Black Dog 30

Good morning everyone. I'm working backwards and hoping to say hello to a few of you. hope your day is going well. It's sunny here today, and not too warm. Ideal, in my book.

HVDY I'm glad your eyes are a little better. The infection sounds very severe. I wash my eyelids carefully every day now after having it. I know you say you have maybe two active days and one rest day, but your rest days still sound very active to me! and you cope with things very well - tinnitus sounds awful too. (Although Rock music sounds worse ). Like you I now mostly ignore things that annoy me, it's easier somehow, than getting fussed. And also like you I have had a lot of negative experience with bitchy females. When I was young only one girl in the street spoke to me, the others were very nasty. I went to a different school to the rest which didn't help. Even in work it was the same. and people would be nice to someone's face and gossip as soon as they left the room which really shocked me. Thankfully I managed in later years to meet nicer females where I live now. And again like you, I feel very guilty about smacking my son. It was the done thing in those days, and I have apologised for ever. But tbh I was smacked as a child and I never give it much thought, or hate my parents for it.
Did you find anything nice to buy? Amazon is much too handy., and next day free delivery so often!
Hope you manage to have a restful day. x

Wyllow3 I can somehow imagine you in the Greenham Common group (apologies if not), and maybe the "Me Too" movement? I grew up with 3 older brothers, although Brother 1 (who is still around, of course) was married when I was 6. Then I had 2 sons, so all their mates (2 even now) were frequently at our house. My clerical jobs at BT involved a female supervisor and all-women colleagues. Every time someone went to the toilet, others would gossip about what she was wearing, etc. It was a toxic environment, and I was glad to be out of it.

I love your photos, especially the one with your hands on the sleeping child's head. You had a lovely day yesterday, then. Good. The trees are all looking beautiful - greens and shades of brown.

I saw that post and reported it. How very dare that person . DH out for breakfast with schoolmates, then he's taking the car for an M.O.T. I've been up since 6.30 but really can't be bothered to get dressed - it's a make-up free day, and possibly ironing later. x

Ah, someone has been in quickly, HVDY?

Sunny today, best days, BD's. No particular plans here except note to self as regards Doodle notes, don't over-natter. Or try to mend everything in the house at once.
I had put stuff off when the stress with you know what was very high and its come back to bite.

Reported! how dare they come in our space!

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Oh...HVDY - I love the company of women...women's changing rooms in the gym is a laugh or sharing and never bitchy...in the 70's I was in the women's movement and again, the fun we had women together...yes of course I have met bitchy women but just don't want to know. I'm not criticising at all, it's just not been my experience on the whole.

They often have a lot of very uncomfortable and sad feelings inside, to need to put each other down?

I can just picture LG today, how they make little friends, their little world you can visit and be with and in...and very keen on those non days when you sort of catch up with yourself. I got my first mortgage on a council one, back in the day they had them didn't they. I admire stay at home mums as it was never something I was very good at.

I'm so very glad to hear about that GP visit, Sweetpeasue. You sound as if you really felt "heard" and it will all be properly on record now. All the best with the follow ups.
I imagine Fluffball must be a bit of a handful at times. Very energetic!

Doodle tonight is just hugs for you and my greatest sympathy for how you find yourself. Thank you for the kind comments: I shall put the three images up, one is bitter sweet. I do hope you sleep as well as can be expected.

Been very tired, meeting all Friend's family a week back was very demanding although necessary: I was basically under inspection from certain ones in the family. But today was lovely - instead of the Botanical Gardens and the gym it became a gentle wander in sunny breezy weather - quiet gardens, birdsong, all the wonderful and well cared for plants, and the cafe was not busy so lunch and a bit more wander to enjoy...still so very green here, lots of autumn coloured flowers, the leaves still green and all watered enough to be healthy. (they have quite a lot of volunteers who look after bits of the garden as their own almost).
Good Quaker Zoom. Early night.

Great to see you in, nadateturbe. I just like it when you say hello.

Early night. Best nights all.

Doodle Sorry you're not so good today. My Tinnitus is loud today, so I'm listening to really loud rock music through my headphones. Hope a couple of Paracetamols and an early night will help you.

SweetpeaSue I used to go to a mum and baby group, although I never really liked the company of women (still don't, as most are bitchy). Then I used to help out at the school - listening to all of the kids in the class reading - including my own boys, of course - as well as little spelling tests and watching them swim. We got a 100% council mortgage when Son2 was a baby, then moved here when he was 7 (Son1 almost 10), and got a mortgage on DH's wage alone at a 12% interest rate. So glad your husband was seen by the GP. I hope the new BP pills will suit him better. An MRI should show, once and for all, what the problem is with your DH's back. My eyes are a little bit better, thank you. Jaffa's ok and I'll ask for someone he's seen before. I used to be very confrontational, and a few years ago, I would have torn a strip off that vet. Nowadays, I ignore or walk away from things that used to bother me.

DH is out with Son1, so I'm listening to music and seeing what I can buy from Amazon .

Doodle Crossed posts.
Im sorry you're not feeling well - maybe you're coming down with something though hope not. Best thing is an early night. Oh your tears would most likely cause the headache or make it worse. Hope you feel better after a decent rest. Warm hug for you and x

Scaredycat Ah its your birthday on Thursday - I remember you saying you were a Virgo like myself. Yes, I too was a stay at home mum. I guess there was a lot of us then. Glad you enjoyed your art group this morning - what is your latest theme or assignment? Enjoy your seaside day with your DD and SIL and I hope the weather is nice for you all.
HVDY As I said above , I stayed home took after the boys too. I think it was quite hard in those days and mum's were often isolated- not much going on for mums , though so easy to lose confidence and feel alone. I dont think Id have reached out to join anything as so introvert and withdrawn. Things were hard with interest rates high- my DH did overtime when he could too. How are your eyes today? Aw Poor Jaffa - you must have felt quite upset when the vet treated Jaffa that way. Hope you get to see the other vet when you can.
Wyllow Hope you got your Botanical Gardens walk in- no rain here today. 'Tender Touch' is a lovely title. Look forward to seeing your new picture.
I used to get those gingers in syrup for a Mary Berry ginger cake ( it used the gingery syrup for icing - extremely sweet though very yummy) Took Fluff to a costa today and she wasnt quite as bad and settled ,lying down in the end.
Doodle I bet your church looks lovely with all the flowers and being so spruced up. It must have been rather sad to lose your previous vicar - hope everything is good on Wednesday. Phew ,your car getting through the MOT- always a bit of a relief - you can do without the hassle of getting extra stuff sorted. Thankyou for your kind words - Im afraid Im a born worrier.
Nadateturbe Dont worry ( haha, says she who just admitted to being the worst) we like to read how you are and doesnt matter about length of post. Hope you're OK.
* EllieAnne* How are you?

We got F2F- such a relief. GP thoroughly examined DH . She noted he was using the stick now. DHs right foot isv painful and previous xray on hip showed nerves pinched in back. GP noticed extreme tenderness when touching his back and difficulties moving so sending him for MRI on back. Shes changing the BP med for something else as could be the Amlodipine causing swollen ankles. Seemed surprised Vascular hadnt responded to her letter and go back to us but if I ring dept I might be able to find out the consultant hes referred to so thats to do tomorrow. Good GP visit.

Took Fluff for a little walk on my own ( DHs hip and ankle so bad) and we had her racing around for her toy a lot.

Hoping everyone is ok and sending love as always.

Wyllow what have you been up to today. Have you been to the gym or for a walk? Did you sort out your third picture for the exhibition yet?

HVdY oh poor Jaffa. Hope you get the right vet next time.
Like you I was a stay at home mum. DH worked in the city and I stayed home with the boys.
Scaredycat your DH’s heart rate is still very low. I wonder if he’ll be offered a pacemaker. Glad you met up with your art friends. I’m looking forward to my art class starting up again Thursday. Your birthday!! Hurrah. Sounds like you ve got a good trip planned.
Sweetpeasue have you got Fluffball yet? I bet he’s a delight to have around.
I’m not feeling great tonight. Had a few tears today and now I’ve a headache and my tinnitus is on max volume. I might head off to bed soon with some painkillers and see if I can sleep
Take care all. Nice to hear from you nadateturbe

Doodle Your heart rate was extremely low before the pacemaker . You must have felt unwell with it. I'm on a beta-blocker to slow mine down. Hope your new vicar appreciates the effort people have gone to, and that he's friendly.

ScaredyCat 3 children under the age of 4! That would have been hard work. Several people have said they don't like that particular vet (Son2's friend and his mum, for a start). She struck me as being rather haughty. My boy won't see her again. Your birthday plans sound very nice indeed.

nadateturbe I can't speak for anyone else, but I tend to have a busy couple of days, then a lazy day (which will be tomorrow - I might not even get dressed. Hope you're managing ok.

LG was here all day (just gone). Soft play/role play place for 2 hours, then home for lunch - she loves the spag bol DH cooks. Park, where she made friends with another little girl, and then duck-feeding and an ice cream. Hope everyone has been ok x

Good afternoon everyone. Goodness, where do you all get the energy to do so much with your day, and then write so much on here!? I have just finished catching up, and hope to type a (little) post later. I need to recover from reading now. 😃.
Sending love.xx

Hi all
Wyllow- the photos are really good- touching and full of love.
Great news the Insurance company are going to cough up and the survey will be useful too.
It’s so sweet how your DGD loves her sharks so much- good for her as they get such a bad press😀
It’s amazing how good M and S stuff is at jumping into our bags. It was your friends lucky day to get the tasty soup.
Hope you’re having a nice walk today- it’s actually raining here- hooray we might have green grass soon.
Doodle- your new Vicar will so welcomed by your lovely sparkly Church and all those flowers. Must be quite daunting to have to break in a new congregation
As far as I know DH heart rate hasn’t gone as low as yours. I remember when that happened- it must have felt awful. His is often in the low 40,s though.
HVDY- I too stayed at home with my children - 3 of them under 4.Your DH worked very long hours . You both must have been very tired a lot of the time.
You can imagine the temptation of having a very big M and S only 5 minutes away. It’s forever calling to me😀
I expect Jaffa didn’t like the look of that Vet- don’t blame him.
Insults about his weight and threatening sedation is not the way to go!!

I,ve been to meet my Art friends this morning. So nice to have a catch up and hear all their news. I,m still really tired so having a rest now. It’s my Birthday on Thursday and we,re going to have a Seaside day with DD and SiL. Could involve a Crazy Golf session so will need a bit of energy.

Love to all - hope life is treating you kindly todayxx

SweetpeaSue My husband and I agreed that I'd stay at home to bring up our sons. As a result, he worked very long hours - he'd go out at 4.30am and get home at 5.30pm, plus working on Saturday mornings. I was left with the boys all day, and it felt very much like being a single mother. Both had health problems (under the hospital), and I struggled to cope, being so isolated and lonely. I did my best, but I found it very difficult. Hope you manage to sleep better tonight. Noisy neighbours can be a nightmare. Hope you get a F2F appointment for your DH.

Wyllow3 I bet your friend enjoyed the delicious soup after an 8-mile walk. Marks & Spencer sells some lovely food items. Our nearest one is about 7 miles away, but I might go there later this week.

Doodle Monday's aqua aerobics class has the use of the whole pool. Other days are less busy because the pool is restricted.

Jaffa didn't get his claws trimmed- this particular vet was unable to do it. He swiped and hissed at her. She got a nurse to try to help. They tried wrapping him in a towel, which frightened him and he screeched and struggled. I don't like this particular vet - she didn't speak to Jaffa, said he's overweight (he's not; he's 5kg), and said he'd need to be sedated before she could see to him (I'm not agreeing to that). I left and said I'll go back another day (and see the other vet who manages perfectly well with him). Poor boy . Off to bed. See you tomorrow x

Sweetpeasue been to garage for MoT (car that is not me) and passed thank goodness. Then went to hospice for lunch with friends. Then to Lidl to buy 9 bunches of flowers to decorate the church tomorrow. New vicar comes Wednesday.
Hope you get face to face for DH
HVDY my goodness that’s a lot of people in your aqua class. Must be quite popular. Hope Jaffas ok
Wyllow fingers crossed your insurers cover the damage. I think your entries for the exhibition are wonderful. Such loving images.
Scaredycat I’m glad your Dh is going to have a heart monitor. When you said his heart rate is slow sometimes, how slow does it go. When I had my heart problem my heart rate was 30 or under which is very dangerous, that’s why I had emergency pacemaker surgery. The pacemaker keeps it going at the right rate,
I do love being by the river but then I get envy of corral people with access to the sea.
Sweetpeasue we share your joy at a lovely time with your family. Never be afraid to say how you feel be it good or bad. We’re all so pleased for you. You been through so much. Relax now and enjoy your happy memories.

No one can answer the Mystery of Car Clutter. It just happens.

Well done on a very full day there HVDY I did wonder about aqua and your eyes, although I found that is actually didn't make the eye problems worse. I expect Jaffa is all nicely trimmed now.

Yes, aren't the sharks delightful. And she is 12. My description of the photo needs to be brief but capture the disability angle: The collection of the three I will call "Tender Touch" and have a good idea for the third. I'll post it if it works out. I still have to take the image.

Well indeed, Sweetpeasue a very wet dog is a very mixed blessing, I hope Fluff continues to improve behaviour in Costa coffee cafes as its a nice little outing.

I'm mega tired as I did indeed carry on doing not just admin but cross checking someone's long leaflet on passages of peace in the Bible and analysis of.

Reached concentration limit on that - the writer writes nearly as if he is addressing university colleagues in a theology department 16 pages 😳 so I suggested 2 versions one for easy access the original for a source material pamphlet. And in a readable font size.

I escaped to go to M n S at 3.15 as it was the ;art day to collect some basic trousers and a few nice items fell in my bag - my favourite whole ginger in syrup, and some tinned soups, and a posh fresh soup, which was nearly all consumed by friend who turned up here after an 8 mile walk. Butternut squash soup, which is so good that imo Scaredycat your corporate guests would have been impressed by! Planned Botanical gardens walk (short) and gym tomorrow so I get some exercise.

Warm waves to todays absent BD's, may sleep be the best possible. Hi Doodle if you pop in later and others too.

HVDY Youve had a full productive day there. How do cars get so untidy so quickly? Glad your DB is still going to the Men in Sheds thing. Im sure it must help to get out a little and hope that there might be new members he can share with. Thanks for sharing your own thoughts about the inadequacies felt and regrets about early mothering ,its so hard and I think once our children become parents themselves they can understand somuch more.
Scardycat Thankyou also for sharing your early experience. You have such a close extended family and that must take some work keeping up with everyone! You did make me laugh about the man in the shop's comments about the oversized blazers. There was a photo of my DGS in his and an earlier one when he just started school , alongside- amazing how quickly they grow up.
When my DHs heart rate was v slow they didnt seem overconcerned , but I def was. I m glad theyre keeping an eye on your DH .
Wyllow What a lovely entries for the exhibition.ove them both though you must be very proud of your DGD loving her shark do much. I love to see your work ,you must be quite excited about it.
Good news about the insurance covering some of the cost - that must be a relief.
Hope you had a nice time with your friend this aft.
Doodle How are you today? Its been mild and dry here so got a bit of washing dried . Ive mostly been trying to catch up on some sleep today but hindered by noise next door. Will try and get F2F tomorrow for DH.
EllieAnne How are you ? Not sure what weather is like in Scotland but hope its been nice enough for a walk if thats what you wa ted . I know you do jobs for your son and DIL early week too.

Having Fluff tomorrow Thursday and Friday so hoping the weather wont be too wet. Forecast seems not too bad.
Wishing all a peaceful night , without those disturbing dreams. X

SweetpeaSue Hope you're having a relaxing day today.

ScaredyCat The League of Gentlemen was supposedly in "Royston Vasey" - the name was the real name of Roy (Chubby) Brown, wasn't it? I loved the characters Tubbs and Edward, the shopkeepers. And the vet! I bet your boys feel much more comfortable after their trims at the vet's. Jaffa doesn't mind, and he gets into the carrier with no bother at all.

Wyllow3 Great news about the insurance company covering the damage (although I expect you'll have to pay the excess amount?). What splendid photos. Have you got a fancy camera, or do you use the one on your mobile? I love the one of your GD with her little sharks .

Aqua was good (about 30 people there), then a vegetarian breakfast at the pub. Shopping done, car vacuumed. Vet's soon, then I'll change the beds. Hope everyone is having a good day x

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well 🤣 Scaredycat! I love these typos.
Lovely long thoughtful post as well for us all - self care, self value, kindness to self, and any judgements made from love and need that only a rather a conventional person might make.

Kindness to self needs practice, hey?

Well when you have finished with your car HVDY the invite is always there...have a good aqua and lunch and well Jaffa's claws definitely needful.

I didn't get up till 9.40am but I have already - so chuffed with this - its looks like my buildings insurance will shell out for the plaster on the water damaged wall, and best of all really are sending a surveyor out to assess the damage

- vital info even if they don't pay out, and arranged roofer for estimate.

And I described and sent pix, two out of 3 already taken, to the exhibitions curator, and got an enthusiastic yes back. Just one to be done.

Time for another nice latte and down time. I had thought of the gym but have a lot of bits and bobs like the above, to catch up on before going to see friend late afternoon instead of going to the gym. Stuff put off for ages, but just the essentials.

I have enclosed two of the photos for the exhibition in this post - the theme is actually, "things that make me smile" and as you can see the focus is around hands and the meanings they give - love, old and young, sharks et al - DS has approved them with pleasure.

Oops just seen that the man in the shop sod instead of said!!

Hi all
Wyllow- you have a lot on your plate at the moment but you sound very clued up about managing your time so you can rest too. Maybe you could have Coffee at the gym with the lady after she’s finished work. Kill 2 birds with one stone.
Your new friend has brought some happy times for you and hopefully now you have spoken to then about some of your problems will understand your need to have quiet time too.
Can’t wait to see what Pix you get into the show.
Hope you’re having a good day- what about a dishwasher!!
HVDY- My nephew loves League of Gentlemen - it was filmed a lot in his local town. He became quite friendly with some of them as he’s very interested in the filming side. Black Adder was my favourite - we still use some of their daft sayings. When Baldrick got his “own Turnip” it was so funny yet touching too.
So lovely that you and your brother have those lovely long talks - he must really enjoy that. Glad he’s still doing Men in Sheds- maybe there,ll be a few more join in the Winter.
What is it with BP- my surgery is the same. I sent 2 readings off yesterday as they kept bugging me. I have a phobia about taking it which doesn’t help.
Enjoy your day- our boys had their claws done last week.The lady trims their fur a bit - their expressions are priceless as she tidies up round their bottoms!
SweetPeaSue- I expect my reaction was the same as everyone else’s. Sheer joy that you had such a good time with your boys. Please don’t waste a minute worrying about it. Your Sons love you very much and were celebrating what a lovely Mum you are.
The past has caused us all many emotions over the years and we,ve all done our best to overcome our difficulties. If it helps I felt guilty remarrying quite quickly but there are times when you put yourself first because it’s the right thing to do - not easy but right.
Hope your DGS enjoys his new school- has he got an oversized blazer. My GGS started his last week. When he got his blazer he said it’s too big and the man in the shop sod if he started with one that fitted he,d be the odd one out😀
Doodle-I have to confess to a bit of river envy- having a water view must be wonderful. That man was a bit of a show off wasn’t he but very entertaining.
DH has t got his monitor yet- his HR is slow a lot of the time but sometimes gets slower and his watch alerts him. We shall see. He was very fit all his working life so perhaps it’s just that but he has. Grandad Bod now .
EllieAnne- glad you went to see P - you need friends you feel comfortable with and she sounds amenable.
Don’t worry about posting or answering- you don’t need more pressure on yourself.when you feel like “chatting” we,re here but sometimes you must just need some peace in your head.
Take care.
Love to allxxxx

Thanks,Wyllow and HVDY You both understand .
Just having a quiet day today . Feel worn out.
Back later. Hope everyone has a decent day.
Wyllow You're right- its much harder to be kind to ourselves.

Thanks. He goes to the Men in Sheds thing twice a week, but there are only a few (4 or 5) there, and they don't have the skills that he does (he's excellent at making/building things) or much in the way of machinery, so he's bought a few different saws and things. Yes, as mums, we carry guilt about things we did or didn't do. I regret so much that I used to smack Son1 a lot (he was a very willful child) and have apologised many times (even up to last year). He said there's nothing to forgive. Your sons obviously love you and bear no ill feelings, so whatever happened in the past has been forgiven. Treat yourself with more kindness. x

Doodle Those dreams can be so unsettling. Listening to some soft music before bed might help. Thanks, I hope GD1 will try hard not to get into trouble at school. GD2 will do very well - she's confident and sociable, and the mother works at her new school.

Wyllow Thanks for that. At QMC Hospital there's a large eye department with an eye casualty clinic (been before), which I could go to. It sounds daft, but I haven't got much time this week. I've got to see a GP on Thursday about my BP (they're obsessed with it), so I could mention it to her then. You're much in demand, it seems, lately. It's good to have a busy social life. Just don't overdo it and wear yourself out. You do get some excellent bargains from charity shops. You've got your washing-up, but I've got loads of ironing (and I keep buying more clothes).

Aqua aerobics, then pub for brunch with a friend, then Jaffa's having his claws cut at the vet's. I need to vacuum the car (it's like a skip). Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

It's just like I talked about isnt it? Not being able to trust good times? But what is noticeable as time has come on is that you are closer to family - but trusting the love is a different matter.....sigh, what are we like?