Black Dogs 29

I think you are right about asking to meet him alone, Doodle, I won't do it.

Sometimes I get rather grandiose ideas of making things OK but it wouldn't work and I might just get more upset.

I wrote another mail to the Safeguarding officer, she wont like it: I told her it had been discussed with my support people and they had thought it was very much for the best: I also asked her if we should ask HQ about the best way forward.

Which is basically how I got things to move on before, they hadn't known what they should do - but I don't like putting pressure on in that way- its risky, a sort of blackmail - but am totally fed up of being not heard and last time it took going up the food chain.
She took 3 weeks to tell me they wouldnt arrange for me to see them and MrA!

I told her a bit more about my state of mind but its a balance - getting labelled "its because she has MH stuff" when the reality is - say out of a 100 women who are assulted, who can say how many of them can put it aside in 6 months, especially when not believed by many of those around her?

Doodle I am glad you have those church events but I recognise inside nothing can "make the feelings OK" on some days. It's hard to live in the now with such sorrow x

I ordered a new debit card Sweetpeasue and it's OK as I don't have to change the PIN. I'm always mislaying stuff!

I feel you must be very disappointed that the Vascular surgeon said no need to see him anymore and can't do anything else for the painful hand/arm. Were you expecting them to be able to give further treatment? It's so hard in life as we get older to accept that which we cannot change and must live with. A diversion via Robin Hoods Bay? Well.... scenic, I suppose, but really, it's totally off the beaten track!

x for you too, tonight.

I hope you had a good time with LG, HVDY. BTW, loved the PJ's, were they fleece?

HVDY It seems we're either a pear or an apple! Bodyshape I mean. My youngest sis is an apple and got great legs. I'm still wearing opaque tights n boots with my dresses at present.- theyre calf- length too.
Hope youve enjoyed your day with LG.
Wyllow It doesnt seem a lot to ask to meet Mr A with the safeguarding people before he returns to the monthly meetings. I do hope you get some positive news from your latest letter to them. Oh, hope you found your debit card- I once thought Id lost mine so phoned bank and got it cancelled- then it turned up somewhere( cant remember where) but I had to remember a new pin no. Glad the workmen have finished.
Doodle Not to worry about the mix up slippers. The Rudolph socks must be fun though. Nice to have a family meal to look forward to at the end of the week.
Your church seems to have so many friendly people - I think the people are the church in the Christian religion aren't they , or are they the body of the church, I forget now. Anyway it must mean so much to you and Im so glad you have such nice friends and of course your faith for support.
Scardycat Hope youve been OK today and are not doing too much.
Thinking of EllieAnneNadateturbe**Allsorts and hope you're all OK.

Saw Vascular surgeon for DHs follow up appt from having the Subclavian artery stented last yr. DH doesnt need to see him anymore -- he cant do anything for the painful arm/hand. There was road closed and diversion took us right through Robin Hoods Bay - just as well we set off quite early.

Hope everyone has a peaceful night.x

Apologies Sweetpeasue and HVDY I got the car and puppy slippers confused. Love them both. I can see I’ll have to up my game my stripy ones are dull by comparison (I do however have a pair of Rudolf Reindeer socks I wear at Christmas.

I went to the Christian fellowship coffee morning this morning. Nice cakes and good company. Home to do admin which took most of the afternoon. Son texted tonight with invitation for Sunday lunch. That will be something to look forward to.

If I could remember the story of the mouse I’d tell you but I can only remember it was something to do with butterflies.
Wyllow glad you enjoyed your trip, relationships can be tricky but you seem to have got by ok. Please be careful with Mr A. I’m not sure asking him to meet up is a good thing if not done under the safeguarding system. I can understand why you want to see him but I don’t think he’s an empathetic person and he obviously has no idea the impact of his actions. He might misconstrue your suggestion of meeting,
HVDY one of our DGDs is a cat person. She had a lot of “cat” things. I think people latch onto the idea for gifts. I know I have. I’ve got a couple of new dresses or tents, whatever you choose to call them.
Scaredycat how has your tiredness been today. I hope you’re not overdoing it. Sitting stroking your two fluffy friends is a good way of relaxing.

I think you are right. My DiL is very close to her mum indeed.

Lovely walk this morning, then discovered I had lost my Debit card..hurried return home, only to find the men had just turned up to remove the scaffolding so just as well I was in!

I had yet another ight where I woke thinking of MrA or rather, feeling the affects of of the long drawn out process where really I was let down by Safeguarding, a lot need never have happened. And on waking a pang of, I cant cope, no point living:

It has gone in so deep, not being believed by fellow worshippers for so long, and minimising - it feels like they are backing his "just a hug".

Safeguarding have not agreed to me meeting MrA with them before or soon after he returns once a month; I feel they are trivialising my needs, as its a perfectly understandable request - meet with him to "normalise not demonise" in a safe space.

I have written back, but if I fail, will have to decide whether to go direct and ask him to meet: a no will just prove he doesn't really give a damn anyway and never really did. But I have to follow my best judgement.

SweetpeaSue I've got lots of "cat" things - socks, blankets, duvet sets, ornaments, calendars, and teatowels. Some were bought by others. I love your slippers. A bargain, too, at £4. DH is a year older than I am. We'll go out for lunch on his day. I expect your son has been busy, but I hope you hear from him soon. Both my DILs wear "chub rub" shorts. My legs are decent, but all my weight is around my stomach and bust.

Wyllow3 Most of my dresses are calf-length, too - a few knee-length. I wear light-coloured Sketchers (one pink, one peach, but I could do with some sandals). My husband has only got the 1 sister (she's a hoarder). The pool sounded perfect, especially with the frogs etc. Nice for it to be so warm. MIL/DIL relationships are very often difficult, aren't they? Mine with DH's mum was. I have vey good relationships with both DILs, but that's largely due to them not getting on with their own mothers, I think.

LG day, so playgroup is open again. Perhaps duck-feeding this afternoon. Hope everyone has a decent day x

Wyllow So good that Saturday was good day for you and the therapy pool sounded great too.
I do think that family is made up of all sorts of relationships that are complicated for so many reasons. Its difficult to go into that on public forums for the obvs reasons.
Oh my, dresses with tights or bare legs. Well the bare legs seem to be fashionable now , and I also wear trainers with dresses in summer. I confess(cringe!) but last yr bought chub rub knickers to wear bare legged with dresses. I have large thighs so comfort is my priority. There Ive outed myself!
You've done well there Wyllow- I realise it must have been a bit out of comfort zone to take that trip to son right now.

Oh, nice ones, Sweetpeasue!!! ☺️

I’m with you about waiting for dress and skirt weather, HVDY. Mine are all mid calf length so I don’t need anything on my legs and most “go” with Sketchers.
You do great things with LG. she is a very, very fortunate little girl, you realise. You have the time to do all this things that Mum might not. Has DH got other Sibs?
Ha! I’ve got some slippers a bit like that, but they are very flimsy ones. Co-incidentally, I bought 2 pairs of slippers today as I called at Sainsbury’s on the way back, I wanted ones that didnt have a rigid sole so I could walk properly round the house not flip and flop.

Again, your church sounds so special, Doodle I’m forever glad for you that it’s such a good one at this point in your life…and then the hospice. Really glad to hear that you are doing some drawing at home too.

It would be a lot of responsibility to take on a Fluff ball, Sweetpeasue, I agree. I couldn’t do it.
A lazy day sounds good, ahead of a busy week.

After I’d had a sleep on getting home - it’s rare I dont need one - I assessed it all.

It took a tremendous amount of energy and some courage, and then the wretched car and AA stuff - but feel well worth it. Saturday was a good day family wise, with some good contact

And the therapy pool I mentioned …. which was hot water and lots of excellent things like large green friendly crocodiles and Frogs. I was observed by the pool carers (they dont’ go poolside, it’s only up to chest level, but have CCTV) playing on a large frog and the hot water relaxed all those grungy tight bits.

The fly in the ointment ment is my relationship with DiL. Or more really like a lack of one - although I know she natters away with other women - I think I’ve figured it out -

she was much more relaxed/chatty when I was With A Man - there were a couple of moments like her obviously and unusually holding hands with DS at one point, and saying very pointedly “I love my husband but he cant sing”

Classic borderline MiL DiL stuff. And I can handle it - its best, and to be fair, she plans, to be sort of out of the way - she didn’t come to the pool and so on.

But DS is the kind of man who understand emotions well and can engage on that level - so I can share with him when I need to easily - and I guess being a carer for a very disabled child has made him more so and more observant.

But I needed to come back when I did, it is a strain at some levels, but best accepted not fought.

From Asda reduced to £4 in sale.

Scaredycat Oh Im delighted to hear the good news about your friends. Your friend must have felt a weight lifted from her that her DH is so much better. Great news too of the reducing tumour. So pleased for you all.
Glad you have felt a bit more energy today too, though dont overdo it.
I think DH and I have the best deal , pet wise. Not sure if it would be too much responsibility to take on one of our own Fluffballs
Wyllow Glad your back home .
HVDY Your PJs made me smile and your slippers are wonderful- you really are a huge cat lover! Your afternoon with LG sounded such fun - did she dance to the music? Nice your SIL remembered your birthday. What a coincidence your birthday is so near your DHs.
Doodle You have me wondering about the sermon about the mouse- sounds quite enjoyable and intriguing.
Those slippers in the photo were HVDYs . I can see Im going to have to nip upstairs to take a photo of mine now!

Just had a lazy day today. Rang son though he hasn't replied. He has to return to work tomorrow after quite a long break , helping his wife with her mum and all. I think DIL will miss him a lot for the 3 weeks hes away.
Take care all and love to those not in too.x

Sweetpeasue I hate to disagree with you but surely those are cute cat slippers not puppies. 😊

Scaredycat what wonderful news. I’m pleased for them both.
Church as good today. Lots of people there and a lovely sermon about a little mouse which had us all laughing.
HvDY I used to love colouring in with the grandchildren. Nice of your DH’s sister to come with cards. Funny you and your Dh have birthdays so close together.
Wyllow good you had a nice time with your family. Glad you’re home safely.
Sweetpeasue love the sound of your slippers. Mine are like zebras.
Church was lovely today. I went to the hospice for lunch and home to do some drawing.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-5qawq0-1776019631561845409933336459538.jpg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202604/medium-alttfc-20260411-191008.jpg

My new slippers and pyjamas

Doodle What colour/pattern is your new dress? I'm longing for some nice weather so that I can wear all these dresses I've got. Do you wear tights with yours? Your walking group sounds good - not too much walking and then coffee and chatting afterwards.

SweetpeaSue Your slippers sound fun. It's good to have some frivolous things. I'll post a photo of my new slippers, later.

Wyllow3 How lovely to sing to your granddaughter. I bet she enjoyed that. Shame the landlady will be leaving. Glad you had a nice time, though.

ScaredyCat That IS great news about your friend and her husband. It must be a load off their minds (and yours).

LG was here 1.30-5pm as the parents went to see big sister in a play. We played, coloured, and listened to music. She didn't want to go out (we were pleased at it kept raining). DH's sister turned up at 5.30, with my birthday card and one for DH - it's his birthday on Wednesday. He's just taking her home.

That is absolutely astonishingly good, Scaredycat! I'm...well, big smile for them and you. It is a miracle.
Re Tesco's - one has to "push the boat out" now and then and do some thing just normal!

Back later, safe home, need a rest first. BTW I only meant one of my posts above to be deleted, duh.

Hi all

Doodle - I love the sound of your walking group- a nice walk followed by coffee and warm companionship.
Pleased you got yourself a new dress. It’s amazing the variety of stuff you can buy at Garden centres these days. Hope you enjoyed your Service this morning.
HVDY- lovely presents for a lovely lady. So glad you had a good Birthday.
It’s so good of you to research groups that might interest your Brother. You are so patient with him. You never know he might surprise you and take a fancy to one.
EllieAnne- your DH never reacts as you would like him to - his emotions seem locked away . That’s so hard for you.
His brother sounds as if he had an interesting life- you liked him - I,m sorry.
SweetPeaSue- I often wonder if DHh would like his own Fluffball although I guess he has the fun with no worry. But pets bring so much joy and something to care for .
Yesterday the tiredness was awful but today I felt a bit livelier so while DH was at Golf I did a few chores, had a little walk and
Went to Tescos. Maybe a bit too much but feet up now.
Your slippers sound cute- don’t grow up!! We all need moments of silliness however old we are.
Wyllow- you certainly are a fun Gran - what nice things you think of to do with the GC.
I hope you have enjoyed this time with your family- tired yes but it’s a good tired isn’t it.
Hope your drive home is uneventful.
Heres to more adventures.

I have wonderful news about our friend and her DH.
He hs been taken off Oxygen after 6 months and is doing well. It’s like a miracle. He can sit up and is feeling optimistic. Watch this space.
My DF saw her consultant Friday and he said her tumour has shrunk by 3/4 . She cannot have an Op but hopefully the immunotherapy will keep it at bay for some time.
It’s the first good news we,ve had for ages.
Love to allxx

Wyllow Ot certainly can be tiring being away and sort of 'trying' to keep everything going well. Its not like you can leave problems behind ,however much we try.
Shame about the guest house owner though.
Safe journey home. x

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

To tired to post much, its been a busy but good day with family xx BD's all, catch up tomorrow.

Doodle Crossed posts there.
Hey, 45 mins of walking is really good.
Like the coffee and chat bit afterwords.
Great you found a dress you liked. Our garden centre sells some good footwear .

Doodle What a lovely day you had yesterday. Hope your knee isnt still causing you bother. I didnt bother reading side affects of stating but I think I should have. We'll see , anyway, now hes taking half the dose.
Hope your visit to the garden centre was good- I like garden centre menus.
HVDY What lively, interesting presents you were given yesterday. You have made some nice friends and it must have felt good to be remembered by so many.
You do your best for your brother. It would be great if he went to one of the groups though he doesnt sound as if he likes to socialise much.
Oh dont worry about influencing me about the stating. I saw a thread on GN about them the other day which made me question if DHs aches in joints were side affects. Atorvastatin seems to be the first prescribed- possibly because theyre the cheapest.
Wyllow What a nice thing to do - singing to your DGD L. She must have liked that. Id have loved a nice singing voice but it wasnt to be. I did 'sing' to .my babies long ago - they didnt cry!
Glad your guest house is comfortable and the lady owner is friendly and accommodating.
Hoping you're having some nice family time.
Scardycat Hope youve been OK today.
EllieAnne How have you been?

Bought some slippers boots today with puppy heads on toes -- only 4 pounds.
I should grow up but they were sweet.
Been cold here today. Such a difference after those warm days.
Hope everyone is well. Take care xxx

HVDY hat a lovely birthday and nice presents. Glad you enjoyed it all.
Nice of your son’s Ex. I remember you always got on well with her.
Wyllow the walking part of our group is about 45 minutes, we don’t go far. Then we chat over coffee for about an hour and half 🤣. So glad you’re having a good time with family,
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a pleasant day. We’ve had a couple of bouts of torrential rain but I managed to dodge them
Had a nice afternoon with a friend at the garden centre. Didn’t buy any plants but did buy a nice dress.
Sweetpeasue hope you and your Dh have had a relaxing day.
Thinking of you too Ellie Anne

How's everyone been today? Son1's original ex came here, bought me some nice things for my birthday. My aqua aerobics friend came with a card and a bottle of wine - she'd only got home at 2.30am after being in Portugal for the recent Nottingham Forest match. Not been out. Looked for various groups my brother might like, and emailed him all the details. He won't bother, but I've tried.

ScaredyCat I meant you won't keel over.