Jimmy Savile

And the flowers are a gorgeous idea!!! I can almost smell them

Thank you all, for supportive comments coming back my way. I wish I had found this forum years ago - I should think it's great for emotional health.

Thank you Granola. It is very sad that it sounds like JS may have deliberately targeted girls who had already had troubled lives.

A very informative and thoughtful post, Grandola - thank you.

Many thanks Grandola you are very brave

Grandola thankyou

Thank you, Grandola - that took some courage.

grandola thanks very much for sharing your story with us. You help to explain how children can sometimes feel, and why they don't always disclose what has been happening to trusted adults.

grandola thank you for helping us to understand. You are a very brave woman

grandola good post, thank you for sharing what alot of us find difficult to put into words.

grandola,

I know now (at the ripe old age of 56) that I was abused myself as a chil, by my grandfather. I would never have called it that back then. I loved my grandad very much, I just hated the things he did to me. It was highly inappropriate touching and I feel sure I wasn't the only member of the family it happened to - nobody else has talked of it though. Why did I not say anything? It's largely because I found it hard to believe it was happening. It was the weirdest thing - being singled out, and also happening to me in the context of everything else being 'normal'. There was a bit of me that thought I was imagining it. And who would believe me? Besides , although I found it uncomfortable and unpleasant, I didn't know it was actually wrong. Appropriate touching etc was never discussed. It was actually only when I was an adult myself that I realised it was abuse and very wrong. I was damaged by it though - it diminished me, dirtied me and I had feelings of self-loathing for years. I also found myself in inappropriate sexual 'trying to please' relationships for years. He wasn't the only one though. A couple I used to babysit for - the husband used to touch my breasts while I was playing with his baby daughter. It was all so .'matter of fact' - he once said "you don't mind,, do you?' I was 13. I used to wonder if I was allowed to mind. I just had a feelings that it wasn't to be talked about.
Years later, I've recovered fully after counselling and being in a mutually respectful relationship with my current husband, and as a nurse I've worked and campaigned to help others. But let me tell you - the whole issue of disclosure, safeguarding and survival is very complex - and it is so hard for anyone without experience to fully understand, although not impossible as long as they listen compassionately. As for all disclosures about JS now - perfectly understandable. Everytime something is in news around abuse, something of the memory comes back and I can recall the feelings I had then. Thankfully I have healthy coping strategies. It's a horrid sorry mess and many many people are clearly in so much pain over this. Lets especially remember the very disabled children he abused - the ones who CANNOT tell yet still had to live with the horror of it.

I agree Greatnan* it is hard to understand but I have seen survivors struggle with their unresolved feelings towards their abusers. Many have told me that they were loving grandfathers, fathers, uncles except for this one thing. Impossible for me to get my head round but this seems to be how survivors compartmentalise what is happening in order to cope. I would also imagine that your friend's grief was partly for the end of any possibility of putting things right - not that they could ever be put right.

She is remarkably stable and happy and her son and daughter have accepted her new relationship very well - the daughter more easily than the son. Of course, her sexual choice may have had nothing to do with the abuse. When the old man died, she actually seemed quite sad - something I have never understood. I would have felt like dancing on his grave.

I've been thinking about that, too Greatnan. Famous celebs with unblemished reputations who are waiting for that knock on the door. There could be suicides. I have known quite a few sex offenders to take their own lives, rather than face the shame of publicity and court.

Greatnan what a sad and sorry state of affairs.

One of my friends was abused by her grandfather - he had also abused her mother, who still allowed her to be left alone with him. After a difficult marriage, she finally found happiness in a relationship with another woman, which has lasted for more than ten years. Her own daughter actually went to stay with her grandparents and told her that she did not like it when 'grandpa' came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel round his waist. Of course we asked her why she risked her daughter being abused by her great-grandfather and she said she could not believe that he would still be a danger at the age of 85. She had told her mother about the abuse many times, but even though she had been abused herself, her mother refused to believe her for many years or at least would not admit it.
It is hard for those of us who have had normal relationships within our families to understand the terrible power that abusers seem to wield over their victims, even after they have left home as adults.

It seems that many more powerful and famous people are being investigated - I would not be surprised if there were some suicides.

Apparently arrests are imminent. Other abusers who are still living must have been implicated by some of Savile's victims.

Yes, nightowl far more youngsters than we know about have survived childhood abuse and have grown into decent, respectful people. It's that tipping point of corruption, which so many sex offenders have accommodated in order to cope with their experiences, and is almost impossible to overcome once they become so predatory and dangerous.

Also, the inquiry isn't just about him, but about the environments in which his alleged misbehaviour took place secretly. All that needs to be aired and where improvements can take place, they need to be implemented.

Is his father ever mentioned?

The man is dead. His victims are not. The living are more important to me. He doesn't need to 'defend' himself. In a just world, a proper inquiry into the allegations is all he would have got if alive so it's perfectly allright for it to happen now he isn't alive. Nothing can hurt him now. The victims are still hurting.

If as when says his early years were highly sexualised and distorted, it follows that his sister had an equally damaging childhood. It is therefore tragic but not entirely surprising that she failed to protect her own child from abuse. Children who grow up in such families learn that their survival depends on being able to compartmentalise their experiences. With this kind of familial abuse there is usually no need to threaten the children they just know that the secrets must be kept. What is remarkable is that many of them rise above it and become good and loving people. As when says, the evidence suggests that all abusers have been victims, but it is important to remember that most victims do not become abusers.

never cared for him but still find it very sad that the man is dead and cannot speak for himself, wonder why his great niece for example has now come out and spoken up?

He had a very close relationship to his mother apparently but that is quite normal for mothers and sons surely??
I believe he called her the duchess.

Did anyone else read article by his great niece and hear her on tv today?
As said before the most appalling thing to me is that her grandma Savilles sister knew and covered it up for fear of losing the material benefits he provided!!

It would partially explain things bags. We don't know enough. His absence of warmth towards people, constantly threatening violence, claiming to have IRA links to silence victims. Makes you wonder what happened to him....but it will never justify what he did to others.