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What are the Secrets to a Long and Happy Marriage?

(12 Posts)
juneh Wed 22-May-13 06:47:39

When I was young I would ask older people I worked with this very question. I was 25, engaged and excited just prior to getting married, I think I was also scared about whether or not I could really hack it back then. Many would say the same thing ' You just have to work at it'. Now, nearly 40 years later, I think I understand. What do you think? smile

Steffers Wed 22-May-13 07:38:56

Give and take and yes you do have to work at it. Yes there will be ups and downs but eventually you even think the same things, you might not like football/cricket he might not like soaps/weepy films but let each other have space to enjoy what they like.......38yrs this year

juneh Wed 22-May-13 09:44:57

Hello Steffers with 38 years experience you should really be the expert that is for sure. It's my second marriage after the death of my first husband of 30 years in 2001. Been married this time for nearly 5 so at 69 not sure how far we will get. Our secret if there is such a thing is to do our own thing for part of the time, acceptance of that and have a good laugh and stay best friends. We do argue but generally it's because we don't agree on something. He is the problem solver and insists on dealing with emotional issues by trying to solve the problem. Very annoying but just the way he is.

Pittcity Wed 22-May-13 10:23:06

We celebrated 30 years last year (I was a child bride). The first years with young children, little money and no time for each other were hard. Things have got better as we have become happier in our own skins and life has improved financially.
I agree that letting each other have space to do their own thing is the secret. My OH has many hobbies and is sometimes away for weeks at a time as well as working shifts. This makes our time together more precious.
As our own parents have aged and become sick we now realise that life is short and we need to make the best of it now smile

juneh Wed 22-May-13 11:36:35

Hello Pittcity thanks for replying. my now OH was married to his first wife for nearly 40 years so he knows how to do longevity in a relationship. Although I was married to my first hubby for nearly 30 years I had very little experience in the form of seeing good stable marriages modelled for me. My parents were very unstable but that was a long time ago. Needless to say they split up when I was about 11. I think that was a major influence on me and perhaps we make decisions about our own relationships based upon what we witness. My first OH showed me the meaning of stability and I took that on in so many ways.
I think that the secret is acceptance of each other's funny ways and moving on from the things that irriate. Talking about things that bother us and being loving to each other are important too of course.

Biker Wed 22-May-13 18:54:44

Having been married three times I reckon the best thing you can hope for is 'luck'

juneh Wed 22-May-13 19:37:30

Hello Biker would you say a bit more about your 'luck' idea. We all need a bit of that, do you mean the luck of the draw or lucky on who you meet?

juneh Thu 23-May-13 14:30:44

Of course it isn't all about the secrets making it a successful marriage, maybe it could be how you cope together to bring up family and so on?
Maybe you have found a way of getting through? Would love to hear from .you

YaYaJen Tue 22-Oct-13 14:31:35

Serial monogamist here on my third and longest relationship of almost fifteen years and think some relationships are maybe not meant to be long term, people come into and out of our lives at different times but then again I also feel a bit like a cat on it's 8th life having moved around a fair bit and had a number of careers. P & I share a mutual respect for who we are, both hate game players and people who are all front and are presently loving being grandparents to two gorgeous boys, all new to P as he has never had children of his own partly because of long term illness but this part of our journey together is pretty amazing.

Guess that last comment sums it up, a relationship is a journey not something signed sealed and complete on the wedding day.

eliza Tue 14-Jan-14 13:48:10

Knowing that its no point changing one lot of trouble for a different kind of trouble he he(except for extreme circumstances of course)

FlicketyB Tue 14-Jan-14 18:57:40

Making the right choice in the first place.

juneh Sat 18-Jan-14 22:54:33

I suppose if one listened to ones instincts which indicate uncertainties in the early days of a relationship then it might not go wrong later on. Somehow for me the heart over ruled my head. In retrospect I should have recognised that he was a fairly cool and distant man and was seeking warmth in me unfortunately my warm is fizzling from a flame to a flicker .