Black Dog 30

I guess sometimes dreams may be a part of our subconscious but cant always be analysed and figured out. They certainly have a powerful impact on our feelings about things that have happened in the past and how it affects our day.

The dream was very specific Sweetpeasue, thank you for your kindness.

I have booked a day with others on exploring faith, in real life, in mid October - but in the dream I was rejected and shunned by all there in a very nasty way. this level of reality I have to check out!

Back tomorrow for all,

but its sounds like F is so very fond of you all that a return home was not welcome - oh hear, what will you do?

Wyllow No wonder you're wiped out again- those awful dreams are such a bad start to the day, plus you had such a busy afternoon. I feel quite lazy in comparison. Trying to sort fallout of the abuse in Quakers is still a lot for you to handle . Those comments that grate , like the one a Quaker said, are bound to be extremely irritating.
HVDY I still dont think its DHs back. He got a message today to say he had appt at back clinic- December- stupid and ridiculous. I fear that theyre going up the wrong track again anyway- he doesnt have sciatic pain.His ankles still swollen and extremely painful.
Took F home yesterday. We went over moors to this place for lunch yesterday, took her with us , big mistake. She whined do much and we couldn't leave as we'd payed for our food. So extremely embarrassing and we had to leave halfway through meal. Tried everything to keep her happy. I actually apologised to everyone in the bar as we left. Dont know who was most embarrassed- me or them!
Y

I have been at home all day catching up on myself. So very exhausted:

Its been sunny mostly and we had got an outing planned, but the dreams I had last night were so bad and so specific and I woke so utterly exhausted utterly knowing and my well being MH wise under threat if I carried on

that I knew I had to stay at home all day and deal with the dream which was on matters relating to the fall out from the Sexual Assault and the denials and gaslighting.

My new partner understood the cancellation and was very supportive indeed.

Basically I am not going to my own meeting because the trigger person for the denial is there and I cannot challenge her as she is not well enough mind wise. It’s been noticed I’m avoiding what I have to face.

In my Zoom meeting the night before for the nth time someone innocently enough said

how very safe the particular spaces where the Assault and Gaslighting occurred.

Not for the first time. And they are, 98%, but my feelings on it are currently still recovering from the 2%, and I need some support as in a modicum of recognition and support with the lady triggering me. so I wrote an email....

Tho I know the person isn’t feeling friendly, she is the only one. (Ie pastoral and organiser)

But actually apart from some bad moments it was a quite pleasant day - backlog of bits and bobs sorting mending half done and some drawing pictures was done instead, as well as clearing and sorting major upside down house messes. Sewing Bee catch up..And a Zoom poetry evening.

I shall catch up tomorrow, I'm wiped out again xx

ScaredyCat The photo subjects must sometimes be a challenge - pub signs are good for anyone in a town, as there'd be lots of different names. Looking at photos on a large TV screen is good. We do that with our photos. My dad was a keen photographer, and I remember he used to have slides and show them on a big screen on the wall. I had a small, handheld thing to put slides in - a present from my Granny's neighbour who had about 6 cats (I loved cats even then, aged about 8). LG likes the park and will sit on a swing or seesaw, but not when it's moving! She's funny. Have you been up to much today? It's been sunny, rainy, and windy here, all in one day.

SweetpeaSue I'm sorry your husband isn't any better. Is it still his back, or his swollen ankles? Have you been out at all today? Fluffball gone home?

Doodle LG doesn't get breathless, as she still manages to run around and play, which is why I doubt it's Asthma. She coughs a lot, though. These days, doctors say they can't properly diagnose Asthma until a child is 5 years old, so they give them inhalers anyway. One hospital doctor said it's a "viral wheeze", not true Asthma. We'll see when she's a bit older. Glad you had a nice lunch at the hospice. What did you have? And it's always good to talk.

Met my SIL, looked in a couple of shops, although she didn't want to walk much - she's 72, and I'm 67, but she doesn't walk as well as I do! She uses a stick (I've got one but never used it). Lunch at Wetherspoon's, coffee in a cafe. Went our separate ways after 3 hours. Hope ALL BDers have a peaceful night x

Evening all
Sweetpeasue so sorry. Belated birthday greetings from me too. Sorry my mind is all over the shop. No I’m not in the least bit organised. I think I put off thinking about the holiday because it upset me. Now it’s nearly upon me I’m panicking because I’ve not packed yet. Do hope you get to see a Gp.who can help soon.
Scaredycat your photography group sounds good. I like the idea of having three subjects. Means you can have a chance at finding something that works for you. I bet the variety of iPhoto’s is quite something.
What’s the next three?
HVDY does Lg become breathless? Is it on exercise? Do the doctors think it’s asthma and that’s why se has an inhaler? Might just be something she grows out of. How nice to meet up with your SIL. I bet she appreciates the opportunity to look round he shops with you and have a chat.
Wyllow I love your friends little autumn table. What a fun idea. Glad you made the gym ok.
Church for me today then lunch at the hospice. Supposed to be a quick visit but I met a friend. 2 hours later …………🤣

JamesandJohnI have a DGD too , shes 15 and I would be devastated if she was in such a bad way. You sound such a loving grandparent and the letter you sent is such a caring and helpful thing to do.
Croeso Mawr
Wyllow Its so good that you have easy companionship with P and its good to know you have made so many friends since your MH has improved so much. Thanks for the autumn photo - what a nice thing for P to do.
Yes ,your week away will help recharge your batteries and give you time for yourself.
HVDY Thankyou for the birthday greetings. I hope you're right about LG and she doesnt have to put up with the same condition as her dad.
Hope you enjoyed your afternoon with your SIL. Must be good to keep in touch.
Scaredycat I see what you mean about the subject for your photos thus week. Do you plan to do all 3 or can you jyst pick one? My son 1 works in the pub business - so many signs and names! Hope youre more rested now after all the family get togethers.
* Doodle* Its such an unexpected treat yo bump into family when youre out isnt it. Sounds like youre very organised in preparing for your holiday. Glad uou have some nice dresses. I too am a pear shape and absolutely hate my bum n thighs. I put 2lb back on of the 6lb I lost after my holiday ! 🫣 Back to the drawing board.
EllieAnne So sorry about the careless response ( or lack of one!) from the lady at your church. Its must hurt so much after you chose to reach out and are so vulnerable and fragile right now. Some people are so blind to others needing a kind word but there are nice people out there too. Hope your husband is getting sorted out . I do feel for you.

Sorry not been in much . So v tired and DHs no better. May have to go back to another GP next week.
Take care everyone. X

Diolch yn fawr. Scaredycat.

Hi all

JamesandJon33- Always happy to have you here - we talk about all sorts.
EllieAnne- That lady wasn’t very friendly or empathetic - maybe she had some worries of her own. If she didn’t then she’s not the person to confide in.
Until your DH gets his scan results it’s hard for you to deal with any unpleasantness or knock to your confidence.
HVDY- As you say we are all different so even somebody who seems perfect will have bits they don’t like much.
Our meeting for photography is monthly. We meet in one of our members house and she puts our photos we have taken the month before on her large tv screen . We take turns at suggesting 3 subjects.
I imagined LG would whizz about on everything in the park. She seems to love animals very much though.
Hope you,ve enjoyed your time with your SiL.
Doodle- the good thing about slightly cheaper clothes is you can have more !!
Our themes for photos this last month were Pub signs,House plants and a village nearby. Not very exciting but challenging.
It’s always interesting to see how differently people approach the same subject. Bit like Art really.
Isn’t it a lovely surprise when you bump into your family when out- glad you got a visit in too.
Can’t believe it’s already a week that your new vicar has been in place. Hope you,ve had a lovely Church day.
Wyllow- P sounds a most interesting Lady. Her Autumn corner is delightful. I expect you enjoy conversation with her very much.
It will be good for you to have some time to yourself to rest or sightsee as you please without having to consider anyone else. Will you be by the sea?
Then how nice it will be to share your adventures with your new friend.
SweetPeaSue- Belated Happy Birthday . Hope today you feel better and have been able to do more. So glad you had those Celebrations with your family last week.

Love to all

Doodle I'm not convinced LG has Asthma. Her dad (Son2) has been asthmatic since he was a fewmonths old, and used to be extremely unwell, struggling to breathe, etc. (He was a hospital inpatient 12 times in one year at the age of 2 or 3). How nice that you bumped into your son and his wife, and then your other son later.

Wyllow3 What a pretty little autumnal scene at your friend's place. Does she change the scenes according to the season?

SweetpeaSue Belated birthday greetings.. Hope you feel better today.

Going to meet my SIL today - the widow of my late brother. We'll have a mooch in the shops and then go for lunch somewhere. Hope ALL BDers manage to have a decent day x

Sorry. Been so terribly tired. Birthday today but not been good. Doesnt really matter as family celebrated it wonderfully last weekend.
Be back tomorrow. Xxxx

Oh yes, P's little autumn theme table. she is in a weeny flat, and look at the tiny red squirrel.

I'm very tired, a busy but productive day and I got my gym in. Yes I did visit P and it was both much needed and very enjoyable, we "click" - she recites poems off by heart and knows artists etc but left school at 15 - all her own life led her to it.

I want to find her some big big art making things she can hold with the cloud range. I've posted a picture of her little side table where she has made an "autumn" all of her own in her weeny flat.

Yes I can use the week away for a pause and catching up with myself day. It's been only 6 weeks since New bloke and all his family and so on when I am used to a quiet life mostly alone but had my routines which worked for me - It's lovely but in the fast lane for me.

And like a lot of us have, these reactions to good things. and many thanks for the good advice here.

James and Jon you have probably picked up its fine for there to be some regulars and some come in for a period
Or can't come in on one day but are still thought of (*Sweetpeasue*, nadateturbe) or just are too tired or overwhelmed to say hello. For me, BD's supported me through a bad depression and it was OK to say stuff like, "I don't want to go on really atm" and so on, we don't do a runner.

You are right Scaredycat most men can "compartmentalise" better. He goes off and just thinks of golf. Meanwhile...we are "multi tasking". Nature or nurture? Hmmmmmmmm.mmmm. Mmmm....Nurture at a guess.

I shall check out Roman to see if I can spot that dress Doodle, they do some lines in such a variety of colours. Nice accidental "bumping ins".

EllieAnne everything that people said is true. You have cared to the limits of what anyone could possibly do given your situation of there being little love. Of course you want to do a runner. Unresponsive people around you - well to be honest that lady seemed to have very limited empathy. An "I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation" would go a long way, wouldn't it? koko xx

Now that's interesting about the "moving things" HVDY. some love it. I'm sorry she had to use the inhaler quite a bit. We have quite a few "apple shapes" at the gym and yes, do go for aqua quite a bit which is not easy at all its quite hard work.

Tomorrow..xx

Wyllow my dress is a long one. Purple and black.
My moos is up and down too. What I dream or am thinking has a big impact on my day.
I really think you’re brave going on holiday on your own. Hope you have a lovely time.
Scaredycat what a lovely thing to say. Thank you. I’m quite pleased with my dresses even though they were quite cheap. Just hope they don’t fall apart on the cruise 🤣
Hope you enjoyed photography. Were you showing your pictures? Do you have a different theme every time?
Jamesand Jon you will always be most welcome here. Many of us have had worries with our grandchildren or families and know what it’s like. We can’t offer any solutions (although Wyllow has a lot of experience on the MH side) but we can always offer a listening ear and support. I’m sure your DGD will know how much you care about her and that will help.
Ellie Anne I’m so sorry your opening up about your Dh led to such an uninterested response. I do wonder about people sometimes. I think, from what you’ve said before, that there are quite a few of your church members who could use a lesson in caring and kindness.
You are a caring person. I can imagine if the situation was reversed you’d be there ready to listen.
HVDY I quite often found with my asthma that the rain made it worse. It bounces the pollen off the leaves and spreads it around. Hope LG is ok.
Sweetpeasue hope you’re ok. Hope your Dh is keeping his feet up.
I’ve been dashing around today trying to return things, post things, buy new things. Had lovely accidental meetings with DS1 and DIL1 both at different places then caught up with DS 2 when I went to collect something I left behind in Sunday. So nice to see them all.

Doodle Your dresses sound very pretty. You'll look great. I'm not in proportion - arms and legs are fine, bum is small, but my bust and belly/middle area are all too big. Ah well, when I look around, there are lots of different shapes and sizes of people everywhere. Hope SitFit was good.

Wyllow3 You deserve to be happy. Believe in yourself. Did you see your friend P? I'm sure you'll enjoy your break away - meals served, no chores to do, a pleasant place to stay - make sure to write things on your list of "what to take", and you'll be fine.

ScaredyCat What did you photograph today? I bet you have some great pictures.

JamesAndJon33 The letter you've written to your GD sounds like a good idea. I hope she soon feels much better. Those of us who have experienced depression know how horrible it is. Keep the lines of communication open with her. Yes, do keep posting (about anything).

EllieAnne What an odd and unfeeling reaction from that lady. Keep posting here - we all care. Hope your husband gets some results soon.

The rain didn't last, but LG was a bit up and down all day - had to use her inhaler a few times. Went to a soft play place, then after lunch, we fed the ducks, and she went on the park (although she hates anything that moves - swings, seesaw, roundabout. She went home at 5.30. Hope everyone is ok x

Well I’m feeling really rubbish today , I made the mistake sharing the problem od dhs health with a lady I work with at church who I thought was friend though not one of my closest. I got absolutely no reaction. Didn’t ask any questions or enter into conversation about it in fact I felt as if I’d been reciting a shopping list. Wish I’d kept quiet.
No results from dh scan yet. I wish I could run away.

Do you know ladies, I think that when my GD is well and I may have no need of advice, I will still look in on this thread?
You are the nicest, most caring and thoughtful people I have come across in a long while.. I will keep you informed how we go. Thank you all so much .

Hi all
Doodle- the most important thing is the size of your heart and yours is so big and loving. Your new dresses sound really pretty- they,ll be great for your cruise. It must be soon now.
Glad your family had a lovely holiday¿. Norfolk is my home county and I love it dearly. Beautiful beaches,villages and a pace of life that hasn’t changed much and of course my beloved Norwich. It would be a nice place for you and your friend to go.
Enjoy sit fit.
HVDY- diets are helpful when you want to lose weight but yes the monotony and lack of treats is such a down side. You,ve worked hard and lost a lot of weight- live life and enjoy your meals out - you sound like you make the most of everything.
Soft play sounds just the job for a drizzly day. I think my 3 would have loved it if it had been available when they were little.
Your DH and mine sound similar. Mine has spurts of activity and Golf but he can chill out for England. I can’t stop my head from thinking of things to do😩
SweetPeaSue- that was silly of me . Of course your DH can’t do his Art with his legs up!! Does Fluffball sit with him when she’s there?
Your Sunday sounded nice - pleased your DH was able to do a bit.
That was an exceptional display of will power to go in your Garden Centre and come out empty handed!! I find it nearly impossible - the daft thing is it’s all the other stuff that tempts me more than the plants😀
Wyllow- good news re the roof and nice builder. Bonus too if the Insurance Co pay out for the Giant Mushroom room.
I so wish you could trust in your happiness- you wait for that big foot in the sky to come down and it might not happen.
You do not automatically deserve punishment when things are going well.
Your friend P must look forward to your visits- hope you can tempt her into the fresh air if she is well enough. I love that the Gym is a place of relaxation for you .
You have worked hard at preparing your holiday bag - trust yourself. If you forget anything there,ll be shops there too.
JamesandJon33- That’s a lovely thing to do for your GD + and seems like great minds were thinking alike.
To know you are there and hearing about your days will give her encouragement and the knowledge she is thought about and loved.
Thinking of you all .
Nadateturbe- how are you?

I am off to photography this afternoon. So hope whatever you are all doing the day will be kind to youxx

Oh why oh why do I have to have mood swings. I was so happy last night - roof, nice rom com film - but woke very low and tired. I will pick up but grumble moan it's like being punished for things going well. Not believing its possible.

Doodle and HVDY unless we are bean stalks I can testify at the gym there are very few who don't grow at the pear point.

Yes maybe lose some weight but even my DocSis who walks 3 hours a day at 69, doesn't put weight on as she is active and doesnt over eat,

Has complained about the downward distribution of weight and clothes not fitting.

I wonder if you were eyeing up the same dress as me, Doodle.

I think soft play is an excellent option for the day, HVDY. Now she is 3 you don't have to supervise every bit of it. enjoy.

I need to heave ho as I'm seeing my mostly flat bound friend P, she has so many phone family responsibilities atm it's hard to get her out for an outing. Then a bit more gym, just enough.

I admit I am nervous about holiday alone tho I love the area, new place, being a home bird, but I always worry I will forget something...

HVDY you’ve done well to lose weight. I wasn’t this shape till about two or three years ago. I think if you’re in proportion it looks better but I’m not. I look like two half people stuck together. My arms are thin and my top half could be a 12 but then middle onwards I balloon.
I’ve not ordered from Roman before but I must admit the dresses I’ve bought are lovely. So pretty.
I’m off to sit fit this morning. Hope all have a good day

Doodle I'm 5ft 1, so very short and very fat. My weight is in the worst place - waist (no waist at all) and stomach. We are what we are. I like Roman and have got a few pairs of trousers from there. Norfolk is lovely. Fancy it being warm enough for swimming. Glad they enjoyed themselves.

It's grey and drizzling. Up at 6, and LG will be here at 8.30, so I'd better get a move on. Soft play is looking like a sensible option today. Hope everyone manages to have a decent day x

Wyllow3 That was excellent news about the roof situation, even better if the insurance company covers the damage.

That is such a good idea, JamesandJon33. The everyday. the small things that she maybe can focus on. They may not count for a lot when she is in a real panic, but believe me they do count.

Doodle it was good the family came too. Are the bulk of the congregation older, or is there a family aspect? The church near our Quaker meeting is very much that way, it's been built up slowly by a good vicar and congregation.
I love Roman clothes, btw, such good value and so much of it kind on the hips. Just got some lovely jumpers that are sort of swirly round the hips and look good, and I was tempted by a dress but an admittedly more expensive Seasalt one has been bought as a treat, but if it doesn't look good, I have spotted a Roman one.

I dont think we can do an awful lot about the shape we were born with. A pear shape is a pear shape. Would have gone down very well in Victorian Times. Nowadays well in the 1920's it was a T shirt shape and of course since Twiggy et al has been skinny is beautiful.
Yes, it's been warm enough for children in the sea. I'm not a cold water swimmer anymore!

Thank you Doodle. I have just written her a long chatty letter. Things we have been doing, book I’m reading etc. Put a note in for her mum to give it to her when she feels she is ready.
My daughter, funnily enough has done exactly the same.

Wyllow yes the vicars wife and two children attended the service.. his wife is very nice too.
It’s a bother collecting all the cables and things you need for a stay anywhere isn’t it. Good idea to have everything ready.when is it you go? Good news from the builder.
HvDY 16 is big for me. I think size is relative to a persons bone structure and height. All my weight is from the waist down. Pear shape to the extreme. I’ve bought two ne dresses from Roman for the holiday. They are both long. One black and mauve the other black and blue. I really like them. My style but the black makes me look slimmer (until I turn sideways 🤣)
Jamesandjon thinking of your granddaughter and hoping you all find a way to support and help her.
Sweetpeasue hope your Dh has been keeping his feet up today too.
Scaredycat hope you’ve had a pleasant day. It’s been quite warm here. Saw younger son and family yesterday. They had a lovely time in Norfolk even went in the sea and said it wasn’t cold.