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OH has faecal incontinence

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chicken Sat 07-Nov-26 16:00:18

I’m finding it more and more difficult to cope with OH’s faecal incontinence.I know he really can’t help it as he has limited mobility and just can’t get to the loo in time, but the way I’m supposed to deal with the clearing up, washing, floor scrubbing etc. is really getting me down and I feel so angry. I feel ashamed of my anger but at 90 years old I want a peaceful time and I so resent having to cope like this. OH doesn’t seem that bothered or concerned about my feelings, just tells me he’s made a mess and leaves me to clean up.

Any advice or helpful replies would be much appreciated!

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CarrotTop Sat 07-Nov-26 16:20:11

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you have this to deal with. I think our generation (males and females) were largely brought up to think that cleaning up after others is women's work. I've always had a Feminist streak, right from a little girl, but it didn't stop me turning into an adult woman who automatically jumps in to help when there's mess to be dealt with!
I'm sorry but I can't think of a way for you to change things. At 90, I presume you've been married for a long time, so giving your combined responsibilities a shake-up would be very difficult now. All I can think to suggest is that you speak to your GP or district nurse. Enquire whether social services can provide some help (if only by enabling your husband to be more self-sufficient). The Citizens' Advice Bureau might have some info too. I wouldn't bother with Age UK unless you know they offer help with this kind of thing - in my area, they're really only concerned with socialising rather than helping elderly folk to live independently, but their services vary from region to region..

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