chat with your friend. I bet you look forward to your son's calls, too.

Wyllow3 I keep thinking of getting a cleaner to do the things I can't do easily (and that DH doesn't care about). Did you get anything done in the garden?

Son1 was 3 1/2 hours having the endoscopy and getting results. He's got Coeliac disease, a hiatus hernia, and mild diverticular disease. Advised to get different antacids from his GP and to avoid gluten - he was under the hospital and on a gluten-free diet from the age of 15 months until 4 years, but was always ok afterwards. I hope he'll start looking after himself. x

" I stand my ground but he puts that pathetic little boy lost look on his face then I feel bad inside. He knows what he’s doing because I’ve been there before"

Ex did that; but it was only finally when he literally was "mad" that I divorced him. (ie major untreated bi polar episode).

What do we do about our guilt indeed?

Well, I needed counselling help and support to get through that, tho one may have to face a surprising loneliness and lostness if you are used to living in that pattern after a divorce.

(thinks - thats basically how MrA operates 😡)

Back soon, my cleaner is due and she is helping me garden for an hour - and my brain is mush and duh.

(Yes, mejool dates are fabulous so lush)

Hi all
HVDY- I just had a quick count up of pets in our extended family - got to 9 dogs and 15 cats!! Probably missed some out as well😻 There’s also a couple of snakes in there too. Yes Norwegian forest cats are very big and very hairy- they were lovely.
I love how your girls are so kind with LG - they will all have such happy memories . Rufford Park looks wonderful - it must be very popular.
We,ve seen those carts for all the day out stuff- they look brilliant - wish they’d had them years ago . I told DH he can pull me round in one of them soon!!
Hope your Son isn’t too uncomfortable having his endoscopy- never a pleasant experience and I also hope everything is OK.
SweetPeaSue- It was really hot yesterday but they really enjoyed the Wine Tour and Tasting.we had lunch in the town and walked up,and down the Main Street. Finishing off in Waitrose to cool down in the air conditioning.!
You wouldn’t t be scared of Jaffa who sounds a sweetheart
Or our boys. Kai and Yuki are the gentlest cats We,ve ever had - they’re so chilled and floppy. They don’t even get annoyed when the lady trims their bottom fluff!!!
The long wait was worth it by the sound of it- if only all medics were like your rheumatologist. I hope his recommendations make a difference.
Doodle- We have many Vineyards in Kent now. So many of the South facing slopes are covered in Vines. Apparently the land where they went was once joined to France so the soil is the same as the Champagne land in France now.
The nearest town is a delight - how Kent used to be when I first came here. Pretty shops, well cared for interesting buildings and houses.
No vape shops,Barbers, nail bars or the tacky shops that have invaded our town.
I like your new motto- Another day Another Ice Cteam.
It’s hot again today so might have to force one down later.
The last weeks have been hard for you - I hope you and your friend can have some nice days together this Summer.
PurplePixie- Do you feel sorry for D H as he seems oblivious to your feelings towards him? Or is he just insensitive and selfish? That’s no way to live. Although you sound to be getting a bit stronger . Just because you are kind and gentle doesn’t excuse the manipulative behaviour he uses. Sounds like he needs to grow up.
Your youngest Son sounds lovely and very close to you enjoy your weekend chat. Enjoy too chatting with your friend - can you visit each other at all?
Wyllow- I,googled Rufford Park too- it looks beautiful doesn’t it. It mentioned Bolsover Castle too and also Hardwick Hall- which is fab. They must be quite close to you too or is my Geography a bit iffy.
It was a lovely day thank you and the countryside looked so pretty in the sunshine. Not dramatic like the lovely peaks but typically English.
Yes we are an animal family- was it your Sis who had alpacas?
Deffo the raisins count ! We,ve discovered the boxed Medjool dates in M and S - they are so nice.
As you say about Mr A you couldn’t make it up. It’s almost like Chinese Whispers! So glad you have L there for you. It could all have been sorted but for others poking their noses in.
Diary is a good idea - you,d get to note if there are any patterns emerging healthwise.
Nadateturbe- thinking of you.

Allsorts, Candy,and all the others we haven’t seen for a long time hope life is treating you better. Love to all

I’m a soft touch and I can’t be horrible to people even though he has been awful to me in the past. I’ve been quite strong where he’s concerned lately and I refuse to take anymore rubbish from him. I stand my ground but he puts that pathetic little boy lost look on his face then I feel bad inside. He knows what he’s doing because I’ve been there before. My friend is phoning tomorrow afternoon.

Not a misty guilt feeling PurplePixie a that nasty feeling guilt.

I googled Ruffield Park HVDY lovely! Good food there, as well, and it's probably just as well you took a picnic £££ wise. Yes, the weather has been perfect here too - not too hot, and a breeze, ideal for your day out. You'll be having a good sit down tonight, I guess. Well… as regards the endoscopy….it doesn seem like being a large man makes any difference to hospital fears!

I hope they had a lovely time Scaredycat for everyone's time out. Your family sounds like my Sis's one animal wise.

I hope the mooch was pleasant not overwhelming heat wise.

Now, as regards rum and raisin ice cream. Raisins count as one of your 5 a day? It's fruit, innit?

*Sweetpeasue, how long will it take the results to come back?
Having a nice person makes all the difference in the world.
It is very important has found the inflammation - and I’m so relieved he will get a steroid injection and hope that it works to relieve the pain. I also hope it given DH a little more confidence in doctors, as of course its been a bad ride for you.

The leather seats sound lovely but you have discovered thedown side.

I like pistachio too Doodle or a good plain vanilla with proper vanilla. Or sometimes an almond magnum. But ti seems you were virtuous not having one today.

Are you still doing the drawing each week? I’ve lost touch with that.

Purplepixie The heat can be hard to cope with as its can stop “distraction” things. But why do you feel sorry for DH? Is that misty unfair emotion guilt at work and you blaming yourself xxx?

Last night was grim. Too much going on in head half resolved: I had had too much brandy really sensible with my meds so I felt sick
And I got up at 4 I did some bits and bobs: attempted to attend the 7am Quaker Zoom but it was then I could go back and got a couple of hours sleep.

I got to the gym 🙂 and did enough of a sesh to feel good about it but slept and woke later again "I'll have to ring in crisis”

But then things got turned upside down: probably not in a bad way in the end

it seems that, from a series of emails, that its not so much people blaming ME in my little meeting, its actually other Quakers outside of it whom MrA has whinged to are actually blaming the small group managing our meeting for “not letting him back straightaway backing me”

but they don't know the real story by any means at all - its still a misunderstood hug to them. .

You couldn't make it up.

I ended up writing to Quaker L as I now trust her about why I had called the Zoom, the degree of trauma, close to a sort of breakdown,

which I hadn't particularly wanted all to know, but if they are gong to get blamed for matters L at least has to know as much as Safeguarding so she fully understands any decision.

Sheesh. But I had a decent evening as well as writing that and did a bit of sewing and decided to keep a brief health diary to note stuff down.

Night night BD's...I hope, best sleeps possible if its hot where you are.

We’ve had poor internet for days. The heat has really got to me - just can’t sleep. DH has been ok but I still can’t stand him. I actually feel sorry for him at times. I miss my youngest son but he’ll be phoning at the weekend. Black dog days have been bleak lately. Arghhhhhhhh! There are people worse off than me. Hugs to all.

Thanks Doodle. I really hate having to push ourselves forward all the time. It shouldn't be that those who are the loudest get dealt with sooner.
Do enjoy your ice-creams!
HVDY Thanks for sharing your experience about the steroid injections. DH has had some before but its worth noting that not all of them have the same reactions immediately.
You are so right- it matters not about being a so called big strong male - these Endoscopys are quite invasive and yes, it can be daunting for anyone - no reason why a young male should find it any easier at all. Hope your son feels better when its over with.

SweetpeaSue Yes, we've got lots of lovely parks in Nottingham. Been to all of them, over the years. The girls are great with LG. I gave them extra pocket money for helping. Glad your husband was seen ok. The Rheumatologist seems to be investigating things fully. Hope the steroid injection will help, but in my experience (shoulder and heel), the pain was worse for a day or 2 afterwards before things improved.

Doodle Picnics are always popular with the children. DH bought a trolley thing to carry everything in - it's a great idea, and it holds the folding chairs, cooler box, a change of clothes for LG, all the cans and bottles of soft drinks. We took so much stuff! It's going to be very warm tomorrow (30 degrees or more), so make sure you have some ice creams - they're almost medicinal in this weather.

Son1 has got to have an endoscopy tomorrow, so DH and I will take him - he's been told not to drive home - some moral support, etc. He's 44 and 6ft 2, but these procedures are daunting, aren't they? Off to bed soon, so hope everyone has a restful night x

Wyllow glad you got such a prompt reply from your psychologist. Yes it’s difficult getting a Drs appointment these days, I usually do an e consult and the last two occasions they’ve phoned me back within an hour. I was quite impressed with that.
Another hot day another ice cream 🍨

Just read your last message. Glad your Dh was seen by the Rheumatologist and he is looking into things.