Black Dog 30

Doodle Of course you should be able to say how things are on here. I believe there must be many people like yourself who keep on going and seeing friends but still carry that broken part of themselves and keep that hidden . You dont need to keep it hidden here with us . Im sure all of us care deeply that you need to let it out - I wish we could do more.
Goodness ,your pacemaker lead shouldn't have done that. Its a good thing it was found out eventually but you must have felt pretty awful.
It has helped knowing people look at those prayers after all - thankyou .
Glad youve been out with friends today too.
Of course you are right that I need to practice driving in DHs car. I should have done so earlier really. My DH does so many things and always has. Its actually quite an eye opener realising he might not be able to do the things he always has- to him too as well as myself.
EllieAnne The bathroom in our house is never done by my DH but he can put washing in ,hang it out, hoover ect , not cooking though , he wouldnt have a clue. Others here are so right that you are not a non person at all and a valuable person to your DD and DS as well as your church. I think the way your DH has behaved has made you lose confidence in yourself and damaged your self esteem. The driving you have done is just mind blowing to me and full credit to you for that alone.
HVDY I hate having to drive in the dark. In wintertime , after book group , its dark by late afternoon and I drive so slowly , I hate it.
Sorry about all the faff with the BP readings and tablets. I didnt know that those pills you were on meant you couldn't take all BP medications. There just might be something else , perhaps thats why the GPwants to discuss it.
Its no fun this ageing business is it. Ive always been luck with my BP but DH is the opposite. How is the Vasculitus on your legs? The cooler weather should make a difference.

Huh, we were promised a sunny dry day. Went out to visit a friend, and it started raining heavily. So I’ve just returned to wet clothes which I had put out! (no dryer). Pah.

Tomorrow it’s thundery showers all day - so it’s the radiators on tonight. But mustn’t complain - rain all day is good.

Dear GDL aged 12is down in London at GOSH having tests tonight/tomorrow to see if she can have a vital operation - people have been very kind else thread. Feel a bit bitter. -I was to go to, and see my BiL and cousins, but all that happened over months has left me with fatigue and confidence. Hard to forgive, huh?

Your aqua friend sounds nice, HVDY. I bet she enjoys the natters and how lovely to get a visit and card:
Will there be cake?
Well done on the home made soup. Some very posh expensive ones have less nasties in, but it’s so cheap to make it yourself, well done you.
You mist go to the GP -sigh, yes it is a faff.

Waves to nadateturbe, the issue seems to have gone away.

Oh Scaredycat: a near lifelong friendship, gone with the winds of time and change. We know these events will happen, it doesnt make it any easier: xxx

Ouch, your shin! Oh, leaving it…now you make sure you get there tomorrow! Await report.

EllieAnne can I tempt you into trying the art group? Believe me, you need no skills or experience unless it is specifically a group for experienced people. Just sitting, using colour, making a line, may help you feel “someone”.
I hope you hair is all done now and its over with till next time.

Doodle is spot on, EllieAnne. Yes, I am seen as “attractive for my age”, never ever, beautiful and get help from my nice facial lady: but I put it down to 50 years now of yoga tbh.

but like Doodle says, it is my smile?, when I can do it, that makes the contact, makes people feel at ease.

Oh yes - easy to say, hard to do, but remember I went through a period when there was never a single smile..I was sallow, unhealthy, hair greasy.

. I think at our age it’s so ,much more about how we present ourselves. Unfair but the case for women.

And it did return. But it’s not right now easy for you to contemplate how that might come about. Reaching out into the hole. I think probably the right thing to go ahead with the family stuff. xx

Doodle, I am assuming the mods have disappeared whatever cropped up, I haven’t a clue.
Now that was a nice long chat with the friends. You have a gift, it says “approachable”?

Doodle It's good to chat to people.

*Doodle8 Jaff's a bit brighter today, thanks. He's eating well (nothing much puts him off his food) and breathing a bit better, although still sneezing. DH and I always had traditional roles - he's always mowed the grass, seen to the cars, done DIY. I've always done the washing, ironing, cleaning, shopping, booking things, and I used to cook every day except Sunday (now, we take it in turns and have simple meals), and I dealt with everything to do with our sons when they were children. He occasionally hoovers, only if I ask him to. Perhaps your weight gain is linked to some medication you take? I don't know what happened to that new person who posted - perhaps something dodgy?

Sweetpeasue hope you’ve had a peaceful day. Did you go for a walk?

Ellie Anne you’ll go along with your DH’s birthday plans for your children. They will appreciate it and I expect you will too somewhere along the line. Try to make the most of being with family. I don’t think my DH ever cleaned the toilet or bathroom either, he did hoover if I asked him but I did all the housework and cleaning.
I can assure you I’m no oil painting but I smile and talk to people. Listen to them. Don’t out yourself down. If you need to wear your glasses do so. Don’t worry about what others thing just be yourself. Your opinion is as valid as everyone else’s.
HVDY so sorry for poor Jaffa. That doesn’t sound nice,
I always found bought soups had too much salt, it’s how they make them have flavour. Well done if you’ve been able to make one you like.
What’s happened to that other poster you mentioned? I can’t see anything on the thread.
I have in the past been tested for thyroid. I don’t think it’s any meds I take i think I just est too much although I can’t think what.
Wyllow just seen the thread about your DGD. I do hope things work well for her. You and your family have a lot to cope with. Hope she’s ok.
Scaredycat I’m sorry you hurt your leg. Oh yes please do have it dressed properly. Wounds like that can take ages to heal. Are you happy with the haircut?
I’ve been to the hospice and met a friend. Another friend of mine turned up and joined us the a friend of the friend. In the end the four of us had a lovely long chat. Nice to socialise with people.

ScaredyCat It always feels good to have a haircut. I hate having to sit in front of the mirror like that, though. Oh dear, did your shin bleed a lot? Glad you've got an appointment tomorrow.

EllieAnne Oh, I wouldn't be able to do those things either. The thought of speaking in front of a group of people would be a nightmare for me. Don't put yourself down, you're a nice person and deserve to be treated well.

Been making soup, since I noticed that the tinned ones contain quite a lot of salt. This one is carrot and tomato. Not bad. I had a text from my GP the other week to say that although my BP is too high (average was 150/79), there are no tablets they can add on, apart from diuretics - as I'm on pills to stop me weing so much, that's no good. Text today said they want me to make an appointment to seea GP to discuss my BP. What a lot of faff x

Hvdy Others will do the up front stuff. Short talks quizzes etc. One lady organises crafts or cooking demos. An ex home economics teacher. Someone heads up an art group. I couldn’t do these things.
I’m fine doing kitchen stuff with another lady.

Hi all
Sorry I, ve been quiet. On Monday when we went to visit my friendwith Alzheimer’s etc ( We go now with her brother and his wife they are good friends) we got the news that her DH had died that morning after a terrible few years with Alzheimer’s .
I think we all felt relief as he had suffered such a lot. She had no idea - thank goodness . But it was so sad. They have been my friends for50 odd years and took DH to their hearts when we got married. All the holidays and fun times we had together. So glad we did.
Yesterday I went to see my poorly friend and arranged some dates for lifts etc. She is feeling OK just exhausted .
This morning I too went to the hairdresser for a cut. Always a nice hour but I sure know how the mirror thing is not fun😩
I just take my glasses off. So I,m afraid my post is a bit short- for me.
Oh I forgot- I also walked into a footstool on Sunday and took the skin off my shin - not a good idea with blood thinners.
Went to the Pharmacist who was so kind and she said to go to the Docs and get it dressed properly- only across from there. So I have an appt for tomorrow afternoon as they have early closing today😩 Never rains eh!!!
See you tomorrowxxx

Wyllow3 this person hasn't posted anywhere else.

Hammondkrepsy1 Would you like to tell us a bit about yourself? No personal details, but perhaps what made you look at this thread?

SweetpeaSue It's just what you don't need, but keep taking the antibiotics. You're understandably concerned about your husband. December does seem like a long wait, but I wonder if you could be added to the cancellation list (there surely must be one). I hope you'll both be able to relax a bit once you're on holiday, and that you'll enjoy spending some time with your son and family.

Wyllow3 I dislike driving at night, too. I don't go out at night these days, though. Glad you got on well at the gym. A personal trainer is a good idea.

Doodle Have you been tested for an underactive thyroid? Or perhaps any medication you might be on is causing weight gain? Of course, you must miss your lovely husband terribly.

EllieAnne My husband has never once cleaned the toilet. Aside from that, though, has your husband always been so cold towards you? A good haircut always feels nice, and I fully understand the mirror thing - but the lighting in salons isn't flattering. Would you have a mobile hairdresser come to the house? Your feelings and ideas are valid. What are the "important" things others say or do? You're a good person and deserve to be included.

Not up to much today - it's my aqua aerobics friend's birthday, so I'll nip round and take her a card and present later. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

I wish there was a way of helping you to believe every soul in our world is someone and counts equally, you "have a right to be here".I think you need a lot of love and its sparse in your life, but it can only be up to you to just say wee uncontroversial bits and bobs in groups so you do as it were "exist".

Wyllow I felt invisible with nothing useful to say. When I am at group I mainly serve tea and do dishes other people do the important stuff.
I don’t put my glasses on either. But you are attractive and have personality.I feel I am nothing and no one.

I really hope when your referral comes through you will find some support and help, nadateturbe. You are too isolated x

Just what you dont need right now, Sweetpeasue Sigh. Do take the anti’b’s.
I love that feeling in churches, the light through the windows…and it does bring some comfort. There are so many memories in older churches - births, marriages, deaths, lives lived, family lives lived.

Yes, I know that the prayers are noticed and furthered in ones that I do know. Ah, old churches have strange spaces. Could be where the vicars have dressed or prepared for a service. Clearly they have to b locked nowadays?

Try and go with DH’s wishes?
Easier said than done. There are always emergency services - check them out where you are going for reassurance?

Yes, do give bio-oil a go, HVDY. Tell you what its very good for - top up on the arms during the day. Gently pat in enough for the skin to mop up, wait a bit, oily, light wipe.

I googled Messonghi - looks just fab!

Hey well done there Doodle. Yes, that exercise, difficult as it was, will make you fee a bit better as its a body mind thing…do it whether you are losing weight or not? It does seem so hard for you, well at our age our metabolism (fat burning) does slow down.
Of course you long to be with him. X

I’m a confident driver - difficult roundabouts or motorways are not a problem where I live but if I lived in M25 territory
- I don’t think so.
but tonight coming home from a friend in the dark realised - no more night driving except when its cant be avoided.

Neither of my Ex’s cleaned the toilet. First Ex would immediately if asked tho. But maybe we are more fussy.
EllieAnne - he has got used to you running around after him, hasn’t he - buying the right food…well, practically I’d ask him to do anything you possibly can. Tell him it’s good to move around!
My, I’m tempted to say, “arrange your own B. birthday” or at least he has to have a role.
I cope with hairdresser mirrors by not wearing my glasses -I cant see a lot.

But it’s good you are getting shorn. You say you didn’t say a word. Was that because you wanted to but couldnt, (confidence), or all had been said anyway?

Thoughts for Scardeycat facing the loss and friends problems.

Today I did get to the gym and had a really nice one but easy session - lots of aquaintences in, had a laugh, did manage to help leg quite a bit, but I am going to to book the best trainer for one hour to help

- for me, if climbing ordinary stairs hurt, well thats not good!

Funnily enough, a short tough cycling session helped and of course there sits the exercise bike at home. Nice meal with friend, all the family have gone, a bit of peace and quiet. Just got washes on to hopefully put out tomorrow and a magnum to help me along.

I typed out a reply to everyone earlier, but I've no idea where it went. Perhaps I didn't post it? Jaffa went to the vet - he's got Gingivitis (again - it's more or less permanent due to the FIV). Antibiotic injection and another for pain relief. Meds to treat him at home (stuff I've used before) for his snottiness/wheezin and sneezing.

I'll be back tomorrow. x

Dh will hoover . Have a cordless shark so really light. But he never cleans the toilet or shower.
And he’d definitely been to supermarket because he’d bought Turkish delight and magnums. But nothing sensible.
So I did a shop today.
I’m getting hair cut tomorrow which is a strain because of the mirror.
I thought after the last week I’d really appreciate being home and in a way I do but his lack of care has really affected me.
Tonight he was asking if anything was his at the weekend ( it’s his 80th)
So I had to tell him what is planned. And tbh I can’t be bothered with any of it.
Went to a meeting this morning to discuss next session of our Tuesday group and I don’t think I said a word.

Scaredycat a much cooler day here today. Hope it has been so for you too. Had a few spots of rain but only that. Not even enough to make the windscreen wipers come on . Have you been out?

Oh Ellie Anne I’m sorry you didn’t have a better welcome home. Good to get a nice note from your daughter though.
Does you DH not do any shopping or cleaning or anything?
Wyllow a good bit of self pampering does you good.
I went to sit fit this morning then made myself do a walk. My legs ache now but I feel better for it. I really don’t know what it’s going to take to make me lose weight, nothing seems to make an ounce of difference whether I eat or lot. I’m actually worried I’m getting bigger.
Sweetpeasue don’t worry about posting to others you’ve got enough on your plate. Sorry about your tooth infection that can be so painful. I understand your concern about your Dh but if the vascular surgeon knows about the stent in the aorta then surely they would have done something about it if it was dangerous. I don’t know much about stents. Not sure if it’s any comfort or not but my pacemaker lead went into my heart, out the other side and into my lung. Took them a while to find that out. I do wish they’d do more to sort out your DH’s problems
Bless you I know you care. I know everyone does. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything but sometimes I just need to say the words, it hurts so much and I miss him so much. I think some people think (not this group’) that because I go out a lot and have friends to be with that all is well with me. Truth is I think of my dear man all the time and long to be with him
Yes Sweetpeasue it is quite common for people to write prayers for others and leave them in church. They are collected by someone from the church and most certainly are prayed for. I done it many times myself.
HVDY like you I am in awe of Ellie Anne making that journey. I don’t drive on motorways at all an only go locally. I get in a bit of a panic if I don’t know where I’m going.
I’m quite happy pootling round the local area but anything else is beyond me I have no sense of direction.
Nadaterturbe thank you. It’s kind of you to think of others with all the problems you have. Big gentle hug.

Doodle Like you, I don't like driving. I only drive locally, wouldn't ever go on a motorway (I admire EllieAnne, going all that way alone). The longing you feel must be awful. I know you believe you'll see your husband again, and I understand the thought behind that.

EllieAnne Your daughter must have been so grateful for your help. I'm glad she acknowledged the effort you made. You did all that driving, and your husband didn't make the effort to have even a snack ready for you when you got back. That's so poor of him. Men aren't always good at keeping things clean - I spent 6 weeks in hospital, and the first thing I did when I got home was clean the toilet.

Wyllow3 Glad the swimming is helping your leg. I might have a look at Bio Oil. I swear I get a new wrinkle each week. Son1 and family are in Messonghi, Corfu. They've got a whole album of photos that they've shared with me via my Google account. The temperature is 33 there.

SweetpeaSue Sorry you're having such a bad day.

After I went to the Dentist yesterday we took F for walk by the stream where the ponies were. We pass a nice church on way back and I could see the sun shining through the stained glass windows on the opposite side. DH sat outside while I went in. It was absolutely silent and no one around - so peaceful. I walked down and by the wall with candles there were lots of small post it notes rolled up at the side with a small stand in the middle of table with rolled up notes in. A note said you could write a prayer on one and leave it.
I wrote a prayer for DH and put it into the stand.
Ive never seen this before so I wondered if ,perhaps Doodle or * EllieAnne* know what this is and Id be interested to know if people in the church look at them and pray for people's problems.

As I left I went through the main door and not the side one Id entered. I shut it behind me then realised I was in a square like box - that was just what it looked like though it must have been the vestibule. 2 main doors were locked and every wall had exactly the same panelled dark wood doors . I opened one and it was a cupboard. I didnt know which door Id come in ,it felt like a weird dream. Surrounded with doors all the same. I tried to open 2 more but they were locked. Felt quite scared for a while. Finally opened the one Id come in and back into the church where I found the right exit.

Sorry gone on a bit. It was just so strange.

2 weeks since saw GP and no different appt sent for Vascular instead of December one. DH says put it to back of mind till after holiday . Easier said than done but will have to wait till we get back before seeing GP again.

Sending love to all BDs here and those who read. Anyone who is lonely really or just feel so alone. Xx

Nadateturbe You are kind to post about my tooth - I should say its really not too bad. It feels quite sensitive so saw the dentist and xray revealed infection in the canal part. Tooth was actually done 2 yrs ago so its going to mean another canal job where they try to clean it out or an extraction. Its only 1 of 2 molars on that top bit so I really want to keep it. Needs a specialist job so expensive . All I need right now. Have some antibiotics to take if it gets worse.
Take care Nadateturbe You have such difficult days and we dont ever forget you.
Doodle Im so sorry for your overwhelming grief. It must be so lonely for you. Theres nothing I can say that can help and words cant heal your broken heart. I hope youve had a better day today. Sending you a gentle hug .xx

I too wish I had a centre to attend Wyllow3. That sounds so helpful, and reassuring.
Sweetpeasue you poor thing. That is all you needed. Im sure its very painful. I hope antibiotics clear it quickly for you. x

Aw Sweetpeasue, sorry its been a rotton day xx
We dont have to post on others x